-Art-
I peak in the closet and Gear is still sitting on the floor organizing toys.
I was surprised when he didn't leave with Gem and Clover.
"Are you ok?" I ask him.
He turns to look at me.
"I'm ok. I just wanted to make sure none of this is in the way."
"You don't have to do that."
"I know."
I walk in to sit beside him before wrapping my arms around him and pulling him against me.
We don't say anything for a while.
"Can I spend the night?" He asks finally.
"Of course, are you ready to tell me why you don't want to go home?"
He shrugs as he wraps his arms around my stomach holding me tighter. Already I know he's crying.
I look up and Fiat is at the doorway watching us with furrowed brows.
"Can you grab a pair of my pajamas and put them in the spare?" I ask him.
He nods and quickly disappears.
"You never cry like this you're scaring me." I tell him as I stroke his hair gently.
After a while he releases me to sit up. When I look at his flushed face my heart breaks.
I wipe his tears away with my index finger.
"You aren't ready to tell me?"
"I don't have the words."
"Is it that bad?"
"It really isn't. I'm just frustrated and full of angst presently. Don't worry too much."
"I'll tell you my thing if you tell me yours." I offer.
He considers it, "Ok."
I take a breath and shuffle to lay my head in his lap. He leans against the wall and peers down at me.
"Spill." He tells me.
I roll my eyes," It's so embarrassing."
He smiles while he fingers my hair. "Even better, besides you are always embarrassing."
True. I take a breath, "I have never gotten Fiat off through penetration."
He scrunches his face, "You top?"
"On occasion. It's more like bottoming on top. What? Is that so hard to believe?"
"Not hard to believe. I just never would have guessed."
"If I'm being honest I never would have guessed that I would. When I first did it I liked it but now...
"Now?"
"The more I don't complete the task the less I want to try."
"Do you feel Fiat is unsatisfied?"
"What's strange is I genuinely feel like he isn't. It's not about that for him."
"Then why are you making it about that?"
"I can't help it, I'm a man and it hurts my pride. So much I can't even talk to him about it and we talk about everything."
"What do you think the issue is?"
"I have no idea, it isn't my size. I'm definitely meeting his end. But no matter how long I do it, he doesn't cum."
"Does he ask you to stop after a while?"
"Never, he likes it."
"Do you use lube every time?"
I look at him confused, "Of course."
He frowns, "What do you mean of course? You never do it without lube?"
"Hell no. You do it without lube?"
"Sometimes, when I want hella friction."
"That's legal? I thought they only did that in prison."
Gear laughs aloud.
"It amazes me how sincerely innocent you are sometimes. How does a slut and a naive lamb share a body?"
"Quite successfully apparently. But really people do this?"
"I do."
"It doesn't hurt?"
"Yes, but it feels really good too. But never like totally dry. Saliva or just a drop and I mean a single drop of oil. It is so fucking intense. Maybe that's what Fiat needs hella friction and maybe a little man handling. That always does the trick. "
"Ugh." I groan.
"What you aren't up to it?"
"Honestly, I signed up to bottom. I do it so fucking well. It sounds super lame but topping kinda intimidates me and it feels kind of violent."
He laughs, "So? We both love that type of violence."
"Yeah, being done to us. Not by us. Could you do it?"
"Hell no."
"Even if Jay asked?"
"If he did, I would do it just so he could see me fail miserably and awkwardly and then he would never ask again. Me? Topping? Ha! I have weak wrists and ankles. I play a much better damsel."
I smile in understanding, "Ugh, isn't that just the best?"
"Yessss. When Jay man handles me I turn to jelly. Man oh man do I miss the days of him playing sports. He would come in all sweaty and dirty and I would just-
"Enough, I get it. I actually miss that too. Especially when Fiat would win..
"Winners sex is the best sex."
"Make up sex is even better."
"True."
I smile at him, "Did you just get goosebumps?"
"Literally everywhere. We need to figure out how to get them out of the suits and onto the field."
"The suits are pretty hot though."
"Variety is the spice of life. I want both." He says crossing his arms.
"Me too." I admit.
Gear shakes his head, "We are getting off topic. The thing is Art this feels like a confidence issue. Why are you so intimidated?"
"Because I don't think I'm capable of doing the level of topping in which Fiat excels at. The man is a daddy and he owns it. How do I even compare?"
"Don't compare. Do it your way."
"My way is being victimized, I like that."
"You also like playing characters you're good at that. Cast the role. If Art can't do it, be someone else."
"Like Mr. Art? Fiat does have this villain fantasy."
"Perfect, create a villain character. Become him and terrorize Fiat in a way that you feel confident doing. And stop comparing yourself against him. It's not necessary and it kills confidence."
"Fiat is so big and strong. I feel weak compared to him."
"You're kidding right?"
"No. Why?"
"Fiat turns into a puppy around you. You have all the power."
"No I don't. And I meant physical strength."
"You're not weak."
"Weaker."
"So? It's not like you're actually fighting. This is all in your head. You focus on these things that don't matter because your intimidated. But play to your strengths. You don't have to physically toss him to thrill him."
I consider this.
"Besides you're his fantasy a version of you anyway. Give it to him and stop focusing on what you can't do. You'll only psych yourself out."
I smile up at him.
"What?" He asks.
"You are too good at this."
"What? Sex advice?"
"No, being a best friend."
He smiles and his dimples pucker.
"So are you."
"If thats true spill."
He takes a deep breath.
"I'm just so frustrated. The kinda frustration that feels overwhelming sometimes."
"What's frustrating you?"
"Me. I'm frustrating myself. I look at you guys and all of you have a purpose. I can't find mine."
"What do you mean purpose?"
"Like a direction. Now that I quit Modeling I feel stuck not knowing what to do next. The worst part is I'm so frustrated I'm taking it out on Jay. I don't mean to but we are fighting more lately and I'm to blame."
"Is that why you're spending the night?"
He nods. "He needs a break from me."
"Did he say that?"
"He doesn't have to. Art you should see his face each time I snap at him."
"This from the guy that told me never to leave when fighting?"
"It isn't a fight, it's a time out."
"Have you told him this?"
"What?"
"What's wrong with you or are you just biting his head off?"
"The latter."
"Why haven't you?"
"It's embarrassing."
"It's so odd for me to hear you say you don't have purpose when you are so much to so many people."
"Like what?"
"To me and Clover your a best friend, a counselor, a teacher, and a big brother. To Jay your Mine which I have learned as of late is a purpose in its own right. That label isn't given lightly it's earned. To all of us including Milo you're an amazing friend and brother. You wear many hats. I know it's scary once you leave a passion behind, you tell yourself you're failing but you're not. It's a time out. Give yourself time for your new direction to be revealed and stop being so hard on yourself."
"This from you? You beat yourself up the most."
"And you always tell me why I shouldn't. Most times I listen. Listen to me. It's just your idle mind and hands warping your perception. You are good at so many things continue to do those things."
"Like?"
"At its core modeling is not your passion. Fashion is the love. You study it, you review it quite harshly might I add. Have you ever thought of further exploring that passion in another avenue?"
"Yes."
"How?"
"Fashion review, styling, maybe managing talent."
"So do it."
"How?"
"You have many friends and followers in that industry use them. You are hella charming when you want something. If you reach out to people in that industry I bet you'll find loyalist who will help. You are close with your ex manager why not ask her?"
"I could do that."
"Also you can ask Benz he has a lot of contacts in that industry who probably all ready know of your work."
"Is he still mad at you?"
"Very. He isn't answering my calls."
"Go find him. You are really the worst sometimes."
"What do you mean?"
"I know how he feels that ghost act you pull is so fucking infuriating."
"I didn't mean to I just didn't know how to explain it to him."
"So you ghost someone who cares about you? I wish you really understood how upsetting it is when you do this."
"I don't mean to be, I just feel anxious."
"Then say that, share how you feel instead of avoiding. It's mean Art. Do you have any idea how many nights I couldn't sleep worrying about you? You're a fucking asshole."
"When?"
"When you disappeared to the beach."
"You're still mad at me?"
"Very, so I know how Benz feels."
"Don't be mad at me." I pout.
"Stop ditching your loved ones. Will you pull that with your son?"
"Whoa."
"I know that was so odd to say."
"So odd to hear. But no, I'll change it."
"You always say that."
I take a deep breath. "I'm so sorry. I know this is a big failing of mine but I promise I'm working on it."
"I do see that, you do it a lot less than you used to but you need to understand that we are your family. When we see you struggling we struggle too. We worry for you stop putting us through that."
"I promise. I'll stop."
"Good. If you mean it go talk to Benz even if he ignores you."
"I will."
His stomach rumbles near my head.
"Damn."
"Yeah feed me. Got snacks?"
"There is a pregnant lady in the house. The pantry is fully stocked."
"Lead the way."
I stand when he doesn't follow I look down at him.
"I want a piggyback."
"Umm, ok. You tired?"
"Very. We walked so much I'm surprised Mint didn't complain. Besides you're so big and strong and I'm so dainty."
"What are you doing? Stroking my ego?"
"Yup. You got this Art don't doubt yourself anymore."
"Like wise." I tell him as he stands.
I bend in front of him and he wraps his arms around my neck.
I stand straight up and he wraps his legs around my waist.
I carry him easily and he reaches and turns off the light as we leave the closet.
"Wow Art, you are really strong and manly."
We both laugh on our way to the kitchen.