𓀡
Imogen Halstead (age 16)
Word count: 2621
Tw: eating disorder, depression
Request: @lilyliv123 and @apelsinin1
Haileys POV
"Where's immy?" I look around the apartment as jay continues chopping up the loaf of bread into slices. I moved in with jay and his sister not too long ago, and things have gone pretty smoothly for me and jay, at least. I wish I could say the same for Imogen, I just can't get a good read on that kid sometimes...
I'm not too sure if jays noticed, but I sure as hell have. Imogen, who used to be an outgoing and very sport orientated teenager, is now a closed in and very quiet kid. I'm not sure if it's the fact that me moving in with herself and her brother has stressed her out, or if she's struggling with something she doesn't feel comfortable talking about...
"Uh, probably in her room..." he sighs. She spends a lot of time in there. I smile and plant a gentle kiss onto the side of his head, "alright" I nod before walking away to go and find my mini me. As I approach her room, the sound of music gets slightly louder. I knock once, however I'm not sure she hears, therefore I open the door slowly in case she isn't decent.
The second she spots me opening the door she backs away from the mirror and stops whatever she was just doing. I smile weakly, "dinners ready" I nod. She looks around for her phone and presses pause, "Uhm, I'll have it later. I'm not feeling too good right now" she shrugs. I frown, "you got a fever?" I step forward and place the back of my hand on her forehead. She sighs, "I don't think so, it's just that my stomach hurts a little" she laughs it off. I nod, "maybe, but maybe you're just hungry. C'mon, try eat something" I hold the door open for her.
She pauses but eventually nods before leading the way to the kitchen, "there you are, do you want apple, orange, or pineapple juice, or just water?" Jay holds up a mixture of juices. Imogen pulls a face, "water... why do you have so many options anyways" she snorts a laugh, but something isn't right. I can see straight through her...
"You never know" jay shrugs and sets the plates down on the mats. Imogen looks down at the food before taking a seat, she doesn't seem to realise that I'm watching until I sit down too. I smile weakly and she shakes it off, acting as if she didn't just look disgusted at the food.
As we dig into our food, Imogen starts talking about the school project she's working on. I feel bad for not listening, but I'm too fixated on watching her hands. She talks quickly, distracting me and jay from what she's really doing. As her hands cut away at the pasta, moving around the plate and occasionally bring the fork up to her mouth, she never really takes a bite of her food. She pauses to look at me and I fear that she's caught me watching. She takes a quick sip of her water and sighs, "my stomachs still playing up, I think I've had enough" she frowns halfheartedly.
"I'll save the rest for later..." jay nods worriedly. Imogen stands up and empties her plate into the trash, "no need, I'm gonna call it a day. Thanks..." she quickly dashes out of the room. I shake my head, "was that weird to you?" I lean forward. Jay nods, "it depends what you define as weird" he sighs. I shoot him a serious glare, "what? I'm sure she's alright... just teenage hormones, probably" he huffs and sets his napkin down. I sigh, "assumptions don't get answers, jay" I stand up and leave the kitchen.
As I run upstairs I don't knock this time, instead I just walk inside. Once I step into Imogen's room I see her curled up on her bed, "I told you, my stomachs not right. I'll get something tomorrow, jay" she speaks bluntly. I sigh and sit on the edge of her bed, "it's not jay" I smiled weakly as I stare at her back. She lets out a small breath, "what's going on, immy?" I place a hand on her shoulder.
"Nothing" she shrugs, still facing away from me. I shake my head, "you can tell me anything, absolutely anything Imogen. I'm all ears" I frown. She remains still, "I'm fine" she says nothing more than that. I rub her back, "I have nothing to say" she adds. I shake my head, "alright, I just wanted you to know I'm here if you need a shoulder to lean on" I stand up, planting a kiss on her head before leaving her to rest.
~
A few days later, and I'm still watching Imogen's habits around the house. I've yet to see her eat a full meal, or really anything for that matter. She just got home from school and I'm sat in the kitchen waiting for an update about her day, "hey" I call out, "hey!" I hear her yell back as she kicks her shoes off.
"You'll never guess what happened" she sighs as she plonks down on the chair opposite. I smile, "what?" I lean forward. She snickers, "Hadley got her ass kicked today" she shakes her head. I smile, "well I guess she won't cross anyone for a while now, huh..." I nod. She snorts yet another laugh as she begins removing her books from her bag, "you should've seen how hard she hit the floor..." she begins but soon stops when her lunch falls out of her bag. She pauses and looks up at me, "why didn't you eat you're lunch?" I sigh. I think she knows I'm onto her...
"Wasn't hungry" she mutters. I sigh and grab her hand, "Imogen... when I was your age, I was a late bloomer. Y'know, I tried everything to get bigger boobs and to at least grow..." I nod. She smiles weakly as tears brim her eyes, "I just wanted to fit in with my friends" I add. She nods as she looks down, "is that why you're not eating?" I bite the bullet. She looks up at me fearfully, "I am eating" she objects. I shake my head and squeeze her hand, "I know you aren't Imogen, and I'm not here to tell you off or judge you. I'm here to help, and I want to help" I sigh and place my other hand underneath hers, taking her hand completely in my own.
"What's going on?" I nod. She looks away from me and wipes her tears away, "my and the girls are going swimming in a few weeks, i just wanted to lose a few pounds or whatever. I tried working out more than I already did, and it didn't work, I felt like I had no other option..." she shakes her head. I listen carefully and squeeze her hand, "but it's working..." Imogen looks up at me. I shake my head and get up to move closer to her, "this isn't healthy, Immy. I know you don't wanna listen to me right now, but I'm asking you to listen. Alright?" I smile weakly. She slowly nods and sniffles.
"You don't need to lose any weight at all, but if you really think you want to, there's healthy ways to do that. Not eating, and starving yourself, will only lead to problems in the future. I know this is difficult, and I'm not pressuring you, but I really think you should sit down with me and jay tonight, and try to eat something" I smile supportively. She shakes her head, "I don't want to" she tries to stand up but I follow her. I say nothing but instead pull her into a hug.
She hesitates but eventually hugs me back, I feel a few tears fall on to my shoulder before I feel her knees buckle. I keep a tight hold of her as her her tears turn into sobs. I cradle her head as she cries into my shoulder, "I want to, but I can't..." she sniffles. I nod, "it's okay, honey. It's alright" I rub her back.
~
Jays POV
I don't know what to say right now. Hailey just told me about Imogen's worries, and I don't know what to say. I feel like I should've been looking out for her more, I feel like if I had paid more attention none of this would be happening. But now me and hailey are sat at the table with Imogen and neither of them are saying anything to me yet, "we're on your side Imogen, you can tell him everything" hailey squeezes my sisters arm reassuringly.
Imogen looks up at me, "I uh, don't know what to say" she looks down again. I don't like seeing her in this way, but I need to know what's going on. Hailey rubs her back, "it's alright, tell him what's worrying you first" she encourages. Imogen nods, "me and the rest of my friend group are going swimming in a few weeks, like I mentioned..." she nods, I nod in return, "and uh, we were showing each other what we plan on wearing. A few of the others tried theirs on and I guess i got jealous... I just wanna look like them. So I dropped my sports, and uh, I stopped looking after myself..." she looks down. My heart skips a beat...
"How long ago did this start?" I reach forward and squeeze her hand which is resting on the table. Imogen nods, "three weeks ago" she admits quietly. How the hell didn't I notice she was struggling? And most importantly not eating? She looks up at me with tears in her eyes, "I didn't know what else to do..." she covers her face with her hands. Hailey frowns as she pulls Imogen towards her for a hug, I wipe my own tear away and nod.
"We're gonna start by making a picky dinner, and eating something small. Anything you want" I move so I'm crouching in front of her. She sighs, "I really don't want to" she shakes her head. I smiled weakly, "I know, but this is unhealthy and I know you know that. So we're gonna at least try, alright?" I place a hand on her knee. She looks at Hailey for advice, hailey nods with the same smile I have on my face, "okay" Imogen finally nods.
~
"Alrighhtttt, so we got pretty much everything from the fridge, a movie, soda anndddd... blankets" I sigh as we situate ourselves on the couch. Imogen looks up at me, "sorry for causing a problem" she frowns. I wrap an arm around her, "your health isn't a problem, it's a priority" I plant a kiss on her forehead. She sighs and looks down at the platter, "just take it slow" I tuck the hair, which is hanging in front of her face, behind her ear. She nods and reaches forward for a piece of fruit, for a few seconds she hesitates, but she eventually eats it, and continues to eat small pieces of fruit throughout the movie. But that's all, and I don't want to push it any further.
~
Imogen's POV
It's been a week since jay and hailey found out about my eating, and I'm not doing so well. I'll admit that I'm struggling, but I don't want help. I'll get help after swimming, I just want to look good. I even got angry at my brother and told him that, however he didn't seem to pleased with my efforts to keep up my habits.
So as a result, I'm currently sat in dr Charles office waiting for his verdict. My brother is holding my hand and hailey is sat next to him. I just want to go home, but apparently everyone else thinks I need help. Maybe I do, maybe I do need desperate help, but I don't want it.
I'll admit, I'm exhausted all the time, I have no energy and I feel so worn out, but I'm doing this for a reason; they just don't understand me. Dr Charles looks up at me, "I want to make a two week plan, you'll stay in the hospital. We'll provide structured meal plans, and activities for you to do, as a group and an individual. Then we'll go from there" he nods. I shake my head, "I don't wanna leave home" I stand up. Jay pulls me back down to my seat, "this is for the best immy, think of how life will be after you recover" he smiles and a tear rolls down my cheek. I can physically see his heart break but I'm too angry to care.
"I. Don't. Want. This" I stand up, however my brothers quick to stop me from running to the door as he grabs my arm and pulls me into his chest, "I'm scared" I bury my face into his chest as I sob. I don't want to leave home for two weeks. He holds me tight, "I know, I know honey. But this... this is the best option for you right now" he rubs my back and I can't bear to hear what he has to say. I know wills probably dying to get up here right now given that he's on shift, but I don't want him here. I want to be alone, in my room, at home, where I belong...
~
*one week later*
It turns out my family might have been right... I've been in this hospital for a week now, and I'm starting to want to recover. After realising that this is how I'm going to spend my life, in and out of hospitals like this, I want my life back. I feel like it's time to reclaim what i have lost. I may have lied to my brother and hailey when they asked about how long this had been going on for... I said three weeks, but it's more like three months, but now they know.
Dr Charles has been my rock throughout the whole programme so far, and Will comes by every few days when he gets time to check on me. But I'm not allowed my phone or visits from jay and hailey, but I know they miss me, Will said so.
I quiet enjoy the group sessions, I like knowing that I'm not alone, and that people actually do understand what I feel. Apparently I'm changing meal plans tomorrow, but I know I can do it, I want this too badly to give up. I need to get better for my brothers, for hailey... for me.
~
*one week later*
"Immy..." jay picks he up as I run towards him. He chuckles as he picks me up, "hey you, we've missed you so much" he buries his face into my hair and I close my eyes. I'm so proud of myself. I'm getting better. Yesterday I ate three meals, they weren't full portions but I still ate them.
"Ready to go home? Me and hailey have a movie marathon planned out for you" he tucks my hair behind my ears. He smiles as I nod, "I'm ready" I sigh contently. After waving goodbye to dr Charles, I quickly give my other brother some love before I return to jay, "I'll stop by after shift" Will calls out as jay sticks his thumb up, "I'm so proud of you" jay leans down an plants a kiss onto my forehead, "I love you" I sigh. He smiles back, and thank you...
*if you're struggling, don't hesitate to reach out. You're enough!*