After that, I walked out as a free person. I walked to the deck taking in the salty air, it was better than being confined in that muggy room. I sighed at myself thinking at how far gone things have led to. I couldn't change it now. My hands shook slightly as I watched the ship cut through the tides. I was anxious, but I chose to ignore it.
"Kya," I heard Zuko say as I kept my eyes on the open waters. It hurt. His voice is still calling me like he did before all this madness. I couldn't bring myself to turn around.
"Kya," I continued to ignore him as I looked up to the sky,"No death glares? No remarks? At least stare at me with hate like you used to!"
I wanted to scream but it wasn't at him, maybe it was at myself. Maybe I just hate myself for still believing he could change. Maybe I was angry for selfishly choosing Azula to stay out of being in a cell. But those were all second guesses. So it didn't matter anyways. I was betrayed by someone I believed I loved, who said they loved me back. Now Azula believes I can be of use to her and now I'm stuck on a ship heading straight for the Fire Nation capital.
What is this mess that I've gotten myself in? All for the sake of caring too much. For opening my heart when my head screamed I shouldn't. Maybe this is what I get for being idealistic.
"Are you really gonna stay out here?" Said a familiar voice, although all the new voices were familiar by now.
Watching the corner of my eye, it was the girl I saw back in the Earth Kingdom while I was on a date with Zuko. The same girl who gave me that cloth last night. She got close to Zuko, it was clear that she liked him. I sighed.
"Aren't you cold?" She asked Zuko.
I kept my distance, still looking out at the open waters.
"It's been so long,, Over three years since I've been home. I wonder what's changed, I wonder how I've changed,"
I stayed silent as I listened to their conversation. I wanted no part in it. Zuko changed plenty, I knew just how much. As much as I wanted to smack Zuko across the face I choose to believe the person he really is wouldn't accept the way things are back 'home'. Even if that belief I still have for him kills me on the inside with every second that passes that I'm here.
"I just asked if you were cold, I didn't ask for your whole life story," She yawned, putting her arm around him, "Stop worrying,"
I saw as she leaned in to kiss Zuko. I turned around to walk back to my small room knowing it would be better than staying here. Zuko looked away from her, following me. I whipped my head around, now facing him.
"Why are you following me?" I asked coldly.
"I don't know," He awkwardly responded looking down.
"Your supposed to be happy now. You're going home as a hero," I scoffed,"After all, you were never happy with Iroh and I," I said bluntly.
"I-" He paused quickly looking back down.
He knew I was upset, yet he still tried to talk to me. It sent a wave of annoyance through me.
"If you have nothing better to say then leave," I spat at him.
He went to leave but left the door parted open, I groaned going to close the door. The girl with sharp yet dull eyes who follows Azula around watched from the end of the hall.
She heard everything.
I put my finger up in a soft shh, praying to the spirits she wouldn't say anything. But she just watched as I closed the door. I sighed as I sat down digging my face into my knees. I felt trapped. Everywhere I looked was someone would be considered an enemy.
After that day I would rarely see Azula. Not even in the early mornings or late nights when I would go to the deck hoping for some slight sense of peace. Instead, I kept running into the girls Azula brought with her, Ty Lee, a girl that was far too cheerful, Mai, the one who had a crush on Zuko, and Kaito, the one who saw Zuko talk to me the other night. It was always awkward with them here, Ty Lee always striking up an unnecessary conversation between the other two when I just wished for silence. Kaito would watch me from afar, while Mai would glare at me every so often.
I was basically not allowed to do anything but breathe, walk, occasionally talk and eat. It was practically an unspoken rule set by Azula when she went to my room the other day. If I pose myself as a threat, it's over for me. Another night of no sleep passed, completing four nights and three days of no sleep whatsoever. It was a sickening feeling to bear.
>>>
As we arrived at the docks people gathered around watching the Zuko and Azula make the announcement of their return. I watched from afar. Zuko's hair was up in a top knot. The memory of him cutting of his ponytail back when we first started our journey through the Earth Kingdom echoed through my mind. I touched my own hair which was still around shoulder length, I ended up enjoying my shorter hair, cutting it every so often. The memories of our time in Ba Sing Se together still made me smile, but now it would be in pain instead of joy.
I sighed to myself as I watched the royal announcement begin.
"Your princess Azula, clever and beautiful, disguised herself as the enemy and entered the Earth Kingdom's Capital," Said one of the two twins.
"In Ba Sing Se, she found her brother Zuko, and together they faced the Avatar," The other twin said.
"And the Avatar fell, and the Earth Kingdom fell!" The two said in unison as my stomach churned.
"Azula's agents quickly over took the entire city,"
"They went to Ba Sing Se's great wall,"
"And brought them down. The armies of the Fire Nation surged through the wall and swarmed over Ba Sing Se, securing our victory. Now the heros have returned home,"
I thought back on Akira, she never faced the Fire Nation before. I knew she would be fine for the most part but I couldn't help but worry for her. The world lost its most powerful city that's been untouched by the Fire Nation for over 100 years in a matter of weeks. Practically already winning the war.
"Your Princess Azula!" Everyone cheered in glory as she walked out.
"And after three long years your prince has returned. Zuko!"
The royal guards escorted me to a room much bigger than the one on the ship. But it was empty, only containing a bed and a small table close to the wall. I worried to myself, making sure I did nothing suspicious to get on Azula's bad side. One wrong move and the entire nation will be out to get me. So I made sure I didn't bend at all, and it itched at me. I paced my room constantly and worked out inconsistently. The anxiety of isolation in a country that would much rather have me dead then alive slipped into my veins. I sat down wondering if being under the royal palace roof was really better than a cell in the royal prison.
I didn't speak much but I would whisper to myself when I was alone in attempts to keep myself sane. I used to want to be alone. My family was loud, everyone I ever knew was outgoing. I was never actually alone, but now, the silence was so loud it ripped though my head. Because I didn't know if the silence was meant to be either good or bad. I clenched my hands, putting them to my forehead and groaning. I have no one.
It's as if he had heard me.
The door swung open as Zuko came in. Fully dressed as a prince. Lavished in expensive clothes, it was definitely different then how we spent our time in the Earth Kingdom. My nails dug into my palms. I turned my back to Zuko, not wanting to look at him.
"Kya, don't be like this," Zuko said as he walked closer to me. I kept looking at the wall as I saw his shadow get bigger.
I didn't want to give him the time of day.
Zuko sighed,"I'll come back around dinner time. I can show you the royal garden,"
My heart hurt, the royal garden, he talked about it once while we were at the Misty Palms Oasis. Zuko said that it was beautiful when his mother was still around. I didn't want to go, but it hurt to hear Zuko talk about his mom now. He barely ever did. As the hours went by I kept hoping he wouldn't come back. I wouldn't know how to stop him from showing me the garden if he did. I hummed to myself as I was avoiding a mental breakdown.
Gripping my upper arms I looked out my window, I saw Kaito from below practicing by herself. She seemed so empty and alone. Her flames bright and strong but her expression was nothing like that. Hours passed and the sun began to set, she looked up to me. I quickly turned around as if I hadn't been staring at her for the past couple hours. I sighed to myself, is anyone actually happy here?
I looked out the window once more, she was gone. I brought my hand to my head, holding it to bring down my chronic headache.
The door began to open and I cursed at myself because Zuko didn't forget about what he said this afternoon. He held his hand out for me to hold. I walked past him coldly making him awkwardly retreat his hand back to his side. I followed him as soldiers lined the hallways. All sending me murderous glares. Being incredibly uncomfortable, was an understatement.
We made it to the outside and there was a pond in the middle with a tree looming over it. The flowers were all in full bloom as the breeze whisked fallen petals away. It was very beautiful, and I wish I didn't think it was. It brought back the memories of Ba Sing Se, and I hated that.
"It's not as well taken care of as it used to be," Zuko suddenly said.
I watched the flowers dance to the soft breeze passing by as I approached the pond. The guards around us began to murmur loudly enough for me to hear. As if they were doing it on purpose.
"Should this even be allowed? She's not even restrained," One said.
"What if what happened in Ba Sing Se will happen here too?" Another hissed.
"What she did was worse then blood bending,"
"What was Prince Zuko thinking, bringing that savage here?" Said another in a whisper yell.
They all violently watched me from afar.
Blood bending? How can I do it? Will it work? I kept thinking about how I could figure it out by myself as I wandered around the pond. Zuko's eyes followed me as I watched the pond ripple little waves as the flower petal fell in it. I stopped walking as the flower petal sunk into the water.
"You shouldn't have brought her out," I heard Kaito's voice say.
I turned around to see her, she watched me, with pity, it irked me but it I was also thankful. It was confusing. Zuko then glared at her, as if she was interrupting something important. But there was nothing special going on here. Kaito's presence just made it easier for me to leave.
"I want to go back to my room," I said walking away. I coldly glared at the guards, who jumped back now knowing I heard them. But their fear turned into hate after a few seconds, scoffing at me as I walked to my room.