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Imogen Halstead (age 17)
Word count: 2329
TW: topics such as drug abuse, poor mental health and implied rape.
Imogen's POV
"Dad?" I wander into the kitchen. My dad looks up at me with a blank expression, he's been giving me that look a lot recently, "I'm going to mayas, is that alright?" I nod. He sighs, "sure, just whatever" he turns around. I sigh and turn around too, walking away. He's been treating me with short answers for a while now. I don't know what I've done wrong, or if I've even done anything wrong, but I'm tired of walking on eggshells around him.
I know he's had a lot on his plate over the past month, but I want my dad back. Works been keeping him occupied leaving him with little time to spend with me, and I know I'm getting older now so it's not exactly like he has to spend time with me, but I need him right now. I'm tired of being alone...
I grab my jacket and phone, before leaving the house. Hopefully this can cheer me up... As I approach my friends house I smile as Maya appears in the doorway. I raise an eyebrow as she holds up the bag of pills she was talking about today, I'm hesitant, but I accept them. She drags me down to her basement and we flip onto the bed, I hold the pills up above me and inspect them, "are you sure they're safe?" I sigh. Maya scoffs a laugh, "I mean, you said you wanted a distraction" she shrugs. I huff, "yeah... a distraction. Not a one way ticket to hell" I look at her half-seriously. She shrugs, "well I'm still here so, they can't be too deadly" she folds her arms.
I sigh, staring at the colours in the packet. Maya chuckles at my cluelessness, "we can take one together, if you want" she offers. I throw my head back, "I'm scared... my dads gonna murder me" I admit. She holds my face in her hands, "if you don't wanna take one, or any of them. It doesn't matter, I'm not judging you" she smiles. I nod, "no no, I want to. I need a break" I grumble. She chuckles, "I think you just need a therapist" she grabs the pills from my hand and drops two onto her palm. I sigh before popping one in my mouth, and it doesn't take long before it kicks in. This is nice...
~
*two weeks later*
Who knew something as simple as these pills could make me feel so relaxed? Ignorance is a bliss, I don't care what anyone says. I'm high right now. That's all I have to say, I'm highhhhhh...
~
*one week later*
My dads worried about me. I can see it on his face. He doesn't express it directly, but I know he's starting to suspect I'm not at all okay. Yesterday he made me sit down and eat dinner with him, I didn't really have much to say, so we sat in silence. It wasn't even a nice silence.
He's also starting to get suspicious of my whereabouts when I go out. He's probably afraid I'm hanging out with the wrong people, when in fact I'm only with Maya and a few other of her friends. They aren't bad, they're just lost, like me.
I take the pills a few times a week now, it started off as a Friday night gig. Then I started doing them on Wednesday, and now I take them whenever I feel like it. I'm currently staring at myself in the mirror, appalled at what I see. I always sworn to myself when I was younger, that I'd never do drugs, or drink, or get laid just because I can. Well now look at me, I've broken my moral compass and I'm a mess. A true mess.
Last night was a nightmare too. Me and Maya were hanging out when she invited her boyfriend and his friend over. Maya and her boyfriend went upstairs together, they wanted some privacy, and I was left with the boy I still don't know. I was high, shock I know, and completely out of it. I remember waking up with a sore body, and my hoodie was hanging over the side of the bed. I knew we'd slept together because of the look on his face, but wether I gave consent or not, I can't remember...
It's currently eating me alive. The fact that I don't know if I gave him consent or not, or wether I actually even had sex with this guy. I'm scared, and I regret my life decisions. I don't know what to do about it. I can't tell my dad, because I think we all know how he'd react if he found out his perfect daughter was doing drugs, never mind sleeping with boys... one thing I do know though, is that even if I consented whilst high, I definitely didn't mean it.
I look over to my right and glare at the book on my desk. It's not actually a book, it's a hollow box that I store my pills in. I quickly walk over to it and grab the bag of pills, rapidly popping one into my mouth. I can't really describe the feeling of being high. All I know is that it's good. Really good.
I sit down on my bed and flop backwards, letting the bed consume me. When I'm high, I tend to lose all control of my body, and that's what I like about it. I don't have to think before moving, I just move. I feel free, I don't feel alone, I feel euphoric. There's only one thing I don't like about being high, and that's the fact that I can't remember anything when I come down, according to Maya I also seem to tell the truth about anything and everything. Literally Everything.
I don't know how long I've been laying on my bed, staring at the patterns on my ceiling. But I hear the door open, and at some point I'm even convinced it's Jesus coming to take me back or something...
Jays POV
For the past four weeks, I've noticed a worrying change in my daughter. And although I've been preoccupied with work for most of the time, her change hasn't gone unnoticed. She's quiet, withdrawn, and rarely stays at home anymore. Sometimes I wonder if she'll just not come home one day.
Last night was the final straw for me though, she came home at around 1am, and I don't know what happened but she had mascara stains all the way down her cheeks, she didn't seem to notice me sat on the couch either. I questioned her as soon as I picked up on the unusual look, but she ignored me and ran straight to her room as if she was in her own little work. She hasn't been downstairs today, and it's evening...
I knock on her door before gaining no response, therefore I push her bedroom door open and step inside. I frown when I see Imogen laying on the bed like a starfish, her eyes locked onto the ceiling. I step forward, "hey..." I speak out. She doesn't even acknowledge my presence, "Imogen" I sigh and sit on the edge of her bed with my back facing her. I just wanna check she's okay.
She doesn't say anything, she doesn't even move, so I don't either. We sit in silence for around a minute until I feel a hand on my back. I turn my head to see Imogen looking at me, yet I'm nowhere near happy to see that she's staring at me.
I fully turn around and gently grab her cheeks, forcing her to look at me, "are you high?!" I gasp at the clear dazed look in her eyes. She shrugs, "why'd you care?" She mumbles. I can feel my heart rate picking up, "what'd you take?" I shake her head slightly and she swats my hand away. I shake my head and run a hand over my face, "I don't know, it's over there. Take one if you want, they're really good..." she points to her desk. I quickly stand up and dash over to her desk, instantly noticing the bag of multicoloured pills. My heart shatters at the sight.
"Imogen, these are drugs. They're dangerous..." I begin my lecture but she cuts me off, "yeah yeah, dangerous. They're the best thing to ever happen to me" she yells over my voice and I'm taken aback. She stares at me through bloodshot eyes for a second, "they make me feel good for a change" she rolls onto her side. I set the bag down and pause for a second, did she really just admit to taking drugs because she's struggling?
"How many times have you taken these?" I sit back down on the bed. She shrugs as she faces me, "you don't wanna know..." she mumbles. I feel like a terrible father. How didn't I notice that she she was struggling? How didn't I notice that she was out getting shit faced most nights? How?
"You don't need to be ashamed dad, I already am" she pulls at the fabric of my sweater. I reach a hand out and place it on the side of her head. I can't believe this is happening right now. "How long have you been taking these pills, immy?" I brush a thumb over her cheek. She sighs, "I don't know..." she pauses, "a few weeks?" She mumble's and grabs my hand, placing it in her own. She closes her eyes and settles down before I take in her state.
She's much thinner than I recall, a lot paler too. She's wearing one of my hoodies and a pair of shorts along with fluffy socks. My eyes seem to catch onto something on her legs, bruises.
Her thighs are covered in fresh bruises and cuts, I've seen this too many times before on girls of all ages, and my heart seems to fall to the floor. I place a hand on her leg and she squirms, "cold" she pushes my hand away. I set my hand down on her lower back, "immy, what happened here?" I point at her leg. She looks down to see the bruises on her thighs, "I can't say" she rolls over. I tilt my head as she rolls over, the bruises litter the backs of her legs too.
"You can, honey. You can say" I place a hand on her shoulder. She lets out a long sigh, "don't be mad..." she begs. I shake my head to myself, "of course not" I squeeze her shoulder. She nods, "last night... when I was at mayas. She had a few friends over, and..." she pauses, "when she went upstairs with her boyfriend... I was alone with some guy. He was my age too, but I don't know him..." she mumbles, clearly still high. My stomach churns at the part I know she's going to say, yet I hope she doesn't say it...
"I don't remember what happened, but when I woke up everything hurt... and i wasn't wearing my hoodie. I think... we y'know..." she mumbles. I run a hand over my face, "you think you had sex with him?" I run my thumb over the skin on her neck, she has goosebumps. She shakes her head in denial, "I don't remember saying yes..." she sobs. I feel a pit of anxiety and anger bubble in my stomach, I want to find this boy and rip his head off.
"It's all my fault..." she rolls over and holds her arms out. I lay down and pull her into a hug, "shhhh, no it's not. This isn't your fault. It's gonna be okay..." she hides into my chest and I can't help but allow my own tears to roll down my own cheeks. How did it come to this?
~
Imogen's POV
As soon as I sobered up, I sat down and had a real conversation with my dad. Apparently I admitted everything, including what happened with the boy in mayas basement. He wasn't mad, just a little disappointed that I didn't speak to him sooner about how I was feeling. But he hasn't left my side all night.
We're currently at med right now, and I'm terrified. Natalie just finished the rape kit, and she going to come back to take photographs of my bruises. I didn't really notice how bad they were until my dad pointed them out. I guess I was too distracted, and worried about his opinion.
Hailey knows about everything, and she decided to stay with me during this hospital visit since I let her. My dad is with my uncle outside since I didn't want him in for this part. I feel so scared...
Around ten minutes later, my dad comes back into the room, "what do I do now?" I keep my eyes down. Jay looks over his shoulder, "someone wants to talk to you" he smiled weakly as I look up to see dr Charles walking into the room. I'm left alone with dr Charles so we can talk, at first I was a little apprehensive but I soon warm up to it. I open up about everything. I feel much better by the time he gets up to leave. Now I just want to sleep...
~
The next week or two was pretty rough. With the investigation side of what happened, and me starting therapy. It's been a challenge, but knowing my dad, uncle and hailey has my back makes it so much easier. I want my old life back, and I'm going to fight for it...
*if you ever feel alone, you're not! Please talk to someone! My dm's are always open. But please know you're not on your own!*