ASHA: Hope
With each punch, his white cloth was drenched in his blood. "Have you lost your senses?" Not able to restrain myself, I walked toward him, grabbing his hand in mine.
"Fucking! Leave me alone..." he growled as he attempted to pull his hand away from my grip.
"Why? So that you fill the floor with your blood." I glanced at the white marble floor filled with the blood that was dripping from his knuckles. "You're behaving worse than Aarush." I shook my head and was trying to pull him towards the bed.
"I don't need your concern..." He jerked his hand from my grip. "I know... I have no value in your life. You can go and lie on the bed. I can clean the mess." He muttered, acting his stubborn self. His eyes fixed on the wardrobe before us. I stood there glaring at his figure as he overlooked my existence.
I stopped the urge of yelling at him. Inhaling deeply, I glanced again at him. "You don't have to prove to me that you're angry. I get it! But you don't have to shower my anger on Aarush or yourself... I just want to help you with..."
His furious eyes met mine. "I don't need your help." He inched closer, "I fucking don't need your help." With those words, he walked back into the washroom. I stood there feeling defeated. Why does he have to be so adamant? I wanted to just treat his wound. I shook my head. I waited for minutes but he didn't return. I compelled the urge on knocking on the door. He was burning in anger and I wasn't planning to trigger him.
I slowly sat on the couch beside. I wanted to talk. I wasn't desiring our arguments to affect the relationship he had with Aarush but maybe unknowingly I had triggered him once again. Taking a deep breath, I walked towards the door. I gave a knock twice but there wasn't any response from the other side.
"Yash..." I called him but still was gifted with silence. "I didn't mean those words. Aarush isn't only my son and you know it well..." I paused for a moment waiting for any sign that he was listening but wasn't offered any. "You're aware, he cares a lot about you more than he cares about me. Again, I am not complaining... I am just saying that he misses his Dada. If possible don't hurt him for my action." I withheld the emerging tears, I wasn't aware why I felt like crying but at that moment I felt helpless. "If possible do forgive me as well..." I muttered much to myself. I had no right of being forgiven as I had wounded him at each phase of our life.
From ignoring him to not accept him as a family. I wasn't sure if my one apology could erase all the wounds I gifted him with. I didn't know the feeling of rejection until he shove me away. He had never done that! He had never jerked me away from him. It was always me! It was me who had distant myself from him but his one move and I felt so worthless but I was confused. Was I sorry that I treated him in that manner or was I upset that he had rejected me? What was it?
I went back to my bed anticipating he wouldn't offer me his presence. He was going to ignore me! And maybe I deserved it. Laying on my side of the bed, I closed my eyes. A drop of a tear rolled down my cheek. I allowed the numerous tears to roll down my cheek as I switched the lights off. I wasn't planning for Yash to glance at it.
I hate to feel weak but that what I always was, weak. At that particular moment, the same emotion passed through my senses. I was weak! The tears rolling down my cheek muttered my weakness. I shut my eyes tightly to stop the tears but they didn't stop. I felt so helpless at the moment, so lost. I felt so unwanted! I wasn't sure why those negative thought was powering me. Why was it suffocating me? I was so engrossed in my grief that I didn't even realise Yash walking out of the washroom.
The mattress dipping beside me compelled me to hold back my sob. I had to act as if I was sleeping but tears kept emerging making it difficult to act still.
"Aarohi..." his deep, concerned filled voice reached my ears. "Are you fine?" He sounded so like before not a hint of rage reaching his concerned self. I felt so at peace as his voice reached my ear. It wasn't until that moment I realised that I missed his caring self. The individual who cared a lot about me.
And much to my displeasure, a sob burst out of my throat followed by a series of tears. "Aru..." and soon I was pulled in his direction. My vision was blurry due to my continuous cry but still could figure out his frowned brow in the darkness. "Fuck! I am sorry..." he muttered soon his warm hands reaching to cup my cheek. His brown orbs stared at me with regret and concern. A new piece of cotton wrapped around his knuckles. "I acted like an..."
"No!" I wasn't letting him blame himself. I knew it was my fault. My action had forced him to act in that manner. I had compelled him for it. "No... please don't do that!" I pleaded not wanting him to burden me with more guilt.
"Shh..." his thumb brushed tears off my cheek. "Stop crying..." he whispered slowly pulling me towards his chest. I didn't oppose, I didn't object as I was drained. I wanted to rest and so I allowed my brain to rest. I allowed myself to rest in my husband's arms. I was aspiring for peace and his warmth provided it to me.
His cold muscles relaxed as my head touched his chest. His hands slowly but carefully wrapped around my waist. His grip wasn't tight but not weak as well as providing me with space to feel comfortable. His warm breath fanning on my hairs and he pecked softly on it. "Good night," he muttered before adjusting his chin on my head.
It was first time I was in such proximity without resistance with him yet it felt familiar. As if it was a path to my home that I had lost direction of. I didn't felt uncomfortable but oddly secure. As if I was longing to feel the peace his presence was providing me. I wasn't sure if I was betraying Rishi with my move but my heart was unknowingly craving for more.
~~••~~
I had walked out of a vacant bedroom into a vacant living room. That meant, Yash had left long back. Though internally I had cursed myself for allowing him to hold me so close yet I had anticipated he would stop with his ignoring session but maybe I had hurt him beyond forgiveness.
I pushed back the emerging guilt helping Savita Tayi with the breakfast. "So, what's for today?" I inquired pressing a smile on my face.
She waited for a minute before responding with a smile. "Pohe..." another favourite of Yash. He was avoiding breakfast as well as dinner due to me. I hope he was at least having something in office. I had halted myself from texting him to inquire about his whereabouts. He was purposely ignoring me and I didn't wanted to act as a burden.
"Is there something between you two?" Tayi hesitated as she inquired about it. I kept staring at the pan on the stove. "I don't want to pry in your personal matters." She whispered concentrating in cutting onions. "You both are mature enough to deal with it. My concern is Aarush, he shouldn't get piss between both of you." She glanced once again on finding my orbs on her. "I understand, you both weren't given opportunity to know each other... as Aarush was a big responsibility to look after. But Aarohi, you can't forget that he is growing up. Slowly he will start discriminating things happening with his parents and rest of couple around him. This phase of life is going to shape him as an individual. You both need to decide what kind of a future you want to offer him with." She pressed a smile getting engrossed in her work.
She was correct! Aarush was growing up and his interest in our wedding anniversary was a step of getting interested in our life. Our difference or Yash ignorance would lead him to have wrong impression on life. I couldn't do that with our son. I had promised Rishi to provide our child with a wonderful life and I was going to offer it to him.
"Mumma..." his pissed voice got into my ears as he wrapped his tiny arms around my legs. "Dada again left before I woke up..." he was sounding displeased maybe he had rushed to our room after getting up. From last four days, he would wake up early. I should be glad with his change of behaviour but rather I was concerned because it was due to his longing to glimpse at Yash.
"Dada had an important meeting, Aarush." I attempted to convince him trying to touch his wrist around my legs. He pulled himself from me. I turned to face him with concern.
"You always say that! Dada don't like me anymore... so he doesn't want to see me." Stamping his foot in annoyance with brimming tears he rushed out of the kitchen.
"It isn't like that Aarush! No one loves you more than Yash." I followed behind him, yelling after him. I didn't wanted him to dislike Yash. I couldn't let their bond destroy due to me. He was rushing towards the stairs when my sudden suggestion halted him. "What if we go and meet Dada in his office?" He turned from his destination, staring at me with hopeful orbs.
"Really?" I nodded making him to rush towards me in excitement. And soon he wrapped his arms once again around my legs. "You're the best Mumma..." I giggled witnessing his sudden swift in the mood. Ruffling his hair for which he groaned in displeasure.
"Wow! Such a mother-son moment." Came a cheerful voice of Yukta making me to glance at the source. She had clicked a picture at that moment. "I don't want Yash to miss this one..." saying so she started strolling down her cell.
"You aren't sending him." I warned her, pointing my finger as a threat.
"Sorry for your displeasure! I had already send it." She winked grabbing a seat on the dining table.
"You can't do that!"
"But I did!"
I shook my head at her mischievous figure and shutting the inner urge that wanted to glance at the picture she had send to Yash.
"D, we are going to Dada's office." Aarush informed Yukta in a cheerful manner as he walked towards her. As Yukta was against calling her aunty, Aarush had ended up calling her, D.
"That's great! We will give him a surprise." She acted as excited as he was. Maybe her such attitude had managed to grab his interest. As Yash was hardly at home, he often spent time with Yukta. "Have you ever visited his office?" Inquired Yukta for which he shook his head. "Never mind, I will give you an entire trip. It very huge! With many people, you could have many friends over there."
"Do you have any friends?" Aarush inquired for which Yukta was silent for a second before she nodded.
"Many..." making Aarush to jump on his chair. I shook my head at their childishness.
"Eat your breakfast fast if you want to meet Dada." I scowled him as he was busy engrossed in conversation. He made a face but listen to my demand.
A few minutes later we were standing in front of an enormous building. My eyes glanced at a beautiful piece of architecture in wonder. It wasn't like I hadn't glanced it before but had never stood in front of it. I had never visited a part of Yash life in our four years of wedding. Somewhere I felt nervous. Maybe I was going to discover a part of Yash that was hidden from me for so many years.
A place where he had spent more hours than in mansion. Maybe people over here had become a part of his life, something like a family. And somewhere I was going to meet them. Was I nervous because I felt that I won't be able to meet their expectation? Maybe I was! They would be expecting Yash Agarwal's wife, someone that could meet their standard and I was so unaware about their standard.
"Mumma... come..." my over-enthusiastic child had grabbed my wrist and was dragging me inside an unfamiliar universe. I pushed back my anxiety as I allowed him to drag me till the entrance. The guard glanced at Yukta than at both of us.
"Yash's wife and son." She informed pointing at both of us. The man in the uniform glanced at us in astonishment. His suspicious orbs making me feel inferior in the building, questioning my decision to walk into it.
"Come... I wasn't aware..." he made a concerned face before passing a smile and opening the glass door for us. I pressed a smile back as Aarush dragged me inside.
And as expected I was pushed into a different planet. Maybe avoiding the office was to escape from the realisation that I was from a different world. Yash had never brought a class, status in between us but somewhere Yash mother had discriminated me on the matter along with my aloofness towards Yash.
"Where is Dada?" Aarush was pulling my wrist trying to grab my attention from over-powering thoughts. I glanced around huge number of people was filled in the building. Everyone had formal attire as they passed smile at each other, some glancing at our direction while other lost in their world of work.
"I will show you... come..." Yukta grabbed his hand and soon they walked in the direction. I followed them taking into my surrounding. A huge area divided into different cabinet. Each human rooted into their chair while eyes focused on the screen.
"We are going to use lift?" Aarush asked getting excited, and jumped a little when Yukta nodded in agreement. Soon we were into the enclosed metal box named as lift. Yukta pressed the highest floor, which was tenth. I glanced at myself in a mirror a frown playing on my face. Was I anxious? Maybe, as I was unsure if Yash would like our presence. He had never mention anything about his professional life to me. Maybe I had never provided him with the opportunity.
"It's here..." with a beep sound the door was open. Aarush without waiting for us rushed out of the door but on glancing at the surrounding stopped on his track. Yukta was laughing at his over-excitement while I shook my head at his energy.
"Dada isn't there..." his eyes were spying at the surrounding, getting desperate to get a glance of his father. At that minute I realised how much he had missed him.
"Few more steps and you will meet him." Yukta convinced, strolling towards the desk at the corner. Apart from the lady behind the desk there was no human sign. Complete opposite to the ground floor. A floor filled with human and lot of chores.
"Mumma... come..." Aarush dragged me as I glanced the floor. From the black marble floor to the wooden walls surrounding the floor, everything matched perfection. It seemed the most luxurious floor of the building.
"Sir had asked me not to allow you inside without an important work." The lady behind the desk was staring at Yukta with a pleading look.
"What a cruel human, he is?" Yukta sounded offended, glaring at the door in front of us. "I am not going to visit him but his wife and son." She scowled in displeasure. The lady whose face was packed with makeup raised her brow in confusion soon darting her gaze towards me.
"Wife?" She inquired as if not believing in Yukta's word and soon her orbs were spying Aarush. "Sir, hadn't mentioned about any such visit." She opened the files opened on her desk, ignoring our presence.
"Will she have to take appointment to meet her husband?" Yukta was fuming in frustration. "You, boss and assistant are same..." she shook her head in displeasure. "Call your boss out." She groaned on finding the lady was overlooking our presence.
"I apologise miss..." her eyes intact on the files before her. "He is in an important meeting. I can't disturb..." Before she could complete the door was opened and soon we got a sight of Yash along with an older figure but wearing a professional attire as he was holding a satisfied smile on his face. Yash delighted face turned into a frown as his orbs met mine before widening in surprise.