"So it's true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love."
THE SUN RAYS are what wake Primrose first. She squints her eyes at the crack of light that is hell-bent on blinding her as she stretches her arms above her head, her fingers touching the headboard. She licks her dried lips and her hands form into balls, so she can rub her eyes. Last night was tough. Rosemary continuously woke up. Sure, she fell asleep after she received the care she needed, but being awoken every hour was not something Primrose really enjoyed.
She stays in the bed for a few more minutes before she slowly gets up. She's careful not to disturb Rosemary. (She wants to wake her at the last possible minute.) Primrose stretches further, a soft groan escaping her mouth as she does so. She turns to the corner of the room and collects the clothes she wore the day before. She cringes as she raises the black, halter top up in the air. It's not that she doesn't like it. In fact, it's one of the few pieces of clothing she has that she actually likes. The thing is she's worn this for the past week already, and she feels dirty. Maggie already offered her to give her a few shirts she has left, and Primrose gratefully accepted, but the Greene has been busy with going on runs with Luv.
(Who — by the way — has been acting awfully strange since going. She doesn't know what's wrong with him, but she'll figure it out.)
She finishes getting dressed before running her fingers through her hair. Primrose attempts to calm down the wild knots of hair on top of her head, but she doesn't think it works. So, she grabs the hair tie on her wrist and uses it to put her hair in a low ponytail. She'll deal with the knots when she needs to. It doesn't have to be now.
Slowly, Primrose lays back down on the bed beside Rosemary. Primrose smiles as she rests her eyes on her daughter. God, she fucking loves this little human. She loves her eyes, her nose, her hands, everything. She loves everything about Rosemary. It is absolutely indisputable that Rosemary holds her heart and will have it forever. That is the truth, and no one that comes along can change that. Primrose's top priority will always be Rosemary, despite what happens. She lifts her finger up and slowly lowers it onto Rosemary's snub nose. She runs it up and down, an attempt to wake her up as well as admire her. It works as Rosemary scrunches her nose and stretches her arms upwards, just as Primrose did. Her eyes flutter open and the first thing they turn to is Primrose.
"Hi," Primrose coos softly.
Rosemary smiles, making Primrose grin. She puts her finger in Rosemary's palm, and the baby grips onto it tightly. Primrose lowers her head and, using her cheek, begins to caress her baby's hand. "Good morning, Rosie," she tells her.
She stops moving and places a soft kiss on top of Rosemary's hand before standing up. She grabs a thin, pink blanket and extends it on the bed. Primrose grabs Rosemary — making a funny face, so she doesn't start to cry — and lays her on top of it. She checks her diaper and slightly gags once she sees the aftermath of whatever the fuck that was. She changes her and grabs a few drops of the hand sanitizer Luv found on his run. Once she's done, she grabs Rosemary and holds her in her arms, and walks out of the RV.
Instantly, she is met with the group of people she's grown to think fondly of. (Except Shane. Fuck Shane.) She puts on a smile and greets them. They all return one to her. But, it is Glenn who gains her attention as he raises his hand and points it to the seat beside him. She feels like her chest glows, and smiles widely at him before she makes her way to him.
"Hey, good morning," she tells him. She begins to lower herself down on her chair when she feels a hand on her back. She looks back to Glenn, and sees that he has stood up with her and is now slowly guiding her down to the chair. Primrose can't help but begin to blush. Her eyes watch the way he looks at her carefully and how once she touches the seat, his eyes crinkle and a smile breaks into his face.
"Good morning," he says. His eyes wander her face, and she is transfixed on his. She feels her breath get softer as she sees the golden light of the sun shine down on Glenn's face. It makes her squirm in her seat. Still, she doesn't break eye contact, and instead gets close enough to him that their knees touch. Like before, it sends shock waves within her and leaves her feeling breathless and entranced all at once.
However, it is all broken at once when something slams on the table the Greene's allowed them to borrow in front of them. The two jump and move their eyes to whatever created the diversion. Their eyes meet Dale, who is staring at them with a knowing smirk. Primrose clears her throat and looks down at what he slammed down on the table, which is the breakfast the man prepared for them. She begins to eat and is careful not to look back at Dale or Glenn.
Her eyes instead fall on the person beside her, who happens to be Luv. He tilts his head upwards to her in greeting, and she reciprocates it. However, she frowns when she notices that instead of the eggs that she has on her plate, he has potatoes.
"Where did you get those?" she asks softly, pointing her fork at his food.
He points to Dale. "He made them for me. My teeth are hurting."
"Why?"
"I fell."
"Fell where?"
"On a run."
"In front of Maggie?"
The tips of his ears tint red. His lips tighten and fight the urge to turn upwards. He looks up at her before quickly diverting his eyes back down to his plate.
Primrose raises her eyebrow. "What's wrong with you?"
"What do you mean?"
"You've been acting really weird."
"No, I haven't."
"Yeah."
"How?"
"You've been smiling too much."
"That's weird?" Luv scoffs.
"For you, yeah." She tilts her head like a curious dog. "What's going on?"
"Nothing." he says. "I'm fine."
Primrose does not believe him. She did not spend all those hours in a small car with this man for her not to pick up on some shit he does. She's learned and ingrained it into her brain. So, she knows that him smiling too much is not normal. It is scary, and unlike him. She'll find out what's going on with him. She will. But, for now, she waits for him to look away and uses her fork to get some of the potatoes on his plate.
She is not fast enough.
"That's my food." Luv snatches his plate away and scoots away.
She waves him off. She continues to eat when she feels Glenn nudge her knee. She turns to him and sees the way he holds his arms out to Rosemary.
"Let me hold her. You eat," he says.
Primrose tilts her head. "You sure?"
"Of course, Prim."
She smiles before handing Rosemary over to him. "Hi, Rosemary," he coos at her. Glenn promptly places a kiss on her cheek, and Primrose grins. "Did she sleep well last night?"
Primrose laughs. "I wish. She woke up at least six times last night."
"God. I'm sorry, Prim."
She pushes his shoulder back lightly. "Oh, what do you have to be sorry for? It's not like you were the one waking her up."
Suddenly, from the corner of her eye, she notices Hershel approach the group. She nods her head towards the man, making Glenn turn and notice the man, too. Primrose slaps Luv's arm — he releases a pained groan — and makes him look at Hershel, as well. Glenn has garnered everyone else's attention, as everyone has stopped eating. Hershel gets closer and she expects him to stop in front of Rick. However, he doesn't. Instead, he keeps going and Primrose notices the way that his eyes stay trained on her. Frantically, she looks at Dale, hoping for him to tell her what the hell is going on. But, he's equally as confused as her, and Hershel reaches her just as she turns back to face him.
Awkwardly, Primrose waves. "Hi."
"Hello, Primrose," the older man tells her. "How's your mornin' goin' ?"
She looks back at Luv, who simply shrugs at her. Primrose turns back to the man, and laughs a bit. "It was fine. And yours?"
"Likewise." He smiles at her. "I'm sure you can tell I'm not here to ask you about your morning."
"Right. Look, whatever I did was not my intention."
"You did somethin'?"
"No," she says quickly.
"Of course not. Well, I'm not here to ask you whether or not you broke somethin' I own. I'm here to extend an invitation."
"Invitation? Hershel — I think a party is the least of our concerns right now."
"Not a party. Breakfast. We'd like for you and Rosemary -" he smiles down at the baby, "- to join us for breakfast tomorrow."
Primrose points to herself, shocked. "Me?"
"Yes. Why don't you think about it? If you decide you'd like to, stop by. We hope to see you there."
Hershel walks off after that, leaving the group in silence. After a moment, they all turn to Primrose, who is still sitting in shock.
"What did you do?" Luv says, the first to break the silence.
"I didn't do shit!"
"You obviously did something."
"I swear I didn't!"
"Primrose," Rick says. "If you did something—"
"I didn't! I swear on my life." She gulps. "But... if I did, I don't remember what it was."
"Oh my god," Luv mutters under his breath. He runs his hand through his hair before looking back at her. "What do you know?"
Primrose sighs before looking in the direction of the Greene house. "All I know is that man had some serious fucking game when he was younger."
"Are you serious!?" Luv exclaims.
"Deadly."
And with that, Luv shakes his head before continuing to eat his plate of food. Primrose follows suit once she sees everyone does so as well. She doesn't know why they want her there tomorrow, but she's slightly curious to find out.
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"YOU'LL GO BLIND with that, you know?"
Primrose lowers the knife that she had close to her face and turns her head to the voice and sees Andrea. Her face stays stoic. She hasn't forgiven the woman for what she's done to her, Dale, and Glenn. She was so ready to fight her for defending Shane for that brief moment yesterday. Her Glenn didn't deserve to go through that, and Andrea was a part of making it happen.
Andrea inches closer and points to the spot beside Primrose. "Can I sit?"
Primrose shrugs. "When have words ever stopped you from doing something?"
Andrea either doesn't hear (she totally fucking did) or chooses to ignore it. Either way, she lowers herself down onto the log, and stretches her legs out. Primrose scoots away an inch more. She doesn't want to be near Andrea. Not right now.
The blonde reaches over and takes the knife away from Primrose. She turns it around in her hands before looking at Primrose with a suspicious look.
"What are you doing?"
"I don't know. I was just seeing how sharp it was."
She places the knife on her lap. "You couldn't tell from here?"
"Of course I could," scoffs Primrose. She takes the knife from Andrea's lap and twirls the base of it on her palm.
She stays silent. Andrea does too until she clears her throat. She pulls a folded, white paper out of her sweater pocket. Black ink bleeds through the blue lines and the words hover over one another in a jumble. Slowly, as if she were afraid something would pop out, Andrea opens it. It's a list. Something so completely ordinary that has brought Andrea to the silent, almost grieving state she's in.
"Back at the camp," Andrea begins. "Amy made it."
Primrose smiles solemnly. "Did she?"
Andrea nods. "She said these were the places she wanted to go to."
Primrose takes the list and reads it before sputtering out a laugh. "She wanted to go to Disney World?"
"I told her that one wasn't possible, but she insisted. She said she wanted to take Rosemary there."
Primrose lets out a deep breath after she comes to a painful realization. Amy never knew what she had named Rosemary. She never knew. Amy — her first friend once the world ended — never knew. Amy, the young girl who would hold Primrose's hair back as she threw up in the bushes; the girl who would help her walk back to her tent; the girl that urged the ones that went on runs to search for maternity wear for Primrose. Amy, her dear friend never got to meet Rosemary. She never learned her baby's name.
A tear escapes from the corner of her eye. She doesn't want to cry. Not now. And not in front of Andrea. Not just because she is still fucking furious with her. But because Amy was her friend, however Amy was Andrea's sister. It was deeper for them. Primrose quickly wipes it away before quickly sighing.
Primrose looks to Andrea. Tears fill the blonde woman's eyes and before they know it, a breathy sob wracks her body. Andrea's hand flies to cover her mouth while the other grips onto the piece of paper like a lifeline.
This is grief. Primrose knows it. She's made acquaintance with it. It is debilitating and oppressive. It's like a knife that plunges deeper and deeper into one's side. It moves around and cuts through the tissue and meat of a person until it's taken out. After some time, you're fixed. The doctors have fixed you and sent you home with the promise that you'll feel better after some time. And maybe you do. But, that feeling — you still remember it. You remember the feeling of the knife because it penetrated your insides and that is not something one can ever forget. Grief is like that. Grief comes out of nowhere, just like a stab with a knife does.
Primrose places her hand on Andrea's back and waits for her to speak. Whatever has happened between them both before, she puts to the side. That is what's best.
"I'm sorry," Andrea finally admits. "I'm so sorry. I've been so mean to you. I've been so mean when you were the last to ever even speak to her,"
"Andrea-"
"I have, and you know it. I'm sorry. For everything. I really am, Primrose. God, Amy would've hated me doing this to you!"
"No. She wouldn't," Primrose declares firmly. She grips Andrea's shoulder. "She wouldn't hate you. Not completely. She'd only hate you the way sisters hate their siblings. That's the only way." She gulps before continuing. "But, Andrea... Amy loved you. Entirely."
Andrea continues to cry.
"I'm being so serious. She talked about you as if you created the stars in the sky. She looked up to you a lot."
"She looked up to you, too," Andrea interjects in the middle of her cries.
Primrose shakes her head. "I'm not someone people look up to."
"Amy begged to differ."
Primrose smiles. She drops her hand from Andrea's shoulder and clasps it with her other hand. Her fingers tug at each other as she debates whether to ask the question that's been messing with her head since they left the CDC.
However, Andrea notices. "You can ask," she states. "Whatever question you have, I'll answer. I owe you that at least."
Primrose takes a deep breath. "Did you really think killing yourself would've been what Amy wanted for you?"
Primrose knows Andrea won't answer this question. That's why she asked it. She doesn't think she's emotionally ready for someone she bonded with to tell her they were ready to leave. And she thinks Andrea knows that — especially after Jim.
However, Andrea decides to rest her head against Primrose's. She cries as she does so, and Primrose chooses to allow herself to hold onto Andrea's hand. It's a piece offering, she will admit. A sign of forgiveness and friendship that she is extending to her friend. It's what she would've wanted if she fucked up. It's forgiveness and Primrose is willing to give it.
For Andrea.
For herself.
For Amy.
Andrea's eyes are earnest as they stare at the ground. She never got it right with Amy. Not in the way that mattered, and not in time. With Amy, Andrea failed, and she knows that. But, for all Amy was (boy-crazy, dramatic, naive), the young girl found friendship and solace in Primrose. She'll admit, she was jealous after the friendship transpired because everything Primrose was to Amy, she wanted to be for her sister. But, she sat by and listened in, and realized that meeting Primrose in the middle of everything was a much bigger comfort to Amy than she thought. Someone that her younger sister could simply be... a girl with. It obscured what the world had turned into. Amy loved Primrose, and Andrea loved Amy.
So, Andrea hugs Primrose. Primrose hugs her back immediately. She missed her. She really fucking did. They stay like that for some time, staring at the vast expanse of the farm. Two friends coming together through the black abyss of grief. It's beautiful.
Too bad that in few months time, everything they have built and restored will be fully and completely obliterated at the hands of one man.
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(author's note)
hey!! sort of a filler chapter but i decided to put it out today as i'll be busy tomorrow. but i'm excited to write prim interacting with the greene's!! she's going to care for them so much!!
also ik many people don't like/hate andrea and i'm not really her biggest fan either but she and amy were prim's first friends. i just thought it was important to continue to write that in her story.
anyways, hope u enjoyed! as always feedback is appreciated!! thanks!!