Chapter 4
Leon Ysmael Zamora: Lecture points:
Readings in Philippine History: Lesson_14_PHConstitution.pdf
Great Books: Lesson_15_Realism.pdf
Napabuntong-hininga ako nang makita ang chat ni Leon pagkauwi ko sa apartment mula sa inayusan kong debutant. I messaged Shaira earlier to send me the lesson, but she hadn't seen my message yet. It was past midnight. Malabo nang makita niya ang message ko.
I told Leon not to send me any more notes, but he hasn't stopped giving me files since our review started. And even if I denied it, the documents he had sent were more informative and understandable than Shaira's PowerPoint presentation from the internet.
I mean, thankful naman ako na nagse-send si Shaira, pero madalas ko siyang reklamuhan na wala akong natututunan sa isinesend niya.
I pursed my lips as I typed a reply to Leon.
Amari Sloane Mendoza: Thanks.
That's how our conversations always end. I appreciate what he has been doing, but I can't help but feel nervous every time his name pops up in my notification.
Isa pa, lagi rin kaming magkasama. Out of the way ang bahay ni Zoey kaya kami lang dalawa ang magkasabay umuwi. He never did once got off the bus before me. Tambayan niya yata talaga ang bookstore.
Throughout the week, I made it a point not to encourage any imaginative feelings I had for him. I didn't engage in unnecessary conversation with him and avoided staring into his eyes. I don't like him . . . and he has a girlfriend. It was only fair to put a distance between us.
I heaved a sigh as I had my late dinner. I wasn't sure if I was just over-analyzing things, but I noticed his lack of affection for Zoey. O siguro hindi lang talaga siya clingy. They never interacted casually except while discussing our review. Si Zoey lang madalas ang dumadaldal.
If I were her, I would've ranted about it already. I want to date someone caring and sweet. Ni hindi nga man lang nag-offer ng paghahatid si Leon. He's a boring boyfriend.
"Pinaglaba na kita," sabi ni Mill, kapapasok lang sa apartment, dahil sinundo niya pa ako. "Sino'ng maghahatid sa inyo bukas?"
My cellphone, which was on the table, lit up. I frowned when I noticed that Leon had sent me another message.
Anong trip nito?
"Sa school ang assembly. Nag-rent ng van ang Psychology Society para ihatid kami sa airport," I answered Mill as I picked up my phone to check Leon's message.
Leon Ysmael Zamora: You just got home?
I felt Mill sat in front of me. "Inayos na nina Karsen at Kat ang gamit mo pero i-check mo rin kasi baka marami pang hindi nailagay."
Amari Sloane Mendoza: Yup.
Ibinaba ko ang cellphone at itinutok ang mata kay Mill.
"Magpa-plantsa muna ako ng uniform kasi 'yon ang suot namin bukas."
She shook her head. "Check mo na lang. Ipapaplantsa ko kay Karsen at gising pa naman 'yon."
I chuckled. "Hindi na, gaga ka! Aabalahin mo pa 'yong bata."
"Bata amputa. Isang taon lang ang age gap, eh! Baka maunahan ka pang magbuntis no'n!" Tumawa siya.
Umiling ako. "Mapapalo 'yon ni Kat."
"Eh, basta! Maglinis ka na ng katawan pagkatapos mong kumain at magpahinga ka na. Maaga ka pa bukas," she said as she leaned against her chair. "Ang pangit mo pa naman kapag wala kang tulog."
Muling umilaw ang cellphone ko kaya hindi ko na siya naismiran. Dinampot ko iyon at may kung anong sumikdo sa sikmura ko nang makitang ang pangalan ni Leon.
Leon Ysmael Zamora: You should rest.
I was about to type a reply when he suddenly removed the pdf files he sent earlier.
Amari Sloane Mendoza: Hindi ko pa na-do-download!
Binitawan ko ang kutsarang hawak at pinisil ang pang-ibabang labi ko nang mapagtantong inamin ko sa kanya na binabasa ko ang mga sine-send niya. Very good ka talaga, Mari! Top 1 ka sa katangahan!
Leon Ysmael Zamora: Sa susunod mo na lang aralin.
I made a face.
Amari Sloane Mendoza: At ano, ma-la-late ako? Sa four days natin sa Davao, tingin mo ba titigil ang klase? Ayokong maghabol.
Leon Ysmael Zamora: Then at least study after you sleep.
Amari Sloane Mendoza: Don't worry about my sleep. Hindi naman eyebags mo ang lalaki!
Leon Ysmael Zamora: Really? Do you think I can sleep?
Kumunot ang noo ko sa message niya. Hindi ko gets. Wrong send ba 'to?
Amari Sloane Mendoza: Whatever. Sa instructors na lang ako magtatanong. Kung ayaw mong mag-share, edi 'wag. Lamunin mo 'yang files mo.
"Punyeta," bulaslas ni Mill kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. "Sino ba 'yang kausap mo at hindi ka makakain?"
I paused for a moment before I answered, "Kaklase ko."
"Ganitong oras, kaklase?" Pinanliitan niya ako ng mata. "Isusumbong kita kay Kat."
"Kaklase ko nga lang, aba ka!" reklamo ko.
"Tigilan mo 'ko! Gan'yan na gan'yan ang mukha mo kapag ka-chat mo ang gago mong ex noon." She scoffed.
"Huh? Tanga ka," sabi ko sabay hawak sa pisngi ko. "Kung ano-anong iniisip mo."
She exhaled, glaring at me. "Ayusin mo 'yan, ha? Kapag ikaw na-in-love na naman . . . gan'yang itinatago mo, lalong nakakaalarma."
I scowled at her. "Napakaarte mo! Nagpapa-send lang ako ng na-miss kong lesson sa klase dahil sa review namin, ang dami mo agad nasasabi!"
She brushed her hair and pushed my plate towards me. "Bilisan mo na d'yan. Langya naman. Huhugasan ko pa 'yang plato mo! Antok na antok na 'ko." Lumingon siya sa pinto ng kwarto nila ni Karsen. "Dawn Karsen, ipagplantsa mo si Mari ng uniform! At hinaan mo 'yang speaker mo! Rinding-rindi na ako sa mga kanta ng Kobe na 'yan!"
"Mill, ang ingay mo," pupungas-pungas na sabi ni Kat habang lumalabas sa kwarto namin.
Umismid si Mill. "Ay, Kat! Kausapin mo 'yang kaibigan mo at may nakaka-chat na naman. Hindi pa nagtatanda."
Napairap ako. "Kaklase nga lang!"
"Namumula ang pisngi!"
Kat went near us. "Baka naman wala lang, Mill. Nag-iisip ka agad, eh."
Umiling ang huli. "Katana, kita mo naman ang iyak n'yan kay Jin, eh." She gave me a sidelong glance. "Hanggang ngayon, sising-sisi ako na ipinakilala kita sa hayop na 'yon."
My heart tightened when her voice trembled a little. She rushed to Jin after learning of our breakup and beat the crap out of him. They were friends, but when she saw me cry, she didn't even bother asking Jin what happened. She trusted me so much that she ended her friendship with him.
"Kaklase ko nga lang 'to . . ." I whispered. Bwisit kasi si Leon, eh!
Mill sighed. "O sige na, kumain ka na para mahugasan na 'yan."
Kat tapped her back. "Ako na. Magpahinga ka na ro'n."
"Seeing the three of you cry over a guy is the last thing I want to witness," Mill said firmly. "Hindi nga tayo umiyak no'ng tinawag tayong walang kwenta at palamunin, eh." She shook her head. "Mas lalong hindi worth it ang mga gagong 'yon."
Karsen, wearing her pink duster, went out of the room. She had an awkward smile on her lips.
"Nasaan po 'yong paplanstahin?" dahan-dahang tanong niya, marahil ay napansin ang tensyon sa amin.
Inutusan ni Kat si Mill na magpahinga na. Itinuro din niya kay Karsen ang uniform ko at agad namang nagtungo ang babae roon.
"Mill's a little sensitive today because someone mentioned her parents," sabi ni Kat nang makapasok si Mill sa kwarto.
Tumango na lang ako. All of us were cautious about topics that include a family. Kaya kahit alam naming pamilya kami . . . kaibigan pa rin ang tawag namin sa isa't isa, hindi kapatid.
I looked at my phone and saw two messages from Leon. Hindi ko muna binasa iyon dahil kumain pa ako at naglinis ng katawan. I was thinking of Mill's friendship with Jin which has ended because of me. Somehow, I understand her. Siya ang unang nakakita sa aking umiiyak. And Mill, being Mill, her first response to pain is aggression.
Nang makahiga ay saka ko binuksan ang message ni Leon na siyang puno't dulo ng lahat ng 'to.
Leon Ysmael Zamora: Just get some sleep. Health is more important than skipping a few lessons.
Napanguso ako. The second message was sent thirty minutes after.
Leon Ysmael Zamora: Why are you still online? Stop reading. It's past 1.
Dumapa ako sa kama at nagtipa ng reply sa kanya. May 'Active Now' pa sa ilalim ng pangalan niya kaya alam kong online pa rin siya.
Amari Sloane Mendoza: O bakit ikaw online din? Pakialamero.
I bit my lower lip after sending it. Harsh yata masyado.
Leon Ysmael Zamora: Nag-aaral ka?
Hindi siya na-offend sa chat ko?
Binura ko ang tinype kong "sorry" bago muling nag-reply.
Amari Sloane Mendoza: Bakit ba ayaw mong mag-aral ako? Threatened ka ba?
"Mukhang tama si Mill na hindi lang 'yan kaklase, ah?" sabi ni Kat nang pumasok sa kwarto namin. "Tama na 'yan. Matulog ka na."
"Nagpapaantok ako," pagdadahilan ko.
Humiga ako nang maayos para bigyan siya ng space. Matapos niyang magkumot ay muli akong tumingin sa cellphone ko.
Leon Ysmael Zamora: You're still replying, so I know you're not studying. Matulog ka na.
Amari Sloane Mendoza: You don't know me.
Leon Ysmael Zamora: If you sleep now and don't reply to this message, I'll give you my DSM-5-TR tomorrow.
Napatakip ako sa bibig ko. Is he pranking me now?!
My cellphone lit up again after only a few minutes.
Leon Ysmael Zamora. Good. Now turn off your Wi-Fi or mobile data and rest.
The next day, I felt lightheaded and jittery because of my excitement. I obeyed Leon's guidelines and woke up feeling energized. Nauna pa ako sa van na sasakyan namin papuntang airport dahil sa labis na saya.
I mean, who wouldn't? No'ng una, i-a-add ko lang siya sa Facebook para magkaroon ako ng 80% discount voucher. Ngayon naman, matutulog lang ako at magkakalibro na! May pagka-shunga rin talaga ang lalaking 'yon. Ang babaw ng mga gusto niyang mangyari!
"Good morning, Mari," sabi ni Ms. Lubrica kasama ang Dean ng department namin.
Ngumiti ako. "Good morning po, ma'am. Good morning, sir." The latter smiled back.
"May makakasama tayong taga-Colegio de Lopez pero sa airport na natin kikitain. Nauna na kasi kahapon ang mga kasama niya," sabi ni Ma'am. "Pamangkin ni Sir," she added.
"Okay po, ma'am. Nag-chat po sa akin si Zoey. Malapit na raw po siya."
Tumango lang si Ms. Lubrica. Colegio de Lopez offered a BS Psychology program, but I opted not to study there, despite it being my alma mater, because of the college tuition fee and some personal reasons. Noong senior high school naman kasi kami ay libre lang dahil may voucher naman kaming lahat na nag-cover ng expenses namin.
Dahil nakabukas ang pinto ng van ay natanaw ko si Leon bitbit ang itim na traveling bag at backpack. His eyeglasses made him look serious and intimidating, like he had always been.
Ano kayang itsura niya kapag wala 'yon? Magiging mukha kaya siyang mabuting tao?
I chuckled to myself. I doubt that.
"Good morning po," bati niya kina Dean at Ms. Lubrica.
Inilagay niya ang gamit sa compartment ng sasakyan bago pumasok sa loob ng van. I kept an eye on him while he was doing that. Hinding-hindi ko malilimutan ang sinabi niya!
"Nasaan?" tanong ko agad nang makaupo siya sa pinakadulo, taliwas sa akin na pinili talagang maupo sa unahan. Lumuhod pa ako sa upuan ko para lang kausapin siya!
He locked his eyes on me. "Later."
Lumabi ako. "Bakit later? Ngayon na! Magbabasa ako sa byahe."
"Exactly."
Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Samantalang kapag naman nasa bus kami, siya 'tong basa nang basa! Bumalik ako sa pagkakaupo na masama ang loob. I want my DSM-5-TR!
"Bakit maaga ka?" maya-maya'y tanong niya.
I crossed my arms against my chest. "Wala ka na ro'n."
There was silence after that. Ms. Lubrica's voice was the only thing that could be heard, but it was muffled because she was still outside. I thought it would stay that way until Zoey arrived, but after a while, he started talking to me again.
"Did you at least have breakfast?"
It was just a simple question, yet it sent my heart racing, leaving me feeling electrified. He sounded like his usual self, bored and uninterested, but my mind translated his words as if he was worried about me.
I cleared my throat. "Oo naman," I said, my heart still not calming down. "I've had, uhm . . . two egg sandwiches and, well, coffee." My cheeks were burning! "I mean, well-made coffee."
I wanted to hide, shrink, and bury myself in the seat when I realized what I had told him. For goodness' sake, Amari! You could've just answered yes! Why the hell did you give him the details?!
"That's good to hear," he murmured. "I have extra food . . . if you get hungry."
Parang kakawala ang puso ko sa kaba. What the fuck is happening to me? I've never been in such an awkward situation before! So, why? Just why does my heart flutter?! This can't be happening! I hate him! I should hate him until the end!
But, have I? Have I really hated him, or have I only made myself hate him?
Umiling ako. No! No! I can't even consider that thought! Kasalanan 'tong lahat ni Shaira! Bwisit!
"Grabe, nakakapagod tumakbo! Ang haggard ko na agad!"
I breathed in and out to calm myself. Hinihingal si Zoey bago naupo sa likuran ko, sa gilid din ng bintana kagaya namin ni Leon. All of a sudden, I felt guilty. Mabait ang babae, pero pakiramdam ko ay may mali akong ginagawa sa kanya.
"May pagkain kayo? Gutom na 'ko," naiiyak na sabi niya pa.
I chuckled awkwardly. "Meron yata si ano . . ." Leon? Zamora? Ang boyfriend mo?
"Leon?" Naramdaman ko ang paggalaw niya, siguro ay humarap sa lalaki. "May pagkain ka? Pahingi!"
"It's not for you," masungit na sabi ni Leon, dahilan para mamilog ang mga mata ko.
Pero in-offer niya sa akin 'yon kanina! Kung hindi para kay Zoey, na girlfriend niya, bakit naman niya ibibigay sa akin na kaklase niya lang?! Tanga ba siya?!
"Napakadamot mo naman!" reklamo ng babae.
"Sabihin mo na lang sa driver na mag-da-drive thru ka," saad ni Leon.
Hindi ko napigilang lumuhod sa upuan at umikot palikod para tingnan sila. Zoey was in the same position as I, and Leon was just sitting comfortably. Hindi ko siya masyadong makita dahil nakaharang ang katawan ni Zoey kaya ganoon na lang ang pagwawala ng puso ko nang iginilid niya ang ulo na para bang sinisilip ako.
Our gazes came into contact, driving me into a frenzy I wouldn't dare name.
I tried putting on a snobby expression, but I . . . couldn't. My heart won't make it easy for me.
"Bakit . . ." My voice was weak and troubled, almost as if I was speaking in hushed tones, "ayaw mo na lang ibigay?"
Pumungay ang mata niya. "Ibibigay ko?"
"Luh, ano 'yan?" singit ni Zoey.
I forced my forehead to crease. "Oo naman. Bakit hindi?"
"Magkausap ba kayo?" tanong ulit ni Zoey.
"Sure?"
I bit my lower lip as I nodded. Bumalik ako sa pagkakaupo ko at pilit na ikinalma ang sarili.
"Ano'ng nangyayari? Hindi ko na-gets," untag ni Zoey. "Gutom talaga siguro ako kaya wala akong maintindihan."
"Oh." It was Leon.
"OMG!" Zoey shrieked. "Yehey, kanin!" Narinig ko ang pagbukas ng tupperware. "Ikaw nagluto nito? Bakit may pa-plating?" tanong niya pa habang tumatawa.
Leon grunted. "Just eat, will you?"
"Thank you!"
Hindi pa tapos kumain ang babae nang pumasok sina Dean at Ms. Lubrica sa van. Tumabi si Dean sa driver at si Ms. Lubrica naman ay tumabi sa akin. Sinabi rin niya sa dalawa ang tungkol sa pamangkin ni Dean na makakasama namin.
Amidst all the noise, I could feel my knees trembling even if I was sitting. Kahit yata maka-ilang libong inhale-exhale ako ay hindi babagal ang tibok ng puso ko!
Nag-vibrate ang cellphone ko at nakita kong nag-text si Mill. I put everything aside and opened her message.
From: Millicent
Sorry sa outburst. Hindi ko kayang sabihin sa inyo nang diretso 'to, pero ayokong masasaktan kayong tatlo. You'r the only family I have and I can't stand watching you cry again. I'm not good with comforting words, alam mo 'yan. Pisikal na pananakit lang ang kaya ko. Sure, it won't help, but I have no idea what to do to make you feel better. Mag-iingat ka. I-da-date kita pag-uwi mo dahil alam kong naging bida-bida ako masyado. Gosh, LSM na 'to. 'Wag mong gagamitin pang-asar sa 'kin 'to, ha? Pakyu.
Napangiti ako sa nabasa. I could hear her voice in my head.
To: Millicent
You're* the only family
I chuckled after I hit the send button.
From: Millicent
Typo 'yon! Nyeta ka! Ipagdadasal kong apat na araw kang bad hair day.
I breathed deeply. This is the only way I can ensure she doesn't feel ashamed. Nahiya pa ang bruhilda. Wala naman sa 'kin 'yon.
To: Millicent
Anyway, ilibre mo si Karsen ng pagkain mamayang lunch. Mag-send ako ng pera. Bronze medalist yata siya. Nakita ko kanina sa Facebook.
From: Millicent
Girl, umiiyak na siya ngayon dahil d'yan. Pinapatahan nga ni Kat, eh. Nasa Shopee ako, nagtitingin ng pink na dress pambigay. Pota, napakamamahal! Pag ako nabadtrip, doraemon na bra na lang ang ibibigay ko rito. 'Yong second hand.
Naiiling na ibinaba ko ang cellphone.
"Pag nagkaroon ng individual quiz bee, isasalang ko kayong tatlo," biglang sabi ni Ms. Lubrica kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. "You guys are prepared naman. I'm pretty confident na malakas ang contenders natin this year."
"You've trained them well, ma'am," sabi ni Dean.
"Thank you, sir, pero magaling na po talaga sila bago pa kami mag-review." Ngumiti si Ms. Lubrica bago bumaling sa amin. "And guys, there will be a lot of famous professionals there. Make sure to leave them a good impression. Who knows? Baka may mag-offer pa sa inyo ng trabaho after college."
"Yes, ma'am!" masayang sabi ni Zoey.
I smiled shortly before picking up my cellphone to keep myself occupied during the trip. Binuksan ko ang mobile data ko at ganoon na lang ang pagsinghap ko nang mag-pop up ang chat head ni Leon.
"Bakit?" untag ni Ma'am sa akin.
I shook my head nervously. "W-wala po, ma'am."
My hands were shaking as I opened Leon's message.
Leon Ysmael Zamora: I still have biscuits.
If someone could die from excessive cheek burning, I'd surely be at my funeral. Kaya ko binuksan ang data ko para mag-enjoy! Hindi para mamatay sa nerbyos!
I gripped my cellphone tightly as I typed a reply.
Amari Sloane Mendoza: Okay? Bigay mo kay Zoey. Baka gutom pa.
I pressed my thumb and index finger to my lips to suppress another gasp, especially because he was typing! Nakakahiya kay Zoey! Dapat ko pa bang replyan 'to? Alam ko namang wala lang kay Leon 'to . . . pero ewan! Para kasi siyang siraulo!
Leon Ysmael Zamora: Ikaw?
Amari Sloane Mendoza: Hindi.
Amari Sloane Mendoza: At 'wag mo nga akong i-chat!
Sineen niya na lang ako. Tumingin ako sa labas at ngumuso. Masunurin naman pala siya, eh!
Nang makarating kami sa airport ay nag-kape muna sina Dean at Ms. Lubrica. Naiwan kami nina Zoey at Leon sa waiting area. Pigil na pigil akong mapatingin sa lalaki dahil pakiramdam ko ay mahihimatay ako kapag napadaplis ang tingin ko sa kanya.
I started to look around. Sagot ng school ang lahat ng expenses namin pero syempre, may dala pa rin akong sariling allowance. Mabuti nga at dumating ang scholarship ko bago kami umalis.
Hindi ito ang unang beses na makakasakay ako sa eroplano dahil nailaban na rin naman ako noong junior at senior high school sa iba't ibang sulok ng bansa. I competed in investigative reporting, quiz bees, and debates in Cebu, Palawan, and Bicol. Bukod pa ang ilang contest na sa Manila ginanap.
"Sure na magkaka-place kayo sa individual quiz bee," sabi ni Zoey. "Nabasa ko 'yong reviewer n'yo . . . grabe." Umiling siya bago tumingin sa akin. "'Yong iyo may drawing pa ng utak tapos may label lahat. Ang galing mo."
Guilt crept into my system. I felt like I was betraying her. Dapat talaga ay hindi ko na lapitan o replyan si Leon. Respeto sa relasyon nila.
"Pina-drawing ko lang 'yon," mahinang sabi ko.
It was true. I begged Kat to draw me a detailed brain.
"Ang galing n'yong lahat. Tapos feeling ko magaling din 'yong pamangkin ni Dean." Sumimangot siya.
"Magaling ka rin naman, ah?" I said. "Kung hindi lang ako tsumamba sa last question, baka si Paolo 'yong kasama n'yo."
"Bida-bida 'tong si Leon no'n, 'no? Talagang hindi pumayag na mas maraming 1B kaysa sa 1A!" Tumawa siya. "Pero tama ka naman talaga."
I faked a smile upon hearing his name.
"Hindi pa kami close no'n kaya kabadong-kabado ako!" dagdag niya pa.
"We're not close," saad ni Leon na sinamaan lang ng tingin ng babae.
I cleared my throat. "Kailan kayo . . ."
"Sembreak no'ng first sem!" sagot ni Zoey.
I felt a weird clenching in my chest. Wow. Halos patapos na ang second sem namin. Matagal na pala sila.
Bago pa ako makapagtanong ulit, dumating na sina Dean at Ms. Lubrica. Nalaman kong magkatabi ng seat sina Zoey at Leon habang ang katabi ko naman ay ang pamangkin ni Dean.
Nice.
"Oh my god!" bulaslas ni Ms. Lubrica habang nakatingin sa cellphone niya.
"Bakit, ma'am?" tanong ni Dean.
"The Percy Ezekiel Mendoza will be at the convention!"
My mind went blank when I heard that.
"Sino 'yon, ma'am?"
"Oh, Zoey! He's one of the Filipino chemists who's been trying to create an anti-psychotic drug for schizophrenia that can beat Clozapine!"
My heart hammered, but not in the same way it did for Leon. Each throb punctured my system with needles. Masakit at nakakatakot. Hindi nasabi ni . . . Mr. Mendoza sa akin na pupunta siya. He was excited about that, but he never mentioned going there.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat maramdaman. I should be happy because I was about to see him for the first time in almost a year of just exchanging emails and text messages.
But, no. I felt pressured.
Wala pa man ay kita ko na ang dismaya sa mata niya.
What if our team fails to win? What if I don't win? The convention was open to all top first-year psychology major students around the country. Sa school nga, hirap na hirap na akong manalo. Iyon pa kayang marami na akong kalaban?
And to make everything worse, I saw a familiar man walking towards us . . . wearing the same ID I have for the convention.
"Jin!" sigaw ni Dean. "Come here, I'll introduce you."
I stood up, telling myself to run, but my feet were glued to the floor. Nagtama ang mga mata namin ni Jin at agad na naglaro sa utak ko ang lahat ng sinabi niya noon sa akin.
"Amari," he said.
He was smiling, making my heart swell up. He was smiling as if we'd had a pleasant breakup and that he hadn't cheated on me. . . as if he hadn't said that being with me was an exhausting chore . . . that he had sex with a friend because I was tiring.
Amari? He really had the guts to call my name? Matapos niya 'kong gaguhin? I've opened myself to him! I've told him what I felt when I learned that my parents left me in the orphanage because I was a mistake! I told him everything I was going through, and he used it against me!
I know deep within me that I don't love him anymore, but the anger, the way he verbally abused me, the way he gaslighted me that it was my fault that he cheated, everything . . . they all resonated in my heart.
Someone moved next to me. I took a step back, almost wanting to collapse, but I felt a strong arm supporting me.
"Ma'am, can I sit beside her?"
I didn't need to see who was talking to know who it was.
"Leon, bakit? Nahihilo ba?" tanong ni Ma'am.
I felt him shaking his head.
"May aaralin pa po kami," he reasoned out.
"Huh? Uhh . . . sige."
"Salamat po."
I didn't know how, but he managed to drag me towards his stuff, his arm still on my back.
My lips quivered. Nagsinungaling siya para sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit at paano niya nalaman na hindi ako komportable. I don't think I can endure two hours of my life with Jin.
"Thank you for that . . . I was really uncomfortable," I whispered.
Naupo ako nang bahagya siyang lumayo sa akin. Rinig ko ang usapan ng mga kasama namin tungkol sa tatay ko. I'm thankful that they didn't notice anything wrong with me. Tumingin ako sa kanila at nakita ko si Zoey na nakatingin din sa amin.
"Okay ka lang?" she mouthed.
I smiled as I nodded. I must've overreacted.
My attention moved to Jin, who was watching Leon with a dark stare.
"Eyes here, Mendoza."
Agad akong napalingon kay Leon. Ipinatong niya ang DSM-5-TR sa upuang katabi ko at umalpas ang maliit na ngiti sa labi ko nang makitang may dark chocolate bar na nakapatong doon.
"You still have a quiz bee to win. Don't lose your focus."