Mistakes We Can't Laugh About (Loser #2)

Prologue

Prologue

I used to think that fathers were superheroes.

It was all clear to me — how I was envious of people who shared memes on Facebook about their fathers carrying them to bed after they fell asleep on the couch or how they were our first line of defense when things went wrong.

They said it was nice. They said that a father is a benchmark by which we judge all men.

I grew up believing and dreaming of that.

But now, while looking at his deep-set brown eyes, which resembled mine, the reality had finally awakened me.

"Mari, you have to graduate with honors. You have to be at the top of your class," he said. "I saw your grades. Alam kong matalino ka. It's not a surprise. Your mother is a scientist . . ."

I breathed deeply, gulping the lump in my throat. A chemist and a scientist, that's quite a pair.

"Nasaan po siya?" mahinang tanong ko.

I want to meet her too. I want to see how similar our features are.

"Probably in Malta with her family. I don't know." He shrugged. "Anyway, as I was saying, my research firm needs fresh minds. But I'll only accept you if you perform well in college."

I didn't show him how I was taken aback. It was my first time meeting him . . . and these are the words he would tell me?

Walang 'kumusta, anak'? Walang 'proud ako sa 'yo'? Walang 'sorry, dahil inabandona ka namin'?

He texted me months ago, and today, I wore my loveliest emerald dress and straightened my long, wavy hair to have a nice dinner with him.

Hindi ko naman binanggit na gusto kong magtrabaho sa kanya. I just wanted to have a meal. Maybe a talk between a daughter and a father. Between a supposed family.

I have always looked forward to this day. Hindi ako nagtanim ng galit sa kanila kahit na alam ko ang rason kung bakit nila ako iniwan sa bahay-ampunan. I tried to understand them. It should be like that, right? Everything has a reason . . . and their best choice at that time was to abandon me.

"You can take any science program," marahang sabi niya, dahilan para maputol ang iniisip ko.

I smiled a little, suppressing what I really felt. "BS Psychology po ang kukunin ko."

"That's okay. May units naman ng natural science, so . . ." he said, chuckling, "and my firm lacks psychology graduates. That's quite a choice."

There was a long silence after that. Hindi ko alam kung anong dapat sabihin. Hindi naman kasi ito ang inaasahan ko.

He cleared his throat. "You need a place, right? Lalo at kalalabas n'yo lang ng shelter." Ngumiti siya. "I have an apartment near your university. I'll lend it to you and your three friends, but you have to always show me your grades and test results."

I didn't want to agree. I love studying, but I don't want any pressure. Competitive ako sa pag-aaral, pero hindi ibig sabihin noon ay grade-driven ako. Grades don't motivate me; learning does. Kung ako ang papipiliin ay mas gugustuhin kong matuto nang hindi iniisip ang markang makukuha ko.

But of course, not everything will go as we want it to. Especially for people like me. Wala naman akong ibang maasahan bukod sa mga kaibigan ko na hindi rin nabigyan ng pamilya. Ang mga ganitong oportunidad ay hindi dapat pinalalampas.

"I'll fund your place until you all finish college. Deal?"

I don't want Kat, one of my three friends who grew up with me in the orphanage, to get even more stressed out just to make ends meet. Isang taon lang ang tanda niya sa akin pero parang siya ang nagpalaki sa amin nina Mill at Karsen dahil sa mga pinapasok niyang trabaho. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano niya napagsasabay-sabay ang lahat.