~Never forget your past, it's what got you where you are. But also don't forget that the past is in the past and impossible to change. Don't be too hung up on things that have happened. Move on and make the best of the situation~
———
In a corner somewhere in Australia Felix was sitting, curled up against the wall with his arms around his knees. His breathing was unsteady and his eyes were red and wet.
He refused to look up to see what was happening, because he already knew what was going on. He heard himself from the past screaming hysterically and his father trying to calm him down despite being just as hurt.
Felix had forgotten all about the game. This felt too real, and if there was something he didn't want to relive, this was it.
***
"We need to help him" I said when Felix still hadn't come.
"I think it's better if you do it alone" Chan said and looked at me. I didn't understand what he was talking about, he was the one Felix had seen in the third level, shouldn't he be the one to go if anyone?
"Why should I go? He thinks I'm stupid" I said and looked at Chan.
He smiled at me. "He doesn't, trust me" he comforted me.
"But why don't you go? You know him the best, he trusts you" I said back, still wondering why there were making this my take.
He continued smiling. "Weren't you the one who got him to restart the game for a last time?" He asked me. "You don't know how hard I tried to convince him to follow us, he refused, then you came and he just followed you after saying that place is worse than death" he explained. "I told him the exact same thing but he told me he wasn't ready to die, he didn't come with you because of what you said, he came with you because of you" he finished it up, leaving me confused not knowing what to say.
"Maybe he was just ready for death by the time I came" I suggested, but I didn't even believe myself.
All sorts of thoughts filled my head. Does Felix perhaps like me? He can't, he's always making fun of me and reminding me of how stupid I am. Did he come because he felt like he needed to protect me as he'd said when I realized he was at the first level? But why would he want to protect me if he doesn't like me? Back to does he like me? Definitely not, he's way too handsome for me. Wait do I like him? I really don't because he's mean and annoying. He's only good looking, that's all there is to him. And he can be nice and caring sometimes. But only a few times. And what did Chan know that I didn't. I saw on his face he knew something, something he wasn't supposed to say. Why would he send me instead of going himself when it's his best friend we're talking about?
"We both know that's not the case" he answered me, making me snap out of my thought and back to reality.
"Why don't we go together?" I asked, feeling a bit uneasy for some reason. Not because I was scared of the game, more like I was scared of Felix. I wasn't scared of Felix literally, but I really had no idea what he was going through or if I would even be able to help and that frightened me.
"You try first, if you don't succeed I'll give it a try" he said which calmed me down a little but definitely not entirely.
"Okay, wish me good luck" I said and turned around to leave the boys.
As I was walking back I couldn't see any of those foggy clouds, they were all gone. I won't even be able to find Felix like this, how will I be able to find my way back?
I came to think of the rope in my backpack. That's smart. I picked it up and went back to Chan and the others. "Here, hold this so I can find my way back" I told him and gave him one end of the rope.
"Why do you need that?" Jeongin asked with a frown. "Just follow the fog like last time"
"The fog is gone now that I've cleared the whole thing, I don't have that to follow" I replied before leaving again with the other end of the rope in my hand. I hope it's long enough.
I walked around, encountered some dead ends and shit because I hadn't exactly memorized the whole thing after only one time in it.
This was taking time, but so far the rope was long enough.
Then I saw him curled up in a corner, sitting with his arms around his knees and face down to block out the view he had in front of him. He was sobbing lightly behind his knees and his breathing was unsteady.
"Felix" I said with a soft voice.
He didn't look up but I saw how he reacted slightly at my voice. My voice shouldn't be in his memory, of course it had him confused for a second.
"Felix" I said again, hoping to get more reaction.
This time he showed nothing. I went closer and squatted down in front of him.
"Felix" I said again with as soft voice as I could possibly get.
"Why is Nora here?" He asked out so I could hear him.
"Because I'm here, right in front of you" I talked to him again.
Slowly I saw how he looked up from his knees with red eyes, but it was like he was looking straight through me. What he saw instead seemed to frighten him by his weak "mom" he let out and quickly hid his face again in his knees.
I took one of his hands in mine and looked at him. "Calm down Felix, we need to get you out of this miserable memory" I tried talking to him.
"But my mom" he sobbed and refused to look up this time.
I realized the place we were at had suddenly gotten a lot brighter. The walls behind Felix were white and lights were actually shining down on us.
I had a look around and saw we were in a hospital. Behind me I saw the backs of two guys and two girls. One of the boys was only around maybe 5 years old while as the other one was an adult. So the small boy should be Felix, and the two girls his sisters. In front of them was a bed but the woman on the bed was sleeping.
The beeping sounds that echoed in the room was proof she was still alive, but I was guessing not for much longer. So this was the memory that was so hard leaving. Understandable.
I put my hand that wasn't already holding his, under his chin and tried lifting up his face. "Look at me Felix" I said and he now opened his eyes to see me.
He was shocked to see me there. "Nora" he said and the look on his face broke my heart. He looked so vulnerable.
I tried my best to give him a smile. "I'm here"
He tackled me with a hug and buried his face against my shoulder. "I can't watch it Nora" he then said, referring to the scene behind me.
"It's okay, you don't have to watch it right now" I said and patted his back.
"Are you really here or is it just my imagination wishing you were here?" He then asked.
I chuckled lightly. "I really am here, I'm here to help you" I said. Would a created version of me be this huggable?" I asked in an attempt to lighten the mood just a tiny bit.
He didn't say anything after that. He just kept hugging me to escape the reality behind me.
"Is there anything you wish to say to her?" I asked him after about a minute.
He stopped hugging me and looked up at me with big red eyes.
"There should be right, but I really don't know what I could say to her, it's not like she'll hear it anyway, since it's only a memory" he said with sadness.
"But it could feel better for you if there's something on your heart you'd wished you told her" I said looking at him with warmth.
He stood up and started walking towards the bed, grabbing my arm to pull me with him.
He stopped in front of the bed and looked right down at the sleeping woman. She should have been beautiful, if she hadn't looked so sick. I saw the resemblances to her son and I could imagine what she'd looked like before she ended up here.
When I saw Felix's state earlier I didn't think he would even be able to stand up, now he'd walked straight to his dying mom and looked at her, holding my hand softly in his.
It was like he'd found sudden strength and courage out of nowhere and I didn't understand how.
"Mom" he said looking at the woman before him. "You were a great mom, the best I could have ever asked for" he spoke to her. "Oh and this is Nora, I wanted you to meet her" he said and looked first at our intertwined hands, and then at me with a slight smile.
I felt my face heat up. It was like he was introducing his girlfriend or something.
For a moment we were just looking at each other. He was showing a tiny smile and I was all red and flustered.
Then the previously steady beeps started going faster and faster.
I saw Felix's face change as he dropped to the floor. I squatted down in front of him again but he was once again lost with his face hidden behind his knees. I wrapped my arms around him protectively hoping it would comfort him just the slightest as I heard how he was hyperventilating.
People rushed in and out of the room, doing all sorts of stuff trying to same the woman, but me and Felix stayed in our position.
The beeping continued until it was only a constant long note.
I felt how Felix's breathing calmed down. It was over now.
I hugged him tighter. "Just let it all out" I said to him and heard how he started crying again. "It's all in the past, there's nothing you can do about it" I spoke again.
"She's dead" he sobbed.
"I know, life is cruel sometimes, but life can also be beautiful and full of happiness. Your mother wouldn't want you to suffer because of her, she'll feel guilty for you not being able to find the beauty in life if you stay here because of her" I said, hoping I could be to any help. I didn't know what kind of comforting worked the best on Felix, but he seemed to calm down slightly from my words.
"Why are you even doing all this to me?" He suddenly asked me. "Don't you hate me?" He then added.
He seriously thought I hated him? That broke my heart. "Of course I don't hate you" I said. "I cherish you a lot and I'm really happy I got to meet you" I continued.
He stared at me with big eyes but didn't say anything.
"We need to leave now" I then said to him to take him back to reality.
He kept staring at me. "I don't think I can" he answered me with worry in his eyes.
"I believe in you, just keep your eyes at me and I'll lead you out" I said and grabbed his arms as we stood up. Since it was his memory I probably couldn't lead him out, but I made him believe I was the one leading him out when he was in fact himself walking forwards towards the door leading out of her room that was behind me.
He was slowly walking forward, keeping his eyes at me. "Don't look back, focus on me" I said again to keep his attention.
At last we made it out of the door and we found ourselves back in the dark maze.
Felix fell to the floor and sat down with a blank face.
I sat down next to him. "You made it trough it" I said and looked at him with a smile.
He looked back at me and I saw a small but weak smile on his face. "Thanks to you" he said.
"Now let's go trough the rest of your memories together" I said and stood up. I held out my hand in front of me for him to take.
He took it and stood up. I smiled at him again as I held onto his hand. "Let's go"
***
Following the rope we made it back to the others. It took some time because Felix didn't have the best past I'd come to realize after this, but once we reached the end I could see the gratitude in his eyes as he looked at me.
"Finally you're back" Chan said and looked at his friend.
"I couldn't have done it without Nora" he said as we stepped aboard the hellevator.
"Of course you could, I just helped you making it a little bit easier" I said, hoping Felix would realize he wasn't weak because he found this harder then the rest of us.
"Don't make me throw up here because of your sweet talk" Jeongin interrupted us.
Everyone looked at him but after that we stayed silent as the elevator begun it's journey towards the next level.
"Level seven, Side effects. The third level of your second chapter of your journey, clé 2 : Yellow Woods"