HOPE
He's giving me a phone...a phone! I've never had a phone. I've never needed it either since no one ever cared enough to call me. I didn't have anyone to call either. If I ever got myself in a tricky situation, which I hardly ever did since I kept away from everyone, no one would come to my aid anyway. I stand there with big eyes, and I know by now that Zeke isn't going to let me leave without it, so I take it.
"I'm giving it back as soon as we get home."
"Okay," he says, smiling, but I have a feeling that he's not going to let me give it back.
We walk back downstairs where the girls are waiting for me. I hide the phone in the front pocket of the hoodie along with my hands. I don't want to show it off, and I definitely don't want to lose it.
"Are you ready?" Kate asks me with a warm smile.
I nod and start walking outside with them, but Zeke grabs my upper arm and spins me around to face him. "I'll be right here when you get back, and remember that you can call me at any time," he says worriedly.
I nod and walk to the car where I sit in the backseat with Mira. It's such a strange feeling, being cared for. What will happen if they think that I can take care of myself in a few weeks? Are they going to make me leave and go back home? I don't want to get used to this and feel better just to be thrown right back where I started...because that will just make it worse. I won't be able to take it and I will end up at that cliff again.
I take a deep breath and look out of the window. Kate and Evelyn are talking about what they're going to buy, but Mira is sitting quiet beside me, and I appreciate that. I don't want to talk.
After 30 minutes, we arrive at the mall. It's Saturday, so there are a lot of people here. I'm the last one to step out of the car. I really don't want to, but this is better than going home to get my clothes.
Kate comes around to my side and hooks her arm in mine. "You're safe," she whispers, stroking my arm.
Evelyn walks on my other side and Mira walks behind us. I feel safer with them around me.
"Do you know what store you want to go to?" Evelyn asks me.
I shake my head.
"Have you been here before?"
"When I was little," I answer quietly.
"Where have you been buying your clothes, then?"
"Destiny's."
"Oh, that's the little shop on the other side of town, right?"
I nod and Evelyn and Kate give each other a look.
Kate stops. "Did your mother bring you here when you were little?"
I nod.
"But you haven't been here since then?"
I shake my head. "She stopped when I was about 10. She said that I could buy my own clothes after that."
Kate gives me a shocked look. "And did you?"
"Only when my clothes got too worn out."
She looks at me with sad eyes. "Well, we're going to bring you here anytime you want."
We walk into the first store where I find plain, black leggings. I've always had a hard time finding jeans that fit me since I'm short and skinny. Leggings always fit and are comfortable. I don't need to try them on either. I don't want to go into a fitting room and look at my body in those big mirrors. I know that I'm skinnier than I should be and I don't want to be reminded. It's the same with hoodies. They just fit and I always buy a bigger size so I can hide my body in them. That's why Zeke's shirts are perfect. They're big...and they smell really nice.
I grab the collar of the hoodie up a bit so I can smell it. I close my eyes. Mmm, calming. I could just stand here, preferably in a dark corner, and smell it all day.
"Hope," Mira says, making me snap out of my moment. She smiles at me. "Are you ready to go to the next store?"
I nod and we go to Kate and Evelyn that are waiting for us.
The next store is a lingerie store. I'm not really comfortable here and it feels like everyone is staring at me. I usually buy cheap, plain, white, cotton panties and socks. Bras is a new world to me. No one ever taught me about sizes and stuff, and I definitely didn't want help from the stranger working in the store. I always use sports bras. My breasts are average size, I guess. Not too small or huge either.
Kate sees my hesitation to go into the store and comes to me. "We're going to help you and I'm going to come with you into the fitting room. Is that okay?"
I nod. She has already seen me naked during my baths and I feel kind of comfortable around her.
"Do you know your bra size?" she asks me, and I shake my head. She gives Evelyn a look and she goes to find stuff for me. Nothing too revealing, I hope.
Kate leads me to the fitting room, Mira stands outside, and Evelyn soon comes back with a few bras in different colors for me to try on. There are two different sizes and one of them seems to fit. I've always thought that bras with those wires under would be uncomfortable, but they're quite comfortable. My boobs suddenly feel bigger. I look at the price tag and get shocked by the prize.
"Don't worry, I'm paying for these," Kate says comforting.
"No, you can't," I say, shaking my head. "I can't pay you back right now."
Kate holds her hands on my shoulders and looks into my eyes. "Hope, we're going to take care of you in any way we can. We have more than enough money, so it's not an issue for us."
How can they be so nice to me? They just met me two days ago.
The tears start to burn my eyes and I look down, sniffling.
"Oh, sweetie," Kate says, hugging me. "Please let us take care of you. I know that it's overwhelming for you, but please believe us when we say that we care about you, because we really do."
I nod while I lean my head on her chest. She stands there stroking my back until I calm down.
She lets go of me and wipes away my tears. "There, as good as new," she says, smiling.
We walk out of the fitting room and Kate gives Mira a stare. They do that a lot, like they read each other's minds or something.
"Come with me while Kate pays," Mira says, smiling at me and wraping her arm around my shoulder. She's tall like the rest of them, and you can tell that she's fit and works out.
She leads me to a small, darker corridor with a small bench and a door that says 'staff' on it. "We can stay here for a moment and take a break. I will stay right here and you can just close your eyes and rest for as long as you like. Kate and Evelyn will continue shopping while we stay here, so don't worry about them. Let me know when you're ready to go." She turns her back against me and stands in the opening with her legs partially spread and her arms crossed over her chest, like a guard of some sort.
I'm a little shocked, but also very grateful that they know that I need a break and some alone time. I'm already getting tired, both emotionally and physically.
I walk over to the bench and sit down. I put my feet up and tuck my legs under the hoodie. I grab the collar, smell it again and close my eyes. I feel like I'm drifting on a cloud, all alone and feeling calm. I don't know how long I sit there, but I feel like I'm falling asleep.
After I don't know how long, Mira touches my shoulder lightly, not to startle me. "Hope, are you ready to go home?"
I open my eyes and she looks at me with a compassionate smile. I nod and she grabs my hand and walks over to where Kate and Evelyn are waiting for us.
"It's time to go home," Kate says. "I've bought you some hoodies and socks. I hope you like them or I'll go back tomorrow and change them."
I nod and we walk to the car. I fall asleep almost instantly