Right after I put on a tight, black spaghetti strap dress that ends above my knees and a long, red leather trenchcoat, someone knocks on my door.
Valentin wouldn't knock at all. He would just throw the door open and walk in so it must be one of the maids or June.
"Come in." I say and don't take my eyes off the shoes that I'm looking at. I can't decide which one to wear. High heels or sneakers. I'll probably go with sneakers because I want this outfit to look a little bit more mature and nice instead of casual and sporty. I must admit that I fell in love with these clothes and the fact that I have such a big choice.
The door opens. "Anastasia?" I look up when I hear the voice of a grown woman. She's walking towards me in her white kitten heels, her beige, pegged pants and white blouse. I can't judge her age by her appearance because she looks young but her stance tells me that she is thirty or even forty. Probably forty. The lines in her face that I notice when she gets closer give it away but there's something noble about her.
She has two bags without labels in each hand. "I'm June. Valentin must've told you about me." she also has an Italian accent and sounds like a joyful person but what's more important is that she calls him by his first name and not his last name.
Are they close? She could be his mother or his older sister. Maybe he likes older women. Does she live here too? Why am I even asking myself these things? I shouldn't be caring about that. It's literally none of my business and I shouldn't waste any thoughts on things like these. I should concentrate on me since she is here for me.
She puts the bags on the bed and reaches me her hand. I smile at her. "Yes, he did. Nice to meet you." I shake her hand, still asking myself how close she is to Valentin. Her smile is warm and comforting. It fits perfectly to her tanned skin. Valentin already told me that she would be there for me and help me with my needs. It's good to have a woman by my side and I believe that we will get along well. There's no one I can't get along well with, except for Valentin. Until now at least.
"He also told me about you and that you need a few things." she says. "Oh yeah, just some feminine hygiene products that I didn't want to get with him." I explain a little bit shyly. Somehow she's kind of intimidating. Her confidence and her femininity are mesmerizing. She's the type of woman I would've wished to be when I grow up, if she would've been around when I was younger.
But I'm nothing like that. I am hyperfeminine but I'm not as confident as I should be. I'm also not a shy pick me girl that. I'm just silent sometimes and holding back way too much. That keeps me from living out what I have inside me.
"I understand. Valentin is a little complicated sometimes but don't worry, that's why I am here and I got you some things." she explains. It's a bit embarrassing that someone else has to handle these things for me but he doesn't leave me another choice. The topic itself isn't embarrassing but the fact that I have to ask other people for it is. Just because a crazy man has problems with another man that happens to be my father.
"I also got you all the skincare products that you mentioned to him. The brands might not be correct but if you tell me what exactly you need, I can get it for you." she starts emptying the bags and I help her. Most of the products and the same as the ones that I have at home. I love how kind and willing she is to get me everything I need and even the fact that she mostly got the right products makes her sympathetic enough but that seems to be her job. I'm so glad that she also got me enough tampons and pads.
"Thank you so much. I wouldn't have wanted to ask him." I say, totally happy and she looks at me like she understands what I mean. I'm sure she does. Everybody here must be aware of what's going on. That I'm not just a guest, that I just tried to run away yesterday and that he spent the night here.
"He isn't as bad as he seems. Be patient with him." she puts a hand on my upper arm and gently strokes it. Her touch is soft. It feels like the touch of a mom and that's why I let it happen but her words don't seem honest to me. Maybe that's how she thinks it is but I doubt it. I saw his real face. He showed it to me by himself.
"Do you know why I'm here?" I ask her because I want to know if she's trying to brainwash me because Valentin told her to gain my trust or if she's honest. Of course she could still lie to me, tell me that she has no idea. There's no way for me to find out the truth because I doubt that Valentin works with people he can't trust.
"I don't. His business is none of my business. I just do things for him." her answer is kind of suspicious to me. I slightly frown. "You said he told you about me." I remember. That would mean that she knows about the situation, right? "He told me about your needs and your name and that I have to be there for you. Nothing more." she answers and this time I believe her. For some reason believing her is easier than believing Valentin or questioning everything.. She has something natural about her, as if she doesn't even feel the need to lie.
"Have you known him for a long time?"
I don't even know why I'm changing the subject to this and why I'm asking her this or why it's important enough for me to mention it but I'm dying to find the answer to it.
"For a few years, yes. We got very close in these few years. He's like a son or a nephew to me." she laughs and I hate the fact that it feels like some weight fell off my shoulders. I feel so relieved that I laugh with her and I should slap myself for that because it's literally none of my business.
"That sounds nice." I add and she nods. "That's why I know that he is a good man. Don't worry about him or anything else and please let me know, if you need more. We'll spend a lot of time together in the following time anyway so don't let the boss wait now." I'm glad she changes the subject and that I have to leave now so I don't have to continue with this awkward laugh or this situation. She is right, he told me to not let him wait for too long.
I grab the red, leather stilettos and leave the room with her after I put them on. The sneakers seem way too casual for me now. They would ruin my whole outfit and I would feel like a child next to these people.
"Thanks again." I smile before she leaves and Clara catches up with me. It seems like she was waiting for me in front of the door. She's the one I saw enter the living room on my first morning here.
"Ms. Quinn, this way please." she walks me to the entrance and we walk along the enorm building until we end up behind it. I didn't know that he has a backyard that ends on the edge of the cliff. The table he's sitting around is on that edge. It's similar to the one in the dining room. He has a pool here, a fireplace, huge, white hydrangea bushes and so many more flowers and plants. It's beautiful here. Almost like heaven. I look around, totally mesmerized by this beautiful place.
"Thank you, Clara." I say and hear how she walks off because I can't take my eyes off the ocean that I can see from here. The waves are louder now and I feel like I found the most beautiful place on this planet. I've always loved the ocean. The color, the foam, the salty taste and smell, the animals, the humidity it brings into the air, the sunset and moonlight that it reflects, the beach waves after swimming in it. I have to smile. A great feeling creeps up my body. A beautiful, warm feeling that makes me so happy that I'm about to jump and run around like a child. Instead of doing that because I'm scared the wind up here could carry me off the cliff, I use the stoned path the approach Valentin and the perfectly set table.
This place gets me excited. It makes me happy and smile like a fool. The sound of the waves is fighting against the loud sound of my heartbeat. I take a seat across from him again and look down. It's so high up here that I get goosebumps. I'm glad he has a railing made out of glass and steel on the edge because otherwise I'd probably get dizzy and fall off or have an heart attack. The only reason why I'm not already having that is because there's no plain ground beneath.
"I like your smile." I take my eyes off the ocean and turn to him. His words catch me so off guard that my smile fades immediately. Not because I don't like this complement. Because I like it so much that I don't know how to react.
"And your fashion sense." he adds and I have to smile. My outfit always has to stand out and I may be overdressed at most occasions but I feel good in nice clothes. Especially when they're expensive and have good quality. That's why I'm glad that he got me these pieces and that he actually likes what I made out of them.
"Thank you." I say and pour some orange juice in my glass. He watches me while I put a pancake on my plate. "What?" I ask because I feel watched and I don't understand how he can stare at me when he has this view. He looks at me instead of eating. "Did you dream anything?" he asks. I pour some syrup on my pancake and lick some off my finger before I look into his eyes. That seems to get his attention. His grip around the cup he's holding gets tighter.
"I didn't, thanks to you. My nightmare was right next to me, how was it supposed to get into my head?" he laughs when I say that and I have to join him because that laugh came from the inside. I enjoy seeing him like that and I also enjoy every second that he is like that. In these moments I forget that he is who he is and that makes everything easier.
"Good." he says and sips on his cup. I can't see what he's drinking from here.
I look down again and my whole body tingles. "Valentin, is there a beach here or a way to get down there?" I would love to get closer and take a walk along the waves. "Yes, Anastasia. There is a small beach that nobody visits because nobody knows it exists."
I can imagine that people don't come here because if they would, they would see his garrison and he'd probably blow their heads off. I doubt that anybody would ever come to this side of whatever place we're at. He must've made sure that it's very private over here.
"I will take you there one day."
I get even more excited when he says that and I can't even hide it. That's when I realize something.
"You're taking me with you." I say. He nods shortly and starts putting some toasts on his plate. I like watching him as much as he likes watching me. The way he salts his avocado, egg toast has something aesthetically pleasing.
I take a bite and swallow before I start speaking.
"Aren't you scared that I could run away or scream for help?" I ask with a little smirk on my lips because teasing him like this excites me.
"Aren't you scared to feel my gun in your back?" he smirks back and my smirk disappears immediately. I swallow and take a deep breath.
"You won't have a chance to run away. You'll get in my car and get off in the underground car park of my office. No one in that building will help you, as long as I don't want it. In case you try it..." while he's thinking about how to threaten me, I try to swallow his words and the piece of pancake that's turning into sand in my mouth. He looks serious. My appetite just jumped off this cliff. "I'll fill your mouth with something else than pancakes."
I swallow again and this time I choke. I choke on my food and his words. While coughing a few times, I grab my glass and try to wash it all away with my orange juice. It works and I get myself back together after almost dying right here.
"You're blushing." he notices. I look away but I can still see his self-confident smirk. "Happens when you say inappropriate things at the breakfast table at eight in the morning." I decide to look at him and frown slightly. He leans in a little bit. His blue eyes are traveling all over my body and I feel naked. "I can repeat it in the bed tonight." his voice has something seductive that I hate because I can't escape the shiver it makes run down my spine. I hate what it does to my body. That it gives me butteries in areas that butterflies shouldn't be.
My dropped jaw gives away how his words affect me and that my knees are getting weak. From the outside it probably looks like I'm already drooling and looking at him with heart eyes but the truth is that I'm shocked about the fact that I have to change my slip as soon as possible. That reminds me of something.
"I need underwear." I change the subject and fill my mouth with a grape so I don't have to say more for now. He looks totally interested and that tells me that I failed in changing the subject and his mood. The way he looks at me forces me to press my thighs together. What is this man doing to me? There shouldn't be such dialogues between us. He shouldn't be flirting, saying nasty things or making jokes about things like these. He shouldn't look at me like he wants to devour me and I shouldn't look at him like I'm begging him to.
"Right after I'm done in the office, we will get you some lingerie." he states and I just nod because I don't think I can survive it, if this conversation keeps going like this. He's making me nervous. Whenever he looks at me like that, I feel this type of way and I know exactly what it means. I hate it. I shouldn't be feeling this way.
"I need to go change before we leave..." I mumble and get up but be stops me. "You don't. You look beautiful." he makes it worse with his words. He doesn't know what calling me beautiful does to me in this moment. He doesn't know that I get goosebumps and that I'm melting in this chair. That his words and the way he looks at me make me wet. My knees are already almost too weak to keep me up. I'm embarrassed for being this affected by his words. Simple words of a man who's holding me captive in his mansion. A man that's older than me, scary, with serious issues and my dad as his enemy.
"I do." I don't even look into his eyes when I take a step because I know he will make it hard for me. He goes silent for a moment and looks into my eyes, as if he's trying to find out what I'm hiding and I'm scared that he will.
"Come here." he says out of nowhere and I freeze for a second. I look at him, asking if he's serious and what he wants from me. He nods and backs off with the chair from the table to make space for me. I swallow, not knowing where this is going but knowing that it isn't taking good turns. I obey him by approaching him and stop between his legs while he's manspreading. Asking myself what will happen now, almost having an heart attack, I watch him.
He looks down at me and slowly raises his hand to my bare thigh. I inhale when his fingers touch my skin, so gently and softly that I wouldn't notice he's touching me, if I wouldn't see it with my own eyes but what it does to me is harder than the big waves crashing against the cliff on a windy day like this one.
When he slides his fingers up my inner thigh I put my hands on his shoulders because if I don't hold onto something, I will collapse, faint, explode, cry, die. All of it. As he looks up at me I know that there is no way back now. A tidal wave starts in my head and reaches my toes before my body stands in flames.
My vocal cords fail when he slides his finger over my wet slip, right on my sensitive spot but my muscles still work. My grip on his shoulders tighten. The effect this touch has on me should be illegal. It was just a simple touch, yet it made my back arch and caused a tornado inside my head. I get dizzy and suddenly feel everything. I feel the salty water, the Sky, the tension between us, the universe. I feel everything and I have never felt like this before. I once had a boyfriend before but calling that a real relationship would be a mistake. It was more like a good friendship without a future but this...
This is real. Whatever this is, it is so real that I can feel it in every inch of my body. His slight touch is real enough to let me question this all. Looking at him nearly gives me an anxiety attack because it makes me question what I'm feeling for him. I'm not sure anymore if it is hatred and disgust that I'm feeling for him and that's what's scaring me. My lust and attraction to him shouldn't come before my loyalty and love for my family. I already feel like I'm betraying them by letting him speak to me and I will not let him get into my head like this. I will not be okay with this, fall for this or for him. He will not win against me or my father.
He slowly pulls away and looks at his wet middle finger. My heart drops when he smirks and I blush again, unbelievably embarrassed because he has proof now. Now he knows that I'm getting excited when he threatens me, says naughty things or looks at me in that certain way. I'm drowning in embarrassment, thinking of what he could be thinking or might say now. I don't want him to make any jokes about it or embarrass me even more. I can't even look at him but I also can't loosen my grip on his shoulders. He seems to enjoy that too. Just the way I enjoyed it when he touched me.
"Look at me." he says with his rough voice and I look at him, without hesitation because I know that this will get worse when I drag it out. Whatever is going to happen, it should happen quickly and painless.
His eyes are holding the ocean captive.
His eyes are holding me captive.
He sees how nervous I am and I could swear that he can feel my heartbeat through my fingertips wich are resting on his shoulders. I can't back off. It feels like they got glued on the fabric of his suit and are one with it now.
"Go change. I'll be waiting in the car for you." he says and I'm so relieved that he didn't comment it, that I finally move my hands away and start running back inside quickly because I don't want to give him room or time to change his mind about it. I'm just thankful that he didn't make this hard for me.
I fresh up as quickly as I can and change my slip before I run back to him because I don't like to let him wait. He should be okay with waiting for me as long as I like to make him wait because he is the one who got me here and I'm not working for him but I don't want to make him impatient. That's why I throw myself in the passenger seat of the running car and break the silence immediately before he picks up the subject from earlier and I will have to carry several slips with me whenever I'm with him.
"You don't have a chauffeur?"
The car starts rolling and I put my seatbelt on.
"I do but I like to drive my cars by my own." he answers. I turn to him. "It's the opposite with me. I have my license but I never drive by my own." he didn't even ask and I don't even know why I feel the urge to tell him this but I just feel like talking to him. Maybe because he is the only person I have here and it's totally natural to want to speak to somebody.
"Don't worry, you will have a chauffeur here too when it's necessary." he says with a soft smile on his lips. I don't question it because I don't even feel the need to understand it.
We stay quiet during the rest of the ride. I watch the city pass. It's not the city I was born or grew up in. It's completely different than the place I'm used to. I remember that the car ride from my home to his mansion took half an hour. We're not too far away from home, yet it feels like I'll have to travel the world to get back.
I sigh and watch how we enter the underground car park that he talked about. It's in a quarter of the city which seems to be only visited by business people. He parks the car while I look around. Everything is black with purple lights. This is so typical. Such a big cliche. He must feel like Batman every time he arrives here.
I get off the car and look around, waiting for him to guide me and he does. He comes towards me and puts his hand on my lower back to guide me towards the elevators. Even when we get in the elevators and make our way up, he doesn't take his hand off my back. That's when I have to fight myself to not hyperventilate because I don't want him to have to touch my slip again but I think we both already know what his touches do to me.
I decide to watch the display above the doors to distract myself.
7
8
When did we get this far?
11
12
13
I frown. This can't be happening. It shouldn't be happening.
16
17
I slowly turn to him and he turns to me. He must've noticed that I'm about to hyperventilate but not because of his touch.
"W-where... What floor?" I ask with a husky voice that's about to disappear. I'm scared of heights. Insanely scared. There's no specific reason, nothing bad related to heights that has ever happened to me. I'm just not used to high places and I don't like them. They make me sick to my stomach and I panic so hard that I even pass out sometimes or just start crying hysterically. Breakfast on the cliff was the limit for me. The limit I can stand.
Apparently he doesn't know that. He doesn't know that I can't breathe because the number on the display keeps changing into a bigger one and that I'm about to chain myself in this elevator so I don't have to leave it and see the view.
"My office and meeting rooms are in the thirty-sixth floor."
As soon as the words leave his mouth, I grab his arm and look at him. He looks concerned when he realizes that I'm breathing way too fast. The walls of the elevator come closer and I feel like I'm getting smaller. This tiny box is suddenly moving too fast.
"Valentin, I can't do this. We need to get back down!" my mouth goes dry. It feels like the floor is made out of pudding. He grabs my arms before my weak knees win and force me to the ground. "Anastasia, calm down." he tries to sound calm but I can see that he is genuinely worried. "I can't, I can't! Please take me back! Please, I'm begging you." salty tears are about to wet my face while I'm bouncing on my spot, full of panic like a child that's about to throw a tantrum. It's ridiculous that I have to beg him like this but in this situation I don't care. It's nothing I can control and he needs to know that. My tongue is way too dry right now to tell him that my blood pressure already hit the roof and that there is this pain in my chest.
"I feel like I'm dying!" I can barely breathe while I say that. That's when he realizes that I'm serious and that I can't control it in any way. His facial expression shows me that he's panicking a little too now.
He reacts fast and lets one of my arms go to hold the back of my neck with that hand because my head already starts falling back.
"Look at me and breathe." he steps closer to me. My body starts burning. Usually his nearness would make me feel this way but right now it's the only thing comforting me. Yet it's not calming enough to make my heartbeat and breath turn back to normal.
I try to look at him but my eyes keep rolling back.
"Anastasia!" he uses his other hand to gently slap me and keep me awake but I can already feel my blood drop to my feet. This pressure is too much for me. The change of the air in this elevator and the number that keeps changing make me want to crawl on the floor. I hold onto his wrists with the last energy that I have. "It's okay. I'll keep you safe, I promise you." he's talking to me to make it better but nothing could help right now, except for going back to the car. I want to quickly shake my head but I can only do it in slow motion since my head feels heavy.
Suddenly the doors open and I have a little bit hope of feeling better when I step to a ground that's not moving but as soon as I see the whole city through the floor length windows behind the reception desk, I pass out.