Jaemin woke up late.
He walked downstairs with a hand on his belly and a hand covering his yawn. He was still in his pajamas, barely awake. Suddenly, a sweet smell rushed into his nose. Once he was downstairs and in the kitchen, he saw Jeno there. Jaemin had only peeked his head over the side of the wall to observe, so Jeno hadn't noticed him.
Jeno was a little sweaty, still wearing the clothes from last night. His hair had a few strands standing. There was music playing from his phone that he was singing to, as he stood next to the stove. Jaemin couldn't see what he was doing, but he could smell the scent of eggs, bacon, and...was that French toast? Wow. American Style. Jeno did a little dance to his music, making Jaemin laugh. Jeno turned his head quickly to him.
"Oh, you scared me."
Jaemin smiled, walking over to him.
"You could've asked me for pajamas." Jaemin said, pointing at the jeans Jeno must've worn to sleep. Jaemin grabbed a cup to fill with water and a mint. He was feeling a little sick this morning.
"It's fine. I just took my jeans off to sleep." Jaemin imagined it, and he hated that he did. He raised a brow towards Jeno.
"You mean to tell me you were just naked on my couch?"
Jeno smiled awkwardly and dusted pink. Jaemin laughed, then groaned a little when he felt nauseous.
"What's wrong?" Jeno frowned.
"Nothing, just feeling kind of sick."
"Oh, then sit down. I made breakfast." Jeno reached over and was about to grab Jaemin's shoulders, but Jaemin could tell he felt weird doing so, since he stopped midway.
"What did I tell you yesterday?" Jaemin sighed, grabbing one of Jeno's hands and squeezing it, then letting go to move himself over to the dinning table.
"So I didn't dream that?" Jeno mumbled.
"How do you not have a hangover or something? I should be making you soup." Jaemin groaned, closing his eyes and leaning his head back, "Why am I the one feeling hung over when I didn't drink?"
"I'm a little hung over, but not too bad that I should complain and lay down all day."
"Good for you, then, babe."
"This might help. I've heard it helps, but not sure." Jaemin opened his eyes to see Jeno handing him his jacket. He grabbed it and stared at it, gulping at realizing Jeno had scented this for him. Jaemin sniffed it and felt himself immediately begin to relax, and the nausea began to dissipate.
"I know we're not mates or anything like that, but I know our bodies are kind of tricking us we are," Jeno said, scratching the back of his neck, "or at least mine is."
Jeno wearily reached to grab his jacket from Jaemin and placed it around the omega's shoulders, reaching behind him for something, then placing a plate in front of Jaemin.
"I hope it's good. I had to look up YouTube videos to make it. American style food seemed easier than the Korean breakfast videos." Jeno tinted pink in embarrassment.
Jaemin laughed and took a bite of the French toast with his fork.
"Wow, it's actually pretty good. Good job, Jeno." Jaemin smiled as Jeno's cheeks became closer to red.
"Can you bring me some syrup, please?" Jaemin asked and Jeno nodded walking back to get it. Jaemin felt a sudden wash of emotions. He hadn't been treated like this in a while by someone: making him food with all of that effort, doing basically anything he asked, not that he wanted to take advantage of Jeno, but it was such a big change. Jaemin was suddenly reminded of Donghae who had been something like this too at first, but not to this extent. The reminder of that made Jaemin remind himself to be more cautious, but it was hard to he when you were getting treated so well.
Jeno sat beside him on the table to eat.
I guess I could start to consider him my friend, but I shouldn't get too close. Jaemin thought to himself.
They finished up lunch and got up to clean together. It was too domestic for its own good. Jaemin glanced at Jeno taking out the trash. Now that was too much, but when he tried to protest, Jeno laughed just continuing.
"You know, you have a pretty nice scent too." Jaemin said, when they finished cleaning and were just sitting at his dinning table.
"Really?"
"Yeah, it kind of reminds me of someone." Jaemin sighed.
"It does? Who?"
"My mom." Jaemin smiled, reminiscing his omega mother. He didn't know how he even got to this. It was always so easy to randomly open up to Jeno. Jaemin guesses it's the whole therapist-psychiatrist thing. Jeno must be doing his little magic to get him to open up. Jaemin did hear that if you stayed quiet long enough, people are more likely to open up.
"She didn't smell like that though." Jeno frowned, as if he was remembering something that grossed him out, "She smelled like rusty metal."
Jaemin laughed and shook his head. "Not A-yeong, that lady isn't my mother. I mean my omega mother."
"No wonder you look prettier than her." Jaemin's eyes widened at that and Jeno's mouth parted in surprise at his own words.
"I mean...you do." Jeno smiled confidently, though it was fake confidence because Jaemin could see his ears were tinting scarlet.
"Well, thanks." Jaemin laughed shyly, "I do look like my dad though."
"I can see that one." Jeno smiled, "But, what's your real mom like?"
"Really pretty. She smells like sweet blueberries." Jaemin smiled, remembering when his mother was younger and not off her rocker. She wasn't a psychopath, but she was lacking in emotions and was a dry shell of a person now.
"I guess the berries run in the family." Jeno smiled. Maybe Jeno was trying to hide it, but Jaemin swears the alpha got a twinge closer and took a breath of his scent.
"Yeah, but blueberries are delicious. Strawberries are always sour. Maybe, that's why I'm like this." Jaemin sighed.
"How?"
"Sour." Jaemin laughed.
"You're not. " Jeno said.
"Oh, and you know me so well?" Jaemin asked sarcastically.
"Well, you're not too difficult to read." Jeno laughed, "You act all tough, but it's because you've been through things."
And now it's time to change topics. Jaemin thought to himself.
"How about I bake something?" Jaemin offered, "My mom used to make some really good cookies. You should try some."
"Sure," Jeno smiled, though something about it was sad. Jaemin got up and walked to his kitchen, beginning his baking.
"Why does my scent remind you of her?" Jeno asked. Jaemin flinched, realizing Jeno was now standing by the kitchen island.
"Um...well, when I was younger, we lived in a house my dad bought. He had designed it and everything. It smelled like Cedar wood. Especially since it was new, you know." Jaemin paused to look up at Jeno. He immediately felt overwhelmed, seeing that Jeno locked eyes with him.
He was listening, really listening.
It was so intently too. His eyebrows slightly furrowed, as if truly processing everything. Jaemin guesses he was good at this, at listening. It was his job, after all. Jeno was just treating him like one of his patients. Perhaps, he was diagnosing him too. Who knows, maybe Jaemin was actually bipolar, or just severely depressed. He wouldn't be too surprised. Jaemin continued to take out his materials as he continued speaking,
"My mom, she had these funny beliefs. Even though the house smelled like cedar wood, she would light up incense smelling exactly like it. 'Cedar wood is the sleepy oil', she would say. She would also light up spearmint every once in a while. She once said, 'It purifies your soul, and plus, it relieves stress, and I have a lot of stress.' Those were the more common ones she'd light up honestly." Jaemin laughed at his imitation of his mother and the weird coincidence.
"Did she? Have stress, I mean?" Jeno asked.
"I guess so." Jaemin smiled, but truly he knew the answer. She wasn't happy. She never had been. He tried to do what he could to make her proud, but she still was never happy. No matter how much she smiled, Jaemin could tell. Junghwa had been a monster in disguise. He allowed them to live at his house, but still treated them like they were garbage.
His mother had been severely abused and Jaemin had witnessed it. No matter how much his mother tried to hide it, he knew. Especially when she started acting strange. It all started when Junghwa caught her putting poison in his soup. That was the last straw for him. He labeled her insane and had her taken away.
His mother had seemed to resign, as she didn't fight back. She seemed to want to go to away, as if it was her plan all along. She was calm, too calm, as if she hadn't just tried to kill someone. It was as if it was a relief to be gone. Before she left, she kissed Jaemin's face all over and told him to take care of himself.
"Never trust an alpha, my love. They're all rotten. Better yet, don't trust anyone."
That was so confusing to hear at a ripe age of twelve. All of the abuse she had faced was then passed down to him. He didn't like that he also kind of blamed her for leaving him. She shouldn't be at fault, should she?
Jaemin closed his eyes and took a death breath when he was facing away from Jeno. He suddenly felt his lungs constricting, making it hard to breath. Maybe, he had anxiety instead. This felt like a panic attack. He took the mixer and watched as his hand was shaking. He felt his palm sliding on the machine because of how sweaty it suddenly was. He turned back to the island to see Jeno watching him intently. He had moved closer and Jaemin wanted to immediately kick him out of the house, but he took in a shaky breath in an attempt to calm down.
Is it obvious that I'm freaking out?
It probably is.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
What if he gets mad? He probably thinks I'm so annoying. I'm such a fucking burden. I need to calm down; nothing is happening.
This is why Jaemin hated thinking about his past. He hoped the sound of the machine would drown out his quick breaths. He jumped after feeling a hand at his elbow. He immediately pulled away and looked up in fear.
"It's okay, Jaemin." Jeno said, then showed him his palm.
"What are you doing?" Jaemin shot back angrily, but it sounded weak.
"You're having a panic attack." Jeno looked at him sternly, then reached to take the mixer from Jaemin's hand. Jaemin backed away. Seeing Jeno so serious didn't help the situation.
"Why don't you sit down, okay? It'll pass on its own." Jeno said.
"This is so ridiculous. I'm freaking out over...over nothing! I'm just being stupid. Leave me alone."
"No, you're not being stupid. This is a real thing. I should know; I've studied this kind of stuff for years." Jeno reached out a hand again. Jaemin stared at it for a moment. His chest was beginning to ache. He took Jeno's hand and let him lead him over to the table to sit down. It was an immense relief to sit down. His knees had almost given out seconds before the chair.
"You're okay, see?"
Jaemin breathed harshly, trying to calm down on his own, but he was breathing in gasps. His heart was going a mile a minute. He could only look down at his stomach and that added more to his list of worries. He didn't want to move though.
"It's okay. Come on, Jaemin, just take slow breaths."
Jaemin took a big breath with Jeno. He couldn't look at Jeno, but he heard him.
"Whatever made you freak out can't get you. I won't let it get you, okay?"
Jaemin started crying, but he could breath better.
"How? You can't erase all that shit." Jaemin sobbed.
"No, nobody can, but it's a part of who you are. It's gotten you this far and that's a worthy accomplishment."
Jaemin shook his head. He could hardly even think of what to say. He struggled to take the deep breaths.
Then, Jaemin felt it.
Jeno was still holding his hand.
He squeezed his hand in pulses like a heartbeat.
Jeno kept up a rhythm of squeezing his hand, and it distracted Jaemin from his crisis a little.
"Look, I'm here, baby." Jeno gently placed a hand under Jaemin's chin and raised it up to look at him, gently stroking his cheek with his thumb. Jeno smiled down at him.
Baby?
Was that what he said to everyone?
Cheesy asshole.
However, it had worked in distracting Jaemin enough. Jeno wiped his tears with his thumb, and Jaemin felt his stomach go insane. Jaemin took Jeno's hands and pulled him closer, burying his face in his stomach as he continued to cry. He could breath better now, inhaling Jeno's calming scent, the sleepy oil and the de stressor. He gripped onto Jeno's shirt, when he felt him rubbing circles onto his back and lightly playing with his hair.
Jaemin felt immense comfort, something that was hard to find. He felt safe.
They stayed like that for a while, that Jaemin wondered if Jeno was tired of standing and rubbing his back. The younger backed away and took a deep breath, standing up.
"I'm fine now." He said. He walked over to the other side of the table, picking up an envelope and handing it to Jeno.
"I know you're going to ask, so this is part of everything." Jaemin smiled awkwardly, then walked to his bathroom to wash his face.
When he came back Jeno smiled at him.
"I'll pay for it." He said, "Don't worry about it."
Jaemin shook his head.
"You really don't have to do these things. We're hardly friends."
"We could be." Jeno raised a brow, "I think we know each other enough to at least be considered friends. I'm just helping a friend out at this point."
"I must be a bad friend, leeching off you like this. I'll try to find a little job somewhere. I'll go work at a bakery. I have experience in that."
"Do you want to be friends?" Jeno said, not even acknowledging all that Jaemin had said.
"I don't think you're supposed to ask." Jaemin laughed.
"Why not? It's nice to know. People should ask more often." He grinned.
"Are you sure you want to be friends with me?" Jaemin walked up to Jeno and leaned close to him, batting his eyelashes.
"You're impossible." Jeno laughed and shook his head.
"I'm sexy." Jaemin said, wiggling his eyebrows. Jeno huffed a laugh, then shook his head.
"You can't keep doing this forever, you know." Jeno smiled sadly.
Jaemin frowned. It took a second, but he thinks he understood.
"I'm here, you know. I've always been the therapist friend, after all." Jeno huffed a laugh, reaching to brush a hair off Jaemin's forehead.
Jeno could tell Jaemin was running away from everything. He saw through his attempts at pretending he was okay. Maybe it was just completely obvious after he just had a panic attack in front of him, but Jaemin being Jaemin...
"Thanks, well, let me just finish these cookies. I promise you that they're really good!"