Chapter 47: Mate
My fingers moved as I slowly wake up. The sound of beeping filled my ears coming from a machine. I opened my eyes to the white ceiling above me. Blinking slowly, I tried to focus my gaze.
"She's awake."
"Call the doctor."
Noises. The unfamiliar voices seemed surrounding me. A stranger's face showed up in my reverie, asking questions. But I couldn't say anything or hear him properly. My mouth was dry and my eyelids were becoming heavy again.
They were talking in soft yet rushed voices. I couldn't understand anything. My eyelids were dropping close again and the beeping grew louder in my ears.
"We're losing her again."
It was like night time. I couldn't see anything except for the darkness surrounding me. I knew I was awake but my body couldn't seem to follow. I had a hard time keeping awake for too long.
I heard voices again. This time, a voice that's achingly familiar. A low, deep voice saying my name. "Eleanor..." He held my hand tight in his callous palm and the boulder crushing my chest was lifted. I could breathe again.
I didn't know how long I've been surrounded by darkness. Nang muli akong maalimpungatan, patuloy ang pagtunog ng aparato malapit sa kinaroroonan ko. But it wasn't aggressive as before... it was more mild, like a hum.
Unti-unti kong binuksan muli ang aking mga mata. There were no voices... the room was empty. I lifted my hand at stared at the thin tubes connected to my palm and wrist. Clear liquid and blood seemed to flow in and out of my body.
Narinig ko ang ingay mula sa labas ng pintuan, ang mga boses na naguusap.
"I hope there's improvement this time."
Bumukas ang pinto ng kwarto at pumasok si Anabeth. Nanlaki ang kanyang mga mata at halos sumigaw nang makita akong gising at nakaupo sa kama.
"You're awake!" she exclaimed.
Kasama niya si Senior Violeta who admonished her to keep her voice low.
"Gising na siya... gising na siya sa wakas..."
"I know." Senior Violeta turned to me with relief on her face. "I'll call the staff."
She left the room. Lumapit sa'kin si Anabeth na tila hindi parin makapaniwala. Even her eyes were teary. With weak voice, I asked. "Why are you crying?"
"I'm just... happy. I'm happy you came back to us."
The doctors arrived along with several staff from the hospital. I didn't like hospitals... I preferred the apothecary. Anabeth had to step out of the room leaving Senior Violeta with the white coat people.
They lingered around the bed, examining me and asking various questions, testing my vision and reflexes. I glanced at Senior Violeta. I didn't understand what's happening. I've only been asleep for a few hours.
"She made it."
"She's safe now."
Lumapit sa'kin si Senior Violeta na may ngiti sa labi. She held my left cheek with her wrinkled hand and whispered with such warmth and comfort.
"You're gonna be okay now."
Two weeks. I've been unconscious for two weeks. They said I had lost too much blood and the process of transfusion was risky for hybrids because of the high chance that the body will refuse the foreign element from the blood.
They said Zackary hired doctors and specialist from Fabrice to treat me during those two weeks. They said that the worst thing a hybrid could undergo was blood lost because no matter what knowledge or expertise we have in healing wounds and fatal injuries, one can never replaced what was lost.
I've been in a critical condition for two weeks... that was why Anabeth was greatly relieved to see me awake.
I sat up on the bed. It's been a day since I woke up. It was still early in the morning. The sun was only a glimpse in the horizon. Pinagmasdan kong muli ang mga kamay ko. The contraptions connected to my body had lessen. Kinapa ko ang tagiliran ko at naramdaman ang makapal na benda mula dito.
Bumukas ang pintuan. The hospital staff in white coat lowered their heads, as though they were bowing to greet me. "Good morning, Ms. Eleanor."
I lowered my head, greeting them back.
"No no," one of them admonished. "You're not to make any big movements for now."
I watched them as they approached me, an entire team of hospital staff.
"We're just gonna check your condition for today."
"I'm okay," I told them.
The staff stared at me, blinking twice. "Of course you are, Ms. Eleanor. But we're instructed to closely monitor your condition until you fully recover."
Hindi na ako nagtanong pa. I let them do what they needed to do while I remained on the bed, surrounded by their busy movements. Someone adjusted the machine but the beeping remained. I don't like hospital machines and their sounds. Hybrids are sensitive to small noises and movements.
After half an hour, nagpaalam na sila.
"We're all done, Ms. Eleanor."
"You can call me Eleanor," I told them. I wasn't comfortable with their politeness. They only smiled and lowered their heads again before leaving the room.
The morning was silent. All I did was sleep while being checked every now and then. I felt rested, something I hadn't felt in a while. I only wish I could go out. I've never felt the sun on my skin and the wind in my hair in a while.
By afternoon, a knock on the door surprised me. I sat up on the bed, hoping for a visitor. Pumasok si Alexander sa kwarto. Hindi ko napigilan ang ngiti ko. I was just so relieved someone finally paid me a visit.
"Kumusta ang pakiramdam mo?"
"I'm feeling better," I smiled.
Nawala ang ngiti ko nang mapansin ang pagtahimik niya habang nakatayo sa paanan ng higaan na tila hindi ako magawang lapitan. "Is there something wrong?" I asked.
"I'm sorry..."
Kumunot ang noo ko, nagtataka. "About what?"
"I wasn't there... I wasn't able to help you or keep you safe," he mumbled.
Tinitigan ko siya bago binalik ang ngiti sa labi ko. "It's okay. It's not anyone's responsibility to keep me safe. I just got unlucky most of the time."
"No," mabilis niyang tanggi. "You're just too kind for this world. You no longer have to sacrifice yourself or your safety over anyone, but you still do it. You still suffer for other people."
Hindi ako nakasagot sa kanyang sinabi. I wasn't expecting this kind of care from him. "Most of the time I do things without thinking," I whispered. "It was my reflex from all the years of fear instilled in me. Keep them safe of else you would be punished."
Sinubukan kong ngumiti. "But even without this fear, I would still do the same thing for people important to me. When I help people I'm happy. It replaces the bad memories of the same thing I was taught to do out of fear."
Huminga ako nang malalim habang nanatiling nakatitig si Alexander sa'kin. "And even if I'm hurt, I no longer have to suffer alone and keep my wounds to myself. There are people who care for me and my wounds can finally heal." Humarap ako sa kanya at ngumiti. "You care for me too, right?"
Wala akong nakuhang sagot mula sa kanya. Nanatili siyang malalim ang iniisip habang iniiwasan ang aking tingin.
"I'm glad you came to visit," I tried to say. "I haven't had anyone to talk to."
"The alpha restricted the entry in this part of the hospital," Alexander stated.
"Why?"
"Because you're here."
Hindi ako nakapagsalita nang ilang segundo. "Pero... hindi niya kailangang gawin 'yon. I'm okay... I just really wanted to see him," I silently added.
"He needed to. Two weeks is long enough to administer changes in this town."
"Changes?"
Alexander caught himself. He was about to turn his head away, but I already heard what he said. "It's better for you to focus on your recovery," aniya.
"Did something happened? Is Zackary okay? Am I causing trouble again?" Sunod-sunod na tanong ko habang nakatitig kay Alexander, nagaalala.
Bumuntong-hininga siya nang makita ang pangamba sa mukha ko. "You really care for him, do you?"
Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko at tumango. "Please tell me..."
Naghanap siya ng maaaring maupuan at hinila ang bakanteng silya sa sulok ng kwarto.
"The incident was a big blow in the security of the town and the villages involved," Alexander started. "And the news had reached the council. Zackary's being questioned regarding the incident saying it's lapse in his leadership."
Unti-unti akong umiling sa narinig. "Pero... hindi niya 'yon kasalanan. No one expected the outsiders to have weapons... and if the village leaders informed the authority right away, the incident would have been prevented."
"That's not how things work, Eleanor," stated Alexander with a light shake of his head. "The council isn't someone who comprehends specific details. They are always for the bigger picture, the greater good in their eyes. Zackary isn't someone to dwell in the cause of events either. He would rather make decisions to move forward."
I clasped my cold hands on my lap, feeling the pain in my chest.
"He ordered to replace two of the three village leaders and re-train several orders involved in the incident. A report reached me that they failed to justify their acts during the situation."
I knew all of what Alexander had said wasn't an easy decision for Zackary.
"Is... he okay?" I mumbled.
"He was pretty calm during all of these. Isang pagkakataon lang ang nawalan siya ng kontrol. That was when he killed every single one of the outsiders involved in the incident. I rarely see him lose control since we were kids that was why I had to prevent him from causing more casualties."
Doon ko napansin ang tila mga pasa at sugat sa braso at kamao ni Alexander. Was it from the incident, of trying to calm Zackary? It must be hard to be in their position right now, specially with the council hovering over them.
Council... isang bagay ang pumasok sa isip ko. "How is... Rebecca?"
Noong gabing 'yon... kasama ko siya. We were fleeing away from the outsiders. She was with me when we reached safety. She was looking when Zackary held me.
"She was sent to Fabrice to be thoroughly check after the incident. It was her first time to be exposed to such fatal incident so her grandfather wanted to make sure everything is fine with her."
Naalala ko ang kanyang mukha... ang mga mata niyang nakatitig bago ako nawalan ng malay sa bisig ni Zackary. Guilt begun to rise in my chest. If the council knew about the incident, does it mean they knew about that instance too? Was it the reason why they were giving Zackary a hard time?
Napansin ni Alexander ang unti-unti kong pagtahimik, hanggang sa tuluyan na akong nanghina. Hindi ko siya magawang tignan. Tila may nakagawa akong kasalanan.
"Mas mabuting magpahinga ka," he told me. "'Wag mo munang alalahanin ang mga pangyayari sa labas."
Hindi ako sumagot. Tuluyan akong bumalik sa pagkakahiga. Bago tuluyang umalis sa kwarto, humarap sa'kin si Alexander. With his voice firm and eyes fixed, he told me.
"In the moment you feel like this place is no longer for you, you can tell me. I will do everything in my power to keep you safe."
Pilit akong ngumiti. "I will."
--
Two days later, I asked the staff to let me step out of the room to the nearest garden. But they were hesitant to let me out. They repeatedly asked if I can stand properly, or if I still feel fizzy, or if there's sharp pain from my wound.
But I was honestly okay. I've had the longest rest I haven't felt in a while. The hospital staff said so, that my wound was steadily healing and I've been recovering well.
After several considerations, eventually they gave me a thirty minute break to step to the garden after weeks of being caged in my room with all those weird apparatus.
Still in my hospital clothes, I stepped out of my room to the silent corridor. Just like what Alexander had said during his visit, there was barely people in this part of the building except for the staff who often checks on me.
I made slow careful steps towards the garden at the end of the corridor. Doon ko lamang nakita ang ibang staff at pasyente ng hospital, sa kabilang bahagi ng corridor.
Tila maging sila ay nabigla nang makita ako. Most of them were seated in the lobby and some were on their way to the garden too. I expected scorn looks from them or look of disgust, dahil 'yon ang natatandaan kong mga tingin noong huli akong nasa bayan. But instead, they automatically lowered their gazes and their heads.
Natigilan ako at napatitig sa kanila. I lowered my head back to acknowledge what they did. Pero mas lalo nila itong ikinabigla. Hanggang sa isang staff mula sa hospital ang umalalay sa'kin at nilayo ako sa mga tao papunta sa garden.
Umupo ako sa isa sa mga benches sa labas. A large part of the garden was empty except for me but I could see people staring at me from the other side of the building or from a distance. Hindi ko napigilang mangamba. Pero kalaunan, pinili kong huminga nang malalim at kalimutan ang sitwasyon pansamantala upang titigan ang bughaw na langit, ang makakapal na mga ulap at nagtataasang mga puno na nakapaligid sa'kin.
Something had changed. I could feel it. Or are they treating me nicely because I'm wounded? Tumingala ako sa langit at pinikit ang aking mga mata. Whatever the reason was... I was just glad they let me stay in the hospital to heal.
Ilang minuto ang lumipas nang isang pamilyar na boses ang aking narinig.
"It's not yet good for you to be outside."
Napatitig ako sa taong naglalakad papunta sa'kin mula sa loob ng hospital.
"I went to your room and they said you're here."
Tuluyan akong tumayo upang humarap sa kanya. "I-I asked them if they could let me in the garden..."
Lumapit siya sa'kin at hinawakan ang gilid ng aking mukha. His hand was warm, just like the last time I remembered them holding me. "Are you feeling better?"
Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero tuluyang namuo ang luha sa aking mga mata. I sniffed and tried to dry my tears with my fingers. Hinawakan niya ang magkabilang mukha ko hanggang sa nakatingala na ako sa kanya with my tear-stained face.
"Why are you crying?"
His voice was low, almost soft sounding coming from such a strong presence in front of me.
"I've missed you," I mumbled. "Zack... are you okay?"
Tinitigan ako ni Zackary saka dahan-dahan na pinahid ang luha sa aking pisngi gamit ang kanyang daliri. His eyes... from under the sun they looked like melted honey... golden and radiant. Namuo ang ngiti sa kanyang labi.
"I should be the one asking you that."
Sinubukan kong umiling sa kanyang palad. "I... I caused you trouble again, Zackary..."
"Ssshh..." He gently pulled my face closer and rested his forehead on mine. "I'm just glad you're awake. I'm glad the nightmare was over and you're here with me now."
"Zack..." I whispered, suddenly remembering the eyes of the people watching us. "People will see..."
"Let them," he told me. "I've experienced the fear of almost losing you. I no longer care what people think."
I stared up at his eyes curtained by his thick lashes as he stared down at me. But Zackary... the council will give you a harder time when they learn about us.
Tuluyan akong napapikit nang marahang dumampi ang kanyang labi sa aking noo.
While I was caged in the darkness in the last few weeks, one of my fears was not being able to see him again. A fear so raw and heart wrenching I still feel it lingering in my chest. And just like Zackary... I didn't want to feel it again.
But what was right? I've never felt this selfish before.
"Eleanor..."
Muli ko siyang tinitigan. Gulong gulo ako sa aking nararamdaman. I've never aimed high... I've never wanted complications. All I want is a place I could stay longer with people who didn't want me dead if I fail them.
But Zackary... he makes me want to be more... to aim more. To be with him and that scared me. I must know my limits. Ito ang paulit ulit na tinuturo sa'kin noon. Pero okay lang ba? Okay lang bang maghangad ngayon?
"You're too confused and scared to feel it yet, but I will make you recognize it." Whispering to my ear, he brushed my cheek with his thumb.
"I will make you recognize me... your mate."
***