A/N:
The song title is actually from my favorite song thus far by Golden Child. I wouldn't say I stan them. Honestly, I haven't even done a full dive on them before. However, I love both this song and the m/v. I'm somewhat fascinated by surreal art, and they did a good job with the theme of it here in this video. (If you don't know what surreal art is think of the Melting Clocks artwork by Salvador Dali.)
Side characters that appear for the first time/mentioned for the first time in this chapter plus their pronunciations.
Bong-Cha
- Boeng-chah (like Boing only an eh sound in the middle instead.)
4594 words
Published 5/6/22
After the meeting, I told Gamon-hyung I was going for a walk. He worried about the autumn chill affecting me, but I didn't have a problem with braving the brisk weather. Honestly, it was more important to get some space for myself for a little while, and the crispness in the air would probably help with that. I had to get my head on straight before my photoshoot, or I at least had to push everything else plaguing my thoughts right now to the back of my mind. I headed to a nearby park and lost myself to the scenery around me.
I was so thankful for those couple of hours to myself because it gave me enough peace to be able to focus on my photoshoot afterward. Although the woman currently retouching my makeup isn't really maintaining any kind of professional decorum, and is most definitely trying her damndest to distract me while I'm not in front of the lens and lights. Her flirtatious looks and touches are innocent enough that a random bystander would think nothing of it, but if they could hear the obscene suggestions whispered from that tempting mouth of hers then they would know that this woman was anything but virtuous. Admittedly though, I'm no saint myself.
I genuinely try to maintain a hands off approach when it comes to the overt flirtatious fans who want a literal piece of me. That doesn't mean I haven't dallied with a woman that has shown me interest before. Almost the opposite in fact. What can I say? I am a hot blooded male who has needs. Perhaps, despite my attempt at restraint now, I will indulge in some of her more creative suggestions after we wrap this up. It would definitely help keep my mind off of the other shit that's going on. Hmm. At the very least I think I should remember to get her phone number after the shoot is over.
She walks away after she finishes the touch up, but then she turns back to glance at me; as if she knows I am staring at the way her hips move back and forth as she strides off. She puckers her lips at me, and sends me a flying kiss. I give her a well practiced appreciative smolder back, while mentally I am shaking my head at her. I take a moment to regain focus on what I am actually supposed to be doing. It's a good thing I can mentally multitask when I am in my performance state of mind.
Twenty minutes later, the photographer claims he has what he needs for the outfit that I am currently wearing. I make my way to the small changing room and eyeball the next outfit they plan on shooting. It honestly is pushing the clause in my contract regarding how revealing my clothing during these shoots is allowed to be, but that's part of the reason I specifically keep getting hired for these shoots. Because I am willing to take such huge risks and stand at the edge of what is right and wrong, both morally in general and in regards to the clauses that my former manager insisted be put in my contract. Not to mention I'm pretty pissed at Essentials Music right now, so they can fuck off when it comes to their rules and regulations.
I go through the traditional seductive sexy poses and the listless dreamer poses that I have memorized by heart. I'm not even remotely surprised that the photographer doesn't suggest whimsical fun poses for this outfit. I really don't think it would fit the idea the designer was going for when he drew the concept sketch. "Now, I think I want you to do something different for me. I want you to look at the camera as if it were the one person that is meant to be yours. Look at it as if it were your soulmate. Let it know with your eyes how much you want to be with it, and show me how you promise to always love and stand by it."
I've worked with this photographer before, and he definitely surprised me by suggesting this approach since he's never proposed it before. I realized in that moment that I hadn't let myself think about my potential soulmate since I had initially gotten the injection. When I hadn't felt the sting of the potential mark's placement after I channeled somnium venereum that very first time I had let it drift from my mind, thinking perhaps I didn't have a soulmate after all. That didn't mean I didn't want one though, despite my colored history.
That's when my thoughts begin to derail. I'm no longer conscious of the camera or the numerous staff members scattered around the room, instead I'm lost in my own mind. I start wondering where my soulmate might be if she is actually out there. That thought seems to trigger a chain reaction in my mind. Just thinking about the possibility of her being out there again apparently sends me into somnium venereum without even intending to. The sharp pain I expected to feel about three years ago makes itself known on the upper left panel of my chest. It takes a lot of effort to first regain my focus, and then keep myself in character for the shoot. I can't outwardly show the shocked surprise I am currently feeling, but that doesn't stop the train of thoughts currently running rampant in my head. It doesn't stop the numerous questions piling up. Does this mean she only just recently got her serum injection? Or did I fuck up by not letting myself try to channel somnium venereum again in that three year time gap? My mind drifts as I begin to wonder all kinds of things about her. How old is she? What does she look like? Hell, I find myself even wondering what her favorite color and flowers might be. Or if she likes chocolate... Who am I kidding? Is there anyone that doesn't like chocolate?
I'm not sure how much longer I can contain the sudden excitement that is bubbling up inside of me, and also somehow keep it from appearing on my face. It's probably the only thing that could have improved the day I was having. I can't help but feel relieved when the photographer claims, after only a few more clicking sounds from the shutter of his camera going off, that he is sure at this point he got what he needed.
I rush off to the dressing room to change into the street attire that I first arrived in. By the time I come back out that same makeup artist is standing there waiting for my return. It's more than obvious that she is about to utter more salacious suggestions since I am about to leave. I give her a sharp unapologetic look before interrupting any of the undesired flirtations that would be seeping from her mouth. "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested."
I realize I could have let her down a bit easier than that, but I'm once again mentally preoccupied. Only this time in a positive way. I have to let hyung know how the day has shifted from horrible to wonderful. Things are definitely looking up. My temporary security guard escorts me to the dark SUV waiting for me. Once inside I pull out my cell phone, select my first contact, and click on the send icon. It rings a couple of times before he finally picks up.
"What's up, Minsookie? I thought you would still be in the middle of your photoshoot." He's a little out of breath, so I imagine him and the others must be doing something recreational to try to keep their minds off the problem we are currently facing with the company. Jaeyeon-hyung is pretty athletic and into sports so he probably convinced them to go play jokgu or something along those lines.
I shake my head to keep myself from thinking about that meeting once more. I have to keep myself from going down into that particular dark abyss of thoughts. "We just finished actually. Hyung, I have some news."
"What sort of news?" Gamon-hyung sounds concerned once again. "Are we going to have to work our next comeback schedule around another runway show?"
Well, at least he isn't thinking along the lines of our other current issue. I think to myself before responding. "No. During the photoshoot the photographer decided to try something different. He had me pretend the camera was my soulmate. I couldn't help but channel somnium venereum after being prompted like that. This time channeling it worked! I felt the sting meaning I will soon develop my soulmate mark!" I rush on to tell him excitedly.
Unfortunately, it isn't excitement or congratulations that he responds with. "What?!? You mean to say you channeled somnium venereum in the middle of your photoshoot?!?"
I know now he's mostly worrying about potential news scandals so I rushed on in an attempt to verbally assure him that I kept in character and didn't let the shocked surprise that I was feeling show on my face. "Hyung, where are you and others now?"
"We are near the dorms playing foot volleyball." He pauses and I visually imagine him turning to look at the others. "Well, trying to play foot volleyball, but you know how that goes sometimes."
Yeah, that was probably definitely Jaeyeon-hyung's suggestion. I make a quick plan and reply. "Okay, I'll grab some takeout and head that way then."
I'm not terribly surprised when only ten minutes or so later I get a phone call from the maknae.
Around Noon
When Gamon-hyung came home and filled us in on what happened at the meeting all of us were gutted. Did the company really not understand how much we meant to each other? How much we depended on each other? Most importantly, how much we happen to consider each other to be family? Brothers? Sure Juah is my brother by blood, but I feel the same for the other three members that I feel for him. The only difference is that they aren't my identical image. We don't have twin telepathic moments, like I do with Juah, and I don't share the same amount of history that I have with my twin.
"We probably should do something to get our mind off of this. I mean we can't really do anything about the meeting. It's going to happen one way or another, and there's no real point in dwelling on it now." Ah, my older brother, Juah, taking on his role as the 'mom' of the group.
He's right though we should get our minds off of this bullshit for a while.
Gamon-hyung shakes his head, and for a moment I sincerely think he is going to say that we need to keep to our schedules. "Screw our schedules for the rest of the day. I'm making an executive decision and instead we are going to go out and do something fun."
"Shouldn't you let someone at the company know?" Jiseongie can barely keep the worry from the cadence of his voice. It's quite obvious how much this news is tearing up our maknae, and he definitely doesn't think it's a good idea to react too negatively toward the company that literally holds the path to our future in their hands.
Gamon-hyung touches him on the shoulder. "Don't worry Jiseongie. I promise. I'll take care of it." Then he looks up at the rest of us. "So? Do we have any ideas?"
Per normal my brain goes to sports. I used to play both volleyball and football in school before and during our early trainee days. I still try to get the others to play occasionally, but we are often too busy. Plus they prefer jokgu to either of the two suggestions, which is definitely a happy compromise. I smirk up at the others and they know exactly what I am going to suggest before I say it.
We probably make the most back and forth rallies during our game than we ever have before. Usually we are all mostly playing around, goofing off instead of actually focusing, but of course today we have a lot more concentration. Jiseongie and I are currently winning, and I can't help but voice out a complaint when Gamon-hyung stops the game in order to answer his phone. I glance at my own phone curious about what time it is now. The digital display tells me it's 3pm.
"What's up, Minsookie? I thought you would still be in the middle of your photoshoot."
Oh, if it's Minsookie I can definitely forgive him interrupting the game. As Gamon-hyung pulls off to the sidelines to continue his conversation I encourage the others to continue playing. Although, we aren't very engaged in the game now, because of the fact that each one of us has our ears trained on Gamon-hyung's side of the conversation.
"What sort of news?" My ears perk up ever more at how concerned he sounds, and at first I think he is worried that whatever news Minsookie is sharing it has to do with the issues of this morning. "Are we going to have to work our next comeback schedule around another runway show?" I can't help but be relieved at the direction he took the conversation.
Jiseongie falls over laughing when Juah dives forward to hit the ball with his head and instead ends up on the ground of the court.
"What?!? You mean to say you channeled somnium venereum in the middle of your photoshoot?!?"
The three of us on the court freeze and our eyes flicker over each other. If he is telling Gamon-hyung he channeled somnium venereum does that mean what I think it means?
"We are near the dorms playing foot volleyball." I can feel his gaze trail over each of us when he looks our way. "Well, trying to play foot volleyball, but you know how that goes sometimes."
Juah stands up and looks over himself to make sure he didn't get any scrapes or bruises from the fall before looking Gamon-hyung's way as he returns to us. We all circle together and aside from Gamon-hyung I'm pretty sure that we all have the same question on our mind. "Was he telling you that he would be getting his soulmate mark tomorrow?"
Gamon-hyung nods. "At least despite the crap meeting we had this morning something positive came out of today for him."
My twin and I are both silent for a few minutes, and because of 'twin telepathy' or whatever you want to call it I know we are both wishing the same thing. That we too had our soulmate marks.
My mind wanders automatically as I begin to wonder if my own soulmate exists out there somewhere. I start to concentrate and wonder who she might be. What her personality would be like. It hardly matters what she looks like, but of course I consider that too. Both Juah and myself gasp in pain simultaneously.
Jiseongie gasps in shocked surprise at our pain filled utterances. "Wait, did you two both just channel somnium venereum? Did you both feel the sting of your marks?"
A lot of people tend to find it kind of creepy, and we don't actually do it too often, but both Juah and I respond simultaneously. "We did."
"Where did you feel the ripple of pain? How much did it hurt?"
"Mine ran down my spine." I don't hesitate to answer.
"Mine was high on my right thigh." Juah responds, and I notice a blush staining his ears and cheeks.
I mentally snort. He was totally trying 'not' to visualize his soulmate's mark in the same place.
It takes a few seconds to sync in but once it does both Juah, and I are replying in unison once more. "Could this mean that all five of us might have the same soulmate?"
I take in both Jiseongie's and Gamon-hyung's expressions. Jiseongie looks to be excited, hopeful, but also a bit guarded. Gamon-hyung is harder to read. He's definitely thinking it over, but I am not really sure how he is feeling about the possibility for certain. He picks up a water bottle before downing the entire contents. "I think I am going to need another coffee before I can fully process this."
When I learned of the purpose of the Minsook-hyung's meeting this morning I found my mind spiraling into an abyss of depressing self destructive thoughts and worries that I tried not to let myself live in. Early on in our career I was known as the 'bright angel' maknae, and in the past year due to my physical maturity I have been being referred to as the 'dangerous dark angel' instead. (Dangerous as in sexy, but I tend to find myself blushing profusely when I think of that definition.) Inside I'm honestly neither. Inside my mind can be an intensely unsettling place to be.
The blame for my depressed moments can solely be placed on my parents. I never had a happy childhood; my parents were abusive in many ways. Physical, emotional, and verbal. The physical abuse mostly came from my father, but my mother would always back him up and come in adding hurtful words on top of the physical blows I had just received. I may have ended up with bruised and broken bones from my father, but my mother liked to do damage straight to my heart.
They often told me that they wish they could just get rid of me, so in my tween and early teenage years I tried to find a positive way to make that happen. I told them that I wanted to be an Idol. I even pointed out that if I were an Idol I'd live with the other trainees, and once I was placed in a group I would live with them. I wouldn't be in their way anymore, which was often the basis of their excuses for the punishment. Of course they wouldn't sign any of the necessary paperwork to let me even tryout. A few days later I ended up blacking out during one of my father's more abusive moments. I heard them both panicking as I started coming back around.
The following day they both tried to make me stay home from school so no one would see the damage that he had inflicted, but because they both had to leave for work I snuck out anyway. I didn't go to school though; I went to the nearest hospital instead. I explained to the nurse in the emergency room what had happened, and why I didn't want them to contact one of my parents. The police were called in and they immediately started an investigation against my parents. They were taken to jail that very same day, because due to my X-rays it was very obvious that what I told them about being abused for years was most definitely true.
Since I was still a minor I couldn't live on my own so they did a search for any immediate family connected to my parents' names. I was surprised when they found that I had an Aunt Bong-Cha. She was my mom's sister. Before that first meeting, I wasn't even aware of her existence. I didn't think I had any family outside of my abusive parents.
Unlike my mother, Aunt Bong-Cha was a sweet and loving woman. After only a couple weeks with her my emotions were torn. I told her how I was researching Idol life and originally I wanted to try out, even if I only initially examined the idea of it as a way to get away from my parents. The problem was while I was doing that explorative groundwork, I didn't realize it, but apparently I had started to fall in love with the idea. I still wanted to try out, but I didn't want to leave her.
I remember her response vividly and live in the memory of her words often. "If it is your dream you go for it! Don't let me or anyone else ever hold you back! Me? I'll always be here. I'll always love and support you. So don't let this moment slip away because you are worried you will hurt my feelings, or that I might leave or change my feelings for you. It won't ever happen."
Unfortunately, she couldn't have predicted the accident she ended up in a couple months after my nineteenth birthday. The car accident left her catatonic, and she had to move to a facility where she had constant care provided for her. I visited her once every few months. It was hard on me though. Logically I knew the first person to ever love me was hidden within her mind, but she couldn't speak and often wouldn't even look my way. I thought I caught love and recognition the few times she did gaze at me, but I could never be certain since she wasn't able to vocalize her feelings.
Alluvion became my family, so learning that the company was planning on transferring Minsook-hyung to another group shattered my world apart. I was thankful when Gamon-hyung suggested something to get our minds off of it, but it was still lurking in the recesses of my mind as we played.
The first sign of hope that today might turn around was when Gamon-hyung got a phone call from Minsook-hyung. "What's up, Minsookie? I thought you would still be in the middle of your photoshoot." I kept my head in the game we were playing, even though we were just being silly at this point. I couldn't help but laugh when Juah-hyung fell down, but despite that moment my ears were still trained on Gamon-hyung's side of the conversation. I did halfway tune it out though until he had a concerned outburst. "What?!? You mean to say you channeled somnium venereum in the middle of your photoshoot?!?"
A few moments later it felt like my world wasn't falling apart. No, instead it felt like my world was growing bigger and becoming brighter. My twin hyungs both ended up channeling somnium venereum unintentionally as well and they too had received the indication that they would be receiving a soulmate mark tomorrow. My twin hyungs together in unison say something that only just began to possibly occur to me. "Could this mean that all five of us might have the same soulmate?"
"I think I am going to need another coffee before I can fully process this."
After Gamon-hyung uttered those words I found myself calling Minsook-hyung and relaying everything that just transpired. "I think I have an idea to keep the company from disbanding us. I'll make sure to grab Gamon-hyung another coffee when I stop for takeout, but I think we should probably go back to the dorms to discuss this."
About an hour later we were sitting around the dining room table of our dorm discussing the possibilities. "Personally, I vote that Jiseongie and Gamon-hyung channel somnium venereum also. With three out of five of us already knowing we will have soulmate marks in twenty hours the odds are stacked in our favor that we will be sharing a soulmate." Somehow, I know this statement from Minsook is the first step in his plan. He pauses for a second to eat another chicken wing. "Plus if we do have the same soulmate it should give the company a definitive reason for not splitting us up after all."
"Say hypothetically it does end up working out that way. How exactly are we going to get the company to listen to us?" Gamon-hyung isn't thinking this through very well right now due to his lack of sleep, and I already know what Minsook-hyung was about to suggest in response. I really didn't think that Gamon-hyung was going to think it was a very good idea though, let alone go along with it. I brace myself for Minsook-hyung to verbalize the second part of his scheme.
"Well, what if whoever has the most publicly acceptable mark were to be caught in public with it adorning their skin? It would cause a public media storm! Just think about the free publicity we would get right before our next comeback in a few months!" He shares his plan with manic glee. It's almost a bit scary how he thought this out so fast to be honest. One on the outside might think he is using this idea as a ruse to incur more publicity, like he said. I know though that the reason is because if there is more publicity for us it would mean that the company would have more reason to keep us together rather than break us apart.
Gamon-hyung is about to nix the whole idea, but Jaeyeon-hyung interrupts. "Where was your mark, Minsookie? Juah's will appear high on his right thigh, and mine will be down the middle of my back, along my spine."
"Oh, mine's going to appear on the upper part of the left side of my chest, just underneath my collarbone." He finds himself frowning. Normally, we wouldn't mind being the one to cause such a media storm. In fact, he would probably relish the idea of it.
"Which means if I were to go along with this crazy idea it would be either Jiseongie or myself that would have to go in public to display our mark. That is if we do seem to share a soulmate at all!"
I don't think I would mind being the one in the public eye for that reason.
Gamon-hyung pauses for a moment to think the idea over once again. "Okay, I'm not agreeing with your plan, but I can't lie and say I wouldn't be happy to discover that we all share the same soulmate. Jiseongie and I will at least channel somnium venereum. What's the worst that can happen?"
So, after we finish eating the two of us both get comfortable in the living room. I first calm my inner excitement at the possibility before I try to imagine the woman who could be the center of our whole world. A few moments later a sting swipes over the upper part of my left arm. I smile before I share that I definitely felt it. "I don't think it is a very public safe spot though. At least not this time of year." I share with the others before explaining its location.
"I feel like that would only be acceptable to see in warmer weather. Not during late autumn." Juah-hyung ponders out loud.
Gamon-hyung's face keeps transitioning between emotions before he sighs out loud. "Well, on the good side I am pretty positive we will have the same soulmate. I mean we won't know for certain until tomorrow, but it seems pretty damn likely." He runs the fingers of his right hand through the back of his hair. "And while I am still not so sure about this plan it will have to be me who displays my mark publicly, because mine will appear on the right side of my neck."
A/N:
Bong-Cha means "superior daughter" You can find the link to where I found that in the comments here.
My research regarding Child abuse in South Korea was through the NCRC or National Center for the Rights of the Child website. The link can be found in the comments here.