W I N T E R
I won't rush into making any decisions.
I breathed as I slowly walked down the stairs.
"Winter?" My moms voice echoed through the living room.
"Mom!" A gigantic grin spread across my face as I sprinted towards her.
"I didn't know you were visiting today honey." My mom smiled as she pulled me into a hug.
A hug from my mother was needed. Only the sweet scent of her perfume made my mood brighter and put my heart at ease reassuring me that everything would be fine. I wrapped my hands around her and hugged her tighter.
"I didn't think you'd be home." I answered her.
"I wasn't. I just came to get something quickly but I'm glad I came." She released me from the hug.
"I'm glad you came too." My face brightened by only seeing her smile.
"Sit down let's talk!" She squealed but then she pouted. "Or are you in a hurry?" She added and I shook my head.
"Thank you so much for the gift. I loved it! Your dad and I were thinking of coming over to your house for the New Year's Eve." She gushed.
They want to come over New Year's Eve? They can't.
"Oh I don't think it's a good idea." I nervously brushed it off.
"Why not? Your dad hasn't been to your house before and so we thought maybe it would be a great idea." Mom insisted.
"Leo's busy and chances are that he might not even be home because they need him at the hospital." I lied.
"Being a doctor is so difficult! Imagine not having to spend time with your family during the holidays." She shook her head.
"I know right." I nervously chuckled.
"Your dad was wondering when you'd like to return to the company. He won't say it but I'm sure he's missing you."
"Immediately after the holidays. I've been home since the wedding and I think I've had enough. I literally have so much time on my hands and now I don't know what to do."
My mom chuckled.
"Listen honey, I know you agreed to this wedding because we kind of forced you but if you ever feel like you aren't happy there then you can always come back to us." My mom's expression turned serious.
I gave her a reassuring smile. "I'm happy over there with Leo."
"I'm glad because that was all your dad and I wanted. You seem happier now and you seem like the old you."
My mom's glowing face made me remember what Rachel told me earlier. Was I so engrossed with Damian's memory that they were all so worried about me?
Of course I know I was with all the panic attacks I got at random times but I didn't know they all thought it to be so serious.
I plopped on my bed with a sigh and ran my hand through my blonde hair.
The house seemed so quiet without Leo here to argue with.
Am I truly ready to restart life?
"Yes!" A part of me screamed. "You deserve it, you've mourned long enough and Leo is also an amazing person." My inner conscience reasoned.
"No." Another part of me yelled. "You can't so easily forget that someone young and full of life died protecting you." The other argued.
I groaned in frustration as I still couldn't figure out what I wanted. Why is it so difficult? My phone buzzed and it caught my attention.
Ignoring the text that had just came in, I scrolled through my contacts and stopped when I saw my therapist number.
Would she be able to help me?
Without thinking too much; I pressed the call button and it immediately starting ringing.
Oh my god! Wait! I didn't think this through! She's always busy, would she have time for me? What if I'm interrupting a session? Before I could press the cancel button, I heard her voice through my phone.
"Miss Simpsons?" Her delicate voice called out.
"Dr Kayla." I nervously replied.
"It's been a while. Is there an emergency?" She asked.
"Oh no. I just wondered if I could see you today or tomorrow if it's possible."
"We're closed for the holidays."
"Oh."
"But I can make an exception seeing as you called me personally and without being forced to."
"I'd really appreciate that."
"I'm out grocery shopping with my kid right now so do you mind having a session at the cafe? I would suggest a park but it's winter so I'm not sure it's a great idea."
"I don't mind at all. Just send me the address and I'll be there."
"Okay, I'll drop my kid off at home and then I'll send it."
After she sent me the address, I immediately left for the cafe downtown.
The streets were bustling with people. Kids playing with the snow in their winter clothes and adults walking and talking around the busy cafe.
I spotted doctor Kayla sitting at the corner of the warm cafe which smelled like coffee beans and fresh bread.
"Hi." I greeted as I slid into the seat opposite her.
She turned from the window to me and then broke into a smile. "How have you been?" She asked.
"I've been well." I returned the smile.
"What do you want to drink? She passed me the menu.
She raised her hand as a signal and a petit young woman came to our table.
"Caramel Frappuccino with whipped cream." I told the lady.
"Iced americano for me and croissants." She instructed the lady.
Dr Kayla looked extremely different from how she looked in the office. Her natural Afro made her made her appear younger and her brown skin glistened under the cafe light. The perfect African American woman.
"So tell me what the problem is." She cleared her throat.
"So I got married recently and he already wants a divorce because he feels I can't commit to him fully. You know how my past was, you helped me be able to go to college and start working so you know how difficult it is for me to move on from Damian." I explained.
"So tell me do you want the divorce?"
"No."
"Why?"
"I think Leo's good for me. When I caused a scene because of a panic attack, he helped me and he made me feel safe and I haven't had any since. We live with two girls who are like his sisters and living with the three of them is so fun. I feel happy whenever we're all together."
She took a long sip of her coffee. "Tell me only about Leo." She paused. "What do you think of him?"
"I think he's fun, he's pretty sweet and is a great cook as well. We got off on the wrong foot but we are friends now-"
"How about i rebrand my question? Imagine Leo right in front of you, staring you down. How would you feel?"
I closed my eyes and the first thing that came to my mind was the way we danced at the Christmas ball. My heart suddenly raced as I gazed into his eyes.
"My heart races."
"Interesting, why?"
"Because he's standing really close to me."
"What else do you feel?"
"Kind of nervous."
"Nervous? But you're a pretty confident woman, is he intimidating?"
"Im the kind of nervous where I get red and flustered."
"What else do you feel?"
"Peace. Im happy when I'm with him. He understands me and my pain and I want him to stay by my side."
"Why?"
"Because I want to get better. I want to move on and I want to live life again."
"Why do you have the sudden resolution to?"
"Because I think he's a friend."
"A friend? Let's dig deeper. Your heart races when he's close to you, you get flustered, you want to get better with him, he gives you peace of mind, what do you think these all signify?"
"Love?" I asked.
"Bingo." She smiled and took a bite of her croissant. "I think you have finally healed from your past and that's why you want to restart life." She preached.
"Love?" I repeated to myself in awe.
"You love him and that's why you don't want to let him go. Now go on miss Simpsons. Make sure you don't lose your husband." She encouraged me.
"Thank you so much Dr Kayla! I'll wire the money for a se-"
"Take this as a Christmas gift and don't worry about this either." She gestured to the table. "It's on me." She grinned.
"Thank you so much!"
"If you truly want to show me your gratitude, please start with us after the holidays."
"Definitely!" I chuckled.
It's love. I love Leonardo. I fell in love again and with Leonardo!
I won't get a divorce.
**