KISSING MY KRYPTONITE
"Mind if I join you?"
Water droplets trickled on my face while I am busy floating on my back in this pool. I guess it's her doing dahil hindi naman umuulan, I half-opened my eyes to see her. I'm with the minions, hindi ko alam kung bakit pati ito ay nandito.
"Leave me alone, Achira," I ignored her, submerging myself thoroughly into the water with different strokes..faster, deeper and deeper.
She should stop now, I heard she's dating the Basketball Varsity Captain, 'yung ka in relationship niya sa facebook na dinamay pa ako. I'm trying not to get involved in any controversies as much as possible because I'm running for SSC and I don't want to tarnish my reputation.
Umahon ako mula sa tubig at naglakad papuntang shower room.
"Aspiring SSC President of Alfa Democrats, you should start treating people with respect."
"Wag mong sabihing hanggang sa classroom susundan mo 'ko?" iritadong wika ko.
Continuation ng campaign namin mamaya, kahapon kami nagsimula at dahil maraming grupo ang nag-aagawan ng time slots. Ang hirap kumuha ng magandang pagkakataon per department, ang ibang propesor ay mahirap pang kausap.
"I can help you win this election," she said with a smile. "If I win the vice presidency, we can put together an excellent team. We can start making arrangements immediately, Meziah. Think fast.."
"Are you so desperate that you're willing to betray your own team, Achira?"
Cassie Sylvester is their prospective SSC President, and she's a serious opponent because she possesses all of the qualifications for the position. Why would Achira throw that away only to be with me?
Lumapit siya sa 'kin, gumapang ang kamay niya sa baywang ko hanggang sa makakuha siya ng candy sa bulsa ko.
"Snowbear," she giggles seductively. "I'm not compromising my own team, babe. This is what you call smart and strategic play. I can utilize my connections and popularity to boost your votes in the upcoming election instead of sending them to Cassie."
"Just save it for Cassie and play a fucking fair game," I said under my gritted teeth. "I hate using this card pero baka nakakalimutan mong you're talking to a Veneracion.."
"I got it right? If it's not because of your daddy, will you be qualified enough to vie for that spot? Think about what I said Meziah, you have until the end of this month, I'm going to text you my condo address," she smirked after seductively dumping the candy in her mouth.
"What happened to your face?" pabungad na tanong ni Matias when I entered the classroom.
Nagkibit-balikat lang ako.
Naiinis ako, kung mamamatay tao lang ako matagal nang pinaglamayan 'yang si Achira.
"Blain was looking for you pala. Here oh, wear it daw mamaya," wika ni Yesha habang nagbubuklat ng libro pagkatapos niyang ibato sa 'kin ang isang black t-shirt. "Lucca, our president is here!"
"I'm still processing the news that Meziah is running for SSC President," pang-aasar ni Lucca, pang-ilang banggit niya na ba ito at hindi pa niya naa-absorb?
"She didn't stop with the free hotdogs, pinipilahan na sa cafeteria everyday," dagdag ni Matias.
Speaking of which, nakailang texts at missed calls na si Jazzver sa 'kin mula kanina dahil nakikipagkita ito sa cafeteria.
I slumped into the chair in front of Jazzver, siya unang inisip ko pagkatapos ng klase namin kanina kaya naparito ako agad.
"Hindi na kita nakikita sa Mix it UP, change of lifestyle 'yon?"
"Jazz, you know why though," sagot ko habang nginunguya ko ang bagong kagat na burger, hindi pa ako nakakapasok dito kanina ay ang dami niya nang pinabili, napakagaling.
"Your life is really going through a big change, Ezra. Do you like what you're doing?"
I let out a deep sigh before looking back at Jazz, "Of course yeah, only I can do this for myself, dude."
Dad is right, I'm not getting any younger. I have to take a new approach in my life and I'm changing for the better with it. Simula noong dumating si Mighty Deev sa buhay namin, my insecurities in life are starting to eat me alive.
Magkaedad lang kami, mas matanda lang ako ng ilang buwan but look at her now; a degree holder and currently pursuing law. Just like Cash, Mighty Deeve is my father's exact ideal daughter, everything he envisioned for me, she has it all now and what's more impressive is how hard she worked for it.
While me? I'm still taking things one step at a time..fucking little things.
"I've never seen you so motivated to improve your life. Is there someone-"
"Jazzver Louise, hinihintay na ako ng mga kasama ko, Blain is calling," itinaas ko ang phone ko para ipakita sa kanya ang screen nito.
"Sinasabi ko na nga ba! Nakainuman ko sina Lucca kagabi, I heard nasa Bridge of Rainbows ka raw the other night. Ayaw niya sabihin sa 'kin but I have a feeling that you're with a woman. But how? And a date in Bridge of Rainbows? That's not your style!"
Nagkibit-balikat lang ako, "What else did Lucca tell you?"
Lucca and Jazzver tandem is terrifying me, they're both nosy I can't stand it! Isama mo pa si Matias, mga chismosa. Isa pa, bakit ko ba nakalimutang katabi lang ng Cambridge and Bridge of Rainbows? Malamang at malamang maraming CU students doon!
"Ano'ng ginagawa ng lalaking 'yan dito?" tila naiinis na reaksyon ko nang makita ko si Arthur na bagong pasok palang ng cafeteria.
"Who?" lumingon si Jazzver sa direksyon kung saan nakatutok ang mga mata ko. "Oh, that guy?"
May dala siyang lunch boxes, it's either binili niya iyon sa labas o lutong bahay. Hindi ko na kailangang magtanong kung para saan ang lahat ng 'yon dahil alam ko na ang sagot.
"Let me guess, boyfriend ng present fling o fuck buddy mo 'no? Ah, basta konektado sa mga babae mo," tumawa siya sabay tapik sa balikat ko. "That woman is living her life, she certainly got a pretty face and a handsome boyfriend."
Handsome? Si Arturo?
"Her pretty face deserves a pretty face too," mapait kong bulalas.
She stared at me, amused, "So you're really in love? Sa babaeng may boyfriend?"
"Hindi siya boyfriend ni.." pambabalewala ko sa sinabi niya. "He's not her boyfriend..yet."
"I get it, nanliligaw pa? Manligaw ka rin, wag kang papatalo! Dito mo patunayan na hindi ka isang talunan!"
Tinawanan ko lang siya nang mapakla, that's such a bad idea. Hindi naman kasi ako romantiko.
I know nothing about the art of courtship apart from the fancy dates, flowers and chocolates. Minsan sumasabay na lang ako sa trends o uso but deeper than that, I really have no idea how true love works. I don't know the essence of courtship or it's not just my style. Wala akong niligawan ni isa sa mga naging exes ko, I see it a waste of time as well.
Kaya siguro kapag niligawan ako ni Professor Cordova, wala pang alas kwatro sasagutin ko talaga.
"If I won this election, being SSC President would be a huge commitment," I said, watching Arthur walking out of this building.
"My gut feeling is that one way or another you're gonna win this," she drummed her fingers on the table. "Given na 'yung Veneracion ka, but you're really popular here kahit noong nasa Hanmizora ka pa."
Ngayong seryoso na ang hangin sa pagitan namin, siguro naman pwede niya nang sagutin tanong ko kanina pa.
"Why did you call me anyway? Aalis na ako in a few, Jazzver Louise," I took a glance on my watch.
May kinuha siya sa bulsa niya saka niya ipinatong sa lamesa, nanlaki ang mata ko.
"Condom? Bakit 'yan?" tukoy ko sa maliit na pakete ng condom. Alam ko itsura no'n mga hunghang, parang kailan lang humingi pa 'yan sa 'kin ng isang box.
"Alam ko namang hindi mo kailangan 'yan because it's not your cup of tea," she tossed the condom closer to my sight. "Basahin mo.."
"Alfa Democrats?! What?!" the condom is labelled with our team's name. "What on earth is this?!"
"Aspirant SSC President, really? Hindi mo alam 'yan? Galing sa kampo mo 'yan and I'm here dahil nagrereklamo ako."
"Ano'ng sinasabi mo?"
"These condoms you're giving away for free are solely for the straight people only! I demand equality here, include the gays kung ayaw mong ikahiya ka namin!"
My cheeks heated up, I don't know what to react. Paano nalang kung pati muka ko may print pa kasama ng Alfa Democrats?
Dahil ba 'to sa pa-free hotdogs ko kaya nagdedesisyon na rin sila na wala akong alam? How could they have bypassed me on this one? Kailangan kong makausap si Blain o si Mighty Deev dito.
My half-sister is helping me throughout this election as per my dad's order, she was also a student leader from her former university that's why I trust her.
"Are you serious about this? Kung totoo man 'to, the reason condoms were handed away for free was for protection, for birth control, correct?"
"Just don't forget the gays please, I'm not an LGBTQ advocate here for nothing, I will keep fighting for our rights!"
Let's see what I can do, we need to discuss about this matter first.
I smirked when I remember something, "Oo na, Jazzver Louise. Pumunta ka nalang sa bahay mamayang gabi. May isang box pa ako ng f-condom, alam ko ubos na 'yung binigay ko sa 'yo noon. Pasimple ka pang hayop ka-"
"Ezra, I'm fucking serious! I won't stop fighting for our rights with anything!"
"I got it, okay? Just make sure you do your part, because if I win, I'm going to paint all of our staircases with rainbow. I'm not kidding.."
I put on my Alfa Democrats black shirt and prepared myself. Nakausap ko sina Blain at ang team, ang sabi nila ideya raw ni Mighty Deev ang free condoms dahil parte 'to ng future programs namin. Great?
Paano ko ngayon ija-justify 'yan? Buti nalang may heads up si Jazzver, at least nakapagbasa ako ng very light.
"Pero sana hindi niyo na pinalagyan ng Alfa Democrats ang mga pakete, hindi ako natutuwa!"
"It's for our campaign objectives, Meziah. Kailangang tumatak ang pangalan ng team natin sa bawat studyante, hindi lang mga individual names natin," Blain explained habang nagkakabisado ito ng panibagong speech niya. Nasa labas kami ng klase ni Professor Kelani, naghahanda para sa kampanya sa loob.
Tangina, Alfa Democrats? Condom? Hotdogs? I will surely be remembered in sickness or death.
Biglaan ang distribution ng condoms kanina kaya paniguradong babagsakan kami ng maraming tanong tungkol jan mamaya.
"Pwede na raw po kayong pumasok," isang student mula sa loob ang nagbukas ng pinto.
Hindi 'to ang unang beses pero kabadong kabado ako at hindi ko alam kung bakit.
Nasagot agad ang tanong sa isipan ko nang makita ko si Professor Cordova na prenteng nakaupo sa gitnang dulo ng classroom.
Pormal na black suit blazer, white inner top at black pencil skirt ang suot niya gaya ng dati. Her clothes fit her perfectly, and her hair was neatly put up in a bun. Is she a supreme court judge? No, but she's giving off the same authoritarian vibe. Like a lady boss or a CEO. As often happens, she's making my knees go weak.
Nevertheless, I thought she had quit from teaching?
This is Professor Kelani's class, she probably substituted. She's still a teacher 'no, for as long as she wants she can still handle classes like this.
"What's up, future Certified Public Accountants! We are Alfa Democrats at kayo ang priority namin!"
We began by introducing ourselves and our team. We also performed our own song composition not only to entertain the class but rather to convey an essential message. Hindi rin nawala ang paglatag ng adbokasiya ng aming grupo at presentasyon ng plataporma.
Tumayo si Professor Cordova pagkatapos ng pinal na palakpak ng lahat.
"Your thirty minutes are not yet over, please allow me to ask a few questions about your team, Miss Veneracion."
Her cold voice filled the room, all of the noise froze in an instant. Kung hindi ko lang nakasama ng personal itong si ma'am, katulad ng ibang studyante rito sa loob ngayon ay naninigas at nanginginig na ako sa takot.
"Can't she just let the students have this moment? I detest being asked questions like this, Professor Cordova isn't going to make things easy for us."
Mahinang bulong ni Blain sa likod ko, maagap kaming bumalik sa kanya kanyang pwesto at wala akong nagawa but to stand for them.
Tumikhim ang propesor, nakatayo ito ngayon sa gitna ng silid at pormal na nakatingin ngayon sa aming lahat dito sa harap.
"Why do you look so intimidated? I don't bite, Alfa Democrats."
I cracked a formal smile, "I beg to disagree, professor. We are just spellbound and mesmerized by your beauty.."
Shut your mouth, Ezra. I mentally cursed when I realized what I said.
She pushed her lips together before responding, "Stop messing around and keep your sweet talks with you, Miss Veneracion."
Bakit ba kasi siya magtatanong pa? Hindi naman siya makakaboto, eh.
"Ma'am, no offense intended, but which of the teams that presented today do you believe has captured your heart?"
One of the class asked the question, tumayo pa ito para siguradong mapansin ang tanong niya. Sa loob-loob ko ay napasimangot ako, kilala ko kasi 'to, kaibigan siya ni Achira Mitchel.
Professor Cordova entertained her question.
"To be honest, someone on this team, Alfa Democrats already have captured my heart.."
Tama bang nakikisawsaw ang tibok ng puso ko sa pantaong usapan na ito?
Nagtama ang mga mata naming dalawa, nagtagal rin 'yon ng ilang segundo hanggang sa siya ang unang umiwas.
"Name reveal!" the class teased in sync.
Habang panay sigaw ang buong klase ng 'name reveal' ay..
Naglakad ito paabante at huminto sa tapat ko hanggang sa ilang pulgada nalang ang pagitan ng katawan namin.
"Miss Ezra Meziah Y Veneracion, your badge button pin is falling," maarteng itinuro niya ang black round button pin sa right chest part ko, hindi maayos ang pagkaka-pin no'n at isang galaw ko nalang ay mahuhulog na ito.
Wait a minute, did she just call me by my full name? Para saan at ito nga yata ang unang beses na ginawa niya 'to?
Umatras ako sa pagkataranta dahil sa ikli ng distansyang pagitan namin kaya nahulog ang badge pin ko na mabilis na nasalo niya. See? Her adrenaline is really something, normal pa naman bilang isang tao pero napakahusay pa rin talaga.
Nakasulat doon ang pangalan ko at ng grupo namin, doon niya binasa ng pormal ang complete name ko kanina.
"Ma'am?" may gulat ko pa ring reaksyon, nakatitig sa badge ko sa kamay niya.
Kanina pa pala niya 'yon iniaabot sa akin pero nawala na naman ako sa sarili, at ang sumunod na ginawa niya ay lalong ikinawala ko sa konsentrasyon.
"Relax, cheese whiz," her dark eyes met mine, binawi niya ang kanyang kamay sa harapan ko.
She took a step forward and pinned my badge on my right chest before proceeding to her desk. She sat on her chair, folded her legs, and fixed her gaze on us like nothing happened.
Sobrang lakas yata ng kabog ng nagwawalang puso ko at imposibleng hindi niya naramdaman iyon kanina.
"Going back to your question class. I don't want to sound biased, but to reveal her name..Blain Finnegan of Alfa Democrats is one of my attendees in our multie-series workshop program and a student-librarian assistant. She's not just smart, but also responsible and hard working."
"Oh, it's Blain Finnegan! How about the team in particular?" sunod na tanong ng madaldal na accountant student na 'yon, gusto ko nang sumabog sa hindi malamang dahilan.
"I like Alfa Democrats but for the time being, Cassie Sylvester's team is standing out since they have more precise and effective platforms. Everyone is genuinely qualified for the roles they're contending for, and they're also dominating the early polls."
She's really saying this right on our faces?
Pumapangalawa kami sa survey, hindi ba niya 'yon babanggitin? Magtatanim na ba ako ng sama ng loob dahil sa favoritism remarks niya? Mali, she's just being objective and my competitive ass just can't deal with it.
"Let's not get too carried away. I only have few following questions before you go, Alfa Democrats. What particular experiences or skills have prepared you as a team to run and serve as Supreme Student Council Officers?"
Malakas ang pakiramdam ko na hindi lang ako nag-iisa rito, alam kong nararamdaman din ng kagrupo ko ang halo-halong emosyong humihila sa 'kin pababa ngayon.
Walang nag-atubiling sumagot, masama na rin yata ang loob nila o takot nang tumayo dahil sa mga naunang salitang binitiwan ng propesor. Down the line, Blain stepped forward and answered the question eloquently, she was impressed. Tila favorite candidate na siya ni Professor Cordova, halata naman.
"How about you, Miss Veneracion? What has been your greatest leadership achievement to-date?"
Akala ko tapos na, ano 'yan?
"I don't have the same leadership accomplishments and experiences as my team mates, but I did captain a swimming team in high school. We won a series of annual championships against other schools, and that is one of my proudest achievement thus far."
Sa 'di malamang dahilan ay tila naningkit ng bahagya ang mga mata niya, malalim ang dating ng mga tingin niya, hindi pa siya tapos.
"Given the concerns that have arisen, you are recognized to be one of the students with a poor academic record. Can you share us one of your external and internal identities that influenced you to apply for this position."
She's asking questions off-the-cuff, pakiramdam ko tuloy may thesis defense tapos siya 'yung pinaka-cute pero halimaw na judge/panel.
"You.."
"Internal and external identities?" she remarks.
Wala sa isip akong sumagot, "You're my kryptonite.."
"What are you talking about?"
Dang it, kung totoong thesis defense nga ito, bagsak na ako matic dahil sa mga pinagsasabi ko. Resulta 'to ng halo-halong nararamdaman ko ngayon, the signals..ayoko nalang mag-talk and mag-assume.
"I'm referring to my weaknesses, which influenced my decision to apply for this position. I want to overcome them and use them as tools and motivation to further my skills..my ideal self which is becoming someone who can be a role model to my fellow students," I answered with an air of honesty.
At some point, feeling ko hindi na ako 'to at ibang tao na ako dahil sa mga lumalabas sa bibig ko. Ang hirap palang maging mabuting tao, pero libre kaya bahala na.
I fucking hate politics in my academic life but I have to endure it because at the end of the day concerning my own personal development, this can be an awesome preparation for my career and most importantly, I am regarded as someone who plays life a lot, and I want to change that.
"Miss Veneracion?"
"Yes ma'am?"
Naiwan ako rito sa loob at nauna nang lumabas ang mga kasamahan ko. The class has ended by her challenging question and answer portion. Mabuti nalang nakapaghanda kahit papaano ang Alfa Democrats kaya naitawid namin ng maayos ang campaign sa klase niya pero para pa rin akong natusta dahil sa mga mainit na tanong tungkol sa condom.
"Red is excited to meet you tomorrow pero hindi muna kayo tutuloy sa YAF.."
Saturday na pala ngayon, kung hindi ko pa narinig sa kanya ito ay hindi ko na mapapansin at maaalalang may lakad ako kinabukasan with her brother.
"Bakit daw? What happened, ma'am?"
"He's sick, kagagaling niya lang sa hospital for his check-up with mama. We can't allow him to swim agad," she explained.
"I'm gonna try to drop-off tomorrow, for now please send him lots of my feel-better hugs," may himig ng lungkot na saad ko.
I took off the guitar we had used moment ago from my body and returned it in its case.
Magpapaalam na sana ako para umalis nang magsalita ulit siya.
"Do you still need to attend classes for your campaign?"
"This is the last class listed sa schedule namin today, ma'am," mahinahon kong sagot.
She nodded and pointed the paper bags at the side of her table, "Help me carry all of this."
It's a commanding statement, ano pa nga ba.
Last week na nga ng January ngayon at wala pang Valentine's month pero marami na siyang natatanggap na kung anu-anong ka-corny-han from the students. Hindi na siya nagtuturo sa lagay na 'to ha, kaya sigurado akong sa former students niya 'to galing lahat.
These are flowers, chocolates and love letters.
She's really gorgeous, an extra kaya naniniwala na ako sa mga sabi-sabi rito, paanong 'di siya mapapansin ng mga tao rito? Para siyang si Rapunzel na nasa pinakamataas na palapag ng library building tapos sobrang haba ng buhok.
"This is why I hate attention," dinig ko pang bulong niya sa sarili, eh paano, kaliwa't kanan din ang mga studyanteng bumabati sa kanya.
"Where are your baggy clothes? When did you start wearing uniforms in proper sizes?" hindi ko na malagyan ng preno ang bibig ko, masyado na akong naiinis, hindi ako sigurado kung iyan ba ang tamang larawan sa nararamdaman ko ngayon.
I hated her baggy uniforms before, wala ngang araw na hindi ko nilalait ang mga suot niya no'n pero ngayong ganito siya mag-ayos bakit imbes na matuwa ay kabaligtaran na?
Dahil ba may nanliligaw na kaya siya ganito ngayon?
Paikli nang paikli mga suot niya, naaasar ako.
"Since I started getting the attention that only matters to me," she twisted her lips. "But I still hate massive attention.."
Sinasabi ko na nga ba, swerte naman ng Arthur na 'yan pero wala akong pakialam sa atensyon na kaya niyang ibigay.
"I told you, kahit ano'ng gawin mo sa sarili mo..you can't stop people from adoring you. You will keep receiving praises and all the attention you're trying to push away no matter how you look like."
"At the very least, I can reduce them, especially people with unrealistically unachievable standards of beauty like you."
I stopped walking and looked back at her.
"Reduce them by trying to look ugly?" napakurap ako. "At bakit ako nadamay sa kanila, ma'am?"
Nilagpasan niya lang ako pagkatapos niya akong irapan, "You mentioned about having high standards with women when I asked you about your Girlfriend Trial Card."
I like spicy and first-rate girls but not all of them can exceed my personal standards, gayunman hindi nga ito naiiba sa preference ng mas nakakarami dahil gano'n naman na talaga ang panibagong muka ng mundo natin ngayon.
Nanaig muna ang katahimikan hangga't sa makapasok kami sa office niya, hindi pa rin nawala sa isip ko ang pinag-usapan namin kanina.
"You are free to be yourself, ma'am," hindi mapigilang kumento ko. "Stop pushing people away by pretending to be someone you are not."
Her eyes darkened, as though she was offended with what I said, "Are you saying that I've been faking all of this right from the beginning?"
"I don't consider your eyeglasses, odd uniforms and weird make-ups as something as fake-"
"Veneracion, you have been caught by your own words," her voice is filled with disappointment. This topic really seems to frustrate her big-time. "Same breed as the others, hindi na ako magugulat if you practice double standards too, wala kang pinagkaiba sa kanila.."
"Tastes, standards..preferences change in time and circumstances, professor," I tightened my jaw, admitting that I had uttered inappropriate words, which is why it's so difficult to match her displeasure now.
Fuck all the crazy and unfair society standards of beauty nowadays including mine. I don't find spicy girls hot anymore, ekis na silang lahat sa 'kin. She was right, my set of standards not only for girls but also to other things clearly indicate the presence of hypocrisy, bias or unjust behaviors.
Pero sana makita niya, kung gaano ko sinusubukan baguhin lahat ng 'yan ngayon. Kung hindi man, okay lang. I'm used to being misunderstood..
I put all the things na binuhat ko sa itinuro niyang bakanteng table kanina.
"I hope you didn't miss my point, and please accept my apologies for the language I used. I didn't want to offend you, ma'am."
"Tell me what makes you different from them," sumandal siya sa desk niya at nagkrus ng mga braso sa dibdib.
Napangiwi at napaatras ako nang bahagya, pakiramdam ko biglang sumikip ang office niya o marubrob lang ang mga tingin niya..nanghihimasok.
"I need a moment," may kabang sambit ko, nalilito sa ginagawa niya ngayon. She took out a sheet of most likely, a make-up remover wipes, and started cleansing her face, beginning with her eyeshadow.
"A little closer, Veneracion," she firmly and slowly swipes her hand in front of her, commanding me to walk closer. Can she just quit being so bossy? Because she's making it a habit to quickly subdue me in any situation.
Never again magiging marupok pero nasa harapan niya lang ulit ako ngayon, being the most obedient human being in this world.
"Ano'ng ginagawa mo?" I can't really tell how to feel on this.
"Removing my make-up? Problema mo?" she gently tucks back her baby hair as she gently cleanses the edge of her eyelids with the black eyeliners, she looks expensive while doing it. Kahit siguro magbalat lang 'yan ng saging ay ang ganda at elegante pa rin ng dating.
"It's not like this is the first time I've seen your bare face," I stated, unmoved by her sudden body language. What the hell is she trying to do? Is she proving a point here?
"Now tell me how you differ from them," her head tilts slightly as her words roll off her tongue.
She flashed me a neutral expression after wiping her sensual eyes, she didn't remove anything at all because she wasn't even wearing much make-up.
"This really matters to you doesn't it?" kunwari'y kalmado ko pang balik, hindi na makatarungan 'to, hindi ko pa naiintindihan ang punto ng ginagawa niya ay sari-saring emosyon na ang nararamdaman ko.
"I despise being judged because of how I dress up, or how I apply my make-up," her dark eyes dilated, by that I know I really did upset her. Seconds later, she extends her hand to delicately twirl my ID lanyard before tugging me closer.
"Professor, I see everything that no one else does. That is what differentiates me from these people," awtomatikong singhal ko, iniintindi ang unti-unting pagsikip ng ID lanyard ko sa aking leeg. Antsy, I distinctly remember teasing her to choke me, and now that she's doing it, can I just fly into shadows?
Her sharp stare is penetrating, the lanyard tightened, she's pulling me so close that I can see each one of her long eyelashes. "Am I attractive now, Miss Veneracion?"
"Do you really care about what I think? Bothered, professor?" I whisper, acting like the lanyard choking me is not affecting me.
"I know myself better than you and if you think I'm doing this to seek for your validation then you're completely wrong and stupid-"
"I find you pretty, damn it. Yes you are and never in my life have I met someone like you.." I said continuesly.
My breathing is hard and I can feel my heart starting to sink lower. Kahit dito lang, no denying, magsasabi ako ng totoo.
"I have told you that multiple times already, you're beautiful in your own way," mariing dagdag ko pa, nangyayari na ang gusto niyang mangyari at makuha. Kulang nalang ay lumuhod ako sa harapan niya, ano ba 'tong ginagawa niya sa 'kin, this is out of the world!
The lanyard loosened up, bumitaw siya at umiwas ng tingin. Maybe to distract herself at nag-sink in na sa kanya ang ginagawa niya, sinakal niya ako para lang itanong kung maganda siya tama ba 'yon?
Kumuha siya ng panibagong wipes para punasan ang labi niya na parang wala ulit nangyari.
"You're free to go," humina ang boses niya, umiling ako at nagmatigas nang subukan niya akong itulak.
"End of conversation?" I had to massage my neck for a moment, refraining my eyes to light up.
She made an attempt to push me again, "Veneracion, didn't you hear me? I told you to-"
"Sush.." putol ko rito, our eyes locked again at utang na labas tinutunaw na naman niya ang natitirang lakas ko. I snatched the wipes from her hand leading me to close the remaining gap between us by locking her wrists on her both sides.
"I'm giving you 1 minute to stay away from my face or I'll break your vocal box," she threatened and tried to take back the wipe from me but I just whisked her hand away.
"Let me do it for you, you don't need that wipes," my eyes drop to her lips, then completely levelling my head to her face. I adjusted myself and hovered my lips against the side of her mouth, but she moved her head away to avoid me, forcing me to make my last-minute option by kissing her adam's apple..that is attractively pulling upward in the process.
I smirked feeling her entire body quiver. I paused momentarily to view her crimson face, she seemed flustered and furious. Was she expecting me to kiss her on the lips?
Sinakal niya ako, ginantihan ko lang siya pero sa mas malambing at masuyong paraan. Dampi lang naman ang ginawa ko dahil iniingatan ko ang buhay ko, ayoko pang makita si Judas.
"Jerk," she said glaring at me, her enraged eyes confirmed my thoughts. Malakas niyang iwinaksi ang mga kamay ko sa magkabilang palapulsuhan niya.
Hindi ko tinanggal ang mga kamay ko at nanatili lang ang mga iyon sa gilid niya, against the desk..I like it more this way.
"My flirting skills have become quite rusty, ma'am. Can I practice them on you from now on?" I maintain my serious face, fighting to hide my playful smile.
"Are you asking permission? Really now? I understand you can't live without doing that to your women, but please keep me out of this from then on," tinulak niya ako, sa katangahan ko halos matumba pa ako o sadyang malakas lang talaga 'yung pwersa ng pagkakatulak niya.
"It's a serious flirting, no other girls involved," I stuck my hands inside my coat's pockets and leaned back against the door.
"Is that supposed to be funny?" nakataas kilay niyang gilalas.
"I'm serious.."
Lumapit siya para buksan 'yung pinto, humarap siya ulit sa 'kin para ismiran ako.
"Cut the comedy, Veneracion.."
"I didn't say something funny. Okay, let me just tell you something about my breed: just like you, we all can change too. I no longer flirt for the sake of flirting, kakasabi ko lang na nagbago na ang pananaw ko sa bagay na 'yan," napailing ako.
"Once a playgirl, always a playgirl, Veneracion.." she counters firmly, hindi kumbinsido sa sinabi ko. "Next time, please choose your prey wisely.."
Napaawang ang bibig ko. Prey? What? I've never treated her as a gaming target for damn's sake? Hindi ko siya masisisi, people perceive me as a manipulative playgirl who enjoys the chase and the attention that comes with tying women up.
But, throughout the course of the last several months, did she ever feel played around me? Kasi hindi ko man ito masabi ng diretso sa kanya, alam ko sa sarili kong paunti-unti ay sinusubukan kong kumawala sa toxic shadows ko, kabilang na roon ang pambababae at kung paano ko sila tratuhin bilang kapwa ko.
"What made you think I'm playing games here, professor? What if..I'm not?"
"Veneracion, you don't like me to begin with. I know that you're just here to have fun so choose a real player. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm not like all the other women you can fool and play games with whenever you want."
Hindi ako nakaimik agad, walang kumukurap sa malalim na titigigan naming dalawa..saglit ay parang nawalan ako ng sasabihin. I think she's waiting for me to say something but I couldn't pull myself together.
"See, I'm right aren't I?" she lowered her voice.
"You're wrong, I believe," mahina kong sabi, kumurap ako at nag-iwas ng tingin, inabala ang mga mata sa labas ng pintuang binuksan niya.
"That you're playing a game with me?" I heard her say.
"Na hindi kita gusto," I stepped out of the door without looking at her.
If this is a game and even if she's not a player, I know she can always beat me. She's the only woman who can fully beat my arrogance, and deflate my ego.