"He just has a constant need to piss me off!" I was ranting to Willow about Mason Mount while we were walking to our usual table for lunch. I was going to spill the beans about finally sorta going out with Tyler before she asked me how walking home is going.
"Sounds to me like he has a little crush on you."
I scoffed, "now you're just making shit up. He does this stuff on purpose. If that's how he thinks he can get a woman then he has no hope for the future."
"I'm sure he's not that annoying," she laughed, "you can get annoyed by the littlest thing."
"Trust me, he's undeniably annoying." I said sitting down at our table.
"Who's undeniably annoying?" Sabrina pokes her head up. I internally rolled my eyes for her constant need to snoop into my business. I mean I understand that we're in the same friend group, but it's very clear we don't like each other and sticking her nose into my food only adds to my annoyed state. And If she heard I've spoken to one of the academy players, I'll never hear the end o—
"Some academy player she talks to every time she walks past the training grounds." Willow blurted out. My head jolted towards her direction, eyes wide open. I gave Willow a death glare. "I-I mean—"
"You? You're friends with an academy player? But you don't even like football." Sabrina whined, words laced with jealousy. I looked around to see everyone staring at me now.
"I would never be friends with that arrogant asshole, he just tries to annoy me every time I walk past." I rolled my eyes, "and I don't have to like football to be friends with a footballer, Sabrina." We both sent daggers towards each other. I don't know when we started to dislike each other, I don't even know what I did for her to hate me so much. But if she's going to be a bitch to me I might as well project the same energy.
"That's not even fair! You out of all people get the opportunity to talk to a professional footballer." She pouted.
"Please, he's far from professional. Talk to Mason all you want as long as it makes him leave me the fuck alone."
"Wait? You mean Mason Mount?! The Under 18s captain?!" She slammed her hands on the table and stood up for dramatic effect.
"God even hearing his name gives me a headache." Sabrina's jaw was practically on the floor with her new found information. So what he's the captain? His status won't get him anywhere. There's always going to be someone better out there to take his place.
"How do you even know these people, Sabrina? I only know the people in the senior team." Someone at our table said and I groaned.
I was honestly done with this whole Mason Mount Football talk. People just go on and on repeating the same things all over again like it's something interesting to talk about. I drifted off from the conversation and thought of what happened the day before. After the whole 'I like you let's be something more' interaction with Tyler we decided to go to the diner we always went to after his football matches. We flirted the whole time there and even made out a little— you know, classic teenage cliche crap and I honestly have never been happier. Not only was I finally dating my long term crush, but I, best of all, didn't get to see Mr Arrogant either.
Today Tyler and I didn't have many classes together so we haven't really gotten an opportunity to be alone or even talk to each other. But whenever I notice him down the hall or even now at the table, he doesn't seem to want to make eye contact with me. The most I've gotten today was an accidental glance..I mean- usually a guy would search the entire room for the girl if they liked them so much, right?
I sighed, thinking none of it as I kept staring at him. He was talking to Sabrina about god knows what– probably football but I couldn't be bothered to listen. I tried to make a subtle signal to get his attention but nothing was working. I was about to call his name out when I noticed him leaning closer to her as she laughs at a joke he said.
Almost like how he did with me yesterday...
She placed a hand on his bicep, leaving it to linger once she stopped laughing which began to make my blood boil. Willow must've noticed my annoyed state and nudged me to grab my attention.
"You good?" I rolled my eyes, making it quite obvious that I was indeed not good. I shrugged her off and continued to read Tyler and Sabrina's body language. "I'm sure that doesn't mean anything, Nora. I wouldn't jump to conclusions, you know how close Tyler and Sabrina are." I sighed. I guess she's right. It wouldn't be fair on him if I just lashed out without an explanation. And I do know how close they are.
There's nothing to worry about..
————AFTER SCHOOL————
I was on my way to meet Tyler at the front of the school to hang out again when I met Willow in the middle of the hallway. "Hey where are you heading?" Willow said.
"Meeting up with Tyler.." I said with a blush creeping up onto my cheeks.
"For the second time in a row? That's weird..." there were a few silent seconds and I could practically hear the gears shifting in her brain. I knew I didn't have to tell her because she would figure it out on her own. "Wait!" She stops in the middle of the hallway with a bewildered look on her face, "are you and Tyler..." I nodded my head vigorously with the biggest grin on my face. She screamed as though she just saw Harry Styles and jumped on me, engulfing me in a big hug, "holy shit! Finally!!!" She's been routing for us ever since I told her I liked him so to see her as happy as I felt when it happened brings me so much joy. "Oh my god why am I keeping you waiting. Let's go!" She dragged me outside of the school and I scanned the area to find Tyler.
We usually meet at our usual spot behind the tree but he's wasn't there right now, which was strange because I saw him ahead of me in the hallway a moment ago... I kept searching the outside area practically bouncing up and down out of anticipation to see him again. Yesterday felt so perfect hanging out with him and it's all I want to do now.
To always be around him.
I felt a little nudge to my side and I turn my face to see Willow with a shocked expression. I furrowed my eyebrow and travelled my eyes to the direction hers were looking in and my heart sunk.
At that moment, all I wanted to do was run away. All I wanted to do was hide away out of embarrassment. I wanted to punch a wall and snuggle up in my bed at the same time. I wanted to collapse because of how weak my knees felt from the sight I was seeing. I felt like throwing up. I felt like ripping my hair out and bashing my head up against the wall for being so stupid.
But instead I quickly paced my way towards Tyler and detached his lips off Sabrina's with a harsh yank.
"Why?" I was surprised my voice was so firm. It was a complete contrast with what I was feeling inside and it took my all not to break down or shed a tear at that very moment. "Why did you lie to me?"
His face was shocked. Whether it was because he felt guilty or that he'd just been caught, I don't know. "Look— Nora I—"
"You said you wanted something more." My voice was a mere whisper, but you could hear the rage and sadness in the words. I closed my fist to restrain my temptation to slap the shit out of him. This was the most vulnerable I've ever been in front of anyone and I hated it. I needed to compose myself and make it seem like I was unaffected by this.
"Nora.. you know I didn't mea—"
"Was it because I didn't want to fuck you at school?" I took a step closer, just wanting to get the truth over and done with so I can run and hide. "Or did you never have feeling for me in the first place?"
"Nora—"
"Tell me for fuck sake!" I yelled out, attracting everyone's attention. At least everyone would know how much if an asshole this guy is.
"I-I just.. I never saw anything in us other than meaningless sex.. I know it sounds bad Nora but I really do only see you as a friend and I regret telling you I wanted something more. I don't know what I was thinking then." He sighed.
"So everything you said to me yesterday? It was all a lie? And you've been snogging around with Sabrina this whole time?!" Any sadness or rejection I felt before has turned into borderline rage. I could feel my chest heaving and I wouldn't be surprised if smoke started coming out of my ears. I was about to raise my fist to make contact with his face but Willow quickly stepped in and pulled me away from him.
"Nora.. let's—" I pushed her off me, not wanted anyone to talk to me at the moment. No words could describe how angry I was. He knew what he was doing this whole time and still decided to play me. And I was so stupid to fall for it. There were so many signs as well.. His on and off flirting, how he'd sometime lash out at me for touching him too much, the dirty eyes I got from Sabrina. No wonder she hated me, she probably thought I was trying to steal her man. I took one last glance— more like a death glare, at Tyler before I stormed off.
Once I got away from everyone all the emotions started to flood back in. Anger, sadness, disgust, nausea, heartbreak, rejection.. but I most of all, betrayal. He was my best friend and someone I valued for the longest time and he goes and lies to me? Treat me like I'm nothing more than a person he can toy around? All these emotions were beginning to become too overbearing and I didn't know how to control them. My hands were shaking, my lips were trembling, my breathing was rigid and my vision was becoming blurry... there was only one thing I could do to release this tension building up in my chest but I tried resisting it. But it was simply too strong for me to overcome so I released.
I cried.
Hard.
Non-stop tears were flowing down my face and loud sobs were escaping my mouth. I rarely cry. I always hated it. That vulnerable feeling you feel every sob you release, every tear that runs down your face, every breathe you're forced to take. I hated it. A single tear drop can break down all your walls you spent years building up, showing the world the weakest and most pathetic side of you. I liked how people perceived me and I'm glad I'm alone right now so no one can see how truely upset I am over a boy who played me.
My tears were eventually calming down. There were no more loud ass sobs that make you sound like you have the hiccups on steroids and no more trembling hands or quivering lips. Just occasional tears and a dark pit in my chest that's waiting to be filled. I kept my head down as I continued walking, not aware of how far I've walked or if I've even missed my turn, but I'm so distracted and drained that I just kept walking.
And if my day couldn't get any worse... "Heyyy, Nori! I missed you yesterday." A familiar yet annoying voice said. I didn't even have the energy to roll my eyes this time. I just wanted to be alone right now and I have a feeling getting rid of him would be 10x more difficult if he saw the state I was in. He's always so nosey. "Ah, going for the silent treatment today? It didn't work last time so it won't work this time." I could hear his footsteps synchronise with mine, even though mine were at a slow pace and I know how impatient he is. "Yo, Nori." I continued to ignore him, too lost in my own world to realise he was talking to me. I sniffled but immediately regretted it after realising he must've caught on I was upset.
"Nora?" I shut my eyes praying he didn't pick up on it but judging my his tone of voice I think he did. "Hey.." his voice was calm.. almost reassuring. He reached out through the fence and gently grabbed my arm to stop me and I gasped.
The contact made me shiver. It made me feel something I've never felt before. It was like an addicting vibration coursing from his veins to mine. Almost like hot-wiring a car and the contact roared my heart alive. His hand felt warm but cold at the same time, almost like the feeling I got when I looked into his eyes. My heart began to beat at a rapid rate and something dropped in my stomach. It was almost like the contact set something alight in me.
Almost like sparks..
My head quickly jolted in his direction and I was met with his eyes. They were laced with concern but quickly soften when he saw my tear stained eyes and I was quickly put back into reality. He saw the state I was in. "Nora.. what the hell happened?" I yanked my arm away from his grip immediately craving the contact again. I tried to harden my face to show no emotion but I'm sure my puffy, bloodshot eyes and red nose weren't giving me any success.
"Nothing. Just leave me alone.." I tried to speak as though nothing was wrong but my voice came out hoarse and croaky. I internally face palmed at my pathetic attempts to hide my vulnerability and looked down in shame.
"You can talk to me, you know that right?" I stood there playing with my fingers, contemplating whether or not I should tell him. I don't even know why I'm considering it in the first place.. but I did push away Willow and now I have no one else to vent to... "Here." He said, sitting down on the wet grass right at the edge of the fence. I saw his face grimace at the wet contact for a second but decides to stay seated. I hesitantly sat down in front of him but on concrete pavement. All there was separating us was a tall black fence. I kept my head down, too ashamed to face him and picked the grass beneath me.
It took me a moment to finally explain what happened but when I did, Mason didn't reply or interrupt with his usual snarky and narcissistic comments like he'd usually do. He just sat and listened to me and agreed with most of my comments. I'd often look up to see his reaction but he had a blank expression the whole time. I couldn't even read him. I was successful in not shedding any tears during my rant which I thanked god for. I didn't want him seeing me any more vulnerable than I was now..
"Fuck him." He had a stiff look on his face and I saw him clench his jaw. "He's a dickhead."
"Yeah.. I guess so." My opinion may be a little bias but I was head over heels for this guy for the longest time. As much as I'd wish for it to happen, I couldn't just lose feelings for someone in a matter of hours..
"I mean you hung out with him instead of talking to me yesterday." He said trying to lighten the mood. His words managed to crack a small smile in me and I shook my head. He got up from the ground and offered to help me get up. I stared at his hand for a moment, thinking about the reaction I got when he touched me before. Surely they weren't sparks? How could I get sparks from the person I hate the most? Maybe it was because I was too jittery before. I kept making excuses up in my head, telling myself it's all bullshit and my body is just drained. "You going to get up or are you waiting for my hand to be sliced of?" I looked up at him with a nervous expression and reluctantly took his hand.
The overbearing tingles returned once my hand made contact with his again. My whole body shivered at the touch but I tried my best to not make it seem like I'm affected by it. Unfortunately the feeling went as quick as it came once he effortlessly pulled me up from the ground and I wished he had kept holding me for longer.. I seriously wonder if he felt them too. I took a deep breath in, feeling my heart pace a little as I tried to calm it down.
"Give it a few days and everything will be fine again." He tried reassuring me. I gave him a what had to be the weakest smile anyone's ever flashed and nodded my head. He started to walk along the fence and it took me a moment to realise what he was doing. I quickly picked up my pace to catch up with him and awkwardness filled the air.
"Can you... forget what I said before? I'd like it if you didn't constantly remind me of how pathetic I am.." I said a moment later.
He looked at me confused, "I'm not an arsehole." I gave him an 'are you serious' look as he rolled his eyes. "As long as it means this relationship is no longer on pause, I will keep my mouth shut about it." He smirk, once again trying to lighten the mood. I rolled my eyes and continued walking but now without the heavy weight in my chest.
"And I don't think you're pathetic, Nori."