"I am sorry , Ms miracle but we can't continue with your treatments , your cancer is too advanced and I am afraid it has spread out to other organs as well."
I sat still as my oncologist Mr Johnson read out my fate like it was already drafted , he wore a stoic expression trying his best not to be emotional , trying to balance work and family .
I raised my chin to look at him , swallowing up the lump that formed at the back of my throat , I had been preparing for this day since I found out about my cancer last two years . I went for treatments , believed and had hope that I would survive but life was a bitch always reminding us that we are nothing but pawns in it's hands , try as we may to protest , we are nothing but pawns .
Mr Johnson brought his hands to his face no doubt not finding words to fit the news he was about to break to me .
" I am sorry but we can't continue with the treatment , your body has stopped responding to them , and your at the last stages of Small cell lung cancer {SCLC} , there isn't much we can do but keep you comfortable till your body goes off " I took a deep breath and grabbed doctor Johnson's hands
" how long do I have? " I asked ,
Doctor Johnson took a deep breath squeezed my hands " just a year left "
he said his voice just above a whisper .
I slumped back in the seat I was in and took deep breaths trying to force the tears down as they threatened to pour out , Doctor Johnson came around and engulfed me in a hug and that was when the dam broke , my tears came in waves as I sobbed into his chest clutching onto him for dear life.
I hoped everything was a dream that I would wake up and everything would be alright but that was my sad reality , I was going to die in a Year's time , I stayed in Doctor Johnson hug for a few minutes before I pulled away I suddenly felt the urge to be away from the hospital , I always hated the antiseptic smell , the sadness and in-between life and death auras that always hung around it , it drove me insane and right now it was doing nothing to help me .
" I will be on my way John , thanks for everything , we saw this coming , I wish it wasn't so soon " I said getting to my feet ready to make my escape but doctor Johnson hand grabbed me " will you be ok okay? " He asked , I nodded my head .
" Alright then , I will send the rest of your medications to your house , painkillers to help with the pains and joint pain , call if something happens " he said pure concern laced in his voice . I went to him and grabbed him in a hug , I don't think I would have been able to make it this far if he wasn't my doctor , I wanted to give up but he gave me hope , he was my dad's best friend , therefore he was like a second father to me " I will be fine don't worry okay, Make sure to grab something for lunch " I said kissing his cheek " I don't think I will be able to eat after today " he replied .
I looked tenderly at him but I couldn't and woudn't let them start mourning while I was still alive " John " I used the nickname I had always called him since I was five .
" Can we postpone that till the day I actually die , I wouldn't want you coming with me to the great beyond , I hear it's a scary place" .
I say attempting a joke and it worked a plastic smile appeared on his face it wasn't what I was looking for but it was close , I hugged him one last time and left the hospital .
I took the bus home , I had refused to take my car , because I didn't know what to expect after my visit to the hospital I didn't think I would be in a position to drive , I made it back home in less than forty minutes , I walked into the house and found my mom in the kitchen making lunch , it was an image I was used to , I always came home to her making lunch since I was In elementary school , it was a good thing she worked from home , before I could stop myself I went to her and grabbed her in a hug.
" Honey , your home , I didn't hear the door open , how was it?" She asked .
I released her as she turned to face me ,
" I have just one year to live mom , I am dieing ".
I couldn't think of a better way to phrase my words so I just said them as they came , the look on my mom's face was that of shock before it morphed into pure agony , she pulled me in for a hug and held on to me after a while I reminded her of our lunch and went up to my room .
I went through the hallway leading to my bedroom I came across the picture of my late dad on the wall , he was wearing a beautiful smile on his face , I couldn't remember exactly how my dad died but I could remember his smile, he was always so happy even when he was going through things , his smile never faded it was etched on his face forever .
I went into my room and fell face down on my bed , I wanted to scream , life was not fair , I thought of my mom , when I died she was going to be left alone in this lonely world , life already took my dad from her and she was about to lose me too.
I suddenly started feeling sweaty and my headaches was rolling in , a symptom of the last stages of SCLC , I went into the bathroom to shower I let the water heat up as much as I could stand it and stepped under the shower I let the water cascade down my hair and I felt my muscles relax , I showered and after five minutes made my way out of the bathroom put on my clothes and went downstairs , I didn't have an appetite , another symptom , a clear sign my body was giving up on me , but I still managed to eat as much as I could stomach so I made my way down and went into the kitchen , but my mom wasn't there anymore , I turned to walk towards her room but I heard sniffles and turned back towards the kitchen ,I didn't have the strength anymore , I was tired .
I dished up my food , my mom made jollof rice which was my favorite food but I couldn't eat it , I just sat down picking at the food , I already lost the appetite I didn't have so I packed up to he food and stored it away in the freezer and made my way outside the house .
I needed to be anywhere but my home , it made me sad knowing I wouldn't be there any longer .
I walked to the park just down the street from my house and sat on the bench by the play ground , it was usually empty by this time of the day , so I was alone with just a few people in it , I pulled out my ear pod and went through my phone play list and settled on one of Ardee song titled come and go , I let the lyrics wash over me though it was a rap song but the words in it held meaning to me
In this world you come and you go
Story of my life
I been on my ones on grinding
Not getting by but it's two timing
It's alright I don't mind it
However you cope
When you leave in a place so cold
Hearts get froze that don't trust a soul
Cos in this world you come and you go
The lyrics sang out in my ear , I guess I have come and I will be going soon . I relaxed my body into the bench closing my eyes ,my body was getting tired and my headaches was getting worse but it's a part of my life so I was a little bit used to it but the pain was excruciating I cried when it was at it's peak before I knew it my body drifted off into a dreamless sleep .
I woke up with a jolt someone had pulled at my hand I stood up looking frantically around for where the danger came and my eyes settled on a large muscular man standing before me with a menacing smirk on his face " finally sleeping beauty awakens " he pulled on my hand and tugged me towards a an alley , it was beginning to get dark and this part of the neighborhood was always deserted at this time of the day so I struggled with my abductor but I might as well have been pulling a brick wall because he didn't budge .
He dragged me up the alley and pushed me against the wall and held my wrists in a vice like grip " let go of me " .
I said through gritted teeth , my breaths was becoming shallow and I tried to stable it but it wasn't working. " your struggling turns me on , Keep doing it " .
The huge man said ,I glared at him and spat at him , he laughed and pulled my body closer to him , his eyes dropping to my chest where my breast was threatening to spill out of my shirt and caressed it , my body stiffened in disgust .
" please don't touch me " I pleaded with him " keep begging " he said .
I struggled against him , I tried kicking him but my body was way too tired to cooperate , he continued his exploration making me shiver in disgust and self loathing , he brought his lips to rest on my eyes and I closed my eyes wishing I could just die . I waited for his lips to descend on mine but it never came then I heard a loud thud and some curse words before the earth beneath me began to shift and I lost focus for a moment fighting the blackness wanting to envelope me , it was too comfortable , I struggled to stay concious but my body had other plans until my body hit the cold hard floor .