Chapter 40
"It's good to see a smile on Maya and Heyder's face," Mavi said as she led Birdie down the hall towards Rye's chambers.
Birdie nodded. She stared at the tall woman with greying hair and wore out eyes. Mavi was still as elegant and beautiful as ever. She moved with effortless grace, almost as if she was floating on air.
"How have you been?" She asked when Birdie did not speak for a while.
"Fine," Birdie lied.
She was very much not fine. Her nights were haunted by nightmares she could not escape from and her days were tormented by guilt she could not pull away from. She knew she needed to hold it together for her family's sake but day by day it was becoming impossible to pull herself out of bed or find the will to smile or speak. The constant hollowness inside of herself made Birdie feel as if she was a bottle lost at sea, left to the ruthless currents to toss her around.
There were moments where she was so disconnected from everyone and everything that it would feel as if her body was on autopilot and she was watching a movie. A movie about a girl sitting at the dinner table having dinner, a movie about a girl sitting on the front steps, a movie about a girl sliding farther and farther into the bathtub until the water began to burn her lungs and pull her back into her body.
"Birdie?"
Mavi's voice caused Birdie's feet to stop. She looked up and realized she had moved on while Mavi had stopped at the door a few feet away.
"Sorry," Birdie muttered as she walked back.
Mavi turned the door knob and made her way into the sitting room. She politely greeted the nurse aid and the chamber maids as they stood and bowed their heads. Birdie's eyes glossed over all of them until she found the one person she had been looking for.
"Mimzy..." her voice caught in her throat as her eyes landed on the small figure sitting by the window with her feet up on a round ottoman.
"I heard our baby bird came home," Rye's voice was warm and soft, Birdie could feel how tired she was with each word the woman spoke. "Come here. Let me look at you."
Mavi stepped out of the way as Birdie made her way over to where Rye sat. She reached out and took her great grandmother's fragile hand and turned to look at the evergreen queen.
"Oh, look at you," Rye smiled. "You look........sick."
"Mom," Mavi frowned.
"She does!" Rye said defensively. "Look at her skin. Has it always been this pale? She has no meat on her bones."
"Mimzy," Birdie sank to her feet, her eyes filling with tears as she spotted the empty seat beside the old woman.
"I know, it's tragic," Rye sighed. "I've aged like a grape."
"Mom, Birdie just found out about dad," Mavi walked up to her mother and placed her hands on Rye's shoulders. "She wanted to come see you and make sure you were okay."
"Is that why you are crying?" Rye arched her brow. The folds around her eyes were deep set, making her grey hair blend in with her grey eyes.
"I wish I got to say good bye," Birdie frowned.
"What for?" Rye shrugged. "You'll see him someday."
Birdie looked up at Mavi, her eyes silently asking if the woman was okay. She seemed so calm and unbothered.
"Come here," Rye tugged at Birdie's hand. "Sit down."
Birdie did as she was told. She wiped her eyes and placed her hands on her knees as Rye took a hold of her chin.
"Vitamin D deficiency," she muttered. "But most importantly....stop crying for Xavier."
Birdie's bottom lip trembled.
"Stop that," Rye pinched her chin harder. "Swallow that sob. There will be no sobbing or tears for my husband. He is doing just fine. We did not lose him. He's waiting for us all...just like he had waited for us all those years ago."
Birdie nodded slowly, biting down on her bottom lip to keep the sobs inside.
"My darling," the demanding edge to Rye's voice vanished. She pulled Birdie closer and placed a kiss on her hand. "I will see him again...we all will. There is a life after this. All this....it was all temporary. Our happily ever after will begin once we dock at Tobias' door steps."
"Do not cry," Rye said gently. "Xavier did not want anyone to cry for him. He made me promise all of you fools will behave while he was away."
Birdie could not help the sob that bubbled out of her. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her Rye as the woman patted her hair and kissed the side of her face.
"I'll tell you a secret," Rye whispered to Birdie. "He once told me you were his favorite."
"I bet you said that to everyone," Birdie laughed through her tears.
"Lying to make others happy isn't a crime," Rye shrugged.
"No," Birdie shook her head, feeling her heart contract and shrink. "It's not a crime."
With a tender smile, Rye brushed back Birdie's hair and kissed her again.
"I know it's hard right now," she said. "The first few weeks I was a shell...unable to understand or process what was happening or what had happened..."
Birdie felt her eyes tear up once more. She closed her lids and held her breath as she saw only one smile in her mind.
"But darling time heals everything and life goes on..." Rye continued. "You have to look around you and see that there are others we have to live for."
Birdie opened her eyes as the memories in her head of hot springs and sandstorms became too much for her to bear.
"I will see him again," Rye reminded her. "You will see him again..."
No, Birdie wanted to cry as she thought of navy blue eyes. I won't ever see him...not even after death...
"He's waiting for us all," Rye pulled Birdie back to look into her eyes.
"I..." Birdie couldn't stop herself. "I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to say thank you. He doesn't know."
"He knows," Rye nodded. "He knows, my love. He knows how much you loved him."
Birdie's heart stumbled, causing her to flinch from the sudden pain that burned through her whole body.
"No," Birdie shook her head, staring at her own reflection in Rye's eyes. "He doesn't know. He doesn't know anything."
"Then you can tell him," Rye laughed. "When you see him again."
"And if I don't?"
"Are you planning on committing mass murder and living out your days in the frozen caves of hell?" Rye asked.
"What if he's not there..." Birdie asked, her words coming out faster than her mind could process. "He's not going to be there."
"Of course he will be!" Rye frowned. "Where else would he be?"
"No, Mimzy," Birdie shook her head and tucked her hair behind her ears. "The other Paws. The one who raised Eggs. When he passed away in his timeline he didn't go to Tobias."
"No, he went to his Tobias," Rye said. "There are millions of timelines."
"And millions of afterlives," Birdie felt her inside shatter. "I won't see him..."
Rye stared at Birdie for a while as the girl sat with her eyes lost and down casted. She tugged on Mavi's hand and waited until the woman brought her ears down.
"Has Heyder or Maya taken her to a doctor since she has arrived?" Rye whispered.
"I'm unsure," Mavi replied.
"What are those two idiots waiting for," Rye huffed. "She needs to be seen by a professional."
"I don't need help," Birdie looked up.
"I've raised you better than this," Rye said. "If your parents won't do it, then I will. I know lots of great people who can help you."
"I don't need help," Birdie slowly rose to her feet.
"My darling, you look like a corpse bride," Rye pressed her lips into a thin line. "And you are going on about millions of afterlives. You need help."
"I'm fine," Birdie said.
"There's a lot happening right now," Mavi jumped in between the two stubborn minds. "Birdie is under a lot of stress with transitioning...I'm sure it will all be fine once she is caught up with everything."
"Who were you talking about?" Rye arched her brow, pinning Birdie with her watchful eyes.
"What?" Birdie shifted her weight.
"You said you won't see him again..." Rye repeated. "Who did you mean?"
"Paws..." Birdie felt her chest tighten.
Rye narrowed her eyes.
"Mom," Mavi looked at her mother with concern.
"She needs help, piglet," Rye announced. "Look at those eyes...they've seen a lot. And they're lying a lot."
Mavi and Birdie looked at each other as the old woman turned away to stare out the window. "Let Maya know she should take her baby bird to a doctor," Rye said. "It's not too late."
_____________________________
"You know she means well," Exton laughed as he draped his arm over Birdie's shoulder and pulled her closer. "Mom just has a funny way of showing she cares."
"Both Rye and Xavier were very worried about you when you were....away," Gemma said, setting down the teapot she was pouring from. "They hounded the Vikings for answers."
"I know she means well," Birdie pulled up her cold feet and wrapped her arms around them, holding herself. "But she seemed agitated...she needs help."
"You know Rye has never been very patient," Gemma laughed.
"And old age isn't really helping either with that," Exton ran hand a hand through his salt and pepper hair. Birdie stared at the way the grey strands curled with the dark ones. "She's been irritable."
"And bossy," Birdie muttered.
"She's always been bossy," Exton corrected her as he reached for his cup of tea. "Piglet told me everything."
"I don't need to see anyone," Birdie wanted to crawl into a hole, not sit with a stranger and pour her heart out. How could she ever say things she wasn't ready to admit to herself. Scary, frightening things.
"That's your choice," Exton nodded. "But I'm with mom. I think you should see someone. I'm not sure any of us can help you."
"You can," Birdie said. "You're not from this time. You know more than anyone what I went through."
Exton let out a deep sigh, "I can only tell you how time works."
"Then tell me," Birdie urged. "Tell me what happened. Where did I go? Was that even real?"
"Yes," Exton nodded. "It was all real."
Birdie's nails dug into her palm. She stared at her grandfather, waiting for him to say more.
"If you want to be self centered like your father then you can imagine that the timeline we are in right now is the supreme, the sacred one. Everything else extends from this."
"Okay," Birdie nodded.
"My birth timeline was a branch of this one," Exton explained. "There are many, many, many similar ones. Just with minor changes. But you.... You travelled into a different dimension all of its own."
"How is that possible?" Birdie asked.
"The veil is a very powerful place," Gemma joined in. "It's been sitting on jinn magic for as long as there have been jinns on this earth."
"The portal opening in the veil didn't take you into a different time branch in our universe," Exton said. "It took you into a completely different universe with its own sacred timeline and branches."
"The portal was like a black hole," Gemma said, her eyes anxious. "It opened up and sucked you out of our lives."
"How did it open?" Birdie asked.
"From what we have been able to learn from the Tyveer court it seems as though the portal has always been there," Exton said. "Like Gem said, jinn magic is unmatched in our universe. The portal was probably a result of all that chaos, just brewing through time."
"The Tyveers were able to seal it with their marks," Gemma continued. "Ira, your grandmother was in charge of one of the very last portals and when your blood spilled..."
"The doors opened and sucked you right in," Exton said.
"But it's not the jinn magic," Birdie shook her head.
"What do you mean?" Gemma asked.
"I felt it...it's different," Birdie shivered. "The pulse the portal has...it was not caused by the jinns. It was all fey magic."
Exton listened to his granddaughter attentively. He had his doubts about what Tyveer believed but he had no way of proving his theory.
"I believe you," he said after a pause. "As powerful as the jinns are...they couldn't have possibly created something like that."
"So it was the fey?" Gemma asked. "But why would they need something like that?"
"They needed to find a new home," Exton spilled.
"What do you mean?" Birdie asked.
"It's a working theory of mine," Exton shook his head. "Just something I've been thinking about."
"Let us pick your brain," Gemma teased.
"It's still a work in progress," Exton warned. "But I believe the fey were never a part of our universe. They used these portals to escape into different universes."
"Why would they do that?" Gemma asked.
"Power, wealth, greed," Exton shrugged. "Or...."
"Or?" Birdie waited.
"Or they were running," Exton said. "There are many reasons why people leave their homes. Outside of wealth and greed, they do it for safety."
"You think the feys were creating portals to escape from something in their universe," Gemma tilted her head.
"That's my theory," Exton nodded.
"I don't think so," Birdie frowned. "In Pangea, the fey were the top tier. There was no one else who could challenge them."
"Maybe in that timeline," Exton said. "Remember, they have different time branches just like us."
"What could be so terrible that the fey would run from it?" Gemma asked.
"I don't think I want to know, angel," Exton sighed.
________________________________________
Three days.
It had been three days since Adan had walked out of Birdie's room, leaving her in the dark crying her heart out. She wanted to reach out to him. Apologise again and again until he looked at her. Maybe that would ease some of the pain in her chest.
"Do you like my ballet flats?" Zuri asked as she laid beside Birdie on the bed. The little girl lifted her legs to show off the red silk flats tied neatly around her ankles.
"They're pretty," Birdie smiled.
"Thanks," Zuri lowered her legs. "Paba gets them for me. I have a whole bunch of them."
"That's nice," Birdie signed, pulling her pillow a bit closer as her eyes wandered into the forest outside her windows.
"Do you like to dance?"
"Not really."
"I do," Zuri said. "Mimi told me you used to do ballet like me. She let me wear your pink ballet skirt."
"I was very bad at it," Birdie smiled.
"Really?" Zuri laughed.
"She was the worst."
Birdie sat up as Adan spoke from the doorway. Her heart leaped into her throat and began to hammer, the pulse hitting every nerve in her head. She stared at him as he walked over to the bed and tugged on one of Zuri's red ribbons on her flat.
"Hey!" Zuri complained, pulling her feet back and blushing.
"What's up, princess?" Adan winked at her. "Happy to have your aunty back?"
"Yes," Zuri nodded.
"Me too," Adan admitted, making Birdie's eyes flutter up. "But I don't think she's happy to see me."
"How can you tell?" Zuri asked.
"Look at her," Adan laughed. "She's not smiling at me, she didn't say hi to me."
"Hi..." Birdie tried to smile, but it didn't work.
"See," Zuri laughed. "She's happy to see you."
"Hmm," Adan stared at Birdie. "I don't know. I think I need a little more convincing."
Birdie didn't know what to say as she sat still, holding her blanket on her lap. She couldn't meet Adan's eyes as her heart continued to beat with guilt in her chest.
"Zuri, can you please go get me a glass of water?" Adan smiled at the little girl.
"Sure," Zuri hopped off the bed and ran out without hesitation.
Adan waited until she was gone to wave his hand and close the door. Birdie swallowed the lump in her throat and cleared her voice after taking in a deep breath.
"You know that little girl has a crush on you, right?" She asked, thinking of the way Zuri was blushing. If only her Hayden knew.
"Does she?" Adan chuckled. "I'm more interested in her aunty."
Birdie's lashes lifted as she looked up at the half jinn properly for the first time since he appeared.
"How are you?" Adan asked, scanning Birdie's eyes.
"I'm fine," Birdie said.
"You don't look fine."
"That's what everyone keeps saying."
"Be honest," Adan frowned. "How are you feeling?"
Birdie felt her heart flutter in her chest. How was she feeling...
"It's complicated," she said, lowering her eyes to her hands once more. "I'm just....I don't know. I feel lost...confused..."
Empty, terrified, lonely...
Adan nodded slowly as if he understood. He stared at his hands as his jaw worked. Birdie could tell he wanted to say something but there seemed to be a struggle within himself.
"What is it?" She asked after watching him for a while.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking," Adan said, still not looking up. "About everything that happened to you."
Birdie slowly nodded, waiting to hear more of what the boy had to say.
"And I realized....I'm not....I'm not mad at you," Adan said slowly.
"You're not?" the corners of Birdie's mouth turned down.
"No," Adan looked up and shook his head. "I mean, I'm upset...furious....and livid every time I think about you with this other person."
"Adan-"
"Let me finish," Adan took Birdie's hand and it took everything in her not to pull away. "I'm not mad at you because I can't even imagine what you must have gone through on the other side. I'm upset that things happened but I understand. You didn't know if you were ever going to come back. You were lost, alone and stuck somewhere and I understand why....at a time like that....you needed someone..."
Birdie's head began to feel light as if she was falling from a thousand feet above the ground. She gazed at Adan as he held her hand, tracing circles on her to sooth her.
"I...I don't know what to say," Birdie admitted.
"Tell me that's what happened," Adan looked up, his eyes begging Birdie to say what she wanted to hear. "You were scared, alone, and overwhelmed so you did things you wouldn't have done if you were here."
Adan's words echoed in Birdie's mind. She felt herself sinking farther and farther into a dark corner where she had no grip of reality. The pain began to numb and the pressure behind her eyes began to decrease. Whatever this place was...Birdie was starting to like it.
"Yes..." She nodded, holding Adan's gaze. "That's what happened. I...I wasn't myself. I didn't know where I was, I didn't know the people or the place. Everyone was so cruel. I was desperate for a kind face."
"That's what I keep thinking," Adan said. "And the more I think about it, the more I realize I can't be mad at you. I shouldn't be mad at you."
"But I did hurt you."
"Yes," Adan's jaw tensed. "But I understand why it happened."
"I see," Birdie nodded. "Thank you...."
Adan looked up, "For what?"
"For this new perspective," the corner of Birdie's mouth lifted. "I think finally...after a very long time I can make sense of everything now."
"Good," Adan smiled.
"Thank you for being so patient with me," Birdie took Adan's hand slowly. "I don't deserve you."
"Don't say that."
"It's true," Birdie frowned. "You've always loved me way more than I deserved to be loved. You put up with me and my moods. You protect me and care for me...why? Why are you so good to me?"
"Because I really like you, bird head," Adan teased. "And I really wish you knew how much."
Birdie felt her heart sink from the sweet smile on the boy's face. His eyes were lighting up as he moved a bit closer.
"Can we try again?" Adan asked. "We start fresh all over again."
"Why?" Birdie wondered.
"Because we had a bumpy start," Adan confessed. "We started off as friends and then went to friends with benefits and then things kind of got tangled and I don't like that. I want to know what we are and start over."
"Adan, I don't know if I can...." Birdie said. "I just got back and everything is so different."
"I understand that," Adan said. "I totally do. All I'm saying is that I am not mad at you for what happened and that I would like for us to have a fresh start."
Birdie slowly nodded.
"You don't have to give me an answer today," Adan said. "Just think about it and let me know."
"Okay," Birdie nodded once more.
"Thank you," Adan leaned back. "Also, you know the water wasn't an excuse, right? I really do need some water."
Birdie was surprised by the laugh that bubbled out of her, "I'll go get you some."
"You sure?"
"Yeah," Birdie nodded. "I don't think Zuri remembers."
"I would go downstairs but I don't want your family getting excited seeing me here."
"Good call," Birdie pushed the blanket aside and stood up. She tucked her hair behind her ears and turned towards the door as Adan leaned back on the bed. She caught his reflection in the mirror and for the first time since that night in the cave, her heart started to feel lighter.
She was still numb all over but suddenly there was a little light at the end of the dark forest. The tangle of emotions and thoughts suddenly had a starting point Birdie could use to work it all out.
Everything Adan said made sense.
She wasn't the type of girl to fall for a fey. She knew how wicked they were. She had seen what they could do to her people and to her family. They weren't capable of real emotions like the ones she felt. How could she feel for someone who bought her like a doll from the market?
Maybe Rye was right, Birdie thought as she walked down the hall towards the stairs. Maybe she really did need to talk to someone. The pressure in her chest couldn't be real. And she was sure she wasn't the first person on the face of the Earth to ever get so confused with emotions when it came to their captives. There had to be a name for the mess she was in and she was sure she knew it.
As the words spun around in her head, Birdie began to feel her feet touch the ground once more. She could finally breathe. Everything was going to be okay...
So lost in her thoughts, Birdie didn't hear Clare's footsteps as she rounded the corner near the kitchen. In an instant, she collided with the woman and slipped, heading right for the floor.
"I got you," Clare said, grabbing Birdie's arm and pulling her back.
As soon as their skin touched, Birdie felt a surge of energy bubble up inside of her. Her skin warmed, her pupils dilated, her palms sparked with live currents and her magic rose to the surface as if to kiss the skies.
Clare dropped her hand immediately as the two pulled apart.
No one uttered a word as they stared at the way the faint glow absorbed back into Birdie's delicate paper skin right above her wrist.
"What was that?" Clare asked.
"I..." Birdie's heart began to beat out of her chest. She began to feel restless as she looked up at her cousin, her magic still lurking just below the surface. "You startled me."
"I'm sorry," Clare said. "But what did I just feel?"
"I..." Birdie pulled at the sleeves of her shirt. "I don't know....it's just my magic."
Clare frowned, not fully convinced, "No....that wasn't it. There was something else...something much older."
"How would you know?" Irritation flared behind Birdie's eyes.
"Don't get angry," Clare looked startled. "I just thought I felt something different."
"It's nothing," Birdie said, feeling bold. She rolled up her sleeves and held out her wrists while pushing her magic down with all her might. "Go on and see."
"No, Birdie, I believe you," Clare frowned.
"Like you believed Kiara?"
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Birdie wished she could take them back. She saw the hurt flash across Clare's eyes like mud on a white dress.
"I don't know why I said that," Birdie stepped forward. "Clare, I'm so sorry. I-"
"It's okay," Clare held up her hands. "It's fine...I was just coming up to see you...Maya wanted you to talk to someone."
"Yeah," Birdie nodded, feeling dazed and confused by her own outburst.
"Is that something you would be interested in too?" Clare asked. "Speaking to someone?"
"Yes," Birdie nodded again. "I really think that would help."
"I'm glad you feel that way."
Birdie nodded. She began to feel jittery and cold as the warmth slowly vanished from her veins. She watched Clare turn towards the kitchen when she couldn't help herself but call out.
"Clare?" Birdie's heart fluttered nervously.
"Yes?" Clare turned around.
"I think I have Stockholm syndrome."
What do you think of Adan and what do you think of Birdie's situation?