you only know a part of me. I'm a universe full of secrets.
________________________________
Jimin got down with Jungkook and only hoseok and tae were down with Jin. He sighed as he walked to the kitchen.
"Hyung, do you need any help?"
"No." The older didn't even glance at him and instead he looked around to see that two. members weren't here.
"Jimin, didn't I tell you to wake up the members?"
"Yes. But yoongi hyung didn't want to wake up and namjoon hyung is doing something for the album."
"I don't care about your stupid story Jimin, Just go and be useful for once and wake them up." Jin sighed as he started to put the food in plates.
The younger sighed and went back to namjoon's floor.
"Hyung, please come down." Jimin begged as he knocked on the older's door.
"Fuck this shit. Why doesn't it work. I've been producing my whole life. What the heck is wrong? Why the heck isn't this song songing?" Namjoon shouted from the other side.
Jimin stayed still for a few seconds and was about to knock again when he found namjoon opening the door and walking past him. Jimin sighed and proceeded to wake up yoongi again.
"Hyung, can you please wake up. Please." Jimin Knocked and entered.
And you guessed it. Yoongi was still in the exact same position Jimin left him.
"Yoongi, are you gonna wake up? Jin Hyung is blaming me because y'all aren't waking up."
"Well, now I can't sleep anyways." He sighed as Jimin helped him out of bed. The younger smiled slightly. At least one member is treating him okay. Yeah, yoongi is being cold towards him, but that's yoongi and his way of showing love. Jimin understood that. He made his way back downstairs with yoongi.
"Finally Jimin, what took you so long? Wait hold it, I don't want to hear it. come here and take this put it on the table." Jin handed Jimin a plate full of Bibimbap and Jimin took it. It was heavy, he had to admit.
He heard the two maknaes fighting as he walked in the dining room.
"Shut up, tae. Yeontan definitely loves me more."
"Umm no he doesn't? He is my baby."
"Well, we'll see. Yeontan! Tannie! Come here baby." Yeontan came running downstairs and walked in the living room. He smelled the food Jimin was holding so he kept barking and climbing on jimin's leg.
"No, no. This isn't for you. Go away. Tae, come get your dog!"
Taehyung was too busy fighting with Jungkook and non of them heard Jimin. Yeontan kept climbing on Jimin until Jimin lost balance. He tripped over Yeontan and fell on the ground dropping and breaking the Bibimbap bowl. Everyone went silent as they heard a crash. They all rushed to the dining room and saw Jimin on the floor with the plate broken on the floor and the hot Bibimbap all over the room.
"Jimin!! Oh my god!" Jin shouted.
"Don't worry, I'm okay. Oww it's hot." He said getting up and looking down at his skinny hands that were covered in hot Bibimbap. It was very hot and jimin's hand was now turning red.
"What? I don't care about you. I meant the poor Bibimbap. I swear to God Jimin, you piece of...." Jin inhaled sharply before he continued shouting. "You now how long it took me to make this? Will you be able to cook to cover up for this? No. That's what I thought. You're useless here. What do you even do ? Pretend to be depressed to get attention? Well it is certainly not working. Go to your room right now! Don't talk to any of us today. And there is no food for you. You useless piece of shit." Jin shouted his heart out.
"B-but y-yeontan t-tripped me, I.. I..."
He said between sniffs at the edge of crying.
"How dare you get my poor dog into this! Even the dog is more useful than you, Jimin." It was now taehyung's turn to shout.
Jimin had it. This was it. He was now crying.
"Aww you're crying again for attention. Stop this Jimin! You are seriously annoying. No one will care if you cry so drop the act. Jin worked so hard on this and you didn't even apologize." And now namjoon was shouting.
"I.. I am sorr-"
"Drop it. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear you. Just get out if here! Go to your room and don't come out till we want you to."
Jimin knew Jin can't control him like this. But he had no choice. He went to his room, crying. He wasn't even sure if he was crying because the pain of his burned hands and scratches, or the pain that other members caused just now.
**
Jimin went to his bathroom and opened a drawer and searched deep down fo the razor. He found it. He kept staring at it, thinking. He promised Jin at the hospital that he will never do this again, but then again, Jin promised Jimin that he will always take care if him, and yet, he broke his promise. So it's okay if Jimin did the same, right? Only one. No more.
Jimin Held the razor to his arm, letting all his bottled anger and pain out.
"I don't care about your stupid story Jimin, Just go and be useful for once."
"You're useless here. What do you even do ? Pretend to be depressed to get attention? Well it is certainly not
working."
"Even the dog is more useful than you, Jimin"
"Aww you're crying again for attention. Stop this Jimin! You are seriously annoying. No one will care if you cry so drop the act."
"I don't want to hear you. Just get out of here!'.
"You're so annoying."
"Jimin, shut your disgusting vocals up. This shit will haunt me."
The voices in his head kept repeating the same shit the others have told him. He has been only awake for not even an hour and he already got all of this criticism.
He looked down, there wasn't any more space on his wrists. He rolled up his sleeves, looking at his clean arm. His excitement built up as he couldn't wait till it's filled out.
He let the cold metal trace halfway around his arm, above his elbow, stopping right when he felt the sting. He took a shakey breath as he felt the blood slowly drip down his arm, pooling around his elbow, and all the way down until it made contact with the floor with a bloop sound.
He bit his lower lip, this felt way too good.
Just one more....
His skin made contact once again with the now warm metal. He made sure that the line will come out symmetrical before applying medium pressure, moving from one side of his arm to the other. He closed his eyes as he felt the too familiar pain.
He let out another shakey breath. Fluttering his eyes open, he looked down at the two parallel lines. He wondered how this piece of art would look if there were more parallel lines...
He exhaled sharply.
One more....
He repeated the same process, applying more pressure, again, and again, and again... and yet again, until he had lost count. He smiled; he no longer felt pain, in his heart at least. His tears were now dry, his lips too.
Blood was dripping everywhere from his arm. It hurt. But seeing the other members treat him like that definitely hurts more. He tried to avoid any veins, but then again, he didn't care if he cut one.
He definitely cut more than one... He was satisfied with how it looked. It looked perfectly organized and symmetrical. He now couldn't care less about that stupid promise he made with Jin. He missed this. He missed how that made him feel. It made him feel that the pain that this shit cause can never be compared to any other pain in life. He put the razor back, sitting on the floor with his back to the wall for a bit. He kept looking at his arms, his head was empty, yet it had million thoughts running through at the same time.
He used to think people who cut were mentally ill people who just lack love,...but then he did research after the first time he had found himself doing this. Maybe he had wanted to confirm that this wasn't mental illness. Maybe he had wanted google to tell him how it's normal and it's not mental illness. Maybe he wanted to ensure that he wasn't mentally ill. He asked, why would people cut? Why do people cut? He had searched the same question over and over again, not expecting a different answer, and he had read it again and again until he had already memorized it. He knows Google's answer more than the back of his hand...
So he repeated it out loud...
"It can be hard to understand why people cut themselves on purpose. Cutting is a way some people try to cope with the pain of strong emotions or intense pressure. Some people also cut because they feel desperate for relief from bad feelings. People who cut may not know better ways to get relief from emotional pain or pressure. Some people cut to express strong feelings of rage, sorrow, rejection, desperation, longing, or emptiness." His voice was soft and quiet, yet it echoed through the empty bathroom, and it sting through his empty heart.
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Anygays, the new character will appear in the next chapter. Yaay! Be excited please. Thanks.
Jim-out.