I've learned to hate the moon
I've learned to bite the hand that feeds me
- so it'll leave me alone to decay
It's hard to understand a need when you have no intention to survive
It's hard to interpret a kiss as a one of death or a one that means goodbye
It's hard to be so untrusting that your own opinion seems tainted and a lie
I've learned to hate the massive waves of unforgiving water -
that smack themselves against the rocks and erode them over time
Sucked away their minerals and leave them low and soaked, high and dry
It's hard to watch injustices from nature that have happened in your own life
I've learned to love the sun
How it covers my shoulders in freckles from me being careless
How it gives me shelter from this world until I get too comfortable
- then I am left red, like all other romances and forms of violence
These things always seem to bleed together for me
I've learned to beat a dead horse -
down into the ground so it can be given a proper burial -
because a subject may be over but a feeling may not be
- and I'll spend my entire life grieving
That's not to say I don't keep moving
I just move with a limp
It's hard to capture a feeling even after feeling it for so long
It's hard to get sleep when my brain is singing these familiar songs
It's hard to block out the white noises and dark thoughts -
because I'm sure a black sheep like myself is used to getting lost -
as soon as night draws in and the stars scatter across the sky
- like random movements of dice, I shake my palms
and pray to stop getting snake eyes
I've learned to love the accidental progress we make
I've learned to use idioms as guides and understand blessings in disguise -
by observing the poets who hide in cafes to the ones who stand tall at open mics
Work based in pain, sure, but stay tuned for the one that says, "I'm still alive"
- and it all plays out under the theater stage of time -
where the role of your mind may fall ill and you always see an understudy
Yet you're somehow still surprised -
by your own capabilities, like remembering your lines