"So you see, all of this mixed together - the corrosive material from the sodium hydroxide, synovial joint fluid, and of course the rhubarb leaves rich with oxalate - could bring about a wildly innovative boost to how we approach medical science today! Or it could possibly lead to the apocalypse within sixty-five years, but this is what science is about, no? Progress!"
Medic sat in a pine tree talking to what appeared to be a smaller chimney sweep bird as he balanced a long branch and much larger feathers a bit haphazardly, keeping in mind the height he was at. Or rather, not keeping in mind the height he was at.
The bird tilted its head as if to question.
"Ugh, common birds..." He turned back to his craft and muttered. "Doves are a far brighter species..."
The bird was sure to peck the top of his head before taking off, getting a small noise of protest from Medic, but there wasn't much he could do without almost sliding off.
He went back to focusing on his alone-in-the-woods-arts-and-crafts piece, though the ambience was soon disrupted by a familiar voice.
"Medic..!"
"Please, not now- I don't even have my Medi Gun..!"
"Down here!"
Medic reluctantly looked down below. "Oh. Well, you two don't look injured; why did you call for me?"
Ms. Pauling sighed. "Are you going to come down here and join us or what? We need to stick together."
Medic looked up as though weighing his options.
"Why is this takin' so long for you to think through?" Sniper asked, his patience a tad tried.
"Normally, I would agree with that assessment...however..." Medic made a motion with his finger pointing to himself and then to the ground and then back to himself. Laughing nervously he followed it up with, "I cannot climb down."
Ms. Pauling looked confused over to Sniper. "I thought you said you had seen him before."
Sniper hummed. "I did. I never said we were on the ground though; we were both in a tree."
"I have been up in the trees since we crashed!" Medic explained.
Ms. Pauling huffed. "We can help you down-"
"You? Sniper?" Medic chuckled a little.
"What's so funny?"
"I am much larger than you two- well, not much, but weight wise. I have a wider frame; endomorph. You two are...well, Sniper, you could be mesomorph, but you look more rectangular so I'd have to go with both of you being ectomorph and while I'm sure you both certainly have stronger areas-"
"He's too hesitant to just hop on down." Sniper huffed.
"Have you found anyone else who could help? Like Heavy?" Medic asked.
"We have Scout right here, so at least there's three of us-"
That had to be one of the quickest double takes she had ever done, looking back over to Sniper's shoulder where he had previously had Scout slung over. "Sniper, where's Scout?!"
Sniper looked at his shoulder as if just now realizing Scout appeared to not be there. "...Huh."
"What do you mean, 'huh'?!" She snapped.
The tense air was broken by the doctor up in the tree. "Uh-oh indeed...well...you two had better do some backtracking, no? You don't need to worry about me; I will be right here making wings to fly away. If Icarus can fly into the sun, so can I-"
Ms. Pauling and Sniper looked at him as that was not how the story went at all, and...actually, was a concerning thing to hear.
"...Alright, fine." Ms. Pauling sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Sniper, backtrack to where Scout is. I'll stay here with Medic."
"Why don't you backtrack to Scout-?"
"Why don't one of you look for the others and I just stay where I am?"
"Fine! I'll look for Scout!" Ms. Pauling re-exclaimed. "Sniper, you...whatever. You just do whatever it is you do, but make it productive. Medic-"
"I will stay in the tree!"
"Good."
And with that she stormed off in the direction they came from.
"I doubt it's a good idea to split up." Sniper said in a quiet enough tone to not be heard. "Boy, is she riled."
"We did all just ride her vehicle off a cliff." Medic reminded.
Sniper made a noise like a grumbled understanding. He did understand, and usually he wasn't as difficult as he was...but considering the last several hours of his life were spent in that cramped vehicle he wasn't his "usual" self. "I'll look for...someone. Hang in there."
Medic laughed a little. "Ooh-ho, I get it! 'Hang in there!' like those motivational posters, but also because I am in a tree..! That is...that is...actually, that is not that funny. I am sitting."
You set out with Heavy, Spy, and Pyro - Engineer staying back to work on the teleporter with the minimal materials you left for him, and Demoman was there to spot him and make sure 'nothing would come get 'em,' as he put it (meaning, he probably went to sleep on the couch).
You weren't sure how Engineer was planning to make a teleporter with the honestly pathetic tools you had provided, but he said he could do it and he was a brilliant engineer for all he did for your little box-on-wheels, so maybe he could...hard as it was to believe.
It wasn't too long of a walk through the Firepines, but you had to backtrack from whence they came if you lot were going to have any luck finding the others. How you were going to find the others and in what condition? Who knows...
You doubted they would be bad off though. If there was ever a group "too weird to die" it had to be them, you were certain.
But as you walked, you were the entertainment-
"So when you're going to eat a wild plant and want to make sure it's not poisonous, you cut the plant into its parts, rub it against your skin, wait for a reaction, crush the parts, get the juices onto your skin, wait for a reaction-"
"That's a lot of steps to eat a dry salad." Spy interrupted you.
"Shut." You held up your hand, and then repositioned Pyro, who decided they wanted a piggyback, to which you of course gladly obliged.
Despite his glare from your rude comment, he did stop. Pyro and Heavy seemed interested (and so was Spy even if he didn't say so). "If you want to eat it raw, you can put it by your lips for three minutes, wait for reaction, stick it in your mouth- don't chew! Just leave it on your tongue for fifteen minutes and..."
You trailed off; as the wind picked up, you picked up a scent. Your senses had heightened a bit, not anything wildly animal-ish, but your nose knew your surroundings: the air, the pine- down to the dry dirt vs mud.
"What is it?" Heavy asked, looking around the branches of the trees.
"It smells like...honey?" You sniffed the air trying to see if you were right in thinking so, and very carefully let Pyro off your back.
"Honey?" Spy repeated. "I don't smell anyth-"
And outburst the source of the sweet smell- and it was nude.
Out of utter confusion and in sheer horror you stared as Soldier, in nothing but his helmet and with a thick coat of honey, ran past the four of you in a hurry.
Spy averted his eyes the quickest, cursing his shock under his breath...though Heavy didn't appear too fazed. Nor did Pyro.
Pyro proceeded to run after him, calling for him to wait.
"Save yourself, private, the bees are close behind!" Soldier warned...yet you saw no bees.
Despite the...many many questions you had, at least you found one..! Kind of. He was running away. "Wait- What do we do-? Soldier..!" You called trying to bring back the long-gone man.
"Pyro will get him." Spy waved a hand, dismissing.
"And if Pyro gets lost?"
"Pyro won't get lost." Heavy said afterwards with utmost certainty.
"How do you know that?"
Spy and Heavy looked at you. You looked at them
...Clearly they knew something you didn't. But if they couldn't get lost then how did all of them wind up in this situation to begin with? If you had any extra Australium in your system, you'd be ready to debate it.
"...Oookay. Well, if Soldier came from there then-"
"That means nothing." Spy didn't let you finish your thought. "Soldier was likely off on his own."
"But there is a chance the others could still be over that way." Heavy added.
You nodded. "Exactly."
There went the wind again, picking up...and with it, you picked up yet another scent. Your back straightened a bit. This extra sensitivity had you feeling a bit like a dog, actually, and that reaction didn't help anything...but this scent did put you on edge. This wasn't honey; this wasn't sweet.
"Great, what does our bloodhound sense now?" Spy asked with a sarcastic edge. "If it's anything remotely piss-related, it's probably Sniper."
You managed to block out Spy's commentary; your emotions were too busy simmering on high on the backburner of your mind...and the heat was getting turned up. You weren't sure why, but suddenly you were very ready to fight again.
Did the wind blow in some Australium? No...that couldn't be it, the little bits of whatever dust particles floating in the air up here couldn't have you reacting this strongly and so suddenly. It was something in your subconscious, something that had been itching in your mind since you had gotten here-
"Mailman?" Heavy reached out a large hand to your shoulder, but did so a moment too late.
You took off running.
"Facteur..!" Spy shouted. "J'y crois pas...maybe we should let them go."