KISSING MY KRYPTONITE
"The SSC National Leadership Training is taking place in Baguio City?" I sink in my seat after reading the email.
I'm in Casa Grandé today, and traveling to Baguio City will take me a long time to get there. Blain called to say she couldn't make it to the training. Cash's Gallery gala was rescheduled, so I was obliged to be sent to Baguio or risk leaving Professor Cordova on her own.
"Ano'ng sabi niya? Nagalit ba?" right now, I'm speaking with Blain via phone call. My buttocks, and my neck muscles are starting to get hurt from driving for so long. Some roads were closed off and my car nearly broke down, kaya mas lalo akong natagalan.
"She reprimanded me, I told her na hahabol ako pero sabi niya 'wag na raw akong pumunta kasi hindi niya na raw ako kailangan."
"Okay, I'll be there in a jiffy.."
I've been to this city numerous times, so it was easy for me to locate the event venue, which is one of Baguio City's largest national convention halls.
Inside my car, time after time I think about my constant reminder I made for myself: to keep everything professional and work-related throughout this one-week leadership training. The easiest way to do this is to pretend she's just my SSC Adviser, someone I barely know, and that I have no romantic feelings for her.
"Ezra Meziah Y. Veneracion from Cambridge University," nagmamadali kong saad, mag-iisang oras na akong late at hindi magandang impresyon 'yon para sa isang Cambridge's SSC President.
"I'm sorry wala po sa guest list ang pangalan niyo, ma'am. According to the record, Blain Finnegan should be the SSC Student, accompanied by Professor Rafa Eli Cordova, the SSC Adviser," says the woman who, I believe, supervises the visitors' arrivals.
"Blain Finnegan is my Vice President, she's supposed to represent me, but circumstances have changed so I am here."
"Give me a minute to confirm, ma'am," she says as she picks up the phone and calls my university.
I walk back and forth, looking at my watch. Professor Cordova hates students who arrive late for class, and much more so in serious events like this-I'll be in big trouble.
Ang bagal mag-asikaso 'nung babae kanina, sana hindi ko na lang ginamitan ng charm ko dahil 'yon pa yata ang nagpalito sa kanya kaya ang tagal niya.
Tumigil ako sa may desk para pumirma for our attendance, akala ko 'nung una ako lang ang late pero may nakasunod sa 'kin. I don't have anything with me seriously kahit pen lang kaya kinapalan ko na lang ang muka kong kausapin ang babaeng kasama kong kanina pa naghihintay matapos ako.
"May I borrow your pen?" my jaw fell after seeing her familiar face.
She doesn't seem stunned, possibly because she saw me first.
"Did you miss me?" she projects eyebrow, her fingers carefully twirling her long curly black hair.
"Do I know you?" I mirrored her bitchy face. Does she really think I was checking her out? Well, she's wearing a too-revealing crop top, but that wasn't what kept me silent as I studied her face. Naalala ko kasi 'yung muka niya at kung ano'ng naging ugnayan ko sa kanya noon pero hindi pa rin ang pangalan niya.
I recall hooking up with this spoiled brat for a one-night stand, then seeing her next week at Cambridge University, where she sort of disrespected Professor Cordova. Iyan ang rason bakit pilit ay naalala ko pa siya, dahil sa matapang na pagsagot-sagot niya kay ma'am na hindi ko nagustuhan.
"Oh, Ezra Meziah Y. Veneracion a.k.a. snowbear," she clicks her tongue, her gaze spreading to my whole body. "Mukang wala ka pa ring pinagbago? You look hotter nonetheless, and I'm glad to know you're finally taking your life seriously in that university, SSC President?"
"I remember you," I roll my eyes.
"Really? What's my name?" she shakes my hand. "Ugh, whatever. I missed you.."
I stared at her for a long moment, thinking what to respond. Maraming pangalan ng nagdaang babae sa buhay ko ang naglalaro sa isip ko ngayon pero wala akong mabitiwan, itinulak ko na lang siya pagkatapos niya akong yakapin.
"Daisey Clark, your favorite flower," she rolls her eyes, then extends her hand with a ballpen, a thin piece of paper tucked inside with her complete name printed on it. "That's yours so you won't forget my name again."
"Until now you're still claiming that?" napailing ako.
"As your favorite flower? Why? Ilan ba kaming sinabihan mo niyan? How many women with names similar to mine or flowers have you slept with so far?"
Hindi ako nakapagsalita, nanggigigil ako pero kailangan kong kumalma dahil alam ko kung gaano siya kaeskandalosa; ayoko ng gulo.
Naglabas siya ng panibagong ballpen saka niya ako inunahan sa pagpirma, yumuko ito sa harapan ko-now she's seductively flexing her babies to me.
"This one-week training is definitely going to be fun," she stares at me playfully. "I'm gonna make you remember my name for the rest of your life, now brace yourself.."
Paano ba napadpad ang babaeng 'to rito? Sinuot niya ang jacket niya pagkatapos, may sumundo rin kasi sa kanya na palagay ko ay SSC Adviser niya dahil nanenermon na ito.
"Hey," kuha ko ulit sa atensyon niya nang palayo na ito.
"Snowbear?" she bites her lower lip.
"From what school are you?" I ask curiously.
"Hanmizora University, your alma mater," she winks at me.
"Ah, akala ko sa ISCP."
"ISCP?"
"International State College of the Philippines," I rolled my eyes at the back of my head.
Gusto kong kwestyunin kung paano siya naging SSC President ng Hanmizora pero alam kong kahit siya nagulat rin nang malamang parte ako ng Cambridge Student Council; maaaring pareho kaming nagbabagong buhay but she still seems to be so obsessed with fubu relationships until now.
Sa isang sulok na parte ng convention hall, natagpuan ko si Professor Cordova na abalang nakatutok sa laptop niya kahit na rinig kong 15-break-time na raw. May sinusulat din ito sa makapal niyang notes, napailing ako kasi ang lahat dito sinusulit 'yung kinse minutos habang ito ay walang tigil sa ginagawa.
Bago ako nadesisyong lumapit ay bumili muna ako ng canned pineapple juice, burger at chocolate stick-o na nasa maliit na container sa cafeteria.
"What the fuck is he doing here?" naiinis na bulong ko sa sarili nang makita ko si Arthur na naglalakad papunta sa pwesto niya, may dala itong pagkain na mukang sa labas pa niya binili.
Wait, are they together now? Did she give him a second chance?
Inunahan ko siya at agarang inilapag ang miryendang binili ko sa table ni Professor Cordova na ngayon ay gulat nang makita niya ako.
"Would it be possible to join this training even if I'm late, ma'am?" I rub the back of my neck, sounding apologetic.
"I don't need you here honestly," her harsh eyes narrow, damn, I hope she won't pester me to explain and give her a more valid excuse.
"Something came up so it was a last-minute decision, sorry for coming late," I explain coldly.
"Why? Were you abducted by aliens?" there she is, triggering me to explain.
Pero alam niyang nasa Casa Grandé dapat ako, right? I think what she wants to know is why I am here, "Hindi natuloy 'yung national gallery event ng ate ko, tumawag sa 'kin si Blain at pinakiusapan ako. After all, this is my duty and responsibility, professor."
Her mouth parted but someone behind us coughed controllably to get our attention.
"I thought you went back?" her voice softens like a jelly, I roll my eyes at the back of my head.
"Bumili ako ng miryenda, you mentioned in the call na break time niyo, eh. Sakto nasa Starbucks ako, " his deep voice says, then quickly turns to me. "I'm glad you made it here, Meziah.."
Bumaba ang tingin niya sa inilapag kong pagkain sa table ni ma'am, idinagdag niya roon 'yung binili niya. Starbucks coffee 'yon at cake, walang-wala sa miryendang sa cafeteria ko lang hinakot.
"Yeah," I lazily shrug.
"Change your clothes," Professor Cordova clears her throat and hands me a new shirt and jacket, something I think is mandatory for participants to wear in this leadership training. She's using her black jacket pero 'yung puting blouse pa rin niya ang kanyang panloob partnered with her figure hugging above-the-knee skirt at mataas na heels-as always, mukang lady boss.
"Thanks," I accepted it.
She takes out an empty name tag and about to write my name on it. She looks up, "What's your nick name?"
Makapagtanong parang hindi ako kilala..
Hindi naman talaga..
Siya ba kilala ko?
"I don't have a nickname but you can give me one," nagkibit-balikat ako at iniwan silang dalawa dahil naaalibadbaran ako sa pagmumuka ng Arturo na 'yon. What is ugly at bakit kamuka niya? Kung ang dilaw ay yellow, bakit nakakabwisit siya kahit wala namang ginagawa?
I relaxed when I returned and saw that Arthur was no longer with her. Hindi niya ginalaw 'yung pineapple juice na bigay ko pero 'yung kapeng bigay ni Arthur ay nakalahati na niya, sisimangot sana ako pero nakita kong bawas 'yung burger na bigay ko at 'yung cake ni Arthur hindi pa nabubuksan.
What's wrong with me? Pagkain lang 'yan Ezra!
"Read this, it summarizes everything you've missed," she hands me her brown notebook with the name tag she wrote for me.
Binasa ko 'yung name tag, Ezra ang nakasulat doon.
Lahat ay nagsimula nang magsibalikan sa kanya-kanyang upuan. Tumayo siya dala 'yung laptop at food niya, may nahulog na lukot na cards sa baba na hindi niya napansin, pinulot ko.
"Give me that," she notices the crumpled cards I'm holding.
Walang emosyong itinaas ko 'yung kamay ko nang subukan niya 'yung abutin.
"Miss Veneracion, the program is about to resume," she warns firmly, her eyes stutter while she's watching me reading what's on the cards. Four cards 'yon na para sa name tags ko sana, at apat na nicknames 'yung nakasulat.
"Cheese whiz, little carrot, Ez.." I mentally shake my head as I read the first three nicknames, then the fourth one, "Rara?"
"Veneracion, you were an hour late and yet managed to irritate me more," she scoffs before leaving.
Cheese whiz, little carrot, Ez? Pamilyar lahat but rara?
Sayang 'yung apat na cards dahil sa magulong desisyon niya.
Sa harapan niya napiling umupo, mapipilitan talaga akong makinig nito.
"What else do you need?" mas iritado ang boses niya ngayon na pinipigilan lang niya, wala kasi akong dalang gamit as in. Mabuti na lang talaga at may ballpen na binigay sa 'kin si Daisey kanina.
"Can I use your notebook for now, ma'am?"
"Only the last five pages for today," she deadpans.
"Damot naman," napatitig ako sa name tag ko, I caught her staring at me too.
"Were you saying something?" she lifts an eyebrow.
"What does it mean by rara?" I ask her tonelessly, fighting myself to form a stupid smile...not a good idea.
I have to admit that-I miss flirting with her and throwing cheesy banats to annoy her more but I know my place now. After nang nangyari one month ago, natuto na akong mas pigilan ang sarili ko pagdating sa nararamdaman ko kahit na habang tumatakbo ang panahon ay mas lumalalim at nakakalunod na ito; buti na lang swimmer ako.
Isang malaking kasalanan ang pambibintang ko sa kanyang kabit siya ni daddy, hanggang ngayon ay pinagsisisihan at pinagdudusaan ko pa rin 'yon dahil mukang hindi pa niya ako napapatawad.
"Last letters of your first name," she answers, late response.
"Oh, Ez-rara?" tumikhim ako, she nods without looking at me, I hate to admit this but I like it. Bakit niya tinanggal at Ezra pa rin sinulat niya?
I like it, but I prefer it more if she is the only person who calls me that nickname...walang malisya.
The first day of our training didn't go so well for me because I was late, but she helped me pull it off. Taking the high road, we worked alongside each other as duo.
Inaamin kong nakakapanibago but it was great at the same time, the professional relationship we have now gives the both of us space. I also observed that she was trying to dodge any type of interaction with me if it's not work-related, even small talk, especially when the topic was personal.
"Wren owns a Golf Club in Camp John Hay, as well as a cabin house na pag-aari ko na ngayon. We can stay there until the training is over," I suggested politely.
We've been arguing about where to stay because practically all of the hotels or apartments in this city are booked due to the large number of tourists. The Panagbenga festival is also going smoothly, thus the city is extremely overcrowded.
I could see her checking the location on her phone and she looked at me worriedly, "It's far from the convention, traffic may hinder us. If arriving late in the training grounds is fine with you, it is not acceptable to me, Miss Veneracion."
"Come on, dala ko naman sasakyan ko, this is the only help I can offer," I sigh, does she think this is fine with me too?
Nalaman kong si Arturo pala naghatid sa kanya rito kaya hindi niya dala sasakyan niya, ang galing 'di ba?
"How many bedrooms does your cabin house have?" hindi makatinging tanong niya, ngayon naintindihan ko na kung ano'ng problema niya.
"Unfortunately, one," I honestly say.
"I'll sleep on the streets or under any rock in this town," narinig kong sambit niya, nagulat siya kasi wala yata siyang intensyong iparinig 'yun sa 'kin.
"So that's your problem, ma'am?"
"No! Camp John Hay is too far away! I hate traffic so much!" tinalikuran niya ako pero nauna ko nang dinampot 'yung maleta niya at dinala 'yon sa kotse ko.
"Would you rather sleep on Camp John Hay or stay in the street until you freeze into ice?" pagkokonttol ko sa tono ko kahit na nakakainis 'yung rason niya, dahil lang iisang bedroom available sa cabin house? Ano raw 'yon? Sobrang lamig ng Baguio ngayon, hindi ako nagbibiro na maninigas siya sa lamig dito sa labas.
Nagpunta muna kaming mall para bumili ng ibang necessities lalo na sa 'kin dahil mahigpit na binantaan niya ako kanina na kapag wala pa akong sariling gamit sa training bukas ay umuwi na raw ako. Bossy at malditang adviser at her finest.
"What do you want to eat for dinner?" tanong niyang bigla, bumait kaunti.
Tumingin ako sa Jollibee's store sa likod niya, sinundan niya ang mga mata ko. Wala pa akong sinasabi ay naglakad na ito papasok doon! Napatingin lang ako do'n dahil kay Daisey, she's inside!
"Magpa-deliver na lang tayo?"
"I don't wanna to go Camp John Hay yet," she snorts and starts ordering food for us. "What's yours?"
Nara-rattle ako sa pagsagot, "McFloat, McBurger, McFries-"
"Can you stop?" she glares at me.
"Sige i-take out na lang natin? 'Wag na tayo mag-dine in dito, sa sasakyan na lang tayo kumain or somewhere here."
"Okay," she sighs, I heave in relief.
Tumikhim ang cashier na nagti-take ng orders, "Take-out po o dine in, ma'am?"
Maangas akong ngumiti, "Take-out please-"
"Take in," sabat ni Professor Cordova, 'yung kaluwagang naramdaman ko kanina mga two seconds lang tinagal no'n. Siya ulit pumili ng upuan at doon pa talaga kung nasaan malapit table nina Daisey Clark.
"May italian restaurant sa session road, pwede tayong lumipat do'n, the ambiance is better compared here," pormal kong suhestyon.
"Let's not waste the food I ordered, Miss Veneracion."
"McDonald's has more comforting environment I think, kaunti lang tao ro'n ngayon. Mag-order tayo rito tapos do'n natin i-dine in?"
"I hate clowns," she takes out her laptop, inabala niya ang sarili ro'n habang hinihintay namin 'yung pagkain.
"Hi, snowbear!" Daisey waves her hand charmingly. Nagkataong nakatingin siya sa 'min nang lumingon ako sa likod ko, nag-flying kiss pa siya na hindi ko pinansin. Sana ay hindi pa siya napapansin ni Professor Cordova, pero imposible dahil nakaharap ito sa kanila.
"I thought Jollibee is a safe place," Professor Cordova's eyebrows project, kinda mean.
"Ma'am?" nagtataka kong tugon, inosente.
"Do you know why I hate clowns for centuries?" tumingin siya sa 'kin, napakatalas ng mga mata niya, saka ito muling tumingin bandang likod ko.
"Phobia?" pasimple akong sumimsim sa coke float ko.
Prente siyang umiling, pormal na pinagsiklop nito ang kanyang mga binti, "They're not funny.."
"They don't creep me out at all, why did you say that?"
"Clowns are horrible, that's pretty much a given," bumalik ang tingin niya sa laptop para itupi ito dahil kumpleto na ang pagkain.
"I like clowns, my birthday parties as a kid would not have been the same without them as a pleasant surprise."
"Clowns ruined my childhood," she says that while tilting her head, her gaze fixes on her laptop. "My life in general.."
She's grasping her glass fiercely, which I try to stop before the water pours on her.
"I'm..sorry to hear that," nanghina ang boses ko, sa isang iglap mas nahirapan akong basahin at intindihin siya. "Do you mind if I ask why?"
"I'm not just a fan of clowns," tumingin siya sa 'kin, she looks fine right? Kanina kasi..
"Damn pennywise, I fucking hate them now, I swear I do," mariing sabi ko, kasi kung totoong sinira ng clowns ang buhay niya-handa akong ubusin lahat ng clowns sa buong mundo para sa kanya..as a friend.
"Don't say that," matagal bago ito kumurap, nakatitig pa tin siya sa 'kin. "Clowns wear too much on their faces, you have to identify them first before declaring that you hate them."
"Why do I have to do that?" I hate them because she hates them, that's my point.
"They're literally everywhere," she says, tearing away her gaze.
"How about me? Do I look like a clown to you?" seryosong tanong ko, walang halong biro.
"You're funny though," one corner of her lips quirks up.
"So I'm not?" because as she said, clowns are not funny, she just purses her lips as a response.
"Chalky white faces, round red noses, dramatic eyes, exaggerated smiles and lipsticks. Not to mention their costume is terrifying. Good Lord, I hate them so much," she states while staring at Daisey's direction.
Sinundan ko tingin niya, seryoso nakatitig talaga siya kay Daisey? Muka bang clown 'yon? I think she's spicy enough at mabuti na lang talaga mukang strikto SSC Adviser niya kaya hindi siya makalapit sa 'min, isa siyang peligro.
"Like that woman, her nose line speaks louder than words," she mumbles under her breath.
Kumpirmado..
But I have to disagree, "But she really has a pointy nose, tama lang naman 'yung contour niya. It looks natural, which complements her lips and pretty eyes-"
"Their iced tea tastes bitter," she retorts, then looks up at me. "I'm sorry, you were saying something? Could you repeat a little louder, please?"
Hindi naman ako bumulong, wala naman siyang ibang kausap noong sinabi ko 'yon, maliban na lang kung aaminin niyang lumilipad ang utak niya?
Nag-isip na lang ako ng ibang sasabihin..
Tungkol na lang ulit sa clown..
"Narinig ko kayong nag-uusap ni Arturo sa bahay niyo, I heard him said you love watching horror movies and clowns are widely staple for those genres."
"Who's Arturo?" she looks pouty this time.
"Boy best friend mong hilaw-I mean itong fried chicken, hilaw pa," palusot ko, nakisama 'yung chicken leg kasi hilaw pa talaga, nagtawag ako ng server na mabilis namang lumapit sa 'min. Tinanong ko siya kung gusto niyang palitan 'yung iced tea niya or if she wants to take another drink pero tumanggi na ito dahil may tubig naman na raw siya.
"Palitan na lang po namin ma'am, pasensya na po," the server politely says.
"Can I request?" pahabol ko. "I like breast, ikaw ma'am gusto mo rin ng breast-"
Natigil ako kasi parang nasamid si Professor Cordova, mabilis kong inabot sa kanya 'yung baso ng tubig, "Are you okay, ma'am?"
Tumango siya, hinila niya 'yung plate niya at hindi na pinagalaw, "I'm fine.."
"Breast part po ba, ma'am?" the server inquires.
"Yes please," ngumiti ako at muling tiningnan si Professor Cordova. Her cheeks are red, I don't know why I'm smiling right now.
"Why are you smiling?" she clears her throat, composing herself back to her firm demeanor.
"Wala ma'am," pasimpleng umiling lang ako.
Get a grip, Ezra Meziah..
I hit myself mentally to my quick realization: nagiging kumportable na naman akong kausap siya...pero huli na kasi may isang bagay akong nasasabik na gustong itanong ngayon sa kanya. Naalala ko kasi iyong sinabi ni Sebaztian Davies, wala akong alam na kwento tungkol sa nakaraan niya o 'nung bata siya, hindi naman siguro masamang magtanong?
"Speaking of your childhood life, if you don't mind, can you tell me about your modelling experience as a young star abroad?" I take a sharp breath and look away.
Ang intense bigla ng hangin, parang masyadong personal ang tanong ko...baka kung saan ako dalhin ng mga sinasabi ko.
"Ah, nevermind. Ignore my question please, I'm just.." I trail off, nothing follows but silence.
Nabuhayan ako nang sagutin niya ang tanong ko.
"I lived in Edinburgh UK for like 10 years, I was only 8 years old when my aunt took me in that city," she states in nonchalance, "I had to work at that age as a young model to earn money, my family was overwhelmed with debts and it felt like the world was caving around us that made me decide to leave our country. I resumed my college years in Ph Cambridge before I turned 18, that's all I can share for now."
So..Sebaztian Davies was right. She worked at Memoir British Internationalist until she turned 18 years old? Bumalik siya rito sa pilipinas after 10 years?
I finally found her - Sebaztian Davies
Did she hide from him? Or nah? Pero hinanap siya ni Sebaztian, I'm sure of that.
"You came back for college? Anything else..like unpleasant things happened before that?"
Nagsalubong ang kilay niya...kasi hindi naman pwedeng walang rason hindi ba?
"Ang ibig kong sabihin, you were a model before. No offense but it's not really perceptible with your previous fashion sense at the University."
Ang weird kasi talaga ng fashion sense niya kapag nasa loob siya ng school pero kapag nasa labas, it's the other way around, she seems liberated at some point. Ang isyu ko, wala naman dapat kaso 'yan, pwedeng style niya lang at kagaya nang nabanggit niya noon..she despises massive attention.
But now that she become the SSC Adviser, her baggy fashion style na nilalait ko before has completely disappeared. Kung ano siya sa labas gano'n na sa loob ng cambridge, pero misteryoso pa rin..parang malayo pa kailangan kong marating para mas makilala siya.
"I'm obsessed with black lipsticks," she rolls her eyes fiercely, "But yeah, I was hiding from someone.."
"From Sebaztian Davies?" walang preno bibig ko, sabi ko hindi ko pa banggitin, eh.
Humigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa stainless fork na hawak niya, "Miss Veneracion.."
"Sebaztian Davies was my ex-fiance over an arranged marriage," I say seriously, "He's the CEO of Memoir British Internationalist kung saan ka nagtrabaho noon. Nalaman ko lahat 'to before we had an argument at the Mi Vida Plaza's parking lot. I met him there and he told me about it bago tayo nag-usap."
She looks at me matter-of-factly right now, kanina bakas pa ang gulat at maraming tanong sa muka niya. Is she holding back herself? Mahusay..
"Why were you hiding from him? Did he do something that made you quit your job?" kinakabahan ako sa ginagawa ko, kailangan kong pigilan ang bibig ko.
"He wanted to keep me in MBI but I also had other things that I'd like to pursue as a human. I accepted that job in order to pay my family's debts, it's not because I love modelling," she replies controllably.
I didn't expect to hear back from her, I thought my questions had gone too far.
Kilala ko si Sebaztian Davies, kapag may gusto 'yon ay hindi niya basta-basta binibitawan. Dumaan din ako sa butas ng karayom para lang ipawalang kwenta ang fixed marriage namin no'n, hindi pa naman ako sobrang tanga para magpakasal do'n.
Ngayon ay naiintindihan ko na.
"I was wondering if nagkita na ba kayo after all these years.." mahinang tugon ko na tingin ko ay nakuha naman niya.
"Maybe.." she averts her gaze at different direction. "He couldn't do anything about my decisions now..."
I think she's lying this time, or maybe not? Baka may hindi pa siya nasasabi o may mas malalim pang dahilan ang lahat.
"Are you still hiding from him?"
"No.."
"Nahanap ka na niya," it's a statement, base sa naging usapan namin ni Davies.
She didn't say anything after that.
"I missed seeing you with your long skirt," I clear my throat to redirect the topic, fucking mouth shut up now.
"I signed an agreement when I accepted the SSC Adviser's position, there were protocols I needed to adhere regarding the proper attires and such," she didn't break our eye contact. "I still wear black lipstick, Miss Veneracion."
Black lipstick, masarap 'yan-damn it, gutom lang 'to.
"Here's your breast part," nagulat ako nang magsalita si Daisey na nasa tabi ko na, nilapag niya 'yung plate ko na kinuha ng server kanina.
"What are you doing here?" seryosong untag ko, nagtaas baba ang tingin ko.
"Well, nabitin ako sa moment natin kanina sa lobby," she giggles, referring to our first encounter in the convention's lobby perhaps.
Professor Cordova hemmed, which drew Daisey's attention back.
"Hi! Nice to meet you again, professor?" Daisey stuck out her hand to the professor.
"Cordova," Professor Cordova replies in an ungracious manner, I do understand that because of what Daisey did to her before.
"I'm Daisey Clark, SSC President of Hanmizora University. He's my SSC Adviser," iminuwestra niya ang kasama niyang guro na nasa pintuan na nag-angat ng kamay; mas pinansin pa ito ni Professor Cordova dahil sa pagngiti niya nang bahagya kaysa sa kamay ni Daisey sa harapan niya.
Pilya rin itong si Daisey dahil itong kamay ko ang hinila niya at sa 'kin talaga siya nakipagkamay. She pouts after, "I know I already said it this morning, but I missed you so much!"
Binawi ko nang pasimple ang kamay ko at kinuyom ito sa ilalim ng mesa, " Tinatawag ka na sa labas, Daisey."
"Daisey," her SSC Adviser calls her name again.
"I have to go, I'll see you guys tomorrow!" she chimes a flirty goodbye.
Sa dinami-daming kainan o Jollibee franchises dito bakit dito pa sila talaga nag-dine?
Ngayon hindi ko na alam kung saan ako titingin dahil kahit saan dumapo ang paningin ko ay iyong mga mata ni Professor Cordova na mala-baril at granada ang nakikita ko.
Napansin kong balat lang ng fried chicken kinakain niya kaya binigay ko na 'yung sa 'kin. Walang pagtanggi noong nilagay ko sa pinggan niya 'yung chicken skin ng manok ko, akala ko ayos na pero binalik niya ulit sa 'kin 'yung binigay ko.
"It's for you, ma'am," I put it back on her plate using my cutleries, her pouty lips curling like a baby after she snubs at me.
Again, walang salita itong nagpatuloy sa pagkain hanggang sa matapos kami, kahit iyong glass of iced tea niya ay wala ng laman. Hindi ako mapakali kasi alam ko na kapag tahimik siyang ganyan, she was like that in Ymmanuel Coast before.
"Why were you late this morning?" she asks eventually after the dinner.
I explained myself already right? Why is she asking that again?
"As I told you ma'am, it was a last-ditch decision."
"You've been with her the whole time, haven't you?" walang tonong tanong niya, parang hindi ko na kailangan sagutin kasi may sariling sagot na siya.
"Galing pa akong Casa Grandé, nagkita lang kami sa lobby kanina dahil late din siya," hindi ko alam bakit desidido akong magpaliwanag, sige ginagawa ko 'to bilang SSC Student, 'yon lang dapat.
"Nabitin siya, saan?" pang-iintriga niya.
"Maybe with our conversation," I huff heavily, "I don't know why I'm explaining like I should."
"Miss Veneracion, you arrived late. I deserve a proper and honest explanation," her voice rough.
"What is it to you if she's the reason why I was late? So what, Professor Cordova?" I clench my jaw, I don't know why I feel so frustrated at this point, "Do I have to make a proper explanation about the details of what we did-"
"Excuse me?" her hands gripping the sides of her skirt, I pursed my lips receiving her heated keep-your-mouth-shut glare.
"Okay, please listen," nakatayo na ito, mahigpit na nakadiin ang mga kamay niya sa table habang direkta itong nakatingin sa mga mata ko. "I am asking this as your SSC Adviser."
"I'm so done with your SSC Adviser and Professor's cards, fuck it," I cut her off, my eyes squinting critically.
"Veneracion.you.are.not.a.cursing.machine." an intense displeasure fills her voice and the way she stares at me.
"I think you started it," matigas kong sagot, pilit kong sinalubong ang mga maalab niyang tingin. "Ganito ka rin sa Ymmanuel Coast, dahil kay Yngrid at ngayon si Daisey. Why wouldn't you admit to yourself that you're upset for the same reason as that night? In addition to that, you have already rejected me countless times for the same reasons, you don't like me and you're straight. Akala ko napag-usapan na natin 'to? Bakit ganito ka pa rin ngayon? Tell me, Professor Cordova.."
I avoided using the J-word because she would most undoubtedly deny it in my face.
"I bet you're feeling very pleased with yourself, eh, Miss Veneracion?" mapanuya niyang saad, napapailing na akala mo ang laking biro ng sinabi ko.
No more words to say-pilit akong tumayo at nauna nang lumabas. Sa inis, gusto kong sumuntok sa hangin. I was trying my best to be polite and follow my self-reminders but my frustrations and her mixed signals are getting under my skin.
°°°
Camp John Hay is a paradise nestled in the City of Pines. Malalim na ang gabi nang makarating kaming dalawa sa cabin house. The site exceeded my expectations. It's dark everywhere, with only a few light pillars distributed throughout the tall pine trees, yet you can still feel and see the grandeur of the place. What a wonderful retreats from our hectic lifestyles, it feels magical to be here..
Wren's luxurious A-frame cabin house in pine trees as I expected is just a simple house away from the town but it's structured modernly with rough logs and glasses. What impresses me the most is its underground extension, which is actually designed for a gym because Wren enjoys working out, with a boxing ring in the center surrounded by electric fire places.
"Nag-uwi na ba si Wren ng babae rito? A guy? Okay, just anyone?" tanong ko sa babaeng caretaker na nag-introduce ng cabin house na ito sa 'min.
"Wala pa nga po, mag-isa po siya noong huling punta niya rito last year. Kung hindi dahil sa golf club, matagal na niya itong naibenta," the caretaker responds.
Pero dahil sa pustahan, this place is mine now..
"Hindi na po niya ibebenta ang cabin na 'to dahil sa akin na po nakapangalan," ngiti ko.
Napakaganda ng lugar, idagdag mo pa't Baguio City ang location.
I'm starting to fall in love with this place, it's too romantic and just...wow.
Gabi na at nagawa ko pang maglibot, hindi rin ako makapasok sa loob dahil mas malamig ang hangin do'n dala ni Professor Cordova na magmula sa Jollibee kanina ay hindi na ako kinausap.
"It's past 12AM now, Miss Veneracion," the professor reminds.
Nakatulog na kasi ako sa upuan rito sa labas, binuksan ng caretaker ang ilaw sa buong garden, golf course at iba pang strong lights kaya ako nandito. Baguio's citylights are extremely lovely too. My eyes lay lost at their sight as they helped me forget about the awful things that had happened to me previously.
Tinatamad akong pumasok ng cabin without taking a glance at her, nakasunod lang siya sa likod ko.
I sat on the couch with my eyes closed, exhausted by the day.
"Go to the bed," dinig kong imik niya.
One of my eyes parted at her sudden offer.
"I feel comfortable in this couch, don't worry about me," malamig kong sagot. Muli ay pumikit ako, may traditional fireplace dito sa living room at sa kwarto kaya hindi masyadong malamig.
"Have I done something tonight that upset you more?" madamdaming tanong niya na muli ay nagpabigla sa 'kin.
I blinked at her, surprised by what she was wearing. It's my white big hoodie with possibly short shorts because I can't see it, her messy hair is wrapped in a bun, and she's wearing the hello kitty indoor footwear I bought her earlier.
Actually, I'm not upset with her. We just argued about reality, and it slammed and stung me all the more tonight.
"You did not.." singhal ko, hindi makatingin sa kanya, nahihirapan at naiinis ako sa sitwasyon naming dalawa ngayon..
I need to bottle this up and just beat myself about it inwardly because I don't want another fight again.
"Then sleep in the bed with me," napapairap itong lumapit sa 'kin para sabihin 'yon, hinablot niya 'yung unan at blanket na gamit ko kaya wala akong nagawa kundi maupo ulit.
"Do you have a fever?" kinusot ko ang mga mata ko, nilalagnat na naman ba siya? Na-engkanto? Ano na naman bang nakain niya? Iyong unan at kumot na hinablot niya sa 'kin kanina ay nakita kong binalik niya sa closet saka dumiretso sa kama.
"I'm not sick," tugon niya, panay iwas ako ng tingin nang simulan nitong magpahid ng lotion sa paa, para kasing wala siyang suot na shorts at 'yung hoodie ko lang.
Her stern gaze fixated in my direction, as if commanding me to follow.
"I don't have a pillow," I say, looking back to the wooden closet.
"Use mine," walang pakialam niyang sagot saka ito humiga yakap-yakap 'yung heart-shaped pillow na kinuha niya sa Ymmanuel's resort noon. Malaki rin naman 'yung sariling unan niya but I prefer to get my own pillow. Humarap siya sa 'kin, tinapik niya ang espasyo sa gilid niya kasabay nang mapang-utos niyang mga mata.
I breathed out, lying beside her with an arm behind my head. Nakatalikod siya sa 'kin ngayon na sobrang pinagpapasalamat ko.
"Ano'ng oras training bukas, ma'am?"
"Seven," she answers. "But we need to wake up at 5 AM."
"Isn't it too early?" napakurap ako.
"I don't want to get stuck in a heavy traffic," sagot niya.
"Okay," tumango na ako at pumikit. Pilitin ko man ay hindi ako makatulog, iyong pakiramdam ko noong unang beses ko siyang makatabing matulog ay gano'n ulit ngayon pero mas hindi nakapapalagay.
"Miss Veneracion," she hums after a long silence, her voice too soft. I close my eyes tightly, holding my tongue.
"Are you asleep?" she asks.
"I'm awake," singhal ko.
"I just want to thank you.." mahinang banggit niya, nagtaka ako kung para saan.
"Para saan, ma'am?" I tilt my head, contemplating.
"The training started off nicely, I thought I'd be attending it all by myself but you showed up."
"It's my job," my lips stretch a little. "I'm sorry for coming late again."
"Quit being a pain in the ass, Miss Veneracion," she scoffs, shifting to face me this time, "Being SSC President means carrying a burning torch for your university, especially in this kind of leadership training. You are no longer that student who can go around flirting with anyone and then breaking the rules at school."
"I'm your SSC President now, you can always count on me, professor," ngumiti ako kahit hindi niya nakikita. "I apologize for all the troubles I caused you.."
We didn't say a word for another long silence, I can't breathe with the tension rising between us.
Niyakap nito ang sarili nang nakapikit, "It's getting colder here.."
"Do you want me to get you socks or something?" I ask calmly as the owner of this house, it's my obligations to tend my visitor's needs.
"No," tanggi niya sa alok ko.
I don't understand why it's getting colder when we have a fire place within this room, and the night isn't that dark either because of it.
"Don't you need anything? You're my guest here, don't hesitate to let me know, ma'am," saad kong muli para makasiguro dahil matutulog na talaga ako at hindi na niya ako maiistorbo mamaya.
"I don't need anything.." the bed shifts because she scoots a little closer to me, my heart beats double and I don't understand why.
"Okay," I exhale forcefully. "W-what do you want me to do?"
"Nothing," she cuts me off, her dark eyes drift back to mine, I start losing it when her hand snags my waist and her face burying on my chest. "Just do nothing.."
"B-but.." nangangatal ang boses ko, hindi ako makahinga all at once..something crazy and tingly inside me came to life because she smells fucking heavenly.
"Just let me know if I'm overstepping the mark," she whispers against my chest, arching up to hug me tightly. I'm trying not to say anything else because my racing heart against her has undoubtedly given her the obvious answer-I'm not complaining but it's getting harder..
Calm your ass, Ezra Meziah, don't pay this too much attention.
With broken breaths, I say, "Miss Rafa.."
"Sleep," she firmly commands, eyes closed.
Just..how am I going to sleep right now?!
"But-"
"Don't you get it? Your hoodie is not enough, just don't say anything..and give me a silent friendly cuddle.."
Fuck it, I have never cuddled with friends before. Is there actually such a thing like this?