KISSING MY KRYPTONITE
"Surprise me.." she gently pressed herself against my back, bracing her hands at the sides of my waist. My dear heart, calm the fuck down.
Sa pagkabigla ay hindi ko magawang magsalita agad, lalo pa ngayong sobrang lapit niya sa 'kin, hindi ko magawang kumalma. Abala dapat ako ngayong gabi dahil sa daming plano ng buong Alfa Democrats pero kung siya ba naman ang makakasama ko at ganito siya ngayon? Kahit saan pa kami bumyahe, handa akong dalhin siya kahit saang lupalop ng mundo.
"There are only two types of rides I can offer, you need to choose ma'am."
"Whatever, Veneracion. Just make sure we're both safe."
"Joyride or joyride?" I say, biting my lips. "Both are safe with me, it will bring you to another world ma'am-"
"Stop nga," she hisses.
"Okay, let's travel the world," nagpipigil tawa kong sabi, ano ba 'yan, ang mushy. Naki-cringe ako sa sarili ko, nakakainis.
"I changed my mind, I wanna go home."
Hindi siya seryoso sa tono niya, parang sinabi niya lang 'yon para basagin ako. I'm sure she's rolling her eyes at the back of her head now.
Seryoso na, I'm thinking of taking her to an expensive place.
"What if iuwi nalang kita sa bahay?" akala mo matinong suhestyon ko. "And doon ka na tumira? Ipagtitimpla kita ng pineapple juice araw-araw."
"What if yakapin kita sa leeg?" she counters, my lips snap shut for a moment.
"Are you gonna choke me here?" mahinang tawa ang pinakawalan ko. Kinakabahan ako sa mga paganyan niya, kasi minsan ginagawa talaga niya.
"If you won't stop annoying me.."
Naalala ko na naman noong nasa bahay siya, I have never seen her look embarrassed since that day. Somewise, I think mom likes her, kasi kung anu-ano pang pasalubong ang pinamigay niya galing Paris. Dahil mapilit si mommy, wala siyang nagawa kundi tanggapin ang lahat.
"I need somewhere that can take my breath away, please.." marahang bulong niya, rinig na rinig ko dahil nasa kanya lang naman ang atensyon ko at sa pagda-drive.
The noises surrounding us are loud and clear, apart from my heartbeat and her breathing.
"In that case, you don't have to go somewhere, all you need is to be with me."
Hindi naging madali ang palitan namin ng salita dahil kailangang doblehin ang normal na lakas ng mga boses namin. Maraming ingay pero ang boses niya lang ang naiintindihan ko ngayon, ang gusto kong marinig at intindihin.
"Are you making me laugh?" may pagkamataray niyang balik.
"It's so rare to see you smile, making you laugh will be a lot harder for sure," nilakasan ko ang boses ko. Nothing I did, no matter how stupid it was, made her laugh.
"I'm just used to respond in my head oftentimes, I don't have to show it out loud."
"I wanna see how far your smile can go because according to my calculation, the more you smile..the more you make people fall," napangiti ako sa sinabi, nilakasan ko pa ang boses para mas masiguradong naririnig niya. "I'm gonna make you laugh tonight, Professor Cordova.."
She scoffs, "I'm afraid you can't, Miss Veneracion.."
"Then I'm gonna take your breath away," I smirk, pressing the rear breaks of my motorcycle gradually to come down..nang bumagal ito ay sinadya kong ipreno pabigla na nagpataranta sa kanya.
"Gosh! Damn it! Veneracion, ano ba!" she screams, slapping my back resulting me to stiffen as I feel the heavy waves of her chest crushing me.
Tumawa ako ng may kalakasan para ibaling ang atensyon ko sa iba mula sa nararamdaman ngayon, pero naging triple ang dalang epekto niya sa 'kin dahil sa kamay niyang nasa gilid lang ng baywang ko kanina ay dumausdos na papunta sa tyan ko.
"Do you want to lose your breath for good?!"
"Woah, easy there," napabuga tuloy ako ng hangin, para akong kinapos ng hangin sa kaba, hinawakan ko ang likod ng malamig na kamay niya sa tyan ko at masuyong hinaplos 'yon hanggang sa manlambot ito.
Nagbitaw ako at nagpokus sa pagda-drive.
"Please be careful when driving, whether alone or with someone, always be extra cautious. Do you understand?"
"I was a member of a car racing gang before, ma'am. I'm a rider."
"Walang pinipili ang aksidente, Veneracion, even if you're the best racer in the world. Adhering to the laws of the road is always important, ride with caution and drive defensively."
"I agree," napapatango kong sagot. "Especially when I'm with you."
"What?"
"When I'm with someone," I rephrase, chuckling.
All joking aside, not just across the roads, I also wanted to see myself flying in the vast blue skies with my own aircrafts kaya kailangan ko munang mabuhay ng matagal.
"What's your perfume?" she breathes out against my ear, I know she's not doing it on purpose but I hope she knows she's stealing my fucking breath away right now.
"Do I smell good?" napatikhim ako, sa namamaos kong boses.
Wala akong sagot na natanggap pero sandaling gumalaw ang mga braso niya sa baywang ko hanggang sa humigpit ito.
Saglit lang naman.
She's back hugging me.
Damn it, kill me now, lucifer.
Pasalubong ni mommy ang perfume na 'to from Paris pa, sinubukan ko lang for the first time today. Napangisi ako, mapapabili yata ako ng maraming stocks, baka gamitin ko na ring pangligo sa susunod.
I can feel the chilly, damp air rolling down from behind a forested slope, but her warmth puts me at ease and settles me. For this very moment, more than anything, this is the first time I wish time could just stop.
Akala ko huling ugnayan na namin 'yung gabi ng Bridge of Rainbows at iyong araw na nasa bahay siya pero nandito ulit kami, magkasama. The universe seemed to be conspiring in each and every way to bring us together.
Next thing I know, I'm driving her around the city as we get further away from the metropolis.
Guided by the moonlight, we descend towards the city's outskirts, and soon find ourselves utterly alone in front of a high marble stairway. Walamg ibang tao kundi kami lang. Only the distant rustle of the wind and beautiful view of city lights accompany us.
"City lights.." dinig kong mahinang bulong niya, sighing with a large contentment.
"With you," ngumiti ako at niyakap ang sarili, payat na napahangos nang maramdaman ko ang pagbalot ng black sports coat ko sa aking likod.
"Hey wear it back," pinigilan niya ang akmang paghubad ko nito, napaismid ito at napairap.
"I have my suit blazer."
Pinilit ko nga palang isuot niya ang coat dahil sa skirt niya kanina, nakaputing sando ito at black suit blazer na karaniwang pinapares niya rito.
"So..why are we here, ma'am?" I always suck at starting and carrying conversation with all the awkwardness like this. Ngayon ko lang naman kasi naramdaman 'to, sa dinami-dami ng mga babaeng nakasama ko.
"I don't know.." sagot niya, ang mga mata ay nasa city lights habang ang akin naman ay nasa magandang muka niya.
Dapat pala ang tanong bakit nagbago ang isip niya? Gusto niya nang umuwi kanina pero sa isang iglap ay nandito kami ngayon. This place is a special haven for me, I generally come here by myself when I need to be alone. Mas mahirap siyang basahin ngayon, pero ramdam kong hindi siya ayos, marami siyang iniisip.
I gave her time to ponder, simpleng nakatingin lang ako sa kanya na pati paghawi ng iilang hibla ng buhok niya dahil sa hangin, pagkurap ng mga mata niya, pag-akyat baba ng dibdib niya sa bawat paghugot niya ng hininga at iba pang maliliit na detalye ay nasiyasig ko. The city lights and stars must be jealous right now. She shines way better than them..
"This is one of the world's best destinations for stargazing, firework displays, sunset and sunrise." for me, because this place is too underrated. It's an amazing location to acquire but nobody's discovering it yet, bilang pa ang mga taong nakaka-appreciate sa lugar na ito. Bilhin ko kaya ang lote na ito for the future?
"Did you drag me here on purpose because of it?"
"Absolutely?"
"Stars and fireworks? Para gulatin ako?" umarko ang isang kilay niya. Oo? Kasi wala ng sunrise at sunset ngayon.
"Isn't it surprising?" my mouth curves into a smile, she bluntly shakes her head.
Wala naman talaga sa isip ko 'yan, ang totoo niyan kanina pa ako nag-iisip kung paano ko gagawin ang bagay na 'yan knowing how hard she is to please.
"Hindi ka na ba talaga takot sa fireworks?"
"I still hate it," she tucks away the hair covering her soft looking face.
"Pero aminin mo, you just hate its sound pero nagagandahan ka sa visual effects ng fireworks sa kalawakan."
"I really thought I have completely overcome it. I was still a child the last time I experienced an extreme panic attack before that night at the library," she sighs. "I like the visual effects, it's not that harmless. I just hate how its noise can easily stir my emotions."
"Sa Bridge of Rainbows, you were back to overcoming it again. My congratulations," ngumiti ako at masayang hindi na ulit nangyari iyong nasaksihan ko sa library. Ayoko nang sumugal at kumanta ng love me like you do, nakakahiya.
She shrugs, "I'm scared to get more panic episodes again.."
"Worry free, I'm willing to cover your ears over and over again," lakas loob kong saad na parang nangangako. Sa kabilang banda, nakakagaan sa pusong nakakausap ko na siya tungkol sa mga bagay na 'to ngayon kasi dati ay hirap na hirap ako. She would always dodge my personal questions away, gano'n kataas ang misteryosong great wall of elrafa na nakaprotekta sa kanya.
"Veneracion, you're not a superhuman," basag niya sa matamis na ngiti ko.
"I'm not a superhuman pero gusto kong maging responsibilidad 'yung samahan ka kapag inatake ka ng anxieties mo, ng panic episodes mo.." tuloy-tuloy kong saad, ano bang kailangan kong gawin para makuha ang papel na 'yan sa buhay niya? "Hindi ko kailangang maging superhuman para roon.."
Gusto kong pagkatiwalaan niya ako.
"Do you still know what you're saying?" sa tono niya, parang hindi siya makapaniwala sa naririnig. 'Yung mabilis na pagkurap ng mga mata niya, parang sinasabi nitong nag-ibang tao ang kausap niya.
"Yes?"
"Veneracion, stop speaking like you're throwing caution to the wind. Please be careful next time.."
May mali ba sa sinabi ko? O masyado na namang mushy? Hindi ko na naman pinag-isipan oo, but I mean it. Bakit ako nagkakaganito? Siyempre hindi ko sasabihin sa kanya, basta may pakialam na ako, ayoko na siyang nakikitang nahihirapan, nasasaktan o malungkot. Umiiyak? Konti palang pakialam ko pero baka makapatay na ako.
Wag ang babaeng 'to, not this professor.
"Why do I have to be careful? I'm just expressing what's on my mind," dahil sa usapang 'to, hindi na 'ko makatingin sa kanya. I tried refreshing my mind and started thinking again. It's time to limit myself, masyado na siyang maraming nalalaman.
"Wake-up.." she mutters with a shrug.
"The only wake-up scene I want is next to you," out of the topic kong balik, nawala tuloy kami sa usapang fireworks.
"What a horrible scene," she made a weird noise with her heavy breathing to indicate how much she dislikes the idea.
"Nangyari na kaya 'yan so it's really horrible if it won't happen again," mapang-asar akong tumawa.
"If that happens again under any circumstances, I'm going to make sure you don't wake up," she said in her intimidating tone.
Madrama akong napahalakhak na kunwari'y nasaktan pa sa sinabi niya, "Grabe ka naman sa 'kin ma'am! Kung magbanta ka parang araw-araw mo 'kong gustong hugutan ng hininga, ah? Ikaw yata papatay sa 'kin balang araw!"
She stared at me, expressionless, "Bold of you to say that yet you're the one asking for it, stop giving me reasons."
"If ever, please let me die beautiful," I say it as a joke, with my eyes rolling. "Kung hindi plane crash, give me a natural death in bed, Professor Cordova."
Tangina nanlamig ako sa mga pinagsasabi ko bukod do'n sa mamamatay sa kama kasi ang hot no'n. Epekto 'to ng isang gabing natulog siya sa tabi ko, wala naman kaming milagrong ginawa pero pagkatapos no'n, naging pangarap ko nang maulit ulit 'yon hangga't sa hindi na matapos..wala ng katapusan.
"Sorry but that's messed up, don't take a joke too far tonight, Veneracion. I hate it when people joke about death like it's nothing," she utters, dead serious.
"Why not? It's part of our life, an ending we all share. What can you do right?" seryoso kong wika.
"It's the opposite of life, Veneracion," she tilts her head to fix her eyes in mine. She's filled with inquiry, "You're not afraid to die?"
"Yeah? Spoiler, death is inescapable and we will all die in the end," ang dali ko lang sabihin dahil hindi naman talaga ako takot mamatay. Bakit ako matatakot sa bagay na hindi naman maiiwasan, we all die at the end of the day.
"I can't imagine you welcoming death when it arrives someday," hindi makapaniwala ang tono niya.
"Just to be clear, I'm not afraid with my own death ma'am," seryosong saad ko, I have almost been killed several times, most of the time due to accidents because of my dangerous sports. Hindi ako takot sa sariling kamatayan pero takot ako para sa kamatayan ng mga taong malalapit sa 'kin.
"Are you saying that in philosophical context?"
"Personally, I'm not afraid of dying," matino akong ngumiti. Sana nga hindi niya iniisip impluwensya 'to ng second take ko sa Philosophy subject.
"You sound like Lucretius."
"Lucretius?"
"Titus Lucretius Carus, a latin poet and philosopher. Death is nothing to him too," she explains, kumunot ang noo niya. "Didn't I discuss this in my class before?"
"I remember him," I chuckle. "Alam mo ba, gusto ulit kitang makitang magturo. I think I need a personal tutor, can you be my girlftiendtutor-"
"Tama na, Veneracion," hinawi niya ang buhok niya saka ito umirap.
"Magpapaturo lang naman akong magmahal sa 'yo," lumabi ako, inunat ko ang dalawang kamay ko sa magkabilang gilid ko, pilya ko siyang inakbayan.
"Trust me, you don't need it," tumalas ang tingin niya sabay hampas sa kamay ko sa likod niya na maiging binawi ko rin. Nagtaas siya ng kilay, "All you have to do is send a long confession chain message to 20 women."
"20 people," pagtatama ko, uminit ang buong muka ko sa hiya na sa kanya lang gumagana. "I don't count women.."
"I respectfully don't care," dumilim ang muka niya kaya hindi na ako bumanat pa ng mas ikaiinis niya, ngumiti nalang ako na may halong kaba sa dibdib.
"I only sent you that chain message, respectfully," I say, trying to save it, I whisper in the air na sa palagay ko ay hindi niya rin lang narinig dahil wala na akong nakuhang reaksyon sa kanya.
We both stared at the distant city lights in silence.
"Who's the last person you were with here?" she asks, showing me a bit of her attitude by her sharp facial expression.
"Never in a million years did I expect myself to bring a woman here, but I did tonight," I answer honestly, there's no reason to lie about it though.
"That's a surprise," she tilts her head to see me, pinag-krus ko ang mga kamay ko sa dibdib saka ko siya binigyan ng matamis na ngiti. I turn and lean my back to the brick fence.
"I'm glad I surprised you, congratulations to me," except for her, I've never taken anyone here before, so this is a surprise.
Muka siyang hindi kumbinsido dahil sa pagngiwi niya, hindi rin kasi ako makatingin ng diretso sa mga mata niya habang kausap niya. Pakiramdam ko kasi lumulutang pa ako dahil sa mga nangyayari ngayong gabi, masyado na naman akong masaya. Nakakatakot kasi alam kong may nakaabang na namsmang lungkot na papalit panigurado.
"Do you like it?" hindi mapigilang tanong ko sa kanya.
Tumango siya, hindi kumukurap habang nakatingin sa magandang view ng city lights. Natatanaw namin ito ng buo mula rito sa taas, tila maliliit na kandilang nagkalat sa buong syudad. Cars are coming ang going around the city, the starry night sky sweeps off over the whole town. The smoggy view..tells us a story just by watching it, I look back to the most beautiful view..
Her..
There's a brilliantly golden tall post of light behind her, flickering colorful and shimmering sparkles over her beautiful face like disco lights.
"It's pretty," she closes her dark eyes as a strong but gentle breeze hits us, her fingers fiddle the diamond pendant on her necklace.
"The finest and loveliest I've ever seen," kumento ko, titig na titig sa maganda niyang muka.
She parted her black eyes, almost like she sensed someone observing her, she caught my eyes as if she could read every single thought in my head.
"Will you stop staring at me?"
"Correction, your beautiful face is staring at my eyes," sinalo ko ang masamang tingin niya na sinundan ko ng mahinang pagtawa. "Pwede ba pakisabi sa maganda niyong muka na itigil na kakatingin sa mata ko? Nakakarami na, eh."
"Really ba?" her hidden smile is as beautiful as her, god-damned it. She lifts her hands and folds them across her chest along with a twitch on her lips. "So bakit gandang-ganda ka na ngayon sa 'kin, Veneracion?"
My mouth parted, to break our eye contact, I blinked my eyes as my face started to heat up. Hinawi niya ang mahabang buhok niyang nakalugay ngayon, sa ilang saglit ay nawalan ako ng sasabihin.
"Yung ano.." mahina akong tumawa, bahagyang nanginig pa ang boses ko dahil sa kaba. Itinuro ko ang city lights, "I'm talking about the city lights, there's so much beauty in it!"
"Okay, you were referring to the city lights while staring at me, is that it?" taas kilay niyang tugon.
Maganda naman kasi talaga siya pero nakakainis bigla akong natotorpe, alam ko pagkatapos nito may kasunod pa eh, baka ma-hot seat ako.
"Yeah?"
"Why do you appear to be so new to this when you've done it practically to everyone?" she said calmly and matter-of-factly.
"What are you saying?"
..done practically to everyone? Hindi ba malinaw 'yung sinabi ko kanina na siya lang ang babaeng dinala ko rito? O may iba pa siyang tinutukoy at gustong ipahiwatig? 'Yung kalandian ko ba? Kung oo, siya lang naman hinaharot ko, eh.
"Don't play stupid on me, Veneracion."
Mapapaamin yata ako rito ng wala sa oras, hindi pwede, hard to get ako.
"I.." unti-unti akong naduwag, ayoko, mapapahiya lang ako, mamaya niyan dahil magkaiba pala kami ng iniisip. I tried to divert her attention by petting the pendant on her necklace.
Binawi ko 'yung kamay ko pagkatapos niyang pitikin, napalabi ako. Nag-isip ulit ako, trying to either find the rights words to say or shall I dismiss the topic and shift to a new one.
"I noticed the relevance of that necklace, who gave you that?" nanunuyo ang lalamunang tanong ko, hindi ako makahanap ng angkop na salita, it's hard to sort my emotions out.
"My grand dad," she answers and hugs herself. "Don't change the topic.."
"What do you want me to say, ma'am?" painosente kong tanong, hinuhuli niya ang mga mata ko pero todo iwas ako. The answer is on the tip of my tongue, I couldn't let it out.
Ano ba kasing nangyayari sa 'kin? Last year I remember, I invited her for a date night which she rejected, the next moment something unpleasant happened. That was the time I thought she was my dad's mistress, I don't want the same cycle to happen again tonight, I'm afraid..fucking weak.
"Throughout the debate, you were so good at coming up with arguments, logic and responses on the fly. It seemed that you had lots of practice, what happened tonight?"
I can't, this isn't the right time..there will never be a perfect time for this. The way she looks at me, I feel like I've morphed into a weary nut and she'll just dump me away once I've let her burn me. Allergic siya sa mani, right?
At this point of my beloved life, I can't throw caution to the wind. Nawala lahat ng tapang ko, kinalimutan ko agad mga binitiwan kong salita kanina, ito na naman ako.
"I have never gotten sick of these types of games," walang lasang sambit niya, she tilts her head away to stare at a distance.
Swallowing hard, my eyebrows furrow, "Games? Again?"
Kailan ba ako nag-jersey habang kausap siya?
She audibly sighs, "Keep me guessing.."
Napakurap ako ulit, pinapanood ang mabilis at malalaking paghakbang niya palayo. Aalis na siya?
"Where are you going?!"
Tumakbo ako para masabayan siya sa paglalakad.
"We're going home," her voice turned rough, face darkened more.
"Agad-agad?!"
Tumingin siya sa wrist watch niya saka ito nagbuntong-hininga. "We're here for like 1 and a half hour already."
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko, tinapik ko ang digital clock ng motorbike ko, nagsasabi siya ng totoo. Nandito kami mahigit isang oras na? Ang bilis ng oras, hindi ko makapaniwala.
"I didn't enjoy the view that much," bulong ko sa hangin, bumalik ang tingin ko sa kanya na matalas na nakatitig ngayon sa akin.
Kahit kunot na kunot ang noo niya ay nagsalita pa rin ito, "Don't waste your time watching me next time, Veneracion.."
Next time..I like that.
Katahimikan na laging umeeksena sa pagitan naming dalawa ang namayani on our way to their house pero bago pa man kami makarating sa bahay nila ay napilitan akong huminto sa isang tapat ng mataas na streetlight. My hands gripped tighter against the handlebar, sinusubukan kong balewalain 'to kanina pa but there's really someone..following us.
"What's going on?" paos niyang tanong, dama ko 'yung antok niya kanina kaya maingat ako sa pagda-drive at pahinto-hinto to check her para masiguradong nakakapit pa siya sa 'kin.
"Wala-" napamura ako nang may bumusinang sasakyan sa likod namin, bago ko pa makilala kung sino 'yon ay nilagpasan na kami ng barumbadong kotseng 'yon!
"Are you okay?" tanong ko sa kasamang propesor na mas malaki ang galit ngayon dahil sa maingay na busina, she hates loud sounds tapos inaantok pa siya kanina kaya bakas rito ang inis at iritable.
"Hold me tight," I instructed her and restarted the engine.
"What are you doing?!" tarantang sigaw niya, hinila ko 'yung mga kamay niyang nakadantay lang sa likod ko at ibinalot sa baywang ko.
"We need to follow that car," determinado kong saad.
It was a luxury car, a white convertible lamborghini and I have a hunch who owns that. Para lang makasigurado dahil naguguluhan na rin ako at kung anu-ano na ang pumapasok sa isip ko.
I remind myself to be careful in driving, that Professor Cordova is with me pero hindi ko pa nahahabol ang sasakyan ay nakatatlong hampas na ako sa likod.
"Veneracion, this is my last warning! You're too fast!"
"I'll be gentle," lumakas ang pagtawa ko, aba't nahampas pa rin 'yung balikat ko "Ma'am, masakit na!"
Nagkauntugan pa ang helmets naming dalawa dahil sa paggalaw niya, "Don't make me give you hell!"
"I'll slow down, I'm sorry," nagpipigil tawang singhal ko, baka masapak niya na ako. "Don't be too hot.."
I slowdown afterwards, decreasing the acceleration of my sports bike. Good timing, huminto ang lamborghini na kanina ko pa hinahamon ng kamatayan, convertible 'yon kasi pasara na nang lagpasan kami kanina.
"What the cuss?!" mura ko ulit pagkatapos kong harangan ang sasakyan, parang gusto kong ibalik itong motor ko sa pinanggalingan namin para hindi nalang namin sila nakita.
Para hindi ko nalang nakita ang mga pagmumuka nila!
"Meziah!" kabadong tawag ni Lucca, wala siyang nagawa kasi muntik ko na basagin 'yung bintana. She's with Yesha and Matias is driving the car for damn's sake.
I took off my helmet and gradually run my fingers through my hair.
"What's all the fuss about?!" naiinis na untag ko, nanatiling tahimik si Professor Cordova, halatang ayaw makilala dahil hindi siya nagtanggal ng helmet.
"Nasa pizza parlor kami hinihintay ka, for the first time in the history ang bagal mo magpatakbo ng motor kaya nakita namin kayo noong dumaan kayo sa store," kalmadong paliwanag ni Yesha na sa huli'y pinaniwalaan ko, real talk siya lang pinagkakatiwalaan ko sa kanilang tatlo kahit na si Lucca ang mas higit na nakakaalam ng maraming sikreto ko.
Lucca gave me a meaningful look, I rolled my eyes at her.
"Sorry na, si Matias kasi eh!" she elbowed Matias, nag-peace sign ito at paulit-ulit na nag-sorry.
"We were waiting for you! May barhopping pa tayo in a few right?" Matias showed me the time on her phone. "Mix it UP pero sa new branch, malapit sa SM! Maraming chix do'n!"
"Spicy girls, Meziah! Don't miss it! You deserve to celebrate! You just nailed the debate!" Lucca giggles playfully, and she's saying it while staring at the woman with me.
"Yeah, deserve mo ng sexy time. Threesome is a great idea! Hindi ba't may bagong condo ka na?!" halakhak ni Matias in exaggerated tone, potangina. Ano'ng threesome? May sa kademonyohan ako noon pero kahit kailan hindi ko pa nasubukan 'yan!
"Who's with you, Meziah?" Yesha asked that caused Professor Cordova's arms loosened around my waist. She's wearing helmet and my sports coat. Madilim kaya siguradong hindi talaga siya makikilala, sa likod niya na kasi nakasuot 'yung coat ko dahil siya nagsuot no'n kanina.
"Shut your fucking headlights!" I glared at Matias na mabilis niyang sinunod, ang sakit sa mata.
"Kalma, ito na!"
"We're leaving," isinuot ko pabalik 'yung helmet ko, hindi ko sinagot ang unang tanong ni Yesha kaya klaro na sana sa kanilang ayokong sabihin kung sino pero si Matias..
"New woman, Meziah? Tangina nito, kaya ba for the past 6 months wala kang girlfriend?! Akala ko kayo na ni Achira eh, tapos cover boyfriend niya lang 'yung varsity captain-"
"Matias shut up," I cut her off. Si Lucca nakangisi lang, of course she has an idea who's with me! Nakabadtrip kasi wala man lang siyang ginagawa para tulungan ako, nilalaro pa nga niya ang sitwasyon!
Magsasalita pa sana ako pero kinukurot na ako ni Professor Cordova sa tagiliran ko, sensyales na gusto niya nang umalis.
"Habol nalang ako mamaya," I scoffed and ended the conversation bago pa ako masapak ng kasama ko.
Lumipas ang ilang minuto, nakarating kami ng matiwasay sa harap ng bahay nina Professor Cordova. Ang tahimik niya at sa tuwing ganito siya, kabado naman ako gayong hindi ko nakikita ang muka niya.
"I'm sorry about what happened," mahinahon kong hingi ng paumanhin, sa unang pagkakataon ay saksi siya kung paano kaming mga magkakaibigan kapag nag-uusap.
Nakakahiya 'yung kanina, nakakagigil.
Hindi siya umiimik, pinatay ko na ang makina ng sasakyan pero hindi pa rin siya bumibitaw at bumababa.
"Don't go," she clicks her helmet's visor open.
"Do you want me to stay?" huskily, I ask.
"Mix it UP.." humina ang boses niya.
"Why?" kunot-noo kong usisa rito, akala ko ayaw niya na akong pauwiin tapos patutulugin niya ako sa kwarto niya, umasa na naman ako.
"Just don't," she hissed and paused for a moment. "I mean, you can go and celebrate but.."
Tumigil siya, hinihintay ko ang susunod na sasabihin niya pero hindi na siya nagsalita. Gustong-gusto ko siyang tingnan sa muka ngayon pero hindi pa rin siya bumababa at mukhang wala itong planong gawin 'yon hangga't hindi niya ako napapasunod sa mga abiso niya.
"But?" kahit na kabado at naguguluhan ay hindi ko naitago ang ngiting pumorma sa labi ko. After removing my helmet, I tilt my head to one side kung saan nakatungo ang muka niya, agad siyang umiwas at nagdesisyong bumaba na ng motor.
"I know I'm not your subject teacher anymore, but I warn you to be mindful with your actions because you're running for SSC President."
"I'll keep that in mind," ngumiti ako, I don't know why I find her so cute while saying that or because I have an idea what's this all about.
"Students respond to honesty and transparency. While staying true to yourself, you're maintaining a positive persona for the people to look upon. It takes a high road, Veneracion. Don't you dare do something tonight that will ruin what you have just started.."
"Why are you suddenly lecturing me about this?" I asked, but I received no answer.
"Do you want me to win this?" dagdag na tanong ko, kasi sa pagkakaalam ko kung pipili siya ng kandidato sa Alfa Democrats ay si Blain Finnegan lang 'yon, siya lang ang pinagmamalaki niyang kamiyembro ko.
"To be fair, for the SSC Presidency, you all deserve to win and I honestly want to see such thing like that."
But that's impossible, sa lahat ng laro, may laging napipiling panalo at natatalo. Everyone can't come out as winners, what's the point of a game or competition kung ganyan din lang? It doesn't make sense.
"I understand why you need to say that," I replied, stepping closer. I slightly teased, "But personally, sino'ng bias mo, Professor Cordova?"
Hindi pa talaga ako natuto noong nag-campaign kami sa klase niya, harap-harapam na niyang sinabi na ang team ni Cassie Sylvester ang napupusuan niyang manalo. Parang gusto ko lang ulit saktan sarili ko sa tanong na 'to, ang tanga ko na naman.
Nag-isip siya saglit bago ito nag-angat ng tingin at diretsong sinalubong ang mga mata ko, "I can be so objective in some matters, SSC Election is included in this."
"I wanna hear your answer, forgetting about being objective," matapang kong saad, hindi kampante, handa lang akong masaktan ulit. Objectively speaking, I'm certain I'm not her first choice, hindi niya ako pipiliin kasi 'yon naman ang totoo.
Her eyes grew darker, "I got nothing to say.."
"If you want me to take this seriously, be honest just this once," madrama kong saad, damn. Seriously, Ezra?
"I have a thing with underdogs," she exhales a large volume of air.
"In other words, you have a thing with me?" I caress my jaw, forcing myself to grin because of her reaction. Naging aso bigla ang paningin ko sa sarili ko, pero seryoso, gets ko ang ibig niyang sabihin.
Tumalas ang tingin niya, parang gustong manakit.
"Ang kapal, please."
Edi, tumawa ako, "Ma'am-"
"Dream on, you little carrot," nanlisik ang mga mata niya, napapangiwi. Napako ang tingin niya sa mata ko, "Abort that smile, it's annoying!"
Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi suppressing myself for another grin, nangingiti pa rin kahit wala namang dahilan dahil ako lang naman naglalagay ng malisya sa sinasabi niya. Ang fulfilling niyang asarin, nakakabuo ng pagkatao.
I cleared my throat and kept our gazes locked.
"The cold truth is, I'm a puppet in someone else's game," dismayadong sambit ko kalaunan. Whether I like this or not, this is my father's game, it all started because of his fucking controlling game.
"Then don't take it as a game, Veneracion," she responded seriously. "End it with a win-win situation before it's played, win it. Make yourself believe that you deserve to win each fight..beat the odds."
This scene is really familiar, it's the way how she says words to lift me up when I'm down. Ganitong-ganito siya noong game of medals, bagay na pinagdudahan ko ang sinseridad dahil sa mga nangyari at mga nalaman ko pagkatapos ng gabing 'yon. I do not think she's faking anymore, I can tell she's genuinely rooting for me in this.
"Are you indirectly saying, it's me?" I smirked, a gusty breeze blew her hair about unheeded.
"No need for indirect answer, I'm saying yes," she rolled her eyes after throwing me the helmet she used. "Happy? You better not do anything stupid tonight that will disappoint me.."
All the pressure is on me to win but tonight, I finally mustered the greatest will to fight for this because my equation has been completed, and she is the final element.
Professor Rafa Eli Cordova is rooting for me.
Wala pa ang pinal na laban pero dahil sa sunodsunod na magagandang pangyayari ngayong gabi, pakiramdam ko ay panalo na ako. Nasa akin na kasi ang basbas niya. Paano ba 'yan? Edi ang yabang ko na naman?
Ang sarap magyabang but part of me is still worried that things might not work out.
"What if I won't make it?" I took another step that brought me just a little bit closer to her, my voice is just above a whisper.
"Life is too short to let those what if's access your brain, Veneracion," she looks up seriously and locks eyes with me. The tip of her stiletto brushes mine, she steps a little closer that makes me catch her sweet scent and resist the urge to back away.
I blink at her, "What if.."
"I want you.." she cut me off by her hand trailing my jaw, she tiptoed slightly to drop a whisper against my ear, making sure I caught every word that tugged my heart. "..to win it."