Copyright © 2012 Kamilla
All rights reserved.
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Chapter 8.2
My mind struggled to find words, and I mumbled something incoherent, making Cameron furrow her eyebrows together in confusion.
“What did you say?’’ she asked, opening the door some inches and gesturing for me to come inside.
I nodded briefly and at the same time ignoring her question, (since I didn’t know what I had said too) and entered her house. It greeted me with the smell of Cameron’s mother homemade cookies, which she makes every weekend. The singing voice coming from the kitchen confirmed that her mother was home, and she was probably fixing everything for her weekly tea party. I think that’s what Mrs Summers (Cameron’s mom last name) and her friends are doing every Saturday, or maybe it’s on Sundays?
“Hi,’’ I said, followed by an awkward silence.
“Yeah, hi,’’ Cameron muttered after a moment, while scratching the back of her head.
Her blonde hair was lying in every direction, and she still hadn’t bothered to remove her makeup from yesterday. When she looks like this, it usually means that she’s been out the night before, and is too hungover to even care about her appearance.
“Do you want to go up to my room?’’ she asked, nodding her head towards the stair that leads to the second floor.
I nodded and followed her. The surroundings around me became blurred for a short second and I clutched the banisters, the wood felt comforting inside of my hand. In a way, it symbolized something I could hold on when I needed it. Even though it’s just a banister… God, I always get dizzy when I'm nervous.
Cameron’s room can only be described with one word, girly. Everything inside there is either pink or white, it's dark pink some places, but that's the only exception. She even has one of those big princess beds, with a see-through curtain thing hanging from the ceiling. At first it was Cameron’s older sister, Melanie's, room, but when she moved out and nobody else wanted it, Cameron grabbed it without hesitation.
I understand her quite well; it has the best view in the whole house. With a big window leading out to the city lake just a couple yards away. In the summer, we always take the Summers family boat out to the island in the middle of the lake. The island has the best places to sunbath without being disturbed.
We both sat down on the bed, it shifted slightly under our weight and I sank down, making myself comfortable.
“So… What is it to talk about?’’ Cameron asked, staring at me with her piercing eyes.
“You know what,’’ I paused, feeling the anxiety coming back to me. “Mine and Michael’s relationship,’’
“Mr Walker,’’ she interrupted abruptly.
I sent her a deathly stare, or I think it was something like deathly, but she just smiled an innocent smirk back.
“Right, first I need to know if you have like… told somebody?’’
My gaze fell on the open door; Cameron took the hint and stood up to close it.
“Of course not, I’ve got no one to tell, not about something like this,’’ she said after closing the door.
I let out a breath I was holding, feeling as if a huge burden just had been lifted from my shoulders. But… who could possibly know then? And what about the note, who could have left it in my locker?
“Was it you then?’’
Her facial expression became bewildered for a moment, and as if someone just had turned a light bulb on she brightened up with a more understanding look.
“The note? No, I thought about doing something like that. But decided not to, since… you know, you’re my best friend,’’ she scratched the back of her head again, looking down onto the carpet.
Something clenched inside me and I smiled, it was nice to hear something like that coming from Cameron’s mouth. However... Cameron's expression seemed thrown off, guilty. She must have done it. I realized. I could kind of see why. She wanted me safe and breaking up with Michael made me safe in her eyes. She had after all done it hours after she found out, it was a rational and unplanned, with no bad intentions behind. I would forget about it. Although the last note left me confused.
“You’re my best friend too. My life is just so messed up right now, and the fact that you don’t like Michael is making it all the more difficult,’’ I wanted to stand up and give her a hug, but first we needed to talk about everything with Michael and me.
The entire cosy thing can come after that.
“He’s a teacher Anna, I just can’t… accept it, in a way. And I can't accept the age difference, it's like 8 years,’’ she said while taking a seat beside me on the bed.
My mind was divided between forgiving Cameron and defending my relationship with Michael. At the same time the both options were screaming at me to pick them. I could choose them both; it didn't have to be this hard. I'll make Cameron understand!
“I really like him, more than anyone before,’’ the words left my mouth without hesitation.
My gaze was locked on Cameron’s face, studying her every move and reaction. And I was pleasantly surprised when she didn’t look disgusted or angry, just plain frustrated.
“I understand, but that doesn’t make it any less illegal. He’s a teacher and you’re a student, besides, the age difference makes me sick!’’ she ranted.
I had expected her to say something like that, and surprisingly enough it didn’t make me angry, nor anywhere close to upset. In fact, I more or less understood her situation much better. And it all made me feel guilty, I ducked my head, staring intently down at my hands.
I’ve been so stupid! I should have trusted Cameron when she told me she hasn't told anyone else. Images of a pair of binoculars pointing straight at me suddenly appeared in my mind, followed by the mysterious notes. I remembered the feeling of anxiety and how scared I had been just nights ago, something or more exactly someone was messing with me. But who? The first note had to be Cameron; it wasn't handwritten like the second one when I thought about it. I hadn't recognized the handwriting of the second note. How abut the binoculars then? What the hell was that all about? Do someone else know it all, even if Cameron hadn't told anyone it was still a chance someone else had found out. But who the fuck is it!
“I’m sorry. I was… blinded by love, you could say,’’ I said, smiling faintly towards Cameron.
My stomach flipped. I wanted to tell Cameron about the freak spying on me, and the second note. But I couldn't - my lips were sealed.
“It’s okay. But anyway, you haven’t told me about how it all happened,’’ she said and sent me a smug look.
I leaned back with a smile, Cameron was offering me peace, and I would gladly take it. Then I started to tell her all about how Michael and I fell in love with each other.
Soon enough, I was finished with telling her everything. From our first intimate meeting to our first kiss, and the list continued. I couldn’t help to smile like a lovesick fool the whole time, and in a way, Cameron accepted our relationship.
But I could still see different emotions flicker across her face, sometimes her eyes told me that she felt uncomfortable talking about whatever we were talking about and I quickly switched the subject.
We were now both lying on our stomach on her soft bed, facing each other while telling the other person about everything that had happened since our fight.
“Amanda is being sickly sweet, when you are out of the picture,’’ Cameron sighed while rolling her eyes. “I can’t believe that she doesn’t understand that you are my best friend.’’
I rolled over to the side, so that I my chin didn’t begin to ache by being supported by my palms the whole time.
“Maybe she just wants to be a part of our group?’’ I asked.
Lately I’ve seen Amanda from a different angle, since I’ve been watching from a distance I suddenly realized that Amanda actually look insecure sometimes. Like one time when I saw her whole facial expression completely change the second Cameron turned her back to Amanda, I kind of felt sorry for her…
Which is really weird; considering she has been trying to destroy my friendship with Cameron since the start of school last year.
We both enjoyed the silence, one of the comfortable one’s we always have had, and we were just fiddling with our fingers or picking on our long nails.
“Jason is coming home tomorrow,’’ Cameron said suddenly.
“I know, isn’t it great?’’ I beamed back, feeling my mood rise immediately.
It’s been so long since we saw each other last time. Now when I think over it, the last time must have been in the middle of the summer vacation, when we both were on Amanda’s brother's barbeque. Or was it when I said goodbye to him at my house? I couldn’t remember.
“I miss him so much, do you think he still likes that girl in 11th grade?’’
“What, no?’’ I frowned and looked at her.
She got this lost puppy look on her face and I could see that she was thinking about something. In a way it looked as if I just had told her that her parents hadn’t died or something, like a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders. Then it all clicked.
“Oh my god, you like him don’t you?’’ I said loudly and sat quickly up from my lying position.
The blush slowly creeping up her now flaming cheeks confirmed it all. She couldn’t like him! He’s gay. Believe me, me and Jason have tried to make him like girls. His request! I have nothing against gays and were actually relived to find out he was gay, I could change clothes in front of him and the friendship got more intimate.
“I can’t believe you. Jason, out of all people on our school, you had to fall in love with our best friend?’’ I groaned, but couldn’t help to feel a little bit happy about it.
Cameron has finally gotten over her last boyfriend! That douchebag Thomas. Not only is he really rude and a completely jerk, but for some reason he never liked me. He didn't like me so much that it was closer to hate than liking, and I always tried to be nice to him, but gave up when he put up the man whore attitude all the time.
“He’s sweet, and it’s not like you can say anything! You’re in love with our teacher, that’s far worse than me having a tiny crush on Jason,’’ Cameron said, while shooting out her chin in a stubborn way.
“Whatever,” I mumbled back, not having any willpower to warn her anymore.
Let’s just let Jason handle it all, he’s good at stuff like that. Besides, I shouldn’t always try to stick my nose into others business. It always ends up with me being the “mean and bitchy” one and everybody hating me.
“Do you think it will be awkward if we hook up?’’
“Please don’t say anything like that again!’’ I groaned, lying down on the bed again.
“Rebecca in P.E said that he’s great in the bed, I don’t believe they hooked up, but she said so on Victoria's party.’’
They didn’t, he’s gay. The sentence almost rolled out of my mouth, but I kept it closed.
“Sure, I bet you won’t be able to walk after he’s finished with you,’’ I said, sarcasm dripping heavy from my voice.
“Really?’’ Cameron’s voice sounded excited and I rolled my eyes.
God, how did I become friends with this girl? Maybe it’s just sexual frustration between her and Jason, it’s not actually love going on there. Jason did say he sometimes felt sexual attraction to girls too; perhaps he could do Cameron as a charity case. Ugh, no, delete that mental picture.
“Just smush and get it over with.’’
If you can convince Jason, that’s for sure not happening - or maybe, who knows besides Jason.
“I’ll see, it will be a little awkward afterward and I don’t want to ruin anything between us.’’
Man, I actually convinced her. In a way. Next time I must remember to not give a shit, and then it all will turn out for the better! I love my friends, all of them.