Zay had managed to avoid West for at least half an hour now since he'd spotted him out on the back porch. Each time he spotted him in the crowd, he'd run and hide like the coward he was. He even danced with several girls just to keep away from him. Nothing inside him wanted to allow West to corner him, not here and now, not when he'd already had a few too many beers and his resistance wasn't up to par. If West managed to trap him he'd do something idiotic.
He ducked up the stairs and decided he'd hide in one of the bathrooms for a little bit, maybe then West would give up for a while. He locked the door and pulled himself up to sit on the counter.
"Wow, I am such a loser," he muttered. He didn't know how long he stayed in the bathroom, but eventually, he emptied his beer and he grew bored. "Right, time to act like an adult and not a frightened child," he told himself as he unlocked the door and pulled it open.
"I was beginning to believe you were going to hide in there all night," West told him from where he was propped against the wall across from the bathroom.
"Have you been out here the entire time?"
"Yup, you've been avoiding me and I got tired of it so I figured I wait for you to decide to come out." He shoved away from the wall. "So, are you gonna bolt or suck it up and talk to me?"
"I have no reason to talk to you." He turned away and headed for the stairs.
West grabbed his arm and hauled him through an open door into one of the bedrooms and before he realized it, the door was shut and West had him trapped between it and his body. West pressed his hands against the door and leaned a bit closer with a grin. "I'm tired of playing games. Zay, we both know you're denying the fact there could be something here."
"I'm denying nothing, now get away from me." His voice sounded panicked and there was nothing he could do about it.
"Stop lying to yourself! Stop denying who you are!" West snapped.
"Stop trying to get me to admit to something I can't ..." he stopped speaking and shook his head. "Just leave me alone, all right? Trust me, it's better if you drop it." He wanted to shove West away, to push him as far as he could and get the hell out of here, but he avoided touching him. If he put a hand on West he knew it wouldn't be to shove him away.
West leaned closer, their faces now only an inch or two apart. "Tell me there's nothing here, that you don't feel what I feel and I'll walk away. Go ahead, Zay, tell me you feel nothing."
Before Zayden could answer West closed the space between them and kissed him. He had no comparison, he'd never felt like this when he kissed any of the girls he'd dated. Then it had been for show, an act to prove to the world he wasn't gay. This was no act, it was very real and it was exactly what he'd always wanted. One of West's hands dropped from where it had been pressed to the door and slipped into his hair, cupping his head and drawing him closer. Of their own will, he lifted his hands and wrapped them up around West's shoulders, his fingers curled into his hair as he allowed West to deepen the kiss. They remained that way for what Zay decided was too short a time. West pulled back a small smile on his face before he set his forehead against Zay's with a sigh.
"I knew it."
Those words broke whatever spell had been cast over him the moment West kissed him and Zay realized exactly what had happened. He'd taken a step he never should have taken. He shoved West away and yanked the door open. "Stay away from me!" he yelled before he bolted from the room.
"Wait, Zayden!" West called after him. "Zay!"
He ignored West as he continued to call his name, streaked through the kitchen, pausing only to grab a bottle of Jack from the counter before he was out the door. He found a quiet spot in one corner of the yard and hid in the bushes with the hope no one would come around the side of the house.
It was there that Lyssie found him, along with the half-empty bottle of whiskey. She sat down beside him. "Hey, you wanna talk about it?"
"No, not really."
"West is looking for you. He seems upset."
"Yeah, well he should think before he acts and maybe he wouldn't be upset." He took a long drink from the bottle.
"Zay, he likes you and you like him. Why do you keep denying it?"
"Because I can't admit to something my parents will disown me for. I can't live a life that will cause me to lose everything. I can't be who I want to be. I can't."
She bumped her shoulder against his. "You can, Zay. Just stand up to them."
He shook his head. "I can't and you know it. You've come to church with us Lyssie, you know what it's like. Telling them would put an end to the life I know. I'd be left with nothing. They would never pay for college, not for a disgrace."
"You aren't a disgrace."
"To them, I would be. We both know that." He took another drink.
She reached out and grabbed the bottle from him. "You know you can stay with me, my parents wouldn't care. They love you. Hell, you could stay here with Josh, his parents wouldn't even notice."
"I appreciate that, but it solves nothing. I will lose everything."
She leaned against him. "So ... how was it?"
Against his will, he smiled. "Perfect."
She sighed. "I wish I could convince you to take that chance. I want you to be happy."
"As happy as you are with Josh?"
She laughed. "Yes." She took a drink and handed him the bottle. "Stay here if you want, but you're missing a hell of a party. Josh got past his three drink barrier without puking and he's currently shirtless. Last time I saw him he was dancing on the dining room table to chants of "take it off" for all I know he's completely nude by now."
He chuckled. "I think I'm better off here. There's no telling what stupidity I'd get up to if I came back."
"Oh yeah God forbid, you might have some actual fun. You could hook up with West, that would be an exciting end to the evening!"
"Go away," he grumbled. "And stop putting ideas into my head."
She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "Your room is ready if you would rather call it a night and go pass out."
"Thanks," he told her as she stood. "I mean it, Lyssie. Thank you for everything, it may not seem like I appreciate it but I do."
"I know ya do. I'll see you later. I need to go make certain Josh hasn't gotten himself into trouble. Well, more trouble." With a little wave, she left him in his hiding spot.
He chugged the rest of the whiskey and laid down in the grass to stare up at the stars. This wasn't the night he had mapped out inside his head. A grin appeared on his face, it had been better. West Sawyer kissed him. As big a catastrophe as that was, it made him happy to know that West had feelings for him even if he couldn't do anything about it. After a few minutes, he left his hiding spot and slipped in through the back door to the kitchen, and managed to get upstairs without being noticed. He wondered if West had left or if he was still downstairs partying. He wasn't going to go back down and look for him. He went to his room, the one he always used when he stayed over at Josh's house, and locked himself inside. He didn't want any drunk couples busting in on him while looking for a place to get busy. Once he was locked in he realized his bag was still out in the car.
"Not going back out there. I'll just have to suffer until morning." He stripped down to his boxer briefs and crawled beneath the covers.
It took him an eternity to fall asleep. His stupid brain kept poking at him, playing out different scenarios for the way the evening could have gone after that kiss. It pissed him off that his mind could get so creative over something he'd rather forget.
***
West sat slumped in the corner of a couch, watching the party happening around him. He had high hopes for this evening, a plan for how things would go. It had failed epically. He pushed Zayden too hard and it had blown up in his face. Alyssa refused to tell him where Zay was hiding and he knew she had to have an idea where he'd go, they were best friends. He should go home, Zay wasn't going to put in an appearance, not now. He'd remain hidden until he was certain he could make an escape unseen.
"Weshten!"
West chuckled. "I think you should be cut off, man," he told Josh.
"Nawwwww, isss fine! Hey, hey, hey ..." he stopped and frowned as if he'd completely forgotten what he was going to say. "Oh ... yeah have you seen Zhayden? Can't found him!"
West chuckled. He'd never seen Josh wasted, after a couple of drinks he usually stopped or he puked and passed out. This was rather entertaining. "I saw him earlier but he's hiding from me now."
"Awww, but you're so cute." He grabbed West's face and squished it.
West laughed and swatted his hand away. "If you're hitting on me it's definitely time to cut you off. Where's Alyssa?"
Josh frowned then stood up and shouted as loudly as he could, "Lysssha! Weshhton wants you!"
Several people standing nearby burst out laughing and West shook his head. "Wow, dude, thanks for the help."
Josh grinned down at him. "Helping is happy!" he told West before he scampered away.
West watched him go with a grin. He spotted Alyssa and waved her over. "You need to take Josh upstairs and tuck him into bed, I think he's had enough to drink for today."
She sighed and dropped down beside him. "Oh, I tried already, several times. He keeps telling me fun is happening and he can't go yet."
"Nice, I don't think I've ever seen him this drunk."
"I don't think anyone has." She nudged him with an elbow. "You okay?"
He lifted a shoulder in a small shrug. "I pushed too hard, I should have known better."
She grabbed his hand and pulled him with her out to the front lawn. "Walk with me." She led him away from the noise of the party.
"Why are we walking?" he asked.
"Zay is my best friend and I want him to be happy, but you have to understand him, West."
"I do understand him. I shoved when I should have nudged. I've been told I have a very dominating personality, Zay doesn't and I should have considered that."
"That's all true, but you have to know he fears what his parents will do if they find out and it's not the irrational fear that they'll be disappointed, though they will, it's a very real fear. It's all-consuming. He isn't simply afraid of their disappointment, he's afraid of what they'll do to try and fix him."
"Fix him? Being gay isn't fixable, it's a basic part of who you are. It's not a sickness," he replied with a snort.
She shrugged. "We understand that but they don't. They have a very strong opinion of homosexuality and it isn't about to change. Just give him some space, he'll come around eventually. He has to, he can't keep this bottled up forever."
West released a sigh. "He's pretending that part of him doesn't exist. He's denying who he is."
"Yeah, but that's his choice, we can't force him out of that closet," she told him with a grin.
"Funny. Fine, I'll back off but I'm not happy about it. I like that guy. A lot and I'm tired of waiting for him to decide he's ready to be himself."
"How long have you liked him?" she asked.
He snorted. "Too long."
"That's not an answer."
He shoved his hands into his pockets. "I knew I was different in elementary school. I thought there was something wrong so I kept it to myself. It wasn't until sixth grade that I realized the things I was feeling weren't wrong. I was just a little different from the other boys I knew, they liked girls and I liked guys." He shrugged. "Still, I kept it secret because I didn't want to upset my parents. Freshman year I decided my happiness was more important than theirs and I came out. I honestly can't tell you exactly when my feelings for Zay started, but it's been a long while."
"You see, it took you a while to come to the decision, give Zay that time."
"You can't honestly believe he's just now decided he's gay?"
"No, I can't, but he has a lot to wrestle with, let him handle it his way and in his own time."
"I hate waiting," he grumbled.
"Aww, is Weston impatient to get into Zay's pants?"
"You are a crude little munchkin."
"I am not a munchkin, you behemoth."
"Behemoth?" He arched a brow at her. "Well, you are a midget, so I guess I do look like a behemoth."
"Funny. Dude, you're six three, you're taller than nearly all of us. You should be a basketball player, not a baseball pitcher."
He shrugged. "I'm not coordinated enough for basketball."
She snorted. "Right."
"Come on, Josh is six feet tall, I'm not that much taller."
"To my little four-foot-ten, you are. Those three inches make a difference."
He grinned at her. "Oh, yeah, three inches always makes a difference."
She shoved him. "Get your mind out of the gutter, man! Come on, let's head back I should probably attempt to drag Josh off and tuck him in for the night."
"Take your shirt off, in my experience straight guys like that."
She rolled her eyes. "Funny."
They walked back to the house in silence. West turned over the things she'd told him and he wondered why exactly Zay feared his parents so much. How bad could they be? His dad hadn't exactly been a prince about things when he'd come out, but still ... he didn't fear him.