"because it is you that I cannot live without."
- e.k.
G A B R I E L
All my friends were at the hospital, waiting for Zion to come out from his bullet-removal surgery. He was wearing a bulletproof vest, but Zandra was too close to him, so when she shot at his torso, his ribs cracked from the force. The other bullet went into his shoulder.
I knew all of this because Riot was at my front doorstep, telling me everything I was too afraid to ask. While all his friends were visiting him in the hospital, Zion's best friend wasn't there. I was at home, too nervous to be around everyone else. I didn't want to think that any of them would blame me, but sometimes it was difficult not to think it was somehow my fault.
"I came here to tell you something important, kid," Riot's rough voice lowered. "I'm not meant to show you this, but I know how much of a suka Zandra was, and I know there's no excuse to explain the fucked up things she did-" [bitch]
He sucked in a sharp breath and pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. It was folded, but I already knew Riot must've pulled it out of the FBI evidence to show me. Whatever it was, I was eager to see it.
"You need closure, Gabriel," Riot's eyes remained on the paper as he spoke to me while unfolding it and handing it to me.
I took it from him, parting my lips at the sight of the gruesome image. A faint shudder rippled through me when I realised it was someone's back, carved up in initials and burned with cigarette blunts. They were old wounds, almost barely visible.
It was Zandra's back.
"We figured where her trauma came from," Riot cleared his throat and shifted in his spot, clearly uncomfortable where this conversation was going. "Do you want to know?"
I hesitated before concluding that knowing this information would give me the closure I needed. "Yes."
"She grew up in a house full of drug addicts, in a group home. They abused her, raped her, carved up her skin, and gave her cigarette burns. They practically shared her until the day she turned twelve. Little Zandra got a hold of a gun and shot everyone in that house. All men - if you could even call them that. She lived on her own for a few years, homeless. Then she met Iris, my brother," Riot stopped talking as soon as his brother's name was said.
I finally glanced up from the image and saw that Riot was raking a hand through his long hair and stepping back. It looked like he was trying to reign himself in, trying not to give in to the anger seething through every deep breath he took.
Everything made sense - why she carved her initials into my skin, how she reacted to the burn I gave her. The pure terror in her eyes was like she was revisiting those memories, and suddenly, I felt nauseous.
"Zandra stuck around him for a while, and I was always with Iris, so she was always with me, and by the time Pearl was with us, Zandra was involved in more dangerous activities. I should've pushed Pearl away. I should've fought harder for her safety-" He shook his head, deciding this wasn't the time to talk about Pearl.
Riot had to fix that issue with Pearl herself. Maybe one day he'd right his wrongs with her, for keeping her involved with them for so long when she was vulnerable.
"That's why Zandra latched onto you, Gabriel. After being hurt over and over again by evil men, she saw a lot of goodness in you, and, in some twisted way, you were her saviour. That's why she didn't kill you," He made sure to look at me deeply as he spoke with confidence. "But none of this was your fault. It's not your fault for being the good guy, or for even being friends with someone as broken as her."
I had to blink faster than usual and tilt my head up to the sky to prevent myself from crying. It was all over, and the fact that I could start to heal properly was hitting me like a ton of bricks.
"There's no need for you to be forgiven when you did nothing wrong. You need to take care of yourself, rebenok. You did nothing wrong, and you need to believe that no matter how hard it is to tell yourself." [kid]
Riot left after saying those words, knowing I was too distraught to say anything. He took the image with him, but it stayed in my head the whole time I was mentally preparing myself to see Zion at the hospital.
⭐︎
The moment I was in the hallway leading to Zion's hospital room, his door opened, and Pearl walked out with a warm smile on her lips. She stayed the entire day, it was nearing the close time for visiting hours. I was hoping I wouldn't bump into anyone, but now I was glad I did.
Pearl's brown eyes locked with mine, and she paused as soon as the door clicked shut behind her. I visibly saw how her breath hitched while she merely stared at me. My heart plunged into the thickness of guilt due to the way she was looking at me like she was scared to even be in my presence. Pearl was scared that I was still angry at her, and that wasn't the case at all.
"How's he doing?" I asked quietly before I could comprehend that I didn't even have the decency to say hi.
"He's going to be okay," She replied, breaking out of her frozen state to give me a small smile.
I nodded once, feeling nervous to speak to her after weeks of ignoring her for something that wasn't her fault at all.
"And you?" I questioned, walking closer to her.
"I'm okay," She said after hesitating. "Maybe one day I'll even sound confident saying that."
I chuckled faintly. "One day, we will be."
Silence enveloped us for a moment as apologies circled my mind.
"Zion's been asking for you all day," Pearl murmured, her eyes beginning to glaze. "He misses you."
It was difficult to stop my eyes from burning with unshed tears at those words.
"He loves you a lot. You know that?" I told her, my voice sounding more gravelly than usual. "And he deserves you. You deserve him, too. Both of you need each other, and I'm so sorry if I ever made you feel any different."
Pearl shook her head and smiled again. "I know you didn't mean it, and I get it. After Zion saved me at the beach a year ago, I had to stop drinking. I was addicted to alcohol, and when I didn't have it, I snapped at everyone. My parents didn't know what rehab was, so we did it on our own, and it was a pain in the ass.
"I wasn't myself. I said and did things I didn't mean, and I regretted them, but I don't regret that I had to go through that stage to begin the healing part. I'm not going to hold that against you. Whatever you went through and how you reacted was your coping mechanism, so I don't want you to apologise."
Pearl glanced behind her to the closed door and back to me, grinning. "Don't let Zion hear you apologise either. He'll try to get out of that bed to beat you for it."
I scoffed, trying to hide my smile. The relief in my chest warmed my face as she grinned at me again.
"Friends?" She held a fist out to me.
"Yeah, friends." I fist-pumped her, and she stepped aside. I stopped her from going any further when I said, "I have a feeling you might blame yourself for Zandra ever introducing herself to me, but you can't. It's all past us now anyway, and we both have people to help get us through this."
Pearl's face went solemn, but she nodded anyway before sending me a reassuring smile and leaving.
Two minutes later, I was shutting Zion's hospital room door behind me and staring at his face. His eyes were closed, and I assumed he was sleeping. I was going to stay anyway, just for a few minutes.
Making my way over to the side of his bed, I let my eyes drift to the bandages covering his shoulder and the other around his torso. The tubes attached to him most likely stopped him from feeling the pain, and I was grateful for that. I didn't want him to be in pain.
"Pearl said you'd beat me up if I say sorry, but I don't care because I am, and I'm always going to be," I whispered to his sleeping face, the tension gone. "I think it's a habit. I need to get rid of it soon, and I don't know how long it'll take, but I feel the need to apologise to everything, even if I cause the smallest inconvenience."
Zion breathed deeply, and my body froze when I thought he was waking up. I waited a few seconds before speaking again.
"If you do reckless shit like that again, Zion, I swear I will smother you," I mumbled, not caring that my voice cracked. "The breaking and entering thing was nothing compared to this. Do you know how fucking scared we were? I- My heart felt like it was falling out of my chest. I don't know what I would've done if you didn't make it out of this."
My eyes caught onto the way Zion's breaths were slightly faster than a minute ago, and I stopped moving again. What if he was having a nightmare? I should've woken him up.
"You're my brother, Z. You're not allowed to leave me," I told him in a much quieter voice.
Tears blurred my vision as I brought a hand up and placed it on the edge of the bed. I wanted to hug him, but he was sleeping. It would've been weird. He would've woken up and thought I was trying to kiss him or something. Maybe I wanted to do that too because I was so relieved he was still here on this earth with me.
"Besides, you still need to punch me for not telling Serenity I love her yet," I cleared my throat silently, feeling my face heat up at the thought of her. "We're graduating in two days, and I still haven't asked her out to prom, which is in four days, in case your memory is a bit hazy."
I stopped talking for a while and just memorised the sight of Zion laying on the bed with his peaceful looking face starting to move slightly. His eyebrows drew together, and his breathing pattern made me believe he was waking up.
"Zion?" I called out his name softly, not wanting him to jolt out of bed if he was having a nightmare.
"Fuck you," Zion drawled, making me jolt in the spot as his deep voice resonated through the room.
I merely blinked at him as he blinked his eyes open and glared at me.
"First of all, when I'm better," he slurred, "I'm definitely beating you up for apologising. Second of all, fuck you for thinking I wouldn't risk my life for you because I would in a heartbeat. I don't need your permission for that. And lastly, get over here and hug me, you little shit."
A laugh bubbled out of my chest as I threw myself at him (gently) and gave him a chaste kiss on the side of his head. I repeated it a few times before letting my head rest on his shoulder, relishing in the feeling of his chest moving as he breathed. He was breathing and alive.
"You're not allowed to leave me, either," Zion snuggled his head into my neck and rested his forehead on my shoulder. "If you're having trouble with anything, I need you to tell me so I can be there for you. I don't care if your overthinking starts to give you trouble, you fucking call me first."
I nodded, closing my eyes to stop myself from sobbing. I'd done enough of that. I just wanted to smile and laugh.
"And in case you forgot, I can't get out of bed to go to graduation or prom. I'll have someone bring me my certificates and prom- If you don't tell Serenity you love her before then, I'll tell her that you do. Which do you prefer?"
"Definitely me telling her," I chuckled and tried to pull away, but he kept me close to him.
"Then go and do it."
S E R E N I T Y
We did it.
We finally graduated, cheering fiercely as our graduation caps flew into the air simultaneously. Hugs were given all around, smiling faces brightening the atmosphere more than the sun did. I felt so warm and happy, a large sigh escaping my lips as my friends thundered onto me, embracing each other in a group hug.
Dawn, Indigo and Adara clutched onto me tightly, and I could've sworn Adara was trying to cover up her sobs with laughter.
"Okay, you're not allowed to cry," Dawn scoffed, her voice sounding unsteady. "That will make us all cry. We're not supposed to cry."
"Shut up. We're allowed to fucking cry," Indigo said right before she burst into tears on my shoulder. "I can check that shit off my bucket list now."
Adara chuckled and tightened her hold on us, and all I saw was the material of our black gowns shuffle as someone jumped into our intimate moment and held onto us.
"Aw, you guys!" Nico shouted, his voice muffled against the hair on Dawn's head. "Who would've thought, huh?"
"Nicandro," she warned, and he visibly stiffened. "You have five seconds-"
He was off and running to his friends in a heartbeat. We all laughed at that, masking our happy cries. I didn't want to sob today but seeing my friends cry, whether out of happiness or sadness, made me cry.
"Well, I'm off to see Chancey and his douchebag friends," Indigo carefully removed herself from our hold and smiled brightly at us. "I love you girls. You made my year so much easier in the span of three months."
"We could say the same," Adara kissed her cheek, and Dawn was fast to embrace her in another tight hug. Indigo pulled me toward her and made sure I hugged her again. I did, but not without feeling like I was going to burst into tears again.
Someone cleared their throat behind us, and Adara pulled away. Dawn did the same, throwing Chancey a glare for interrupting our moment. Indigo grinned at him, her slim face slightly reddening at the sight of him.
"Don't hog my girl. It's not nice," He scolded, placing his hands on his hips.
I wanted to flick his head and strangle him with his graduation gown. But then I saw the way he looked at Indigo and decided it was enough to let him off the hook for breaking her heart a couple of years ago. She didn't know it then, but I had a feeling she loved him from the moment they became friends in ninth grade.
"You can have her," Adara scolded back. "Only if you promise to return her in one piece."
"And why are we speaking about her like she's a piece of property?" Dawn chimed in, taking a step forward. Chancey took one back and lost the frown on his face. It was replaced with fear. He was scared of her. As he should be.
"And why are you both speaking about me like I'm not here?" Indigo questioned slyly before making her way over to me. "This is why I've claimed Serenity as the only decent friend of mine."
"Decent?" I tried not to snicker.
She faced me and lost the smile slowly, "Yes. It's that or nothing. Accept or don't."
"I definitely accept," I nodded instantly, and the grin was back on her face.
"Good," She mumbled happily and spun me around. "Now, to your boyfriend."
Gabriel was in front of me, his face softening with a smile as he held up a bouquet.
"Congratulations," I said.
"Congratulations," Gabby replied.
"Am I getting a congratulatory kiss?" I asked, taking a step forward.
"Depends if I get one in return," He said, closing the gap between us.
Not wasting another second, I wrapped my arms around Gabby's neck as he leaned over me and captured his lips with mine. I felt him sigh into the kiss, not long before he pulled away to hand me the flowers.
"I didn't get you anything," I muttered embarrassingly, trying to hide my face in the bouquet of sunflowers and baby's-breath.
"If you leave with me now, you'll be giving me something," He had to tilt down to speak to me, and I knew he wanted to do something we shouldn't.
"Where are we going?" I asked, grabbing his hand in mine without hearing the answer, pressing the brakes of all my doubts.
"For a drive."
And since I'd do anything for Gabby, I followed and let him seat me in his car. He sat in the driver's seat and made sure my belt was on before doing his and driving away. I laughed when I registered that we were still in our graduation gowns.
When we arrived at a quiet street, Gabriel revved and sped down the road, giving me a wave of Deja vu. I glanced over at him and was glad to see a wide grin on his lips as he reached over the console and held my hand. A few minutes later, Gabby stopped at a park and got out of the car. He opened my door and helped me out, leaving the bouquet neatly on the seat behind mine.
"Prom's in two days," He nervously pointed out, taking my hand and walking us to the grass adorned with flowers. "Are you thinking of going?"
I opened my mouth to tell him I wasn't sure if I even wanted to go, and realised his best friend was still in the hospital, not likely leaving a chance for Gabby to go if I wasn't. I didn't want my answer to influence his.
"Only if you are," I shrugged, letting Gabby sit on the grass and pull me down with him.
A yelp left my lips as I almost tumbled down onto him. He laughed and made sure I was as close to his chest as possible. Leaving a quick kiss on the crown of my head, Gabriel slanted his to look at me.
"I want to do half-half. I'm going to see Zion, and then we'll enjoy the night together. Is that a good idea?" He suggested calmly, letting me feel like I had all the options in the world.
"Yeah," I nodded, fully agreeing. "That's the best option."
"Good, because if you didn't go, Adara would think I manipulated you into not going, and that wouldn't end so good for me," He chuckled, tucking his head into my shoulder.
I sighed and spun my waist around enough to hug him, my arms snaking around his neck as his arms did the same to my hips.
"Ren," Gabby whispered into my ear, leaving goosebumps all over my skin. "I think you already know this, and if you don't, I'll spend the rest of my life making sure that you do."
He hadn't even said anything, and I was already waiting to kiss him. I knew what he was going to say, more so confess. I'd known for a long time, but at this moment, I felt my heart begin to erupt with glee.
"I think you've had my heart the moment we made eye contact. Then I spoke to you for the first time, and it felt like I was snuggling into warm bed sheets on a cold winter night," He laughed into my neck, and I couldn't help but do the same. "And every time I saw you after that, I just had to talk to you, I had to hear your voice, see your eyes, smell the perfume on you that turned me into a psychotic freak because I always wanted to smell you. Ren, you never leave my mind, and I honestly believe that I cannot live without you."
My breath got caught in my throat, and it was instinctive to prepare myself for his next words.
"I've been in love with you ever since you touched my scars and wiped away the blood from my face," Gabby whispered so quietly that I barely heard him. He squeezed me tighter in his arms and released a heavy sigh. "Maybe I felt that way before, but that was the moment I acknowledged it and felt it in my heart - that I was going to love you for a long, long time. And that someday I'd marry you."
Yeah, it was impossible to prepare myself for those words. I was on the verge of sobbing out of joy into his chest. My eyes were burning with unshed tears because I wanted to marry him someday, too. And he was in love with me. Hearing him say it did things to my heart I knew no one else would ever have the privilege of doing.
"I just love you so much, Ren. Your name is what you are to me. Serenity, my peace," Gabby moved his hands from my waist, only to grab my face and move it back until we stared at each other.
My heart shattered and melded back together in a matter of seconds because the way this man was looking at me was like I resurrected him from the depths of hell. Maybe I had. He did, too. He saved me from the plague of darkness in my mind more times than I could've counted.
"It's been painfully obvious from the start, but I needed you to hear it out loud. I couldn't go a day without letting you know just how much I love you."
"I love you just as much, Gabby," I whispered, knowing my voice would break if I spoke any louder. Letting my fingers run through the hair on the vape of his neck, I brought him closer to me. "And you already know, that one day, I'm going to say 'I do'. I'll be saying it from this moment on."
Gabriel closed his eyes, rested his forehead on mine and groaned so miserably I merely blinked at him.
"How can someone be so perfect?" was all he said to explain himself before crushing his lips on mine.
He tilted my head and kissed me with his heart and soul, I felt my skin tingle through the utter passion. I felt him breathe me in, repeatedly pressing his lips on mine as I reciprocated. I held onto his sides, cautiously moving the graduation gown aside so that I could feel his white button-up. Gabriel didn't me. He slightly nipped at my bottom lip until he was kissing me deeper, my hands sliding up his shirt.
"Ren," He murmured breathlessly, but I smashed my lips onto his before he could say anything else. Gabby held onto my face with one hand and used the other to pull my body closer until I was almost straddling him.
I paused. We were in a park. On the grass. If a little kid saw us, they'd be scarred for life.
"I want to do something," I told him, moving my lips to his jaw, peppering his soft skin with kisses. "But I need to do it now."
Gabby's chest heaved heavily, but I knew it wasn't from fear as I trailed my lips to his neck.
"Can I undo a few buttons?" I asked, moving my fingers to the collar of his shirt. It was a wonder my nerves didn't make me get up and run away from him.
"Yeah," He was still breathless when he replied.
"Cool," I continued pressing light kisses to his neck and felt his pulse beneath my mouth. I smiled when I noticed his heartbeat pick up.
My fingers slightly shook with anticipation as I unbuttoned the first three buttons of his white shirt. The material was thin, but that didn't matter when my lips trailed to his collarbone, and Gabriel's hands flew to my waist to steady himself.
"I love you," I reminded him, moving my lips further down to his chest, stopping right above the burn. "I love every part of you."
I kissed his scar over and over until I was sure I felt his heart stuttering, aware of my unwavering love.
____________
a/n: they stopped there and went home :)))))))) they were at an open park :)))))))) maybe I should've changed that part, but oh well, it just makes sense to me so I'll keep it :))))))
thank u for 3k <3
epilogue is next hehe (you might be jump-scared but, remember, this isn't the end of the series, so don't bash me. thank you.)
have a great day/ night!