~stormy night~
* CW: angst, anxiety attack, and slight gore! Y'all,,, there's mental illness in this aight 😭🤚🏾happy ending though !
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"This came out of nowhere! How are we supposed to complete a research mission in this weather?" Vanessa's voice was slightly slurred, but still held obvious agitation. After getting silence in response, Vanessa turns expecting to see her teammate. Instead, she is greeted by an empty space and no immediately noticeable trail.
Within the next fifteen minutes, thunder brightens the gray sky and the harsh crack of lightning follow seconds later. In the midst of mother nature's tears, Vanessa screams for [y/n]. Her maroon dress is soaked and her hat does little to prevent rain from soaking her face. She's panicked, and for obvious reasons. [Y/n] never left in the middle of a mission. They never abandoned their duty. And they definitely never abandoned their teammates.
Yet here Vanessa was, running through the alleyways of the capital on the verge of panic. Suddenly, a flash of lightning flys by Vanessa, knocking her hat off with the wind left from the speed and leaving her hair exposed to the rain. Vanessa's eyes well with tears and a small smile displays her newly risen ease.
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I can't stand rain. Even more so when the thunder and lightning join it. It reminds me of all the bad memories I've locked deep within my mind. All of the un-healed mental and emotional wounds and all of the trauma. The rain never washed away my stress, it just drowned my hopes.
Before I knew it happened, I was curled up in a spot I knew all too well with sobs racking my body and shivering as I was soaked from head to toe from the rain. My white once flowing shirt became a second skin and my pants became uncomfortably filled with excess weight, dripping even now.
My old home was full of bloodstains, but my bedroom was a pure sight in the midst of it. A dull eggshell white color with simple furniture and a few toys. Books filled the bookshelf in my room, as well as my vanity. Pictures of my family and friends I had drawn in my young age were pinned to the walls. And then there was me, sitting in fetal position in the corner between the bookcase and the wall.
No one's been in this murder house aside from me since my mother killed my father while I watched her shadow from the top of the stairs in horror. A knife, thunder, the sound of rain beating against the windows, falling blood mixing in with the rain's lullaby, and fear no six year old should feel coursing through my veins.
A crack of lightning alerts me of the current time, while sending me further into my mind.
We were happy and then we were broken and then they were dead. I never knew what happened between them and it's probably best that I don't. Part of me yearns to understand why though. Why did my mother murder my father? Why didn't my father defend himself? How was I to continue living with the survivors guilt instilled. I could never be as great as my parents were.
Suddenly I'm 6 again, standing in front of two caskets. Loud whispers of rumors circulate my brain, but none felt true. My dad had a mistress. My mom simply went insane after her last mission. My parents were succumbing to debt. None of it was true, except for the fact that I was left behind and scarred from a murder-suicide. Thunder cracks again and a bright blue lightning urges me to bury my head deeper into my knees and cover my ears.
The next year was full of my quick surge into adult madness. I was an orphan who had to learn how to navigate this world quickly, learn how to feed myself, learn how to cope with loss, etc. My house was taken and the funds my parents attained was to remain untouched until I reached 15 and attained my grimoire. It was decided by unknown people that I would be stripped of my noble status and given to an orphanage. I was mercilessly bullied in the cruel way only children could do, on top of criticized and belittled in the way only adults to accomplish. Any light left in my eyes faded within that year. Days blended together, and then I was enrolled in school.
School was honestly no better. My magic hadn't been trained properly and I certainly had no desire to grow my power. My desk was constantly scribbled on and my grades were low. Things barely stared looking up only during the magic competition held for all schools in our region of the kingdom.
I was always naturally strong, despite my lack of motivation to better myself. At the age of 8- a few weeks before I turned 9- I was forced to participate in this competition by my teachers. I, along with 9 other classmates. We fought individually based on our school stats to decide on a winner. It was in this battle, that I learned of a desire to win. I was ruthless, and I made it to the final 4, with next match against another commoner who smiled maniacally. I studied him while he stood in front of me. Lightning cracked to life around him and I suddenly froze. The scene of my parents bodies flashed and I felt my eyes roll back while my body collapsed.
When I came to a few seconds later, the boy had lost his smile and looked extremely concerned as he hovered over me, slapping my face. I jumped and he threw his hands up in mock surrender before his smile came back into his face.
"You look scared. You lost right? I win because you were knocked out, right?" His voice is overly chipper. It sounds forced. "Unless you wanna fight still! We can fight!"
I stay silent, like I usually am before I sigh. I haven't been able to function in rainy weather for the past 2 and 3/4 years. How could I possibly fight the embodiment of my fears. Either way, my affinity was fire. He would win.
"You win." I stated, and he started jumping around cheering. The proctors deemed him the victor and motioned us to leave the arena space. The boy comes beside me with a more civil looking smile and offers a hand to lift me up. It's easy to tell this is out of character for him by the curious look in his eyes.
"What's your name?"
~
I feel hands on my shoulders shaking me from the memories.
I lift my head me come face to face with a blank faced boy. His blonde hair falls under the weight f the rain he ran through, and there's a slight tremor in his shoulders- from the cold? From worrying?
His hands shift to my cheeks and he leans his forehead to rest against mine. Our breaths intermingle between us.
"[Y/n]." His voice is enough to snap me back into the present moment.
"Luck-" a sob escapes, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I repeat it until I'm out of breath and succumb to the tears. How are there so many left? He pulls me closer and I hear his frantic heartbeat.
"Don't be. You're here and I'm happy you are."
"Why! Why didn't I die! Why didn't they kill me! Why did they turn their back on me! Why didn't you leave me when I . . . hurt you." My screams fade into a whisper by the end.
"Because I care for you." Is his simple response. It always is. He always stays with me. And I'm grateful- don't get me wrong. I'm so grateful to him.
I push back against his hug, only to flinch back into it when a loud boom echos outside.
"I'm sorry, Luck. I'm sorry." The anxiety swells my throat again and I succumb to the tears.
A few moments full of only rain pass before Luck wipes the side of my face with his shaking fingers, effectively grabbing my attention.
"Coming down?" His voice is soft, patient like it was back then, like it always is. It clears most of the remaining anxiety and encourages me to look into his blue eyes and effectively ground myself in this moment. I nod to his question.
Stray tears and hiccups fill the now comfortable silence. The rain is now slightly heavier than a drizzle outside. I return his hug now.
"Thank you." My voice is quiet, much more timid than usual. Not a second later I feel a soft kiss to the side of my head and the hands wrapped around my back tighten comfortably. And a few more moments pass before Luck speaks again, his typical smile back on his face and worry hidden under the farce teasing tone his voice took.
"I passed Vanessa on the way here. She looked like you when you lost last time." Referring to my last match during training, where I epically failed against Charmy's sheep. A small giggle surfaces at the memory.
"I should go find her... we were-" my eyes widen and I frantically pull myself and Luck into a standing position before ushering us towards the front door of the house, my newfound motivation causing me to ignore all of the triggering things along the way while we leave. "My mission Luck! I left Vanessa on our mission!!"
Luck grabs my wrist and pulls me back into him once we're outside of the house and about 100 yards away. I look up at him ready to ask him why he stopped until I see his eyes shining with the same worry, asking the question without saying it.
I turn in his arms and give him a hug, letting my head lay against his chest (as that was how tall I was) to hear his steady heartbeat before I began to speak.
"Today's was tougher than usual, but it was probably because I'm back home. I'm okay now, thanks to you. You always save me." I lean back and give him a genuine smile, before I pull away and begin dragging him to find Vanessa.
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Bonus:
"[Y/N]!! YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME AGAIN!" Vanessa comically sobs against my head, squeezing me tightly against her chest. Needless to say, I was choking out apologies and begging to be released while Luck was laughing in the background at my misery.
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A/N: ... heyyyy 😅 been a while. I graduated my trade program and I'm a CCMA now :D I also released some more music (it's on most streaming platforms! It's an ep titled redacted. Constructive criticism much appreciated !)
Anyways :) I hope you guys like this ! It was inspired by my fear of thunderstorms 🤠