Helena sat in her husbands home office and searched the internet for Mary. She knew her address, but not her phone number, it has been 19 years since she had spoken with her, or heard her voice, and the thought made her heart beat double time, like the beat of a train on a track. Their correspondence had mostly been hand written letters, a few would come a year just at random and it seemed to always coincide with when Helena longed to hear from her most, her beloved friend who stole her heart one summer a long lifetime ago. She would always love her, always, the affection never did leave, the blue grey sparkly eyes and devilish smile, the way they would burn together, so brightly and fiercely, always one moment away from a passionate embrace or a heated discussion.I guess the perfect way to describe that year, was passionate, on every level you could imagine. It was far too much for their age, a force neither of them could harness, a passion neither could cool... the only thing to do in the end was to part and let the flames simper, to find other partners... ones that wouldn't add fuel to the fire, only fan it lightly or cool it down. It didn't mean the love was lost, it was just quietened... and Joseph would come along one day and he would offer the perfect amount of love, and the ideal cooling to the flame. They didn't singe each other or bring out the fuel... they just flickered continuously and calmly, the ying and yang of perfect partnerships.
Helena found the number she was looking for and lifted the phone to her ear after pressing the numbers she needed.
"Hello" came a voice she recognised and Helena's hand clasped over her mouth hiding the smile that the voice brought to her lips. It had been so long and yet a simple hello made her legs turn to jello.
"Mary" she finally said softly, and there was a silence, a moment of realisation on the end of the line.
"Helena" she returned "is that you" she asked completely taken aback.
"You knew my voice" Helena says sighing with the way that warmed her soul.
"Of course. I hear it still... when I am making a silly decision or an impulsive act... the sigh... the eye roll and the 'Mary...no...don't even think it'"
Helena laughs, and her smile deepens " I'm glad you still take my advice" she returns affectionately.
Mary laughs "I didn't say I take it, but I hear it and it most always makes me smile to think of you. Helena what made you call... is everything okay" she asks, knowing it must be of great importance to break a pact they made at eighteen to cut all ties but the letters.
"It's Willa... Kates youngest" Helena reveals.
"Yes I know Willa. I get their cards every Christmas. Its the only time I ever get news or communication from my sister... is Willa okay" she asks concerned.
"Mary...it's happened again" Helena returns solemnly.
"Oh no" Mary replies, knowing exactly what she means. "Did they send her away"
"Brian told her to leave, and to only come back when she had decided to put the family first and stop this silliness"
"Oh boy" Mary began "I can't believe Kate would go along with this" she adds. "Not after what my parents did to me"
"Well she's heartbroken about it, but I'm pretty sure she's having to go along with Brian. He's got her believing Willa will be home by Wednesday and confessing it was all nothing"
"Where is Willa now, is she safe" Mary asks.
"I have her at Joseph's parents apartment, but Mary it's not a long term solution. Willa needs to leave town, and I honestly hoped-"
"Send her to me" Mary interjects "I will have her. I have the room. I wouldn't see her out here in this world alone. I barely survived it myself back in the day, she wouldn't make it Helena, not in this day and age. I will send money for a bus ticket, and you just make sure she gets on it okay"
"I think she will want to stay for my daughters wedding, but yes the day after I'm sure she would be wanting to leave..."
"Your Alberta is getting Married" Mary asks.
"She is... it all happened pretty fast... she had not even dated until Ben... and now they are engaged and due to marry by the end of the month. I'm not sure that's sunk in yet to be honest, that my eldest is going to be wed. I hate the thought of her leaving me"
"Our Ben" Mary asks.
Helena smiles "yes, after all these years our family is about to be joined... can you believe it" Helena remarks. "And Alberta and Willa are best friends, the very best of friends. This is going to break Alberta's heart Mary, when Willa disappears from her life. Willa has sworn me to secrecy, and Brian and Kate too. My hands are tied. I will just have to be there to hold her when she realises. Oh Mary, I wish I didn't have to help take her away from her... but I know Willa must go, to save her young life if anything. So many young people are shamed into ending their life. I won't have that be Willa's fate"
"Don't feel guilty. We both know this is out of your hands. The reality of this community is that they don't accept it, and I can't see that they ever will"
"I know" Helena returns "something I hope to change from the inside" she adds.
"I love your optimism Helena" Mary offers with a sigh.
"Send the ticket Mary. I will have her ready and on the bus at the end of the month...And Mary... just love her, love her so much that she never doubts she isn't worthy of it. Willa is so special, and she has no idea"
"You know I will. We will. Erica and I. You don't need to worry about that" Mary returns.
"Mary..." Helena says quietly, feeling a pang of loss to know that she will shortly put down the phone and leave Mary's soft and sweet voice behind, perhaps forever this time.
"Helena" she returns, and the way her name sounds coming from her lips, it makes Helena's skin prick with goosebumps.
"I love you always" Helena reminds her quietly.
"I know" Mary adds softly "always" she confirms.
They both sigh, as the phone is slowly placed back down on its cradle, and the connection is once again, lost.
***
"Mama who was that" I ask opening the door to find her, with tears in her eyes, her hand poised on the phone.
"An old friend" she said honestly, wiping her eyes quickly.
"Now what is wrong with my darling girl" My mama asks, opening her arms and encouraging me to come to her.
I fall into her arms and sit on her lap. "Oh mama, I don't know" I return.
"Are you not happy to be engaged, because it's nothing you have to do, if you don't want to. I hope you know that" she says seriously.
"It's not that Mama. Ben will make a wonderful husband... it's Willa" I admit.
My mama nods "what about her" she asks me a little worriedly.
"I can't get hold of her, and I think I upset her. I'm so worried she will never speak to me again" I confess.
"Alberta, whatever happens you must know, you and Willa will be friends forever... in here" my mama adds pointing to my chest "she's going off to college... not leaving the planet"
"I don't think she's happy about Ben and I, and it's my fault, because I never told her. I didn't let her know how it was going, or what Bens intentions were, and she got blindsided mama"
"Alberta I saw Willa this morning" she confesses.
I leap up in the air and run my hands through my hair "you did, is she okay. Oh mama, tell me, nobody has told me how she is"
"She isn't mad with you my darling girl, if that's what you are worried about. She is okay my darling. Please don't worry about Willa... she will always be your best friend no matter what. She told me to tell you she loves you and that she will be in contact soon... give her time"
"I love her too...but I don't know how much space I can give her..."
"Just time my darling... just give her time"
Willa...
Time is something I don't have
Please forgive me
Please... I need you.
I can't do any of this without you, life isn't life without you in it.