Persephone
3 months later...
'Cause you got that James Dean daydream look in your eye,
And I got that red lip classic thing that you like,
And when we go crashing down, we come back every time
Cause we never go out of style, we never go out of style'
Another batch of muffins ding a sound of completion from the roaring oven radiating heat onto my legs, muting my tone-deaf voice momentarily. I place the bowl of batter I'm mixing onto a countertop, dancing over to my favorite pair of oven mitts. I pull them onto my hands with the flair of a common surgeon, soon after stooping down and pulling open the oven door. A waft of hot air hits my cheeks as my hands find their way to the burning trays, quickly whipping them out of the hot furnace. I place them on a cutting board to cool, before taking up my bowl of batter once again.
I've been baking all morning, like every other Friday morning for the last 10 or so weeks. On my first Friday of working for the Bruins, I decided I'd bake brownies for the team, after their training. It wasn't a bribery thing, more of a 'I'm new here and want to fit in, want some food?' and a 'well done for getting to Friday, pal. Let's celebrate'. Surprisingly, my rusty baking skills were an instant success, and ever since that first week, my baking has become an accountable 'thing'. Sure, I feel a little bit like a mother hen, but I don't really mind. Baking for the team gives me something to do in my agonizingly quiet and lonely spare time, and I hope that it brings a little joy to everyone's Friday's. It's the least I can do, really. Everyone has made me feel so at home, even as the newbie, and I couldn't be more grateful for that. And, also because I sort of feel bad for chasing the guys around with a camera 24/7. Taking photos is apart of my job, obviously, but I still feel bad. Like I'm in the way.
Anyway, long story short, who said bribery hurt anyone?
The team is currently wrapping up their pre-season, with the actual NHL season starting in just under 2 weeks. I've been working since my interview back in July, and honestly, I'm really loving my job. I've got a great work life balance, meaning I'm still able to meet up with my friends multiple times a week. Which is amazing, because, if anything, my limited daily work hours means I may have too much free time on my hands. And I think we all know what happens when we have too much free time.
We think. About everything and nothing. About everything weighing us down, everything that we think is wrong with ourselves and our lives. Our brains work in wonderful and mysterious ways, some of which are more unhelpful than they are pivotal to our lives. In times of loneliness and slowness in life, we begin to doubt ourselves, even when we know it's better not to.
My latest doubts have stemmed from my friends impending wedding. Lera's wedding date is just less than a month away, at the end of October, and thankfully, I'm happy to say that I'm more excited than nervous. Although, its the times when I'm alone, late at night or right as I wake up, that my doubts about myself begin to loom. I'm trying not to let them seep in, though. It's not fair to Lera to make her special day about myself, and it's not like my problems have anything on the enormity of her wedding. But, sometimes it's hard to silence the voices in her head.
My problem, is that Lera has left me a plus-one spot. Even after telling her numerous times that I won't be needed one, she's left room for me to bring someone, just in case. I am grateful that she's just trying to help, and give me the opportunity to bring someone along, but the point that she's pushing the whole guest thing is pushing me to feel a little inferior again. I feel young again, the odd one out while everyone else is having a good time with their dates. I have this stupid, undying fear that I'll be sitting in the corner all night when the slow songs flood through the speakers to the dance floor, feeling unbelievably sorry for myself.
Sometimes, all I want to do is silence the voice in my head. Tell her to, respectfully, fuck off and find a new home. Tell her to stop whining, as all it's doing is boring absolutely everyone to ultimate death.
The golden, fluffy muffins are warm through their casings as I ease them out of their moulds, and onto a cooling rack. A light, sweet aroma of raspberries wafts around my small kitchen area, brightening up the greying skies outside of my third floor window. I smile to myself as I continue to dance around my kitchen, my emotions turning with the wind once again. As a side note, I find that that happens quite often. One second, I'll be sad and lonely and feeling far too sorry for myself, and the next second, I'll be happy, and dancing like there's no tomorrow. I'm sure I could read into it if I wanted to, but I really don't have the motivation to.
Skipping back to my workbench, I place another few rows of casings in the still-warm muffin trays, spooning thick amounts of the blueberry muffin batter into the moulds. Sticking them into the oven a second later, I cross to the other side of my kitchen, dumping the dirty dishes into the sink with the 'later' mentality. Taking up my phone that's been lying in a lonely state on the other end of the bench, I flick it open, clicking on a new message.
lera: want to come over to mine for lunch?
My eyes fall to the clock sitting on a plain grey wall, my mind doing the math to figure out how much time I have until I need to be at work. It's just passed eleven am, which leaves just under four hours until I need to be at work, just enough time to smother Oliver to death with cuddles. Smiling to myself, I text Lera back, telling her that I'll be at her place with extra muffins in an hour. With an elated sigh, I push a becoming, not out of the ordinary headache away from the surface of my mind, walking back into the main part of my kitchen and grabbing enough ingredients for another batch of muffins.
...
A giggling Olly claps his hands together as I bounce him on my knee. I clutch him tighter, leaning down and pressing a kiss to his soft forehead. My eyes track to Lera, who's laughing as she pulls two grilled-cheese's off of the sandwich press sitting in her kitchen. She shakes her head
"He is so spoilt with you and the girls dropping by. You're so good with him."
I try to hide the uncomfortable feeling that hits my eyebrows, pulling them together in a squint.
I think one of the good things about having such a tight knit, small friendship circle is that there's no battle lines that have been put up. We all see each other as best friends, with no one ranked above another. For example, Lera was the first person I met at college, when we were both trying to pull our stuff up the heavy staircase (I still owe Christian for lugging my stuff up for me). Melanie was my roommate for all four years that we were students, and Natalie, whom I've known for one year less, has still been an amazing friend, through everything. We all fit together, as weird as that may sound. We know each other better than anyone else does, and that's something that's held us together, like glue. That safety, knowing we'll always have each others backs, through everything and anything.
Which is why I feel extra guilty about hiding this massive secret from all of our friends. We don't have secrets between each other, we never have. But I never wanted to burden any of them with my 'secret', let alone now, when having children is actually a 'thing'. I don't want my friends to feel guilty or upset when they talk about children in front of me, and I don't want to create a rift or anything like that between us.
"You okay Pers." I look up, bringing a tight smile to my lips as Lera sinks down into the chair beside me. Keeping one hand wrapped around Olly, I pick up a half of my sandwich, bringing it to my lips. I stifle a groan as the gooey cheese hits my taste buds, satisfying my appetite in the process.
"Oh yeah, sorry, I was just thinking about work." I finally think of a reply to Lera's question, still unable to entertain the mere thought of spilling my 'secret'. Lera nods in a reply, swallowing a mouthful of her lunch before replying.
"Are you excited for the season to start? Christian still can't believe you're working for the team he grew up obsessed with." We both laugh softly, with Olly joining in with his soft giggle a few seconds later. Gosh, this kid really gets my heart going.
"I'll get you guys tickets, if you want."
"Oh no, it's okay, you don't have to-"
"Nuh uh. Family and friend bonuses." With a happy bite of her sandwich, Lera and I return to eating, and before long, the buttery, cheesy goodness has been inhaled, and we've moved on eating the muffin's I made at home. I'm on my last bite when Lera's voice breaks through our quiet.
"Well, now that it's just the two of us here, I just wanted to talk to you about my wedding." I nod in a reply, dreading where I think this conversation may be going.
"It's about the whole plus-one thing." I smile tightly, with my lips pressed together softly. "I don't mean to make it a massive thing, and you definitely don't have to bring someone if you don't want to, it's not a big deal. But I just want to give you the option, just in case. I don't want to overstep at all, and please tell me if I am, but I just want to make sure that you won't feel alone. Not insinuating that you would be, because the girls and I aren't going to desert you or anything, but-" I cut Lera off, almost laughing at her overaction.
"Hey, hey, hey, Lera, it's okay. I appreciate that you're trying to include me. At this point, I don't have a date, but if I do, I'll definitely tell you before the wedding, okay?" Lera looks relieved at my rebuttal, her lips turning into a soft smile.
"Okay, if you're happy, then I'm happy. I just don't want to feel like I'm pushing you or anything."
"No, really, it's okay. Remember, it's your day, so focus on yourself first. I'll be okay over here with the little man." I jiggle Olly on my knee again, drawing laughs out of both himself and his mother once again.
"I think you're his favorite aunty, Pers."
I smile to myself, hugging the little baby a little tighter.
...
Why does it always rain at the most inconvenient times?
I left Lera's house fifteen minutes ago, when it had only just started to rain very lightly. Fast forward those fifteen minutes, where I'm sitting in the parking lot of my work, wondering when the heavy rain will let up. Which, by the look of things, is never.
Groaning as I realize I can't wait out the torrential rain any longer, I grab my things and open my car door, making a dash for the front of the arena. My footsteps are heavy against the wet ground, with the occasional puddle crossing my path. Thankfully, I don't have to dodge too many cars, and before I fully realize it, I reach the doors, pulling myself inside.
There's a heavy stream of activity behind the glass doors, with most of the team's players getting to the rink just as I am. With my mind taking a second to breathe, my eyes scan the hallway enclosing me. My gaze tracks along the group of players milling in a group together, stopping involuntarily as a pair of eyes fix themselves on me.
Max Morin, the star captain of the team, and handsome stranger I met in the parking lot three months ago looks at me from across the room, and the whole world seems to stop. His dark, pointed stare sends a shiver down my spine, just like the first time I saw him, and every subsequent time thereafter. Which is stupid, seeing as the only conversations I've had with him have gone along the lines of 'Sorry, could you shift to the right a bit?'
Snapping myself from his stare I focus myself on the rest of the group, who's now become aware of my presence. A tall, heavy built man walks towards me, a goofy smile dancing on his face. I can't help but smile myself, the laughable figure of Fitz Lawley, the teams goalie, always able to put a smile on my face. I'm really grateful for the team's welcoming nature when I was first introduced to them, but specifically, Fitz's carefree personality has made me feel so comfortable and at ease.
"Newbie! Where's my muffins?" he places his hands up in a 'what' gesture, walking even closer towards me. Confusion floods the front of my mind, as I check my bag and my hands, finding them empty. I groan to myself, cursing my stupidity.
"I left them in the car." Fitz bellows out a loud laugh, glancing over my shoulder towards the parking lot, his expression resembling an 'eek'.
"Have fun in that weather, Newbie." I groan outwardly, glancing out the window myself before turning to face the group once again.
"Uh, does anyone have an umbrella handy, by any chance?" Hearing a series of monotone no's swirl around the room, I turn on my heels, and begin to head towards the door.
"Persephone, wait." I stop dead in my tracks, knowing exactly who that voice belongs to.
For being a captain, Max is one of the quietest people that I know. Apart from his pep-talks, he barely ever speaks, keeping his personality as dark a mystery as the depth of his eyes. I swallow a gulp, turning around slowly. Max is standing right behind me, holding out a dark, folded umbrella. His eyes burrow deep into mine, as mine wander his, my body completely paralysed. Eventually, my brain processes his action, my hand reaching out to take the umbrella. I grip the umbrella's handle, my fingers skimming over his. A shot of electricity runs through my body, which I attempt to hide by dropping my gaze. Opening the umbrella, I hold it above my head, reaching to push the door open with my spare hand. Gulping once again, I take another glance over my shoulder, keeping eye contact with Max.
"Thankyou, for the umbrella." My voice gets practically stuck in my throat as I take a step into the cold, wet afternoon.
"Thanks Newbie, love you and your muffins!" I wave to Fitz through the window, breathing in a deep breath as I stare out towards my car. With Max's presence still lingering in my mind, I dash out into the rain, hoping the flowing water will wash the gunk out of my mind, and quell my fast-beating heart.
A/n:
hello friends!
sorry about the slow update this week, this chapter literally took me 3 days to finally complete (i have no idea why lmao)
unfortunately, there probably won't be another update until next weekend because of my school schedule, but regardless, i'll see you all then
thankyou so much for all the love on all three of my stories, i love you all to the moon and back <3
lot's and lot's and lot's of love,
em xx