But I wanna sleep next to you
And I wanna come home to you
I wanna hold hands with you
I wanna be close to you
_______
Harry and I woke up the next day to the sound of whoever was out in the kitchen yelling loudly and causing a commotion. I couldn't tell who it was or why they were shouting, but they were being so unnecessarily loud.
I didn't even know what time it was. But I knew that I was definitely still very tired, so I kept my eyes shut and hoped that the yelling would stop any second now.
Well, it didn't take much longer before the yelling escalated, being able to then hear that it was Claire who was making all that noise. Harry let out a groan, telling me that he had woken up from this too, and buried his head deeper into my stomach.
"Why is she screaming?" He mumbled rhetorically. He moved his arm closer to my ribcage and hugged me tight.
It was then that I realized how we had woken up. Harry's head was resting on my stomach, his arm was draped over the side of my body. I had a hand placed on his head, tangled in with his unruly curls. One of Harry's legs lay bent over top of mine.
How did we end up like this?
I had expected to have a meltdown when I realized how he was holding me. How intimate this all was. I fully expected to feel like my heart was starting to expand in my chest, my stomach was eating itself alive, and for my body to run cold with chills.
But I didn't.
Actually, what I did was lift Harry's head off my stomach so that I could bring him closer to me, guiding him to lay on my chest instead, which he happily did like it was natural or something. Like it was something that we did every morning.
I felt his lips press into my neck, staying there for a few seconds before he pulled them away and said good morning to me.
His voice was deep, raspy. Just like how I'd expect it to sound in the morning.
"Morning," I said back, beginning to move my fingers through his hair, detangling the knots that had formed overnight.
"What time is it?" His voice rasped as he adjusted his body to better fit against mine.
I leaned over towards the nightstand to try and reach my phone so I could check the time.
When my fingers finally managed to grab the device, I read on the screen that it was already almost noon.
"11:42," I told him and dropped my phone on the bed.
"Is it?" He pulled his head off my chest and looked up at me with his sleepy eyes. He looked so cute. He had rosy cheeks, one more so than the other from laying on that side all night. His under eyes were puffy and red as well. He looked so soft like this. I mean, he always looked soft, but there was some type of innocence he held in the morning that just made him so much more delicate.
"Mhmm," I hummed, not wanting to speak when he was this close to me because I knew that my breath definitely smelled bad. I didn't even want to think about what I looked like right now. I've never once in my life woken up and looked well rested or cute. I always look like a demon who just rose from hell and is trying to find some water or food after having been starved for six thousand years.
God, I hope he doesn't perceive me.
Harry laid his head back down on my chest placing a kiss on my collarbone.
I wonder if he felt the shiver that just ran through me.
My hand continued its path through his hair and I was almost asleep again until the yelling started again.
"Okay," Harry got out of bed, walked across the room to his bag and grabbed a pair of sweatpants.
I had forgotten he was just in his briefs so watching him walk across the room in only them lit a flame inside of me that I thought had burned out long ago.
How is it possible for a person to have thighs that look like that?
He turned around to face me, bending down to step into the holes of his sweatpants and pulling them up to his waist.
A part of me kind of wishes he stayed facing his back towards me.
He reached into his bag once more and grabbed a t- shirt to throw on as well.
"Gonna go brush my teeth and then see what's got Claire going feral out there," He tells me, running his fingers through his hair.
"I'll be right behind you," I told him while pushing myself to sit against the headboard.
Harry left the room, leaving me by myself to take a moment to think about last night.
I hate, absolutely hate constantly thinking about Ryan, but I can't help it. Last night was the first time since Ryan that I've shared a bed with anyone. Well, besides Louis. But that was always in the instance that I happened to fall asleep watching a movie, and I'd always wake up a bit later and then go to my own bed.
But last night, that was a big step for me. I can't help but remember what it was like the last time I shared the bed with my boyfriend, and how horrible it was each time.
This was nothing close to the realm of horrible.
Then, I woke up feeling shame and regret.
Now, I wake up feeling safe and secure.
What a difference.
It's such a strange feeling to go from being so dark all the time to finally feeling some light. And it's so crazy how quickly life can completely change.
This time two years ago, I was in a relationship with someone who I wish I'd never met. This time one year ago, I was broken and alone, so humiliated and couldn't stand to show my face at school. And just a few months ago, I was in a place so dark that I had almost ended it all.
How It Almost Ended is absolutely terrifying to think about. I was really there. I was really going to do it. I was relieved. I was ready.
And now here I am, months later with a new purpose in life, happy to be here, wanting to be here. It's insane to me to think about.
It almost hurts too much to think about, actually.
So rather than staying here in bed, forced to think about where I was, I decided to finally get up. I quickly changed into a pair of loose shorts and threw on a tank top before running a brush through my hair.
After applying deodorant and one spritz of perfume, I walked out of the room and into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I finally got a look at myself in the mirror and the first thing I thought to do was to look away.
Do I really look like that?
I leaned against the bathroom sink and shut my eyes trying to control my breathing.
In, and hold. Out, and hold. In, and hold. Out, and hold. In, and hold. Out, and hold.
Slowly, I turned back around and avoided looking back in the mirror. I just stared down at the countertop, grabbed my toothbrush and paste out of my toiletry bag, and got it prepared to brush my teeth.
As I began the task, the door swung open and revealed Harry standing on the opposite side of it.
"You okay? You didn't hear me knocking?" He asked, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.
I took the toothbrush out of my mouth and, very unattractively, spit the paste into the sink before answering, "No, sorry. I guess not."
He walked deeper into the room and stopped right in front of me, the tips of his toes brushing mine as he placed his hands on my hips.
"There a reason you didn't hear me knock?"
I just shook my head softly from left to right, staring down at our feet, not wanting to meet his eyes.
But, a few seconds later, I felt his finger under my chin, tilting my head up so I was forced to meet his eyes.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but if you want to, I'll listen. You can talk to me, you know that, don't you?"
"I know," I whispered. "Thank you."
Harry tilted his head to the side, continuing to stare at me with his eyes slightly squinted. After another moment, he spun around and leaned against the sink right next to me, crossing his left foot over his right, and crossing his arms over his chest.
He stared at me with a soft, adoring smile.
I don't think I'll ever understand how he could possibly adore me. I believe him, I don't doubt him. I know he cares about me, I know what he feels is genuine. I just don't understand it.
And I never will.
"You're beautiful, you know that?"
I don't reply. I just stare back at him with a blank expression. It's easier to accept a compliment when I don't feel like this. It's easier to smile and say thank you when I can actually bare to look at myself in the mirror.
Right now, I can't. So I don't reply. I just stare.
"You never see yourself the same way I do. You only ever see your reflection in the mirror, or your picture through a phone screen. You don't understand your beauty because you don't see the little things like I do. You don't see the way you look when you smile at me. I get butterflies when you smile at me, when you smile in general. You don't see the way your eyes light up when you talk about Harry Potter, but I do. It's nothing less than magical. You don't see the adoration in your eyes when we're lying in a field, looking at the stars, or watching the sun, and it feels like you and I are the only two people to exist. You don't see yourself in the same light I do. And that's okay. I'll just keep reminding you."
The tears that formed in my eyes as he spoke threaten to fall, and I do my best to hold them back, but it's hard. It's hard not to be emotional over everything he just said.
He can always somehow know exactly what I'm feeling, and know exactly what I need to hear in every moment.
He's just...perfect.
I tilt my head to rest it on his shoulder, being at a loss for words, but still needing to show him in some way that I'm thankful for him.
My head fits perfectly in the crook of his neck, like his body was designed to hold mine.
We remain like this, in silence for the next few minutes, and I can't help but let a few of those tears I tried so hard to hold back roll down my cheeks. Hopefully it wasn't enough to make him notice. I don't want him to see me cry.
It was nice to stand here with him, be alone with him, feel all my feelings in peace with the comfort knowing Harry's right here with me, allowing me to feel them without any judgment.
It took me a few minutes and a good few sniffles to finally stop the tear stream from falling, and though I hate to admit, I do think Harry noticed. I think it'd be hard not to. But I appreciate that he didn't comment on it. He just allowed me to have my emotions.
Eventually, he turned his head to kiss me on my temple and then shrugged his shoulder, indicating it was time to move on and get started with our day.
"C'mon then, finish up. I think we're gonna go out to brunch and then the girls wanna go to the strip shops today. Do you wanna go as well, or did you wanna do something else?"
I finished brushing my teeth with my back facing the mirror, turning around very quickly to spit out the paste and put my toothbrush away. I kept my eyes down and avoided my reflection at all cost, hoping Harry didn't take much notice of my avoidance.
Putting my things away, I thought about Harry's question. "Well, what's the alternative?" I asked.
He shrugged his shoulders as he watched me move through the bathroom. I grabbed my toiletry bag and walked towards the door, opening it and heading back towards our shared bedroom.
"The alternative is whatever you'd like it to be, love. This week is supposed to be about having fun and doing whatever we want to. There are no rules, no guidelines, no pressure. We can do whatever."
I walked over to my bag to grab a pair of socks, putting them over my feet while Harry sat behind me on the bed. I sat on the floor and put my shoes on after my socks, and debated what I wanted to do.
"Well, what are you doing today?" I asked him.
"Just wanna spend time with you. I don't care what we do, just wanna do it with you."
This made a smile creep onto my face. I tried to fight it off, but it was useless.
"Cute," I replied, shaking my head. He gave me a big, cheesy grin in response and offered me his hand. I took it, and he helped me stand up.
Spreading his legs, he pulled me to stand between them.
I wrapped my hands around his neck and he had one hand on the back of each of my thighs.
"I mean, do you wanna go with the girls? What are the guys doing?"
"No idea," he shrugged. "I only know what the girls wanna do because when I went out to see what Claire was screaming about, which was because Charlie cracked one of the cups by the way, she asked me what we were doing today, and asked if you wanted to go with them."
"Well, I think that could be fun, right? Don't you think?" I asked, moving my fingers to rest in his hair. His hair was always so soft. I wish my hair was always so delicate like this.
There was a knock at the door, followed by it being quickly swung open, revealing Claire on the other side welcoming herself into the room.
She walked forwards and threw herself onto the bed, belly first, so her head was right next to Harry's hips. She propped her head up with her palms, elbows digging into the mattress, and stared up at me with a smile.
"Morning, Mace," she beamed, kicking her feet in the air.
"Morning, Claire." I pulled away from Harry at this point, still not being entirely comfortable with physical affection in front of other people.
"So what's the plan for today?" She asked as I sat down on the bed next to her head.
"Well, me, Mia and Katelin talked about going to the strip shops for a bit. Do some shopping, grab some lunch."
I look over to Harry for some guidance, hoping he would either nod his head or shake his head no. But, of course, he didn't. He just looked at me with his wide deer eyes.
Thanks a lot, Harry.
"Um, yeah. Sure, sounds good," I answer and again look at Harry who does not seem fazed at all by my response.
I wish he would just give me some type of indication of what he wanted to do. I can't make decisions on my own, like, ever. A little bit of help would have been nice.
But, I guess not.
"Alright, cool. We should probably leave in about twenty minutes," Claire says as she rolls onto her back, sits up, and scoots off the bed. "Harry, you coming too?"
Harry nods his head and tells her yes, to which she responds with a growing smirk, "Perfect, can't wait to suffocate you with the estrogen.
"I look forward to it," he calls as she sees herself out of the room.
After Claire leaves the room, Harry gets up and starts digging through his bag, pulling out a pair of black jeans and a plain blue T-shirt.
"I'm gonna get dressed. I think Niall's out there making toast if you wanna grab something to eat before we leave?" He suggests, tugging off his shirt to replace it with the blue one.
"Sure," I say and grab my phone and mini backpack before heading out the door and finding my way to the kitchen.
As Harry said, I was met with Niall in the kitchen standing in front of a plate with a giant stack of toast and another plate with a giant stack of waffles on it. He seemed to be in his own little world as he moved through the kitchen with his headphones on, preparing a cup of what I'm assuming is coffee.
I walked further into the kitchen until I was right by the counter, not knowing whether to call Niall's name so I didn't scare him with my presence, or just stand here and wait for him to turn around and notice me on his own.
Though, it only took another few seconds anyways for him to turn around and notice me, and when he did, he just smiled and took off his headphones.
"Hey, Mace. Want some toast or waffles?" He asked, gesturing towards the plates with the food on them.
"No, I'm okay, thanks. But I'm definitely gonna grab some coffee once you're done," I tell him.
"Go for it." He grabs his cup and moves out of the way to the other side of the kitchen island and takes a seat in one of the stools, he grabs a waffle off one of the plates and starts tearing it up into pieces before eating it.
"I'm glad I'm not the only one who rips up my food before I eat it, but you're definitely insane for eating it completely naked like that."
"Naked?" Niall laughs and looks confused.
"Yeah, naked. It's got nothing on it. No butter, no syrup, no fruit, no powdered sugar. Literally nothing. It's naked."
"Ahh, I see."
"Who's naked?" Harry asks as he enters the room, must have only heard the tail end of that conversation.
"My waffle, apparently," Niall tells him as Harry helps himself to a slice of toast.
He sits down on the stool next to Niall and begins to eat his own piece of naked food to which I just shake my head and start to make my coffee.
"Oh no, Harry. You're eating naked toast. Better hide it from Macey before she sees it and breaks up with you," Niall jokes.
"Oh god. That's something I am NOT willing to risk," Harry dramatically said as he jumped up from the stool, ran around the island to the fridge, opens the door, rips out the container of butter, almost drops it, frantically searches the drawers for what I assume is a spreading knife, finally finds one, spreads the shit out of the butter onto the toast, and runs to put the butter away and sit back down on the stool, literally all in under 20 seconds.
"There," he breathes out heavily. "Please don't break up with me."
"You are such a fool," is all I have to say about that.
The two boys just laugh to themselves as the coffee finishes brewing. I pour two cups, one for Harry and one for myself, sliding his right over to him since the weirdo likes his black.
I dump a couple of scoops of sugar into mine and drink about half of it before the rest of the house begins to make their appearances one by one into the kitchen.
First was Zayn, who kindly greeted everyone with a smile and a hello. Also granting Harry a flick to the back of his head. He took two slices of toast and disappeared back into his room.
Then came Mia and Katelin, who grabbed some waffles and hung out by the island with us to make coffee.
Charlie was next, who greeted no one, with the exception of a hip bump to Katelin. He just passed through the kitchen and collapsed onto the couch out in the living room.
Last was Claire, who came out of her room ready to go.
She grabbed Harry's set of keys and tossed them at him and of course, he caught them. I've never seen better reflexes on a person than Harry. It's a little ridiculous, actually.
"Y'all ready?" She asks us. I nodded and finished the rest of my coffee before rinsing the cup and placing it in the dishwasher.
Everyone else cleaned up their messes and made their way to the front door so we could leave.
"See you guys later!" Niall called out as we piled out the door and into the car.
__________
Being at the shops was super nice. I didn't buy anything, but it was nice to just browse and spend time with my friends.
We were gone for a good while, having left the house at around 12:30, and not returning until about 4:30.
There was this super cute cafe we stopped in for lunch, as well. I only had a smoothie and munched on some of Harry's fries that came along with his sandwich.
After lunch, we went back into a few more shops to look around before finally calling it a day and going back to the house.
Since it was still so early in the day, we decided to head to the beach for a few rounds of volleyball.
Niall and I were much more enthusiastic to play this time around, being that everyone was clothed the whole time. Well, besides Zayn and Charlie, who both ended up taking their shirts off at some point.
He and I still absolutely sucked, but it was much more fun this time. There were no expectations, no foul play, no anything. Just genuine fun. I kept looking at Niall, who kept smiling at me. It was a good time.
We stayed on the beach playing volleyball long enough for the sun to go down, which was a really nice sight. Harry and I had excused ourselves from the game and were sitting in the sand to watch the sun disappear.
Sunsets with him will always be my favorite thing.
He was sitting behind me, legs straddled around my waist, and I was leaning back against his chest, appreciating his comforting aura.
It was silent between us, but right now, words weren't necessary. Nothing needed to be said.
This was the type of silence she appreciated.
This was the type of silence that was comforting.
This was the type of silence that was peaceful.
Harry leaned forwards, brushing my hair to rest on only one of my shoulders, and placed a kiss on my ear, and another one on the skin right below my ear, until he was leaving a trail of kisses all the way down my neck and to my shoulder, eventually making his way back to my ear.
My stomach twirled more and more as his lips covered my skin.
He wrapped his arms around my chest and I grabbed his wrist with my free hand, leaning back into him more if that was even possible.
I felt my eyes flutter shut, just enjoying this peacefulness before we would inevitably had to get up and leave.
When my eyes opened back up, in my peripheral vision, I saw someone on our right. And when I turned my head to look, it was Katelin with her phone pointed at us, clearly taking pictures.
"Kateliiiin,"I hid my face with Harry's arm, raising it over my eyes. "You know I hate pictures!"
Harry just giggles and again leaves little kisses all over my head, fighting me to get his arm back.
"Well, sorry! It's not my fault you're like, the most photogenic, prettiest couple ever. Don't you worry, Mace. I already got a bunch from behind, and when I send them to you and you see them, you'll be happy I took them cause they're literally so cute you're gonna wanna die."
I couldn't help but laugh at her word choice, it was just ironic. But I didn't feel upset or unsettled by it.
Am I finally at a place where I can laugh about it? Is it that far behind me?
"Kate don't worry, I appreciate you taking pictures. She, and this moment will be imprinted in my brain forever, but it's nice to see it in physical form too."
"Oh get the fuck out, that was so sweet Harry I hate you," Katelin says before turning around and walking back towards our other friends.
Harry and I spent an additional few minutes sitting here by ourselves before he pulled his phone out of his pocket, seeing that Katelin had sent us both the pictures. He opened the thread and scrolled through the photos, stopping for a second on each one.
"She's right you know, we really are the most photogenic and prettiest couple ever."
"Oh, please," I nudge him with my shoulder and laugh.
We keep looking through the photos when eventually Zayn calls out to us saying that we're going to be leaving pretty soon.
So, Harry and I stood up, brushed the sand off of our clothes, and hand in hand walked back towards our friends.
When we got back to the house, everyone started getting out the drinks and began getting ready for the rest of the night, something I wasn't interested in. Nothing wrong with them wanting to, I just didn't want to be around all that. My history with drinking is not one I like to reflect on, so it's better for me to just avoid it all together.
Harry knows that. He doesn't know exactly why, I never told him, but he knows I don't want to be around it.
Now, I'm not a terrible person. I'm not going to shame my friends for drinking, I'm not going to complain about it, and I'm not going to make a big deal out of it.
Instead, I'll just sit over here in this chair, wait an appropriate amount of time before I excuse myself and go get ready for bed. But also, knowing me, I know I'm going to feel bad just walking out and isolating myself, so I'm probably just going to end up sticking it out, and sucking it up.
I just hope no one offers me a drink, or starts asking questions why I don't want to participate. Because if someone offers me a drink, even if they're not forcing me to have it, I just know I'm going to feel socially pressured to say yes. I'm going to feel awkward and out of place, and feel bad saying no, so to avoid that I just know I'll say yes. And I really don't want to. I just want to avoid it all together.
And I really hope Charlie keeps his mouth shut too and doesn't make any comments. I don't know if I'll be able to handle that.
It's been such a peaceful few days, and I'd like to keep the peace for as long as possible.
Harry eventually emerges from the kitchen and walks right up to me. He smiles and leans down to kiss the top of my head.
"Hey Honeybee, you wanna go grab some ice cream?"
NO PERSPECTIVE
Relief flooded through Macey's body at the mention of leaving the scene of alcohol. She nodded her head at her boyfriend, and accepted the hand he had extended towards her to help pull herself from the chair she was sitting in.
Harry knew she didn't want to be involved in this part of their week, so he decided to take her out of it as subtly as possible
He didn't want to make it obvious that he was getting her out of there, but he did want to get her out of there.
Maybe he'd never know why she was so uncomfortable in this atmosphere, and that's okay. She doesn't have to tell him if she's not ready to. Just as long as she's happy and she's safe. That's all Harry cares about.
So if he can take her out for ice cream to avoid the drunkenness of their friends; that's exactly what he'd do.
Harry announced to his friends where they were going, and that they'd be back later as Macey went into her and Harry's shared room to put on her shoes and add a sweatshirt to her wardrobe.
She grabbed her lilac sweater for Harry to wear, knowing he'd want a sweatshirt too, and remembered the way he looked wearing this before.
She liked the way he looked in her clothes, she wished to see it more often.
Which is why she approached him with a big smile on her face, offering the sweater to him.
Of course, Harry happily accepted it. Actually, happily might be an understatement. What he did was he ripped his shirt from his body immediately and replaced it with the sweater as soon as Macey was close enough to hand it off to him.
He let out a dramatic sigh of relief once the material covered his body. Macey laughed in response before calling him a 'weirdo' and grabbed his hand to walk out the door.
In usual Harry fashion, he opened the door for Macey, shut it for her and then got in the car himself.
Harry seemed to know the way well enough not to need a GPS system to get them to the ice cream shop. Which was nice because that meant that the mellow music playing through the speakers wasn't interrupted with that agitating voice.
About ten minutes into the drive, an ice cream place called King's appeared into sight.
Harry pulled into the lot, successfully found a spot to park in, and quickly got out of the car to open the door for Macey.
They walked in the door together, looking around at the crowd of mostly people their age spread throughout the place.
They stood in line, discussing flavors and specials, deciding on what they'd order when it was their turn.
When Macey and Harry reached the front of the line, Macey placed her order first, just a simple cup of vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and a cherry on top.
Harry had also ordered a cup of ice cream, but he chose mint chip.
This news devastated Macey to her core.
"Oh no," she said with worry.
"What, what's wrong?" Harry's belly immediately sank, his heart swelled with concern, and he stared at Macey, waiting for her to elaborate on her worries.
She slowly turned away from the counter and towards Harry with a look of dread etched on her face. "You like mint chip..."
Harry's face and body dropped every ounce of concern he felt just a second ago. He was glad that nothing was actually wrong, but was also baffled by her dislike of the classic mint chip flavor.
"Oh for fuck's sake," Harry shakes his head and sighs. Macey elbowed him and made eyes at the cashier, reminding Harry that there was a person standing right there.
"Sorry," He apologized for his language and then smiled asking how much the total cost of their ice cream was.
Harry paid, they received their ice cream, and then found an empty table to sit at.
As the couple began to divulge in their treat, Harry spoke up again about the current discourse between them. "I can't believe you don't like mint chip."
"It tastes like-"
Harry cut her off because he knew exactly what was going to come out of her mouth.
"Don't say toothpaste. It doesn't taste like toothpaste. Your palette's just all fucked."
"You're wrong. It absolutely tastes like toothpaste and you can't convince me otherwise."
"Christ, it's like the pickles all over again."
"Pickles are awful, you're the one with the fucked palette."
"Now that's just wrong. Pickles are good. You're tasteless."
"Absolutely not. Pickles, mint chip, black coffee? What's next? You love hot dogs too?"
"Hot dogs are good!"
"Harry, no!"
The couple went back and forth, bickering over their food likes and dislikes, doing their best to convince each other that the other was wrong.
They were starting to finish up their ice cream when the bell by the door rang, indicating a customer walked in.
With natural instinct, Harry's head turned towards the door and watched a group of guys walk through the entrance and to the counter.
They seemed familiar, like he recognized them from somewhere, but couldn't remember. He didn't bother to spend any more time pondering it. Instead he just ate the last two bites of his delectable mint chip ice cream just as Macey was finishing up hers as well.
Macey and Harry stood up out of their seats and walked together over to the trashcan to get rid of their now empty ice cream cups. As they were walking, they continued debating who had the better taste palette, each thinking they were winning the debate.
From the trashcan to the front door wasn't a long walk. Harry had placed his hand on the small of Macey's back, guiding her around the other tables and towards the door.
"Well isn't this such a nice surprise?"
Harry kept walking, not registering that there was a voice speaking out or that it was directed their way.
Macey, on the other hand, stopped dead in her tracks.
Immediately, her breathing became rapid, and tears swelled her eyes.
She knew that voice. She'd never forget that voice. That voice is one that haunted her for years. That voice torments her in her dreams. That voice makes her blood run cold. That voice is one she hoped she'd never have to hear again.
Peace.
What an amazing feeling.
What used to be so foreign became so familiar.
It's funny how quickly that can be ripped away.
Harry noticed the way Macey froze, and turned his head to look at who was behind them.
Standing a very short distance away was one of the guys Harry had watched enter just a few minutes ago. Again, he thought he looked familiar, but he couldn't place a name with the face, or a connection.
But he could tell that Macey was extremely uncomfortable, which made Harry uncomfortable.
"C'mon, let's go." Harry tried to usher Macey to the door, but it was like her feet were glued to the ground.
Macey felt like her heart wasn't even beating, or maybe it was beating too fast. It was hard to tell. She thinks that maybe Harry was trying to say something to her, but she couldn't hear anything. All she could hear was that sentence, with that voice, on repeat in her brain.
Well isn't this such a nice surprise?
Time stood so still for this girl. She couldn't tell if she was even real right now.
Maybe nothing was, maybe she was having a nightmare.
And it was...a nightmare. Only, she wasn't sleeping.
As confused as Harry was, he knew something was extremely wrong, and he wondered if this guy was the reason Macey is the way she is.
What did this douche do to you sweet girl? He wondered to himself.
After what felt like hours, but was really only a few seconds, Macey finally snapped back into reality and stumbled, moving one foot forwards. She quickly stabilized herself by grabbing onto Harry's arm.
She felt so lightheaded, so nauseous. She didn't realize how harshly she was gripping onto Harry.
But Harry didn't mind, she could tear his arm off for all he cared. But he took this as an opportunity to get her out of there as quickly as he could. Placing his hand on her back once more, he began walking her out the door.
They made it into the parking lot, and Harry sighed out in relief, not knowing what that was, but not wanting to ask Macey just yet. He could tell she needed time to process and was not in a state to talk right now.
However, just when he thought it was safe, the guy came out into the parking lot.
He walked quickly and quietly up to the pair, pissed that Macey wasn't even giving him the time of day.
He got close to them, and grabbed Macey by the wrist, forcing her to spin around and face him.
"Leaving so soon? Not even a hello after all this time? Damn, I always knew you were the bitchiest waste of my year."
Macey couldn't lift her eyes away from the pavement. Her skin was on fire, burned by his touch, scarred by its legacy.
After all this time, here was was, standing right in front of her, still using his force to get her to do what she wants.
She couldn't breathe.
She couldn't move.
She couldn't do anything but stand and stare.
Harry knew it was a bad idea, but he just couldn't stop himself snapping back.
"You're gonna want to watch what you say."
"Yeah? And who might you be?" The guy walked up closer to Harry.
"I could be anyone, doesn't matter. Don't talk about her like that."
"Yeah? What are you gonna do?"
Before Harry could reply, Macey grabbed onto his arm again. She didn't look at him, she stayed looking at the ground, but he could see the subtle shake of her head, discouraging him from continuing this banter, and he could see the tears that already stained her cheeks.
Guilt washed over him immediately, regretting engaging with this guy at all, but struggling with not having defended his girl to the best of his ability.
But if she doesn't want him to say or do anything more, he won't.
This is her say, not his, and he may not like it, but he does respect it.
Instead of saying anything more, he just turns around and brings Macey to the car.
"Yup, walk away, coward. But, Mace, it really was so great to see you. Didn't think you'd still be strolling the streets of life, ya know? But hey, super cool you are. I'll see you around."
Harry has never fought the urge to punch someone more than he has right now. If Macey hadn't indicated she didn't want him to do anything, he'd already have this guy on his back on the pavement, making him bleed.
It wouldn't be the first time Harry's made someone bleed.
He's not proud of it, but he is capable when it's necessary.
And he would love nothing more than to just absolutely destroy this guy.
But that's not what Macey wants.
What Macey wants is to get out of here. What Macey wants is to never have to hear his voice again. What Macey wants is to never have heard him speak in the first place.
How could he throw that at her so casually? Like her life was a small thing that didn't matter if it was lived or not?
No matter if she believed that herself at one point, just a few months ago, that didn't matter. What matters is how he could just say that so effortlessly.
She never thought she'd have to see him again.
So seeing him here and now, in a place where she was so happy, turned her world upside down.
It threw her into a complete disarray.
What the fuck was she supposed to do?
Without Macey taking any notice, they somehow were back in the house, surrounded by their friends.
Macey still couldn't hear anything.
She didn't know what was going on.
Harry felt so helpless. He didn't know the details of their history, but it was so clear that whatever happened between them was detrimental.
Simply hearing his voice froze her so badly. And the way he grabbed her? Harry felt violent.
He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to take her to the house because he didn't want everyone to make a big deal out of anything.
He knew she'd crumble under that attention.
But he didn't know where else to go.
So he brought her to the house, and just hoped to god no one would draw attention.
And thanks to Niall, they didn't. He saw them first, and could immediately tell something wasn't right.
So he subtly made his way to the door and just walked with Harry as he led her to their shared room.
"She's not okay, man," Niall obviously observes.
Harry just shakes his head, stressed out of his mind about how to handle this.
The guilt he felt was consuming. He wishes he'd never left the house. Or that he'd brought her somewhere else. Or left twenty minutes earlier or later.
He just wishes he could go back in time and do something differently.
Macey still had no real concept of what was going on.
The panic had become too much to handle. Her body and brain had begun to shut down.
The dissociative state she used to be so familiar with had started to take over for the first time in forever.
She knew Harry was there. She knew Niall was there, but that was about it.
"Can I do anything?" Niall hopefully asked Harry.
"I'm still trying to figure out if there's anything I can do," Harry tells Niall as he opens the door to the room.
Harry guides Macey to sit down on the bed and as soon as her body meets the sheets, she collapses onto her side, curling up in a ball.
"Why don't you go grab a glass of water from the kitchen, and I'll tell the rest that the weather is really nice so we should go out back onto the patio instead of staying inside."
"Yeah, that's good. Thank you."
"Of course, grab me if you need me."
Harry nodded his head in appreciation before following Niall out the door.
"I'll be right back, darling," Harry whispers, then shuts the door.
It only took Harry less than a minute to get into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.
Thankfully, Niall was successful in ushering the rest of their friends outside, and no one seemed to take any notice of what was going on a few doors away.
When Harry got back to their room, he was met with a locked door.
Macey doesn't even remember doing it, but she had gotten up as soon as the door shut, locked the door and turned the lights off.
She covered herself under the blankets and either, fell asleep or just shut down completely.
At this point, she couldn't tell the difference.
Harry started knocking on the door and calling out her name. His worry grew and grew.
"Macey please, you don't even have to let me in, just please, please talk to me. Let me hear your voice. I need to know if you're safe."
"Please be safe, please don't hurt yourself , please," he says much quieter, only loud enough for himself to hear.
"Macey, darling, you can keep the door shut, but please, just unlock it."
Harry keeps calling out pleas, Macey not hearing a single one of them.
He debates calling Louis. He has his number, but he doesn't want to freak him out.
He doesn't want Louis to panic, since he may not be able to get here. And even if he could, he's still hours away.
After what felt like forever, Harry eventually sat down with his back against the wall, his head right next to the door.
He stayed quiet, hoping he could hear movement from her coming from inside, but he heard nothing.
This was not the type of silence he appreciated.
This was not the type of silence that was comforting.
This was not the type of silence that was peaceful.
This silence was deafening.
______
Ouch, this was painful to write. I felt nauseous writing this, which may sound dramatic, but like you all know, Macey's character is strongly based off of myself, so I've been in her shoes. Not wanting to see or hear from someone but all of a sudden they're there when you least expect it.
So anyways, yea that kinda sucked to write LOL.
But everything happens for a reason.
I just want to thank anyone who's still here, still reading. I see you, I appreciate you, I'm finishing this story for you.
Only a few chapters left of Macey and Harry's story !!