Czarina : send all the strippers in the VIP lounge, I'll fuck them until i feel at ease, sounds like a plan isn't it.
His eyes widened in shock, his face contain only one emotion and that is horror, seems like i hit the correct spot as always.
Hell yeah i know it's going to work.
Nd bingo..
I leaned back
Czarina : either this or that the choice is yours..
I said with an playful tone while tilting my head to the opposite side, i know what he'll choose, i fucking knee it, i closed my eyes an satisfactory smirk took over my lips.
Time skip
After 20 min
I look at the syringe nd ampule kept in front of me, it's been years i saw it.. hey little one nice to meet you, i waved at the ampule.. everyone thinks i have the most perfect life anyone could imagine of, but how wrong they are, coz they don't know how fucked up my life is, i deeply someone has broke me, how fucking hurt iam, no one knows my life is the most fucked up one which can win one prize in ginis book of world record if there'll be an award for most fucked up life..
I chuckled at my own words, fuck i must say i can become an writter someday, iam good with word's, i can't help but brust out in laughter..
Ahh fuck thts funny, i started to laugh Harder while holding my stomach, i know till now the other people present here must be looking at me like iam some kind of nut case, so let them be, the hell i give a damn about them.
Author note
(The vip section is divided into two parts, one part consist of sofa it's for only sitting arrangement, with 24x7 serving facilities these is for those who only want to have drinks, makeout nd the another part consist of vip room, for detailed stuff i hope you don't have any doubt about it, i jst write it to give you guys a clear view of the club, sorry for taking your time)
I half laid on the sofa till now my laughter disappear,
nd tears roll down from my eyes,
I blankly look at god knows what, nd started to hummed the poem i wrote days ago.
This is where two different identities meet; my heart is deeply obsessed with you.
I think life's all about obsession as
I am obsessed with you.
You have lifted my spirits up high, made me do crazy things that I never thought ever existed.
I am obsessed with you.
My creativity and obsession lie with you. I am deeply obsessed with you.
I feel like I am madly in want with you, there is nothing else that excites me as you do. I am obsessed with you.
I have never been so obsessed with someone as I do with you, only you
I never thought I would have such an amazing experience; madness exists because I am obsessed with you.
I get up from the sofa nd sit straight while looking at the ampule fill with liquid, which will give me relaxation nd make me feel all those euphoric feeling i want to feel, once it enters into system, nd starts running through my veins, i know there's almost everyone who envy me nd wants to be like me, they want a life like me, coz they think my life is luxurious nd the best life they can only dream about,
Another tear drop from my eyes,
But how wrong they are, they don't know how fucking fucked up iam, once they'll saw the scars nd the pain iam in, the pain iam feeling each nd everyday, the punishment i get to love someone, trust someone, the way they punished me, my soul, my dignity, jst for the sake of there self satisfaction.
Another tear rolls down my cheeks which i immediately wipe harshly
once others will see how scattered my soul is, they'll wish to never be someone as pathetic as me.
I wiped the tears harshly nd continue with my peom
The first time I saw you, my heart missed a beat it keeps telling me to capture you by all means . The second time I saw you, I melted. The third time I became obsessed with you.
I am obsessed with you; I am obsessed with your color and I am obsessed with your love, be mine,
You are the most attractive guy that I have ever met; when I look into your eyes I can see my future with you. And when others look at your eyes i can see their death.
I picked up the ampule along with syringe, immediately injecting the syringe in the ampule filling the empty syringe with heroin. Quite often, people who have experimented with other drugs are curious about what the heroin high feels like. The high comes with feelings of euphoria, which is one of the main reasons people who use heroin give for taking this dangerous drug. However, it comes with many adverse effects as well, which is why many who use it for the first time find very unpleasant. But who cares, i don't care anymore.
For many people who take this substance, heroin is more about avoiding or numbing pain than feeling good. thts what i want i want to feel numb, i want to numb all these pain, i want to feel any except these pain in my heart, it feels like someone is stabing me continuously, nd IT'S FUCKING HURTS LIKE HELL, i don't what to feel these pain, not anymore, i need a break from these, i need it, I FUCKING NEED A BREAK..
Heroin has a high association with co-morbid anxiety and depression, which may suggest that people take this substance to help them cope with the symptoms of a mental health condition, and I'll definitely become one if I'll not stop these pain, i inject the syringe in my arms nd emptying the whole syringe in my arms, i pulled the needle of the empty syringe out of my arms nd keep it beside me, as soon as the liquid enters my biological systems, a variety of chemical changes flood in my brain.
My eyes closed in anticipation instantly feeling the intense pleasure run through my veins. I fucking need this, i throw my head back support my almost drunken figure at the arm of the sofa, feeling the same rush of euphoria reaching my each and every nerve , i miss it i fucking miss it,. I know very well whats going to happen afterwards, as soon as the effect of these drug wears off This is despite the rebound effect, which actually worsens unpleasant feelings over time. But who cares.
Nd the other second i know i was on High, the drugs on my veins are getting best of me, i cleanched on the sofa, shifting on it changing my position trying to finding the most comfortable position i can be to feel the euphoric orgasam, iam starting to feel now, I can feel all the changes in my thoughts, feelings, and sensations as well. These are caused by the drug which is now running in my system, my veins, in my blood, I can feel relief and pleasure from the same effect,
It's feels like heaven, a sinful heaven, where i was on high, iam feeling the euphoria i am seeking for, have you ever sence the pleasure you'll feel when you jump from the highest mountain, feeling like a feature, leaving your body free letting the air take over you letting the air carry your body along the gravity, all your life will flash in front of your eyes like an flashback, where you'll be waiting for your body to touch the ground, dangerous yet the most fantastic feeling , isn't it?
Iam feeling the same pleasurable sensation caused by changes in my brain state. All the worries nd tension run out of the window, leaving me in an state where i feel like iam floating in air, a air full with butterflies, tickling there way to my body, making me let go of everything nd everyone, the only thing i am focusing on is chasing the pleasure, i was about to moan, but i bite my lips harder holding myself from moaning,due to the High these drug is making me feel, i completely lost myself in these feeling, iam not aware of the surrounding, iam not aware of whatever going around me, iam not aware of what others are doing, iam not aware of what they are saying, iam not aware of where iam, i jst lost myself in an sinful heaven, nothing, iam not aware of anything, jst me nd my euphoric feeling. nd the next moment i know is 2 different voices ranging in my mind, nd i know whose those voices belongs to, these voice belongs to the my past nd present, those voices belongs to the only person who hold the power to make me a pathetic person, ryan nd the other sound belongs to my past.
FLASHBACK
?? : You are so beautiful rin, jst like a dream i want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Ryan : Zar you know i love you right, i fall for you the first time i saw you at the basketball court.
?? : Let's live to the fullest nd always be together.
Ryan : I want to be with you till my last breath, creating over own everafter.
?? : I can't let anyone find out about us rin, i.. i.. jst can't.
Ryan : What we are zar, why you are so afraid to accept it, why you want to keep me as a secret, why? what iam to you.
?? : Please do anything, jst don't let anyone find out about us, please you love me right, you said you'll do anything for me, please agree with whatever they are saying.
I cleanched my fist tightly, holding my tears back, i know iam under the drug effect, but still those memories still haunts me.
?? : I am jealous of xav, coz he got all your attention which i Desires for, iam fucking jealous of him.
?? : I love you rin, i love you so fucking much..
Ryan : i love you zar, i love you more than anything.
?? : It makes me feel sick, eating the same food everyday, jst the same way i get bore with you.
Czarina : you are obsessed with 1st rank isn't you, you were my first, for Everything, the first guy i ever kiss, the first guy ever had any romantic relationship with, the first guy i love, the first guy with whom i had sex, everything but still why iam not enough for you, why.
?? : I can't be with someone who didn't have the count of how many Dick's she has taken
Czarina : but whatever i did i did it for you, for us, you force me to do these..
?? : Don't blame me it's not my fault tht you are a horny whore.
Czarina : you.. you.. said you love me, you.. said it's the only option to save you, your reputation, you make me do all the dirty things, you forced me into this, you emotionally blackmail me, how can you blame me now..
?? : Yeah i did all these, nd yeah i Said i loved you before, but it's past tense babes, i loved you before you give your pussy to god knows who nd how many people, you jst need a good fuck rin nothing else, now you got it right, so now fuck off.
How pathetic nd helpless they make me become, specially the only person i love nd entrust myself with. How pathetic iam, how pathetic my Life is.
Czarina : you forced me to do everything, you forced me to accept all their conditions, you manipulate me, what i did i did for you, i sell my soul, dignity, self-respect to god knows whom, jst for you, jst to save you. How could you, how..
?? : Love means sacrifice isn't it, nd you sacrificed yourself, end of the story, so now fuck off with whomever disgusting trash you are carrying in your stomach..
I cleanched my stomach tightly, wants to shout, wants to cry my heart out, but iam unable to do so, my emotions are waving. From higher to lower.
?? : i doubt you even remember whom tht trash in your stomach belongs to, who is the father of tht bastard child you are carrying rin baby or should I say a Fucking whore..
Czarina : you, you told me to do all these, it's you who make me do these, you make me believe tht it's the only option to save you, i did everything jst for you.
?? : Let me guess, tht blonde one or the one with black hair.
Czarina : tht means they were right, You were there all the time, you saw everything, you let them humiliate me, you let them rape my unconscious body, you saw everything but you didn't do anything.. you.. why.
?? : Coz it's fucking awesome to see a live porn you know.
Czarina : whats my fault, yo..u, you said you love me, you..
?? : Your fault is tht you are blessed with most sinful curse..
Czarina : why, me.. why... I..
?? :You don't even know what you got, The body you are blessed with people can even kill to jst touch it once.
Czarina : why..you did..these to me..
?? : coz you deserve these, a fucking whore like you deserve these, i jst show you your correct place, what i did to you is nothing as compared to what i lost coz you, you are the sole reason for your Fucked up life.
Czarina : what do you mean by tht, what i did to make you hate me these much, what i did..
?? : You are a sinner zar, you are a sinner, because of you i lost him, because of you he is not with me, the only fault he did is to love you, nd in return what he got, loving you leads him to his distruction..
Czarina : what do mean, what i did, who is he about whom you are talking about..
?? : It seems you have destroyed infinity of lives, tht you don't even have court, as aspected from you.
Czarina : no i never destroys anyone's life, i may have talked to them rudely, but more than tht i never did anything, i never went to such extent tht will destroys someone's life.
?? : Lier, such a lier you are rin, but don't worry, you have your whole life to think about it, count your every sins, remember it one by one, write it down nd try to find out what sins you have committed against me which leads you to such drastic nd deserving ending, opps or should I say a new starting, coz you have a long way to go nd redeem for the sins you commit.
Czarina : you are lieing, iam telling the truth, i agree iam cruel but iam not a demon, if i have any problem with anyone I'll beat the shit out of them at tht moment only, but punishing someone by destroying there whole life, iam not a crazy path to go tht extent..
?? : You are a sinner rin, you are a fucking Sinner, now it's my turn to destroy your life, the way you destroy his..
They enjoyed ruining my life, they enjoyed exploiting my body, my dignity, nd the person for whom i give up everything, didn't do anything to save me, instead he watched there brutality, enjoying all the time they take to break me, nd my soul in thousands of parts, which iam still trying to fix, what i did, whats my fault, what i did to deserve these, what i did? Is Iam really a sinner, iam a sinner, iam a sinner, but why i didn't remember the sin for which i get punished, i scan all my memories in search for the sin i commit, but i find none, but still they tagged me as a sinner, iam a sinner for God knows what, but iam one, why? What's my fault, why? Loving someone destroy me..
Ryan : you are wrong zar you are wrong, it will not destroy us but love will heal us, the reason iam with you now is coz of love, if it was really an cursed i shouldn't have been with you.
?? : It's not my fault you are a stupid dumbass girl, it's your work to look out for you pussy not mines.
?? : You are an useless whore, only good for dick, Don't blame me for tht..
Ryan : it's not trust me, what have you learn till now it's wrong, the person who teaches you these wrong definition is wrong, he himself didn't know the meaning of it thts why he teach you everything wrong, Don't trust in his words nd what he showed you..
?? : You agreed with everything coz you want it, you let them fuck you coz you are a sucker for cock, aren't you?? you are a horny bitch who jst want dick nothing else, fucking whore.
Ryan : listen to me okay, only me, trust me, listen my words don't listen the words said by anyone, Don't let there words control your mind, jst.. jst listen to me..
They are not true, they are not true, iam not a whore, iam not.
Ryan : jst follow my lead, look at me, look at my eyes, nd listen to me..
Ryan : i will, what you wana learn huh..
Ryan : who am I to you zar..
?? : You are a cock sucker bitch
Ryan : who am i to you..
Ryan : i love you zaby..
Ryan : you don't have to reply, I'll do these part for both of us..
Ryan : I'll not go anywhere i promise.
Ryan : let's start anew, nd create a new worderfull journey, jst us..
Ryan : I'll not leave your side, not until you want me to.
I feel warmth nd security even if all the worst nd best part of my life keep flashing in my mind, i don't know if it's an effect of the drug running through my system, or the sensations of warmth and safety is due to ryan, but whatever it is i feel like home even if it's in my unconscious sense, i sense it. This may be despite the fact that, now in reality, iam anything but safe or warm.
END OF FLASHBACK
End of czarina pov.
To be continued...
I hope you enjoyed these chapter.
Those who are still confused of the flashback part let me clear this out, tht the FLASHBACK part you jst read, contain all the incidents which occurs within 3 - 4 years, which includes the recent events with ryan nd some events are from her past, i hope you don't have any confusion now..
Thanks for reading 💞💕