By:
First Impression:
Lowkey surprised it was first set in the philippines but that's basically it for first impressions.
Pacing
As mentioned, I only read two chapters due to time but I still think this story is sort of well paced.
The first chapter of course did good, it introduced the characters well and established who they are and what they like and etc.
Consider this a nitpick but I sort of think a more dive into the life of Adi in her school life.
Any rivalries to remember or maybe simply her status in school.
It could be the more tropey ones with the queen bee stuff or maybe more subtle with just, the smart ones are popular and the ones who just get by or fail to pass are usually the class clowns.
Or something like that.
Plot
It's about a character getting stuck in another world and the two main leads will be forced to stay together in order to survive.
It's a trope I've usually more in the fanfic genre so I think its cool that its a plot and has its own story but it does have a sense of predictability.
I mean like people could possibly be able to guess what comes next but perhaps this book has other surprises.
Characters
I personally don't like characters like Adi. The too cool for anyone else or I can't be bothered type usually is portrayed in a way I just don't like.
Characters like that can go to one way or another with maybe the character becomes too cold and unlikable that the reader can't root for them anymore...
which, let's be real, is not really a good thing even if it is the villain.
Readers Rooting or at least feeling sorry for the villain I'd say can even be called as good writing.
But if the main character is irritable (different from flawed) then that's a problem.
That was just a small rant but anyway, Adi as a character I couldn't see anyway to root for her or think I can give her a chance.
Her constant complaining just put me off I guess. Of course in the first chapter she was in a bad mood but I guess it could have been portrayed as to explain more on why.
Like maybe when David was pestering her the internal narration or just description could've dived deeper on her issues.
Like her being upset with her grade,
perhaps not only was she second but she was not even the a point from a hundred but two. or three.
She then begins rethinking on what question she got wrong, vowing to look at her notes again when she reaches home to review and analyse the test from what she could remember.
and I'd say this would feel very exaggerated but for the way she reacted and acted after hearing the news of her grade I'd say it would fit with her characteristics.
Although keep in mind these are simply suggestions.
I could go on with how she'd act, I sorta got tired with they arw studious but we never see them worry what they got wrong or study at all.
Yes, of course, its the first chapter. But I suppose what i desired to see was instead of saying
all that tutoring and studying for nothing.
its more of
what questions made me lose a point, what point in the test did i feel doubtful.. etc.
It feels more realistic cause to me the former phrase just feels like its telling me as a reader that she's studious but thats just it.
Armacres is alright. I guess a bit of descriptions for his face (i think only the eyes were described but if he was actually described maybe I overlooked it.)
Of course, writers and reviewers say like don't describe everything, just the prominent features and I agree with that.
But usually ive observed that writers write characters descriptions in a certain way.
As if the character looking at them is checking them out.
Usually it starts with prominent feature, (eyes, scars, or anything that catches the eye)
next what those features make them look like (serious, goofy, menacing, experienced)
next usually its their posture, the way they stand in the crowd then how they converse and then the eyes dart to whatever moves.
Maybe the hand moved, then that gets described next so maybe the character has a leather glove that has been ripped. Or a shiny bracelet is resting on their wrist.
And the list goes on until the character stops observing the other.
So yeah I guess thats it for this category.
Dialogue
Its fine it does the job it has to do and well I have no complaints, nitpicks, etc for this category.
Descriptions
okay just a few nitpicks... first one
I think Adie only gave.... should be on its own paragraph.
Something that i kept getting from reviewers that reviewed my past books was that new pov new paragraph.
So since Adie is now moving again and I think away from David, her having a new paragraph for the action would kind of make it more obvious or clearer.
Second...
and landed on the floor with a thud.
With a thud I think is an adverb or an adjective. I dont remember but either way, the action being done first if the landing on the floor.
The with a thud is just an additional detail to the first phrase
landed on the floor.
Other than that, descriptions are okay. Some very little grammar mistakes but very tiny.
Blurb
In the blurb, as a reader I'd think I will be introduced to Adi's life a bit more before meeting the prince. But then it happens on I think the end of the first chapter but either way they already meet in the second.
I think the phrase about her grades plummeting is different from just getting a second place on the score board.
I guess if you wish to follow the blurb perhaps the plummeting of grades will be introduced with her thinking that she went from first to second to third and so on and so forth.
Then her meeting with the principal about her scholarship and their concern on her whether she can keep it or not with her current grades.
Then she crosses paths with david, someone she has grown to dislike. Perhaps strikes another deal with him or something like that.
then interaction with father and then she meets prince.
but that is of course a suggestion, I simply thought this would follow through with the blurb more.
other than that I think the blurb doesnt spoil any specific details but gives the premise of the story.
title
I think it fits with the story and holds some sort of intrigue.
Overall
This may have come off blunt or straightforward and then became rude if so, please say so. So I can edit it or reword because I might've been misunderstood from the way I worded it or maybe I misunderstood a part of your story.
And you mightve noticed the unedited or jumbled thought flow for this....
most likely cause Im writing this late at night.
anyway, i rambled a lot in this review.. mostly it means I had a lot to say or I was sorta invested with the book more than others and was inspired by it to suggest things and stuff like that.
so yeah, i hope this wasnt rude or mean and was helpful in some way.
that is all, farewell!