Aristotle
I planned this out perfectly and as expected, according to my calculations, the rainfall of stars began.
For a second, I felt lighter, simply letting myself go, watching the stars soared through the darkness, glistening against the water. Mesmerized, I drank in every aspect of this universe's one of many wonders. I found solace here where I was alone with him, under the stars. Away from the darkness.
I smiled at the stars and made a wish. A wish upon the stars, hoping that everything would be okay.
"Ari," he called, I hummed in response. "What did you wish for?"
"It's bad luck if I tell you." But I wanted to know what he wished for, "Did you wish for something?" I bit the inside of my cheek, fighting back a smile as he picked up a sushi roll.
"Yes."
"What was it?" I asked, despite my previous statement.
"You'll laugh at me."
I gaped at his bold assumption, "I will not."
He lifted a shoulder nonchalantly, "Can't tell you."
"Fine. Let me guess then...Unlimited sushi?"
He gave me a boyish grin, "Possibly so."
"To get your other ear pierced?" I guessed, pensively acknowledging the small crucifix hanging from his left ear.
I knew it would destroy his ego, to get his other one pierced but I've longed to get matching sets of earrings with him. Earrings were an obsession of mine, I liked collecting them, wearing them. And I'd love to be like one of those couples and have matching sets.
"No."
I pursed my lips, there went my dreams. "A new car." My voice was more confident this time. He smiled, with a shake of his head. I sighed exasperatedly. "I give up."
His eyes flickered to mine, slowly travelling down my figure, "I'm looking at it right now."
I felt tingles speeding across my cheeks, dancing on my skin. "Enlighten me."
He huffed out a chuckle, and cupped my face with his hand, tilting my face to his with a touch of his fingers.
I stared into his eyes, seeing all the infinite tomorrows. Getting lost in the depths of his dark and mysterious ones, pulling me impossibly deeper.
He closed the distance between us, capturing my lips with his. We kissed under the moonlight, surrounded by nothing except the mesmerizing ocean.
Slowly, he laid me down on the blanket, caging me in his arms while pinning me under him. I instinctively circled my arms around his neck, one travelled through his hair and the other slid down his chest.
Our bodies fit flawlessly together, no missing pieces, no emptiness. Our hearts raced together in a perfect symphony.
He grunted, pressing himself against my entrance through the thin fabric of my dress. His hand found its place in my hair while the other slid down my body, down my thigh and slipped up my dress.
"Damon," I whimpered which encouraged him to continue with this torture. His kisses grew gentler, sweeter while his hand moved up and down my leg, teasing me.
Even though I was quite caught within the heat of the moment, shivers racked my body at his touch. His fingers grazed the hem of my undergarment, driving me crazy. "Please," I begged him, he knew what I wanted.
With my eyes closed, I felt him smirk, "Please what?"
"Make love to me." I breathed out, suffocating under his kiss.
He rode my dress up, passed my upper thighs, giving him more access. Arousal pooled between my legs as he felt his way up, his lips still on mine.I couldn't think of anything else. My mind, my heart, my body, all claimed by him.
"How much do you want me?" A frustrated moan escaped my lips. I was unable to respond properly. "Show me." he continued, satisfied that he had rendered me speechless. I arched my back, and rubbed myself against his bulging erection. I could lose myself to him right here, right now.
I'd let him destroy me. I'd let him ruin me and right now, that's exactly what he was doing. He continued his torture, pressing himself harder against my entrance. I moaned loudly into his mouth.
"Beg." he demanded, trailing kisses down my neck, my collar bone, the top of my breasts, pushed up and exposed. Kissing and sucking on my sensitive spots.
He knew what he was doing. He knew I couldn't say anything.
"Damon," I managed. Only to be pulled back in, drowning in the sensuality of his kiss. I felt myself about to reach my high already, just by the simple intimacy of it all.
I finally met his gaze once more, begging him with my pleading eyes. He cursed under his breath.
The kiss grew impatient, needy, rough. And in the midst of the passion, love, intimacy, his phone rang from next to us.
He groaned and a whine left my lips as he pulled away. Rolling his eyes, he picked up the phone, clearly annoyed at whoever interrupted him. "What?" he asked, rather rudely. The person spoke but I couldn't hear a thing.
His eyebrows pulled in, visibly getting more and more annoyed by the second. I stared at him, still lying on my back. My dress pulled up and my chest almost fully exposed. The straps fell off my shoulders and the cool air brushed against me.
Unsatisfied and aroused, I touched my lips, plump and swollen from his kisses. Slowly, I sat up and fixed my dress. He glanced at me, desire burning in his eyes but he couldn't do anything, the phone call looked important.
Angrily, he ended the call and a low sound erupted from his throat. "I have to go." he muttered.
I frowned, my lips fell into a pout, "But tonight-"
"I know, baby. I know."
Letting out a sigh, I turned away. Disappointment drifting over me. Replacing the happiness I had felt earlier.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"It's okay."
I packed away the food, the food I had spent hours preparing, and stored it back in the basket. I caught sight of the book and my frown deepened.
Just like that.
I wasn't angry with him. I was a little saddened since I was looking forward to tonight. But I understood. He had things to do. And clearly, I wasn't one of them.
I ran my hand through my hair, fixing it back in place and stood up. I felt his gaze one me but brushed it off and folded the blanket.
"Did I make you mad?" he asked.
I shook my head, "No." A little bit it wasn't his fault. I nudged my head in the direction of his car and he sighed.
Wordlessly, hand in hand, we headed back to my car and got in. I didn't feel like driving. I knew driving was something he loved to do. It took him away from his thoughts.
I looked back at the sea, the moment in time faded away as he drove off in the opposite direction.
I swallowed hard and forced myself to look away, he didn't miss this. He clenched his jaw, his adam's apple moved. I wasn't sure why but it made my cheeks pink.
It was hot and he caught me staring. Slightly embarrassed I looked down at my lap, fiddling with the hem of my dress.
My mind kept drifting back earlier. The way his hands carefully worshiped my body, caressing my soul, making me feel alive..
He was so gentle with me, yet rough. I couldn't help but blush, thinking about it.
"I'm sorry." he said finally, breaking the silence between us.
"It's fine."
"I'll make it up to you."
I managed a small smile, just for him. Hoping he'd feel better, "Okay."
He breathed out a long sigh. I could tell he was frustrated, mad. He wanted to say more, but he didn't.I grabbed his hand, interlaced our fingers and gave his a reassuring squeeze. "I love you."
His shoulders dropped, almost like his whole body relaxed. His mind remained a storm. "I love you more."
Even though I was a little upset, that didn't stop my heart from skipping a beat.
I couldn't shake off the unbearable feeling that something was going on. It was so sudden, unexpected. My frown deepened as I thought about what could be going on in his mind.
I was tired. That's all.
Tired of everything.
Tonight was supposed to be special and it was, until it wasn't.
I leaned my head against the window, staring off into the distance. The silence in the car wasn't uncomfortable, it was quite calm. But things remained unspoken, lingering in the air.
He looked like he had more to say but didn't. I had questions, I didn't ask them.Instead, we sat with each other, surrounded by feelings and words, deep in our thoughts.
Perhaps tomorrow, things could be different. They'll be better. This was just a little thing. It wasn't the end of the world.
I simply wished we had more time.
He made a left turn into his neighbourhood and drove up to the house. Parking the car, he guided me out and we walked to the front door.
"Stay the night," he said, "I'll be back later."
I was pretty sure this wasn't an offer, and more of a demand. I didn't want to go home anyways, he was my home. And yet, he wouldn't even be here. He had other things to do, I got that. It still hurt a little though.
But he'll be back.
I nodded, not knowing what else to say. He opened his mouth, then closed it. In silence, we headed inside and I pushed past him, going to his bedroom.
The house was empty, just us.
His eyes were on me as I grabbed a set of his clothes and locked myself in the bathroom, ignoring him.
I massaged my temple, meeting my gaze in the mirror.
It wasn't that big of a deal, I repeated over and over again. I think I was being a tad melodramatic about the whole situation. There was always tomorrow.
Shaking my head, I turned on the shower and stripped. Stepping in, the water danced against my skin and I let the warmth fill the empty feeling in my heart.
I was overreacting, I told myself.
Letting out a sigh, I relaxed to the sound of water tapping against the floor of the bathtub. It reminded me of rain. Something that never failed to bring peace to the mess in my head.
I used my body wash, the one I left here because I slept over quite often. Despite loving the way he smelled, I didn't want to match.
Once I was done, I got out and wrapped the spare towel around myself. His scent engulfed me as I got dressed. His shirt and sweatpants were oversized on me. I looked homeless and yet he still loved seeing me in them. Regardless, I didn't mind. They were comfortable.
I brushed my teeth and rinsed my face, and finally looked back at the person standing across from me.
She was tired.
Exiting the bathroom, I expected him to be gone but he was there, his back towards me as he put something in his bag.
I looked over and immediately wished I hadn't. It was a gun. A gasp left my lips and I slowly backed away. I didn't miss the way his whole body tensed.
He dropped the bag, a panicked expression flashing briefly across his features."Ari, it's not-"
"It's okay," I whispered, even though it wasn't.
He had a life I didn't necessarily understand but I respected that he had his reasons. It wasn't okay. I was sure there's more to it. He wouldn't tell me anyway. For now, I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up in his arms tomorrow.
He took a step forward cautiously, raising in his hands in surrender. I let him wrap his arms around me, pulling me close. I let him hold me and I wanted to stay like this forever. I wanted to tell him to stay. I wanted to tell him that I needed him. Alas, I didn't. No words left my lips. He was disappointed by this but there was nothing we could do.
"I'll be back, okay?" he said, a silent promise that I believed. I always believed him.
He pressed kisses to my hair, the side of my bead, my forehead. Telling me how sorry he was even though he had nothing to be sorry for. "I'm not going to use it."
I nodded, believing him again. I was shaking and tried my best to hide it. Inside, I was scared of what could happen next. He could get hurt, or worse.
"Be careful, please." I said, my eyes begging him.
"Worried about me, yeah?" His lips curved upwards.
I nudged him lightly on the chest, smiling to suppress my laughter, "This isn't funny, of course I'm fucking worried."
His smirk deepened, "Don't worry, nothing will happen."
"Promise?"
"I promise," he said, kissing my forehead. Within a second, I melted in his arms.
I went on my tiptoes and pressed a lingering kiss to his lips. Then I pulled away before he could kiss me back. "If you get hurt, I'm going to kill you." He arched an eyebrow, amused and not threatened by this.
Suddenly, I was tackled onto the bed. A surprised shriek escaped my lips, which turned into a laugh. "Damon!" He grunted something out, burying his face in my chest. "Don't you have to leave?" I questioned.
"Do you want me to?"
"No."
He sighed, "I have to."
"I know."
Reluctantly, he got off of me and stood up. My eyebrows pulled in, there was nothing I could do to make him stay.
So I gave in. I pulled the covers over my legs and remained sitting up as I hugged him tightly.
Looking up at him, he immediately met my gaze. His eyes bore nothing, his expression stoic. There it was, that facade he put up to drown out the things he was feeling. I knew better.
He brushed a strand of hair away from my face, grazing his fingers across my skin.
"Be safe, Damon. Come back to me."
"I will." There was certainty in his tone and I found myself holding on to his words. The flame of hope in my chest ignited, stronger now. No matter how many times the light went out, for him, it always shined brighter.
This wasn't new to me.
It happened before. And every time, my fears and worries only got worse. Each time, I was absolutely torn.
He came back to me every night and I was endlessly grateful. But the day he wouldn't, would be the day I fell apart.
He was so reckless, and I hated it. I put up with it because I believed one day, things would change.
But today was not that day. He's leaving and if he got hurt. I'd hurt whoever hurt him.
Before I could beg him to stay, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead. Then, he was gone.
I sat there, alone. With the thoughts haunting me. Pulling me deep into the depths of darkness.
I thought of everything. All the possible scenarios, breaking my own heart. They chased me in my sleep. Dreams turned into nightmares.
Suddenly I was drowning and he wasn't there to save me. And everything around me faded away.
I tossed and turned, my consciousness still well working and awake. While my body was simply harbouring a soul that was slowly falling apart.
Every time this happened, every time he left. It killed me because I never knew what he's doing, who he's with. I didn't know if he was hurt.
It was all too much for me. But this was the life he lived and I didn't think I was enough to change that.
He needed this to survive, almost as much as he needed me.
I woke up to the sunlight coming through the window, rolling over and smiling as I expected him to be here with me.
The spot next to me was empty. And so was my heart moments after.
I got out of bed and grabbed my phone to call him. I dialled his number and paced back and forth as I waited for him to pick up.
He never did. It's been twenty minutes.
I sat on his bed, engulfed in his scent. But something was off. I couldn't feel him. Surrounded by silence, I was alone, tears fell uncontrollably.
My thoughts raced back and forth, making up thousands of different scenarios. Everything else was a blur. Call after call, still nothing.
I placed my hand over my mouth to silence my sobs. My heart broke more and more as the seconds passed by.
My phone screen lit up and a flicker of home ignited in my chest. I stared down at the screen, bleary eyed.
Gasping quietly, I practically snatched my phone. The hope died down. I crumbed to pieces all over again.
It was Sloan, asking if I wanted to go out today. I didn't want to. I couldn't.
I couldn't move. I was numb. Inside I screamed and no one could hear me. What if he's screaming too? And no one could hear him.
I laid down on the bed, face buried in the sheets. More tears fell and another sob racked my body.
I cried myself to sleep, because of him.
Sometime later, a car door slammed shut, making me jolt up awake.I reluctantly got up, hoping that this was all a nightmare and that he was okay. I'd walk downstairs and he was going to be there. Safe and sound. Unharmed from the cruelness of this world.
I exited the room and headed downstairs.
The house was dead silent. I could hear the sound of my heartbeat. And someone's footsteps. I rushed to the door and opened it.
My hands flew up to my mouth, fighting back a scream, or a sob. Perhaps both. My heart dropped. I felt sick to my stomach at what I saw.
"Ari," he breathed out.
He was standing before me, limping towards the door. His face covered in a pained expression, blood dripping down. Fresh bruises and a busted lip.
His knuckles were badly bruised. Thoughts of him getting hurt and hurting someone flashed through my mind.
I broke down completely.
That was the first time it happened. Two years ago.
I still felt like shit.
Thunder erupted outside, harsh wind pushed against the window as the rainfall grew hard, the storm raged on both out there and in my mind.
I hated being this way. Always feeling too much, worrying too much, stressing too much, crying too much. Thinking too much. What the hell was wrong with me?
Lightning flashed and a loud crack of thunder roared.
I gasped for air, alas nothing. I felt nothing. I felt like I was dying. "Damon," I sobbed. No response, as expected. Only the sound of rainfall.
All I had to do was wait for petrichor.
I focused on nothing in particular, and everything. From the rain to my thoughts to my heartbeat. My breathing slowed down, somewhat. The tapping against the window brought me a sense of serenity and quietness.
I brought my gaze out of the window, finding the weather oddly calming.
"Come back to me," I whispered into the storm. As if in response, lightning struck once more. I shut my eyes, wishing on everything I had that this was a nightmare.
It wasn't.
I was awake and everything hurt.
My sobs were muffled in the pillows. Nothing could comfort me right now. All I needed was him.
I imagined he was here, holding me in his arms, whispering in my ear that everything was going to be okay. It sort of worked.
Until I was pulled under again. Somehow, the storm dispersed.
The bed dipped down next to me, my back was facing him.
The scent of cigarettes and sins surrounded me. He circled his arms around my waist, pulling me close as he spooned me from behind. My back hit his toned chest.
"I'm so fucking sorry," he whispered, accompanied by more whispers of sweet nothings.
He shifted a little so he was lying on his back and I, on his chest. I focused on his heart beat.
He ran his hand through my hair, kissing the top of my head and my forehead over and over again. Pulling me impossibly closer by the second. "I love you Aristotle."
"I love you," I mumbled, still half asleep. I couldn't tell if I wanted to make love to him or slap him senseless.
But I was tired.
I let myself drift away safely in his arms.
"Baby, don't cry." he spoke softly, "I can't stand it." I didn't realize I was still crying but I couldn't help it.
"You're okay."
"I promised, remember?"
I mumbled something but he couldn't hear me. I was too tired to even remember what I said. I fought to stay awake, just in case this was a dream and he would disappear at any second. But as I opened my eyes, time stopped and I finally let it sink in. He was really here and he was all right, in my arms.
I hugged him tightly, tears of relief streamed down my face.
"I'm here." He muttered, rubbing my back soothingly.
"You're here," I repeated.
"Go back to sleep."
I didn't want to anymore but that didn't stop my eyelids falling shut, fighting to stay open. "Are you hurt?" I managed.
"No."
"I hate you."
"I know."
I hate you for making me love you
I hate him because I don't
I hate him because it makes me sick to my stomach when I think about him getting hurt
I hate him because there's nothing I can do to change his mind
I love him so much it hurts
"I love you Aristotle."
I didn't respond. Inside, I screamed. I think he could hear me because I could hear him too.
a/n
thank you for 2k reads!!