"I don't know where that kid came from!"
"Let me go, Mark…" I grit, warning him to let go of me or I'll hurt him just so I can get out, by any means.
"H-Hurt me all you want, then." Mark stuttered, his voice shaking very very badly. "I'm not gonna let you go."
"He's crying…" I sob. "Your kid—"
"Stop with that your kid, Lee Donghyuck. That is not mine." He argues, tightly grasping my thighs. "Love, please? Let's talk about this."
"Good for you…" I cried, collapsing onto the floor and looking at him with dead eyes. "After all, you already have what you wanted."
"Love…" He pleads with eyes so wet and lips quivering. "Love, please? I-I can't do this. That child is not mine… Hng… L-Love…"
"Why are you still denying it? That picture holds everything, Mark." I sob into my hands. "W-Why did she even find you if you're not the father?"
"I don't even know her." He replies. "W-Why? Why are you believing that?"
"It's you. It's her. You both did it…" I huff. "A-And don't tell me you'll get rid of the kid. He was not at fault for what you did!"
"I told you, he's not mine!" His fists clenched on his hair as he looks at me with pleading eyes. "Donghyuck, please? Let's return him."
"Take care of him." I cried, slowly crawling backwards away from Mark. "She already told you she can't provide for the child."
"Love…" His cries broke me. I know whenever Mark is sincere but I just can't believe anything at this moment. "Come here, love. Let's talk about this. I won't let you go just because of the child."
"What are you gonna do about what I feel then?" I cried, heart breaking into tiny pieces and I could hear them. My eyes can't even stop crying. "This broke me. I-I don't know which is real or not. I don't know what to believe anymore, Mark…. Why are you doing this to me?"
"I'm telling the truth—"
"Then is that kid just an illusion?" I huff.
With me thinking nothing but the child and the real father, all of a sudden, I felt Mark's presence in front of me, hugging me tight.
"Hng… I-I hate you…" I cried on his chest, also hitting it with my weak fists. "I hate you so much."
"I'm sorry, Donghyuck. Love, I don't know how it became like this—"
"Y-You don't know how much… this hurts." Endlessly sobbing, I clench on Mark's suit and wet it all over. "We were so eager to have a child, b-but then, this came about. M-Mark, you already have one all along. Hng… It hurts to know, that it's just yours and not ours."
"Stop it, please?" Mark hiccuped and collected my cheeks on his palms. His wet and shaking lips met mine and so we kissed but we both know what this holds. The pain of knowing this kid.
"Lee Donghyuck, baby… I'll prove this wrong. This kid isn't mine…"
"L-Let me go…" I pushed him away after he kissed me gently. "I want to l-leave…"
His grasp on my waist became tighter. "You're not leaving, Lee Donghyuck. Love, you're not… Oh my god… No, y-you're not!"
"I don't want to see you." I sob. "I don't want to see the kid. Let me go!"
"You're not breaking up with me right?"
"L-Let me go." I huff. "And take care of the child."
"Fuck!" Mark hisses when I started running towards the door but before I could even go out, he locked it. Door shut and loud thud welcomed me. "Go back. Love, sit down and we'll talk about this."
Holding his arms, kneeling down and crying, I said, "Let me out. M-Mark, this is so suffocating. Let me go, please—"
"Why?" With a small voice, Mark asked me. "Why are you doing this?"
"I-It hurts…" I clench on my chest. "This hurts so much, love."
"What about me?" His red eyes came into view. "I already told you that kid isn't mine—"
"How can I believe that when you told me yourself that you fucked another girl when we weren't together?! How can you just tell me that when I know you have history!"
"Because I fucking love you and you should trust—"
"Fuck your love!" I aggressively wiped my tears and looked at him bravely. "If you love me then you'll let me out. Let me leave—"
"What should I do to make you stay—"
"I'm breaking up with you." I yell. "If you won't let me out, I will make the real, Mark."
"L-Love…"
"P-Please?" I sob. "I can't afford another minute in here."
Especially with your kid crying right inside our room. I know this'll hurt the both of us but I just know that if I stay a little bit longer, I'll go crazy.
Turning around, I got pulled back by Mark's arm. He hugged me from behind, making my legs weak and unable to withstand my weight. Damn it, Mark.
"Come back to me…" He sobbed and I vigorously shook my head.
I started walking away when he collapsed on the floor. I used this chance to take his car and drive myself, I don't know where to, but I just know I did went out of the house.
This hurts so much.
💍
"I miss daddy, papa…" Minhyuck clings after taking a long shower. "When is he coming back?"
"I don't know for now." It's painful to hear him ask for Mark but I know it hurts more to see him face-to-face.
"It's been lots of days, papa. Minhyuck is sad because papa is here but now dawddy…"
I tried to suppress my tears and smiled at him. "Daddy will be here, hmm? Daddy will visit Minhyuck if he is a good baby."
"I've been a good baby for weeks. Sarang noona also became a good noona for weeks." He pouted cutely. "But, I just have to wait, papa right?"
"Yes." I wipe my small tears and continue to smile. "Now, let's get you to bed and sleep early, hmm?"
"Okay…" He cradles my nape and let his neck sit on my shoulders. I carried him to his bed and let him sleep.
The last day that I saw Mark was also the first time I saw his child. And that happened almost two weeks ago.
I know it's been so long but I am more than aware that Mark can't last that long without a text nor a call, that's why every single day, I receive hundreds of texts and a few calls. I answer sometimes but I don't talk, I guess I was just sobbing during those nights.
"You're still not going to go back to my son?" Mark's mom asked, one day after she knew what happened to us. That was, I think, a week ago. "I understand what you feel. Even, I, would feel so betrayed. So, Donghyuck… take your time to heal. But please forgive him."
I don't think I cannot forgive Mark. I'm just pained and I don't think I'm able to face him without crying nor blaming him and I don't want that.
Just like what his mom said, I should take my time to heal so I can face Mark without negativities. Instead, I should go after a solution for this problem.
"Donghyuck…" Mama calls me, while making milk for a kid who's 4 years old named Taemin. "Still none, baby?"
"I don't wanna talk about it." I sigh. "Let me do that, mama…"
Stirring the milk, my tears fell unknowingly. Luckily did not fell inside the mug or it could've been a disaster.
"Minhyuck asked for his daddy again?" Mama asks kindly, chasing my eyes.
"Yes." I bite my shaking lips and nodded vigorously. "And I-I can't even answer him that Mark can't come here…" I sob.
Mama had wiped my tears away from me and hugged me very, very tight to comfort me from the pain. So far, this has been the greatest infliction that this marriage gave me. And fuck I want to get rid of it as soon as I can.
"Aw… My baby's crying again…"
That's what I've been doing ever since I went here. And that was right after Mark and I had that long argument. Fuck, it's been so long and I'm starting to miss him. But it also hurts just as much as I miss him.
"It hurts, mama." I cried on her. "So much."
"If mama can take away your pain, I would." Mama rubbed my back and sighed. "But I know I can't, so I'll just be here with you, hmm? What does my baby want?"
"Mark…" I cried. "I want my husband back. But, I don't want the child, Mama. I-I know he's not a fault—"
"It's not Haechan's fault, Seo Donghyuck. Please don't hate the kid. Mama already told you about it, right?"
"Y-Yes…" I wept. "I-I'm sorry. It's not the baby's fault. It's Mark's—"
"Donghyuck…" Mama pleads with soft voice. "We still don't know the whole truth so don't talk like that, hmm? Stop it, baby…"
"I can't help it! I'm sorry…"
"You know Donghyuck… I never wanted him for you. But I can see that you're so happy with him, that's why I never talked about it." Mama revealed, making me tilt my head. "And I feel so mad and sad about this. I also want to be mad at Mark, but I know that child—I know that Mark will verify these assumptions to clear the air, no matter what. But Donghyuck, even if it's his, I don't want you to hate him because I can see that he loves you, so much."
"I don't like it… I don't like the idea of him having a child with someone else!" I sob. "I can't take it."
"Do you love him?"
"Yes." I found it hard to breathe. "So much."
"Marriage isn't something that's always filled with happiness. Marriage comes with lots of malfunctions, problems and things like these could occur. But your love will bind you and love will fill the flaws of each other." Mama said softly and something in her words went straight to my heart. "I know it's hard. It feels unfair and I know you feel so betrayed but as long as you love him, you would want him and you know that wanting him, would mean wanting his past also. Wanting Mark means learning to love his past and whatever flaws he has."
"I-I know." I aggressively wiped my tears away using my palms.
"Donghyuck, you are very much aware of how Mark did the same to you right?" Mama smiled. "You know he's been very patient and loving with you despite your flaws and inability to love him just as much as he does, that's what you told me."
My ears twitched as those words fill my mind. Those words started clearing my chest and somehow, I felt free and burden was lifted off of my chest.
"M-Mama… What should I do?" I cried.
"Sleep and think over it." She kissed my forehead and let me sit up straight as she wiped my wet cheeks.
"What if I can't forgive—"
"Give it time… I'm sure you will because you know you love him."
Will love really fill the lacking? Wil love really mend us? What if it won't work? What if we really can't talk it over? What if the child would be the cause of our divorce? What if we're not really for each other?
"Shush with the what-if's love…" Mark's voice rang in my ears and I felt shivers. Dang, that was random but I liked it so much.
"I miss you, love…"