sunday.
The night before felt like a fever dream. Your body is sore and aching as you turn on your side to stretch. You peeked an eye open to see if Jungkook was still sleeping or if he fled for the hills, and like you expected, he was nowhere to be found.
The warmth from the sun shone through the blinds, but the room was icy and frigid. You lay on your back, facing the ceiling, bringing the duvet to cover your naked body. Endless questions race through your mind–how long did Jungkook stay? Did you snore? Did you look cute, at least, since it was your last night together. Was it a mistake? Should you have said no to him? But how could you? He was simply too irresistible, and you had missed him so much.
You groaned in frustration, pulling the duvet over your head, mentally kicking yourself for this weekend's events, especially last night. Stupid, stupid, stupid. You knew better than to give in, so instead, you blamed it on your hormones for making you so fucking horny.
Flipping the cover off, you were now searching for your undergarments and pajamas. You took one last look at yourself to make sure you were presentable, but you felt someone would point out the faint purple marks trailing down your neck and across your chest. You were always weak for Jungkook's mouth.
The noisy creak of the door didn't hide the fact you were quietly trying to sneak out, though you had nothing to hide because everyone knew what you and Jungkook did last night.
"Morning!" Taehyung's chipper voice echoed as you tried to tiptoe to the bathroom, making you halt and turn, walking towards the married couples gathered around the kitchen counter.
"Morning," your voice dragged on while you played with your hair, trying to cover up your neck. Hyunie waved you over, patting a seat in between her and Yuna.
"How'd you sleep?" Taehyung asked before taking a sip of his coffee. A smug smile and cocked eyebrow couldn't hide what he really wanted to ask of you.
Hyunie narrowed her eyes at her handsome but very nosey husband. Everyone had discussed beforehand that they wouldn't mention anything until you returned to Seoul.
You knitted your eyebrows, peering at everyone, who was all acting a bit weird around you. "It was fine," you uttered, rubbing the nape of your neck. "I am a bit sore, though."
"Yeah, I bet you are," Taehyung chortled, almost choking on his coffee.
"Kim Taehyung!" Hyunie quipped, letting go of you and practically ripping off her husband's arm, dragging him into the living room, the two arguing in hushed tones.
"What's going on with them?"
"Oh–I don't know. Lover's quarrel?" Yuna answered, pushing herself off of the stool. "Oof–" She balanced herself on your arm. Her basketball belly was now bigger than the rest of her body.
"Um, where's Jungkook?" You tried to ask as nonchalantly as possible, but you were sure everyone could feel the tension between you this past weekend. Namjoon gestured toward the window, and you saw a fluffy-haired Jungkook staring off into the distance like he normally does.
You walked past the quarreling couple and through the sliding glass door, making your way to your now ex-boyfriend–a phrase you thought you'd never have to utter.
Jungkook looked ethereal as the wind picked up and ruffled his long hair. He gazed up, flashing a small smile when you sat beside him. You wanted to know what he was thinking and how he felt, but did you even have the right to ask anymore?
Should you be the first one to break the silence? What would you even say?
Jungkook moved closer to you, his arm opening to wrap around you and pull you into his frame. You slid right into the crook of his neck, inhaling his fresh scent, small strands of his hair tickling your face, but you didn't mind—you just wanted to be close to him.
"Kook," you whispered, looking up at him.
He quietly shushed you. "I know, Y/n, I know. You don't have to say it." You held tighter onto his sweatshirt. "We won't forget each other, right? What we had?" he asked with a shaky breath, the sadness overwhelming him as he tried to swallow his tears.
How could you possibly forget him? You couldn't even if you tried. You wanted to extract core memories of the two of you and store them in a pensieve for safekeeping, so you could revisit them whenever you missed him, but magic isn't real, and the fairytale of you and him isn't either. You were just a writer caught up in your fantasies, living in daydreams, escaping reality, and projecting your hopes and dreams onto an imperfect person—what a fool you were.
You shook your head, burying it as close as you could into him,
"I will always love you," he murmured, lips trembling as he placed a kiss on your temple. "Bye, Y/n." He quickly stood, rushing off inside, leaving you alone.
You sucked your lips together to keep the aching, painful groan your body wanted to let out. You cupped your hand over your mouth, your eyes misty, tears threatening to fall, and when you closed your eyes, no matter how much your hands wiped away, it felt like a never-ending stream trickled down your cheeks.
Behind you, you could hear the glass door sliding open and feet shuffling. Yuna and Hyunie rushed to your side, hugging you tightly. Yuna cupped your face, wiping away your tears with her thumbs before pulling you into the crook of her neck. Hyunie kneeled before you, wrapping her arms around your frame.
"It's over, Yuna. It's really over." Your whole body shook, trying to hold in the scream aching to come out.
"Everything's gonna be okay," Yuna murmured, gently caressing your hair.
You forced a smile and nodded, humming, in response to her remark. "It hurts so much, Yuna. Make it stop," your lips quivered, the organ pumping blood throughout your body yearning, swelling, gnawing in anguish. You never imagined that breaking up with someone could hurt like this. A part of you never wanted to go through this again. Maybe it was easier to be alone and single for the rest of your life than to keep doing this.
The agonizing wail you let out stunned Namjoon and Taehyung as they watched Jungkook walk through the sliding door. It didn't faze Jungkook because he was feeling the same way. He wanted to scream, to throw something, but he had to keep his composure. Someone had to.
"Where are you going?" Namjoon asked, watching the young man stuff his things in his bag.
"Back to Seoul," Jungkook responded curtly without looking at his hyung, focused on the task.
"You're not flying back with us?" Taehyung questioned, trying to grab Jungkook's bag out of his hands, but Jungkook pulled away.
"I rebooked my flight. I have to go. I can't stay here," he answered, looking around to see if he had left anything else. He patted his pants pocket to ensure he had his phone and wallet.
"Jungkook–don't be so hasty. You need to calm down. Don't make rash decisions," Namjoon remarked, but he knew Jungkook wouldn't listen. He was always hot-headed when things didn't go his way.
"I'm fine. I just–I gotta go. I'm sorry, hyung." Jungkook peered at Namjoon before turning to Taehyung. "Congrats, man. I wish you and Hyunie all the best. I'll see you guys later."
He slung his bag over his shoulder and walked to the front door. He looked back again, seeing the disappointment on his friend's face. "Take care of Y/n, okay?" It was the last thing he said before leaving. He couldn't stay. It hurt too much to be in the same room as you, to pretend that everything was okay when his whole life was falling apart.
❤
Jungkook stepped into his apartment, which looked dreadful. Normally, it was neat and tidy, everything in its place, but the last few weeks without you had him spiraling—barely eating or sleeping, and when he did, he didn't care to throw away the take-out boxes or beer cans. Piles of dirty clothes mixed along clean. He didn't know which was what anymore.
He set his bag down, heading to his bedroom, head sinking into the pillow. What was he supposed to do with his life now? You were everything to him. You were so entrenched into every part of his life that he didn't know who he was without you.
The apartment was too quiet for his liking, so he turned on the one thing he enjoyed doing whenever he had the chance. He reached for the TV remote, looking for the perfect karaoke song, and without hesitation, he chose the song that had been stuck in his head for several days.
The soft tone of the piano hummed, the notes shifting back and forth as the song progressed. He sat in his darkened room, grabbed his karaoke mic, and began singing.
I'm in my bed and you're not here
He turned to look at your spot when you stayed over. He thought about the endless nights he'd have to start facing alone, how he'd miss the warmth of your body, your touch, or being greeted every morning by your soft smile and messy bedhead hair.
And there's no one to blame but the drink in my wandering hands
That was one thing he was missing now—a fucking drink. It was long overdue, and he needed one asap. Perhaps he could drown in his sorrows as he had for the past few weeks. It was easier to forget everything than to deal with his feelings, which continued to gnaw at him even when he wasn't drunk, and the breakup solidified his pain even further.
Forget what I said, it's not what I meant
And I can't take it back, I can't unpack the baggage you left
He thought long and hard about not giving up on you. How he wanted to take back not agreeing to the breakup. But how long could he have fought for you before it also wore him down? Wore you out? How, at the end of it, the two of you might grow to resent each other, perhaps even stop loving each other. He shook his head, not wanting that either.
What if I'm down? What if I'm out?
What if I'm someone I won't talk about?
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling
This wasn't his first time being heartbroken, but this one hurt like hell. This time, however, he had only himself to blame. He remembered the heartbreak around the time of Yuna and Namjoon's wedding when the two of you were caught by Yuna, and you broke it off without even including him in the conversation. It was like experiencing déjà vu all over again. You being unwavering in your decision.
Perhaps he could have fought longer and harder for you. Perhaps you wouldn't grow to dislike one another. Perhaps you'll come to forgive, love, and trust him again. And it might have been easier if he hadn't screwed up by kissing and touching Alex. He wished he had a time-turner to undo his mistakes, but magic isn't real, and he couldn't go back in time to change anything. Instead, he had to face the reality of his actions.
The piano instrumental continued to play in the background as he stared into the distance, his eyes glazed over, his gaze fixed on a red light reflecting off a building outside his window. The buzzing of his phone jolted him out of his reverie. He looked at the notification that was flashing in front of him.
Yuna 4:23 PM
YOU JUST LEFT LIKE THAT? WTH, KOOK! YOU DIDN'T EVEN SAY GOODBYE TO US!
He didn't bother to respond and went back to staring at the lyrics appearing before him on the screen.
And I get the feeling that you'll never need me again
And why would you, he thought. He was a shitty person for doing what he did. He was hopelessly, irrevocably in love with you, everything was going great, and he wanted to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you—that is, until one person came back into his life and threw all of his hopes and dreams into disarray.
Jungkook ran his hand through his hair before flinging the karaoke microphone at the television, narrowly missing it and knocking over a few of his figurines. His phone began to ring incessantly. He assumed his sister was calling to scold him again, but he wasn't in the mood to hear what she had to say. Should he just turn off his phone? Delete all his socials? There was nothing and no one to show off anymore. No one important to talk to if it wasn't you.
Honestly, he wanted to be left alone to wallow in self-pity. It's what he deserved, he reasoned. Then the option he was considering came back to haunt him. He had nothing left for him here, so the alternative was appealing. Starting over somewhere new seemed preferable to staying here. No one needed him; you clearly didn't want or need him. So, what's the point of sticking around?
❤
It was nearly nine o'clock at night. He had no idea he had fallen asleep. His TV screensaver was idly playing in the background, his phone was dead, and his stomach grumbled, telling him he had missed dinner.
Aimlessly, he walked into his kitchen, searching for a packet of ramen. Opening the pantry, he grabbed two. It seemed good enough since he didn't want to stuff himself before having to sleep again. He had an early morning the next day at work.
Jungkook was on autopilot. His body naturally rips the seasoning packet and stirs in the crispy ramen noodles until they soften. The boiling pot almost overflowed when he heard a sizzle hit the electric stovetop.
"Ah–shit." He quickly turned the knob and removed the pot, the metal handle scorching to the touch. "Fuck–fuck." He sucked in a breath, trying to fan the slight burn in his hand. The flushed, pink glow etched into a part of his skin. He looked closer, ensuring it wouldn't leave a mark, his thumb soothing it.
The discomfort from the burn brought him back to reality, reminding him that he was still alive, and that no matter how much he wanted to escape the truth, the two of you weren't together anymore. A part of him is still in denial. He didn't want to accept it. He refused to believe you wouldn't be a part of his life–at least not in the way he wanted.
Although his ramen was ready to be devoured, and he knew his body needed nourishment, it wouldn't satisfy him. Nothing ever would unless it was you.
❤
monday.
The weekend weighed heavily on his mind and body. The dark circles under his eyes indicated a lack of sleep. The constant tossing and turning, waking up to find no warm body next to him. He wasn't sure how much longer he could stand the constant ache in his chest before ripping out his own heart, which seemed easier that way.
Jungkook walked up to the stand-alone mirror in the corner of his room, unsure of who the man in the mirror was, but regardless it didn't matter because he couldn't avoid his job responsibilities forever.
The courtesy greetings from his colleagues went by unacknowledged as he beelined to his office. He'd apologize for actions later. He wanted to avoid interactions with others as much as he could. Thankfully his day wasn't filled with meetings. Instead, it'd be filled with one of his first loves, drawing.
Pings from his work monitor would come through every now and again, but he ignored them. Drawing helped keep his mind off everything for a little bit.
As he was immersed in drawing a character for this new game, the ringtone rang through his speakers, interrupting his concentration. He clicked on the answer button, "Hey, boss."
Jungkook-ssi, can you come to my office? I'd like to talk to you about something.
"Sure, I'll be right there." He set down his drawing stylus before rolling away in his chair to stand.
The halls of the company seemed smaller, the lights felt dimmer, or was he projecting his feelings into every place he went into? He peered in his boss' side window, lightly knocking before receiving the 'okay' to come in.
"Ah, Jungkook! It's good to see you." Mr. Kang rose to his feet, walking to greet Jungkook. "Please, please, have a seat." Mr. Kang gestured to a chair in front of his desk, a layout similar to Jungkook's.
He laced his fingers together and sat them in his lap, a thin smile on his face. "Did you want to see me?"
"Oh, yes!" Mr. Kang sat down, tugging on his suit jacket. "I'd like to speak with you about the position of Lead Game Developer in Los Angeles. You've made great strides in your time here, and I've only heard positive things about you from your colleagues and investors." Jungkook's lips thinned. "As much as I would hate to lose you here, I think you would be a great asset to the team in California. I would like to recommend you to take the position."
Jungkook's first thought was no. One, because of Alex. Would he have to work closely with her? Would it be like college all over again? What would you think if he were to leave? Then he remembered that the two of you had broken up. Would it really matter if he were to leave?
"Right now, before you say no. I'd appreciate it if you could consider it. Consider your career and the things you'd be able to accomplish in this position. As I previously stated, you'd be an excellent addition to the team, and I believe you'd be able to contribute innovative ideas. They're struggling, believe me." Mr. Kang gave a nervous laugh. "I know it's abrupt, but think about it, okay?"
Out of courtesy to his boss, Jungkook would, in fact, think about it. It was like an angel and a devil on his shoulder, bickering back and forth with one another. Stay. Go. No, stay. Just go. What else do you have here? Stay, Jungkook; you still have your family and friends. Oh yeah, but he no longer has a girlfriend, so what's the point?
"Jungkook?" Mr. Kang interrupted the argument mentally, happening inside his head.
He cleared his throat. "Uh, yes. I'll think about it and let you know soon. I promise."
"Ah, great!" Mr. Kang flashed a smile. "Now, I'm sure you're busy and have many things to do. So please, don't let me keep you any further."
Jungkook stood, bowing to his boss before exiting his office. He hadn't considered leaving, but the devil on his shoulder made a good point–he didn't have a girlfriend anymore, so nothing held him back.
❤
Throughout the rest of the day at work, meeting with his boss was the only thing on his mind. He tossed around the idea of leaving. He even liked the idea of starting fresh, starting new. Being in a new city where no one knew him or his history. He could be anyone he wanted without all of the baggage lying around.
But then there was Alex. What would he do about her? He didn't want to be anywhere near her, alone in the same room. Maybe he could avoid her at all costs somehow while at work?
And then, there was also the advancement of his career. It's not like there was a vacant position at his company now. He didn't know when the opportunity would arise again. Would he stay stagnant in his job now? He could look for a new job, but he liked the company he was with.
Decisions, decisions, he thought as he sipped his whiskey. Instead of heading straight home after work, he stopped at a bar. His usual choice of beer was overstepped by whiskey, already his third one of the night. He held the glass, one eye closed, trying to figure out how much he had left. He raised his hand to order another, but the bartender politely informed him that they had to cut him off and would gladly call a taxi for him.
Jungkook rolled his eyes and groaned. Fine, he'll just drink somewhere else.
And somewhere along the way, he ended up at Jin's house. He had the option of going home, but he didn't want to be alone tonight. He rang the button several times before Jin answered, squinting at the small, hazy screen in front of him.
"Jungkook-ah, what are you doing here?"
"Hyung," he paused, holding his hand to his mouth, hoping not to throw up. "I need to pee."
"Ay–" Jin began muttering curses under his breath as he buzzed Jungkook in. He ran to the front door, catching Jungkook as he tripped through the threshold. "Jeez–are you drunk?"
Jungkook hummed, looking up at Jin. "You're so smart," he said, booping Jin's nose, making him pull away from Jungkook's touch.
Jin slung Jungkook's arm over his shoulders, holding him up, and dragging him to the couch. "Yah–yah–don't puke on my couch. I just got it," he asserted, laying Jungkook across the seat.
Jungkook groaned, curling into a fetal position with his eyes closed. "Hyung, I smell chicken. Did you get chicken? I'm hungry."
He blinked at the young man lying on his couch. "Yes, there's chicken. I was about to eat when I was rudely interrupted."
"Feed me, please."
"What are you? A baby? Feed yourself."
The young man pouted and whined, saying he would puke if he had to sit up.
"Fine. Fine. Jeez–man," Jin huffed, handing him a piece of fried chicken. "Why the hell are you drunk on a Monday, anyway?"
"You didn't hear?"
"Hear what?"
"About Y/n and me. We broke up."
Well, considering he wasn't at the weekend festivities. No one would have thought to call him to catch up with him. Jin put down his chicken wing and looked at the heartbroken man. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I know how much you loved her."
"No–love. I still love her," Jungkook corrected him. It hurt to love you, but he had been in love with you for too long to let go so easily.
"Okay–man, no one is arguing that you don't. Okay, so you still love her. Is that why you're drunk? To drown in your sorrows?"
Jungkook gave a nod. "It's a part of it." He stopped to take a bite of the chicken. "I think I might take that job in LA, the lead game developer position." He'd been thinking about it all day, ever since his meeting with Mr. Kang.
Jin's eyes widened and he nearly choked on his chicken. "You're drunk. That's why you're saying this, right?" The job discussion wasn't new; the position had been buzzing around the office since Alex arrived about who would be the best person for the job, and Jungkook's name was at the top of the list of candidates.
Jungkook shook his head. "Tipsy? Yes. Drunk? Getting there."
"Do you think that's the best decision to make right now?" Jin kept staring at the young man. He'd never leave, right? He couldn't imagine how angry Yuna would be, and he didn't want to think about how you'd be feeling.
"Hyung–tell me, how am I supposed to continue my life right now? How can I be in the same room as the woman I love but not be with her? How can I smile and pretend everything's okay?"
Jin shrugged. He'd never been in such a situation, but he knew leaving wasn't the right answer. "Please tell me this is a joke. You're not really going to leave. Are you?" Jungkook didn't respond, leaving Jin to think otherwise. "I'm going to tell you this right now. If you do, you'll regret it."
Everyone already disliked him, he reasoned. What would the difference be? At the very least, he'd be free of the whispers and side glances. At the very least, he wouldn't have to avoid social gatherings and hangouts.
"I've already caused so much damage. What's one more thing?" Jungkook was entering his destructive era, and no one could stop him.
Jin shook his head. "Don't do it, man. Trust me." He had already seen how much Alex had done to destroy Jungkook's relationship. He didn't want to see his friend continue on this path.
"I have to."
"Why?" Jin set down his chicken on the plate in front of him. "Why do you have to do it?" Jin huffed, anger rising in his chest, shaking his head in frustration.
"How am I supposed to watch Y/n move on? Be happy when it's not me making her happy? And when she finds someone else? What? Should I be fucking glad? Congratulate her? Be friends with the guy?"
Everyone handles break-ups differently, and Jungkook had seen his fair share through Jimin and Taehyung, but this was one he hadn't expected to see.
"It's your life, Jungkook-ah, but understand that your choice will hurt others, and you'll have to live with that."
The pain aching in his heart was consuming him from the inside out. He saw no other way to handle this but to leave and not face the concerns of his family, friends, and you. "I just–I need time away from everyone, everything to figure things out on my own."
Jin pinched the bridge of his nose before looking at Jungkook. No matter how much he argued with him, he felt Jungkook had already decided.
❤
wednesday.
Being on set was a welcome distraction from everything that had happened with Jungkook since returning from the wedding weekend. However, your doctor's appointment today brought you back to reality.
"Hi, Y/n. "Nice to see you again," Dr. Kim said cheerfully as she sat beside you. She started looking through your chart. "So, I see here. You came in because you suspected you were pregnant?"
You nodded, thinning your lips.
"We tested your hCG levels, and they were negative, and it was noted here that you were experiencing pregnancy symptoms?" You hummed in response to her words. "Given your previous pregnancy. You were most likely experiencing Pseudocyesis, also known as a phantom pregnancy."
"Oh, um, I guess that makes sense."
Dr. Kim flashed a courtesy smile, which you hated when she did that. "I'll still perform a pelvic exam and ultrasound to confirm."
The pelvic exam and ultrasound confirmed that there was no fetus growing in your uterus. Part of you was relieved, and part of you was disappointed. Would you have loved to carry Jungkook's child? Yes, absolutely. But not in the circumstances you were in. Your child deserved better than what was happening to you and Jungkook.
"Do you have any questions for me?"
"Will I ever be able to get pregnant?" Since your miscarriage, the question had been bothering you. You'd heard of friends getting pregnant again after miscarriages, but you just wanted to know if it was possible for you when the time came.
Another polite smile curved across her lips. "We can definitely talk through some fertility treatments if you'd like, and I would also like to do more testing, but I won't say yes or no to the possibility of you ever becoming pregnant. I've witnessed miraculous things in my career as a doctor."
You hummed at her response, unsure whether to be happy or sad. Given that life had always given you lemons, it didn't appear that you'd be making lemonade anytime soon.
"Do you have any other questions? Would you like for me to set up a time for us to discuss fertility treatments?"
You shook your head. "I think I'm okay for now."
❤
"Babe, you are so depressing to look at."
You'd always admired Hyunie's candor, which is why she was sitting in your writer's room right now. She opened her arms wide, urging you to hug her, which you did. Did your expression really say it all? How depressed were you after your breakup?
"How'd your appointment go? What did the doctor say?"
"Not pregnant," you replied, pulling away from her and sitting in the chair marked with your name.
"Ah–I'm sorry, babe. I can't imagine how hard this is for you."
You shrugged, starting to flip through the script in front of you. "It is what it is," your lips thinned before returning to the script.
Hyunie sat next to you, giving you the most pitiful look. "Come over tonight. Have dinner with me and Tae. It'll help get your mind off of things."
"No, no. I don't think I'll be a good company to have around."
She nudged you, trying to get you to look at her. "You shouldn't be alone. You need people, plus I'm worried about you."
It's only been two days since the weekend, and you thought you were fine. You had cried for two days, but that's beside the point. You were fine for the time being. "I'm fine, Hyunie. I swear I'm not going to jump off a cliff or anything."
"Ha-ha," she laughed dryly. "Very funny, but you're coming home with me for dinner whether you like it or not."
❤
Hyunie let you choose tonight's dinner–pasta and wine. The craving for carbs was strong. Your go-to dish was a creamy sun-dried tomato pasta paired with a French merlot that was so fancy that you didn't even try to pronounce the name.
Dinner was fairly uneventful due to your lack of conversation. You didn't mind hearing Hyunie and Taehyung argue about where they should live. Taehyung insisted on a new location, but Hyunie disagreed. She was in love with her apartment. It was close to many of her favorite restaurants and boutiques. They made you think of Yuna and Namjoon.
Taehyung's gaze shifted to his wife before settling on you as he pushed the last of your pasta around on your plate. He sipped his wine before clearing his throat. "Are we going to discuss the elephant in the room?" Hyunie nudged him. "What?" When he looks at her, she kicks him beneath the table.
You knitted your eyebrows in confusion at the bickering couple before you. "Hmm? I have no idea what you're talking about."
Taehyung scoffs, "You kind of dropped a bomb on Jungkook and us this past weekend."
"What do you mean?"
He glared at his wife, and she gave him a 'shut up, don't say anything' look. "I guess no one told you?" He cocked an eyebrow while holding his glass of wine, taking a sip of it.
You pouted. "Told me what?"
"That we heard everything you and Jungkook talked about–your pregnancy, you guys fucking."
You dropped your fork against your almost empty plate. "I'm sorry, what?" You turned to Hyunie to confirm, but she looked away. "Did you guys really hear everything?" Oh god–fuck.
"Yup," Taehyung answered with a mouth full of pasta. "Heard everything. It was kind of sad, but also made me very horny at the same time." He stopped to look at you. "Y'all are fucking nasty. I mean–I kind of figured you guys were, but damn."
Hyunie smacked his shoulder. "Ow–what? It's true. Don't tell me we didn't have amazing sex later." He wiggled his eyebrows, trying to lighten the mood, but he was honestly the worst at reading the room.
She rolled her eyes. "We did–we heard everything. I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner. We just didn't know how to tell you."
"What about Namjoon and Yuna? Did they hear everything too?" The married couple nodded. Your eyes darted between the two. "Wait, were you guys all in one room or something?"
Taehyung grumbled. "Ugh, don't fucking remind me. I was so hungry—" Hyunie hit him again.
"Babe, that's not important right now," she said, gritting her teeth. She pretended to lunge at him again, making him flinch back. "Anyway," she turned to you, "Are you okay?"
You shrugged. "I will be." One day, you finished the sentence in your head. It could be days, weeks, months, maybe years before you'd be okay again.
❤
You thanked Hyunie and Taehyung for dinner and for keeping you company. You were sure there would be more dinner dates to come in the future.
Hyunie pulled you aside as you slipped on your jacket. "You still love him, huh?" She cupped your cheek.
The corners of your mouth are slightly curved up. "I can't imagine the day when I won't," you muttered, leaning for a hug. "Thanks again for dinner."
"Anytime, love. You're always welcome here." She hugged you again before you had to pry her off of you.
When you opened the door, a man stood before you, ready to knock. "Oh–uh–Hyunie, Tae. There's someone at the door for you."
Taehyung sprinted towards you, holding onto the door. "Ah–hyung!"
Hyunie slid towards her husband, seeing who the guest was. "Yoongi!" She leaned forward, pulling him in for a hug.
You dipped your head to bow at the man, flashing a tight-lipped smile, slipping past him. You turned back to bid farewell again, then walked toward the elevator.
The wind picked up as you stood outside their apartment complex, forcing you to wrap your arms around yourself. You fished around in your bag for your phone, illuminating the screen to see how far away your taxi was. Seven minutes.
"It's chilly tonight," a voice chimed in from behind. You looked over to see the man you had just seen upstairs.
You hummed. "Yeah, it's pretty cold."
"Sorry, I'm really bad at small talk," he said with a gummy smile.
You laughed. "No worries. I'm really bad at it too." He threaded his hand through his long hair before folding his arms, trying to keep himself warm. "I'm Y/n, by the way, a friend of Hyunie and Taehyung's," you said, extending your hand for him to shake.
"Yoongi," he stated, reciprocating the handshake, "friend of Taehyung's."
"You don't seem like the type of guy he'd be friends with."
Yoongi grinned. "You're absolutely correct. We know each other through work," he explained, stuffing his hands into his pants pocket.
"Ah–that makes more sense now." A buzz from your phone interrupted your train of thought. You blinked and scoffed at the notification. "Well, there goes my ride for the night," you muttered, scrolling through the app again to find another taxi.
"You need a ride home?"
"Oh–no, no. Don't worry about me."
"Where do you live? I can just drop you off. My car is over there." He gestured to an all-black SUV parked a few cars away.
You hardly knew the guy. Should you be getting into cars with strangers at night?
"I promise I'm not a serial killer or anything."
"Isn't that what all serial killers say?" You turned to him, cocking an eyebrow.
He let out a low chuckle and nodded. "You're right. It's probably safer to get into a taxi. At least they can track your last location through the app."
"See–that right there is evidence that you're a serial killer. You probably thought this through, haven't you?"
"Mm, you are correct again. I've been in too many conversations with writers and directors to know how to think like a serial killer."
Oh–this man was intriguing, to say the least. Maybe you should get into the car with him. "You know what? I will take that ride from you if that's okay."
"Yeah–yeah, of course. I offered," he beamed another gummy smile.
The two of you began chit-chatting while walking to the car, and like a gentleman, he even opened and closed the door for you.
❤
Jungkook sat in the driver's seat, watching you get into a car with an unknown man. He clenched his jaw and gripped his steering wheel tightly. You were beaming from ear to ear and even laughing. He'd do anything to hear you laugh again. But as he had feared, he couldn't do this. He couldn't stand seeing you with another person, making you do everything he used to do. He didn't want to imagine someone else making you whine and moan or making you come with their touch. It was seeing you with him that made him make his decision. He was going to leave.
❤
a week later.
For the past few days, the angel and devil on Jungkook's shoulders had been fighting nonstop. Both of them made valid points, but he couldn't get the image of you and that unknown man smiling and laughing out of his head. Someone else producing those emotions and expressions out of you. He was supposed to be the cause of your euphoria, not another man.
After seeing you get into a car with that man the next day at work, he told his boss he'd take the job in LA. It would be a fresh start for him—a new city to re-discover, a new apartment to furnish because it would be devoid of memories of you and him. This was good, he thought, but now he just had to face his sister's wrath.
❤
Jungkook placed the box containing your and his memories on the ground before pressing the button on Yuna's keypad to unlock the door. He picked up the box again, holding the door open with his foot and kicking it open so he could fit.
"Noona? Hyung?"
"Jungkookie?"
Yuna's voice was distant as he removed his shoes, shuffling through their hallway. He stood, holding the box in his arms, searching for a spot to place it.
She walked out of the room in a robe barely covering her pregnant belly. "What's that?" She gestured to the box.
"Can you give these to Y/n whenever you see her?"
"Why can't you do it?"
"You know why I can't."
Yuna cast a glance at her younger brother. "It's not difficult to say, 'Here are some of your things back.'" He pressed his lips together. He fully grasped why he couldn't do it. "What? "Are you worried you'll sleep with her again?" Yuna knew it was just goodbye sex, but she also knew how easily they could fall back into old habits if they wanted to.
Jungkook tilted his head, knitting his eyebrows, as he set down the box. "You guys–heard us?"
"Yeah, it was kind of hard not to when we're all in the same house." She gave him the once-over, quietly judging him.
Namjoon popped up from the couch on which he was taking a nap. "Hey man," he groaned while rubbing his eyes. "What's all this?" He asked, referring to the surprise visit.
"I just wanted to drop some things off," he paused, eyes darting from his sister to his brother-in-law. "And tell you guys I'm leaving."
"You just got here, though?" Namjoon mentioned with a confused look on his face. "You don't want to stay for dinner or something?"
The words he wanted to say were hitched in his throat. He knew how much this conversation would hurt them. "I, um, no–I mean. I'm leaving, leaving. I'm moving."
"To a new apartment or something?" Yuna was as confused as her husband.
He just had to spit it out, one way or another. "I'm moving to LA."
"LA? What the fuck is in LA?" Yuna quipped, moving closer toward him, mouth agape, ready to throw hands.
"Jagi–" Namjoon cried out.
She glared at him. "Stay out of this, Joonie! This is between my brother and me." She closed her eyes, taking a breath.
"A job is in LA."
"Job? What job? Why is this the first time I'm hearing about this?"
Well, to be honest. A lot has happened in the past few weeks–with him, you, them, and the baby. He never really told anyone about what Alex mentioned to him. He cleared his throat, "Because I didn't tell anyone about it."
Yuna clenched her fists. "Why?"
Jungkook hesitates, avoiding both of their gazes, and focuses on a loose string coming from his toe socks. "Because–I'll be working with–Alex," he mumbles in the last part.
Yuna tips her ear to him. "I'm sorry. What did you say? Don't tell me you said what I think you said, Jungkookie." The silence in the air was deafening. "So, let me get this straight. You're leaving and running straight into the bitch's arms? What the fuck are you thinking?"
Namjoon turned to her, eyes wide. "Jagi! Language!" Yuna stared blankly at her husband, waving his comment off.
"You wouldn't understand."
"Understand what, exactly? You're running away to the one person who broke up you and Y/n. Does she know?"
"It's not like that," Jungkook explains. When he was alone, his reasoning made sense, but when he was with his sister, everything became jumbled. He sighed and took a seat beside Namjoon, and Yuna followed. "I'm not going back for Alex. It is a job that will help me advance in my career."
Yuna shifted her gaze away from him and folded her arms, allowing them to rest on her belly. "I hate you," she pouted, knowing full well that she didn't, but felt compelled to say it. Then she became bold and turned to Jungkook. Her eyes glistened and her lips quivered as the corners of her mouth turned down. "I hate you." She shoved him and repeated, "I hate you," until Jungkook drew her in for a hug.
Her body was trembling as she sobbed into his chest. Namjoon leaned over and gently rubbed her stomach to calm her down. Yuna gathered herself and looked up at her baby brother. "She'll never forgive you, you know. If you leave without saying goodbye."
Jungkook understood this and was ready to face the reality of his decisions. "I can't face Y/n. Do you know how painful these last few weeks have been?"
Yuna wiped the tears streaming down her cheeks. "Then fight the pain. Fight it every day. But don't do this, Kookie, don't just run away, thinking it'll solve your problems."
"I'm sorry, Noona, but I've already fought it long enough. I don't know how much more I can take." Jungkook was the loyal type, never not one to give up so easily, but the situation's circumstances weren't one he could change. It would take two to tango, and you didn't want to tango anymore.
"I don't want you to go," Yuna pleaded. "Please, just stay." She knew she couldn't convince him, but it was worth a shot to try. Yuna turned to Namjoon. "Tell him, Joon. Tell him to stay."
Namjoon was heartbroken by this situation for you and Jungkook. He thought the two of you deserved better. Would he have preferred that you two fought longer and harder to stay together? Of course, but it wasn't his place to persuade either of you otherwise. As much as he wanted to agree with his wife, he knew Jungkook's decision was final.
"Jungkook-ah, I know you're hurting, and I know you've probably thought about this decision long and hard, and I'm not saying your decision is right or wrong, but I hope you focus on yourself and grow and learn from everything that's happened while you're away."
Yuna knew Namjoon was right, but she was too stubborn to believe him. She didn't want to lose her little brother, even though she knew she wouldn't. She wanted to be there for him and support him, but she knew it would be difficult if you were still there. Either way, this played out, Yuna had to accept that she would lose someone through it all.
"When are you leaving?" Yuna asked with a shaky voice.
"Tomorrow."
❤
the next day.
Yuna 9:27 AM
Dinner and a movie tonight? Before I'm swimming in diapers and get no sleep?
9:30 AM
😂 Sure, I'll see you tonight? 6 PM? I'll bring the ice cream.
Yuna 9:32 AM
See you then. 💖
❤
Yuna had been thinking about how she would break the news to you ever since Jungkook announced he was leaving. She was still frustrated and angry with Jungkook for leaving it up to her to tell you, and she had been complaining to Namjoon all night and day, but she was trying her hardest to put herself in the shoes of her baby brother.
Namjoon stayed late in the office tonight, leaving the two of you to hang out. He reasoned that you needed your best friend as much as possible before their baby sprout arrived.
You two talked about random nonsense, just like you used to. You told her about Kenji, whom you had to keep away from any walking, breathing woman while on set. Despite the fact that you admired his vision and brain for your project, there must be some imbalance.
As usual, dinner was delicious. When Yuna's arms couldn't reach past her belly, she decided to stop cooking, which you thought was a good idea because you didn't want Namjoon to burn down the house before the baby arrived.
Tonight's option was a classic '90s rom-com, While You Were Sleeping, a film the two of you often opted to watch when you couldn't decide.
"Ah–my favorite scene is coming up!" you beamed, reaching for the Melona ice cream bar, unwrapping the covering, and getting a fresh taste of the mango flavor. You looked over and offered Yuna a taste, but she objected. You shrugged, "Suit yourself."
The chaotic family made you chuckle, your nose scrunching at how cute they were. You wished you had a chaotic family, well, chaotic in a loving way, not in a dramatic, fucked up way. You sat against the couch's back cushion, staring at Yuna, whose eyes were glazed over and ready to burst into tears. "Is everything all right? "What's wrong?" you wondered, because you hadn't reached the sad part of the movie yet.
"Jungkook's gone."
You blinked aimlessly at her cryptic words. "What do you mean?"
"He's gone, Y/n. He left for California."
Your mouth moved, but no words were uttered. You didn't know what to think or say. You shook your head, a puzzled expression on your face. "No, he would've said goodbye." The baffled expression gave way to a sorrowful one. Your mind was racing with ideas, trying to convince yourself that Jungkook wasn't the type to leave without saying anything.
"He told us goodbye yesterday, and he left today. He got a new position at the company headquarters in LA."
LA. LA? LA!
Alex was the only thing waiting for him in LA. Your chest rose with rapid breathing as you attempted to make sense of everything. Your heart was racing so fast that you thought it would stop at any moment. "I–I sent him straight into Alex's arms, right? Is that why she was here? To take him away from me?"
You covered your mouth with your hand, trying to keep the agony from escaping your body. You started looking around frantically for your phone. "I–I should call him." Your hands shook as you searched for his name. "I need to tell him I was stupid for breaking up with him," you sniffled, then hunched forward, threading your hand through your hair. "Oh god–Yuna. Oh god–what am I gonna do? What have I done?"
The confrontation with Alex came to mind. The despicable things she was saying about you and him. How could he think that leaving would be better than staying here? What about Yuna? Namjoon? Hyunie and Taehyung? What about his soon-to-be-born niece? He must have been in such pain that he was willing to abandon his entire life.
"Babe–it's too late. There's nothing you could've done to change his mind."
You rose to your feet. "No, you're wrong. I need to see him. I need to do something, anything. I'll forgive him and tell him I love him, and maybe he'll stay," you explained, rushing to slip your shoes on.
"He's already gone, Y/n." Yuna stands, walking over to you. She held onto your arm. "Could you have really forgiven him for what he did?"
Maybe you could've forgiven him with time, but you didn't know. You wiped the tears from your cheeks. "Eventually, I could've." She enveloped you in her arms, and you leaned into her. "I'm so stupid, Yuna." You continued to berate yourself as you hugged her, silent tears running down quietly.
She reassured you that everything would be okay and that you were not stupid. "It doesn't feel like right now, but it will be. I promise. You have me, Namjoon, Hyunie, Taehyung, and Jin. You have so many people who love you and will support you. You're not alone. Okay?"
❤
earlier the same afternoon.
"Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Minji, and I'm your chief flight attendant. On behalf of Captain Kim and the entire crew of Korean Air, we welcome you on board flight 613, a non-stop service from Seoul to Los Angeles, California. Our flight time will be eleven hours and forty-six minutes–"
Jungkook continued to stare out the window, watching luggage carts pass by. Returning to LA reminded him of college, only this time he was a completely different person. Someone who has matured a little and has loved a lot.
He'd figure out what to do about Alex and how to avoid her eventually, but for now, he was confident with his decision. Jungkook understood he'd taken the easy route. He had the option of staying. He could have tried to avoid being around you, pretended to be happy, and faked a smile despite the pain, but what would be the point? Perhaps it was better this way, to be truly apart from one another, to grow up a little, to try new things, new people, and new routines instead of the old ones like morning breath kisses or breakfast in bed, dropping off lunch, late night snacks, or 3 a.m. sex. But here's the thing: he liked the old routines, he didn't want new ones, he didn't want to try new things, meet new people—he wanted you, but he couldn't have you, and that was the most painful part for him.
After his almost twelve-hour flight, he was disoriented when he woke up. Everything felt like a bad nightmare that he couldn't wake up from.
He looked outside, the clouds covered the sky, but he could see glimpses of city life below. A familiar city he'd call home again.
When he finally exited the plane, he sat in an empty area for a minute. His anxiety began to flare; the devil on his shoulder no longer had control. Instead, the voice of reason came back. Shit–what the fuck? This is stupid; what the hell am I doing? He thought.
Several buzzes came from his phone since he had some cell service. He had ignored calls from everyone the day before, so he was sure there would be missed calls and texts. There were several missed texts from Yuna, Taehyung, and Jin. He immediately ignored those because he was looking for the one name that he really wanted to see–yours.
And he found it. No text. Just one missed call and a voicemail. He reluctantly pressed the button, letting it play.
Hey–it's me. I wanted to let you know that I'm not mad at you for leaving–I'm a little hurt, but I understand why you had to do it. I don't hate you or anything. I don't think I ever could–um, but that's beside the point–oh, god–now I feel stupid, and I don't know why I called. Um–I'm sure you know this already, but, um, I'll always be rooting for you, and I hope nothing but the best for you. Yeah, um, bye.
Click.
a/n:
oh, um hi!! i'm dropping some angst before i drop some fluffy yoongi in the next few days lol. err--i know i know!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE HE LEFT TOO. i'm going to go hide now, but please vote, leave comments, come yell at me on tumblr. love you all <3