What good am I this way? Huh? Why couldn't you just kill me instead? This isn't the first time I have thought these morbid thoughts. It's a sad thing think that I preferred death to living, but doing nothing all day, every day, for days on end. It makes life seem pointless. As if there is no real point to anyone's life. My parents were both killed and poof, gone forever. When I'm dead or even if I wake up, I will be the only one that remembers them when I'm gone. Everyone else has already moved on with their lives from that morning, but I will never forget the blood that stained my hands. How the deep red stained my blue dress. I will never forget all the warmth that drained out of my face as I watched my mother fade away from me. Her eye lids fluttered to a halt and her lip dripped with blood. A final cough of defeat spurred blood on me and I went cold. How the blood had stuck to my skin and I didn't want to wipe it off. It was all I had left of them. How I kicked and screamed, pushed off anyone that came near me. I never wanted to be touched, to be loved again if I didn't have my parents. I remember walking away from the church and thinking it is such a cruel place. I remember asking God to bring them back, to bring them all back. I remember everyday how he let me down, and how he continues to let me down.
***********
Night drew me into a dream, a memory, my mind replayed the morning over again, always leaving me helpless and alone.
"You can't take this from me, you can't have them, not again!" Almost every night I wake up screaming or shaking. Mitch always runs in and tries to calm me back down.
"A story," he recommends and tries and help me fall back asleep. No matter how many stories or songs, I am always too scared to close my eyes.
"I don't want to see the face that took them from me." I whine.
"It's gonna be okay Harriet,," he says, "I won't let anyone hurt you." He gives me a tight hug and continues the story. I must have drifted off because when I wake, the sun is up and I am back in my cot, and Mitch lays fast asleep in his.
"Morning Harriet," Darius says hesitantly, "you get back to sleep last night?" I give a small tired nod and pick at the eggs he sets in front of me. "I heard you screamin' but I heard Mitch get up to help, and I didn't want to disturb."
"I love Mitch," I state plainly
"I know you do," he says twiddling with his toast, "and he loves you too."
"I love you as well Darius," I add quickly.
"And I, you Harriet." We stay quiet for a long while as Darius eats his food, I stare blankly at mine. Finally the sound of chewing and forks scraping across plates came to a halt when Mitch comes in, all smiles.
"Good morning beautiful people!" He announces and hugs me from behind and gives Darius a hug and peak on the head. Swiveling into his seat, he immediately starts shoveling food in his mouth. "So Harriet, I think it's about time we go hunting."
"Hunting?" I look up to him. He's still chewing so his words sound distant.
"Yes," he says his Adams apple bobbing.
"Hunting for what? I don't hunt," I don't like to leave the house much since the accident and Mitch knows this.
"Hunting for the monster that haunts your dreams." He states this so clearly, as if it was the most logical thing to say and do. "It is such a beautiful day it would be a shame to miss it." I stare at him longer trying to figure out if he is joking but, he doesn't show signs of humor, just honest to goodness trying to help. "Face your demon Harriet. I'm here to help you." Face my demons, he's not thinking clearly, he didn't get enough sleep. "Now come on, eat up! We got a big day planned." He forks down the rest of his food and rushes off to get changed. He's serious, I look to Daruis for help, but he just shrugs and clears his plate. I finish my eggs and get changed as fast as I can. I hear Mitch and his dad talking, but it only sounds of illegible syllables, but I think they are talking of me.
"All right Mitch so, where we going? How are we going to find this demon?" He stops and I stumble on me feet trying not to step on him. He looks at me, determination in his eyes "put on your coat," he says, "and give me that Apple, maybe two or three. I'll be hungry, we're going to be gone a very long time."
"What do you mean we're gonna be gone a very long time? I don't like being out late I don't like being out at all. Mitch you know this!"
"Yes, I know. Which is why we're going to be gone a while. We are going to stay probably passed lunch and if not I will get hungry anyways. We are going to find your demon and kill it." His words are strong and fierce. He looks as though he is really ready to fight the thing that hurt me most. I don't think I can love him more than right now.
"OK mitch whatever you say."
"Come on now, this way. We must get going before all the demons are out of everyone, wouldn't want them getting confused with your demon. Only want have one kill on my conscience for now."
"Ha, ha," I say dryly as we move through the town and into a little forest. "My demon is in the park?" I question, stopping, looking at all the trees and shadowy figures with in them.
"No don't be ridiculous." I didn't know I was the one being ridiculous in this situation I think as Mitch continues. "The park is for children to play but," he spins towards me jumping up, hands shaped like claws, his face askew. "The forest," he crouches down further and looks me straight in the eyes. His voice goes deeper and darker, he tries to make himself sound scary, horrified even. Like what he does with his stories that he tells me, acting out the characters in the book. "We shall find the darkest demon with in the forest, capture it, kill it and you shall be avenged." I can't help but laugh and laugh I almost topple over laughing.
"Mitch, you can't be serious! I don't know how to fight and I don't think my demon is an actual living thing... that we could even catch and kill." He sounds insulted, as though I am doubting his genius.
"I will prove it to you. We will find this demon and you are to slay it yourself." He looks fierce as he jumps off the boulder near the edge of the tree line. "Come on Har, give a smile, you are about to be a hero."
"Very encouraging," I say and look into the shadows, "you are going to help, right?"
"Of course, you are never alone, because you got me." We start off into the forest, my confidence of this fake adventure drifting. As if Mitch was reading my mind he says, "Harriet what does your demon look like?"
"I don't know, I hadn't really thought of it. It is just a dark shadowy figure, always. I never see his face, he is just tall and thin and he horrifies me, he terrifies me Mitch." He must see the pain in me as I try to find the words to describe the monster.
"I had a demon once," he says and it catches me off guard. He is always so brave, so strong, so encouraging and courageous; he never seems to be scared of anything.
"What do you mean you once had a demon? You able to get rid of yours?"
"I had a demon when my mom had cancer. I screamed and cursed the demon every day and night." He can't look at me as he speaks, I know his mother is a topic we avoid. "I prayed to God to let her live, to cure her, to fix her, to do anything." He swipes at his face trying to stay brave, but he is slowly breaking. "But it didn't work, she died and there was nothing I could do." He rushes through his words knowing the pain behind it. I see more tears trying to escape Mitch's eye but he swipes them away. "I had nightmares just like you. I had nightmares that the demon would come and take my father next." He turns slightly back towards the direction of the house, as if speaking the words might draw the demon back out, to kill someone else. "Then me, or you. And I can't lose either of you." His teeth pull at his lips, gnawing away at the emotion. I can see that the talk of his demon is too much for him to handle, but I still want to know how he got rid of his.
"You don't have to tell me, if it's too hard." I reach a small hand out to him, unable to figure out how to comfort him. "I know how distraught you were over her death," he stops me and put his hands on my shoulders.
"You were there for me, you were my rock, let me be yours." I give a small nod and walk deeper into the forest and out of the park. "I defeated my demon" he starts again. "But it doesn't mean that other smaller demons don't try and take away my hope my faith."
"How do you keep them away?" The question slips out before I even have time to think, he stops again and looks around.
"God," He says simply, and I open my mouth to protest. Why would God let her die? Why have so much faith if he let all these bad things happen to us? I want to scream, to argue reason into Mitch but instead I shrivel back. "I think," he turns in a slow circle. "This is the spot," he says, "this is where you will get your life back."