I'm fiddling with BoBo in the back seat of the car. For the most part, Kingston makes me leave BoBo at home, but because I was extra stressed out about my therapy appointment, he let me bring him.
"Bubs, you doing okay?" I see him look back in the rear view mirror. He looks, I think, a bit concerned. Probably because of my shaking body.
We suddenly pull over to the side of the road. He turns around, facing me in the back seat. "Baby, what can I do to help you feel better?"
I shrugged, not wanting to talk right now.
"Is this too overwhelming?" I nod my head. "Would it help to go in with you, or would you rather go in alone and have some privacy?"
Do I want Kingston to come? What happens if he gets mad at a question I may answer? What happens if I disappoint him?
"No I can do it alone. I'm fine. We can go now." He nods his head, and we head off to the doctor office.
When I enter, there is a lot of colorful things. The chairs are bright yellow, blue and red, the walls have different colored marks and lines all over them. I realize this must be a child's doctor office. Which is okay, I like it better that way.
Kingston goes up to sign me in. He comes back with a clipboard and paper work. He fills it out and brings it back to the front desk.
I sit in the waiting room for about 15 minutes before I'm called back.
"Baylor Gianni."
Kingston looks at me, "Okay honey, I'll be right here when you come back." I nod my head, leaving all my necessary talking for the doctor.
The man has to be in his high thirties, lower forties. He's tall, somewhat muscular. He has blonde hair and brown eyes. He carries with him a warm smile, and it makes me relax a little bit. And I mean a tiny bit.
"Good morning, Baylor. I'm Dr. Carter. How are you doing today?"
I shrug, "I'm okay."
"Do you want me to call you Baylor, or do you have a nickname you rather me call you?"
"No, Baylor is fine. Only my brothers and Ace are allowed to call me anything different."
"And why is that? Can other people give you nicknames?"
I shook my head. "No, I only let people I trust give me nicknames. I'm learning to trust my brothers and Ace so they can, but you can't. I don't know you so I trust you."
I starts nodding his head. "That's fair. You're right. You don't know me. So do you know how you can start trusting people?"
"If they don't hit you, and they are nice to you then I can trust them."
He pauses for a second, looking a little surprised. Maybe that's not the answer he was wanting.
"Um no Baylor, I was going to say talk. Just general talk. I want to get to know you, and you get to know me, so that when you're ready we can go a little bit deeper into your past. Kingston has told me some, but one day, I'll need to hear it in your words."
I nod my head.
"So let's see, what's your favorite animal?"
I hold up BoBo, "monkeys."
"Monkeys are a pristine animal. I do like them myself. I would have to say my favorite is a lion."
He went on just asking me questions about myself, and he would always answer afterwards with an answer to the same question.
I liked that. I didn't feel like all the pressure was on me. He was a decent man, I won't mind coming back to see him. He said he wants to start seeing me once a week.
He takes me back out to the lobby where Kingston is on his phone. "I've got someone for you, Kingston." He lifts his head, and small smile comes on his face.
"Thank you so much, Jack. I appreciate everything you do." They must know each other to be on first name basis.
Kingston holds my hand, and we walk to the car. Once buckled up and the car turned on, Kingston speaks to me. "How did it go, Bubs?"
"It went good. He always answered his own questions. It made me feel better when I had to answer them knowing he was going to too."
"What questions did you have to answer today?"
"They were easy, just like what my favorite thing were. And we talked about nicknames."
I see his eyebrows scrunch in confusion through the mirror. "Nicknames?"
"Yeah, like he asked if I wanted to be called something else, and I said no. Because I only let people call me other names if I trust them."
That makes a smile appear on his face. Hopefully he knows now that I'm trying to keep my trust in my brothers, some better than others. I hope it wasn't a surprise to him.
"If you want people to just call you Baylor, than that is okay. Nothing wrong with that, kiddo."
I didn't respond to that so the car became quiet. Until I thought, "Are you sure I have to go to school today? I can just stay home and do school."
"Yes, you have to go, sorry." He pauses for a second. "Wait Baylor, is something happening at school? Is someone bothering you?"
The Bullies hasn't bothered me much for the past couple of days. Just the same name calling as before. But I've really not given them the chance to have alone time with me.
"No, school is just long. I rather spend the day with you. You're much better company."
He looks back at me skeptically, but doesn't question. "I'm sorry, you still have to go, but I would rather spend my day with you than work, but life must go on."
We pull up to school, and I grab my backpack, Kingston reminding me to leave BoBo in the car.
Here's to another day being in this prison with people I can care less about.
___________
I make it for my third class. Aaliyah has an open seat next to her. "Hi Baylor, why are you late today?"
I shrug, "Oh I had a-a therapy appointment."
She nods her head. "I hope everything went well. My brother goes to one too. He likes having someone to talk to." I don't know how to reply so I decide to just to stay silent.
During lunch, Asher and Archer meet me in the library. Aaliyah has also joined me.
Asher speaks first, like always, "how did your appointment go, sweetheart?" It's weird that Asher had a nickname for me after all he's done and said to me. But I do appreciate the effort he has been putting into having a relationship with me.
"It went good. Dr. Carter was nice."
Aaliyah eyes widened, "that's who my brother goes to."
My brothers know about my new friend and her brother Abrahm. They were happy for me that I have a new friend. She's really nice to me and doesn't seem uncomfortable with the things I do like people in my past did.
Soon lunch was over and the next class was ready for me to attend. I was in the hallway putting my lunch box away in my locker and getting my books, when the Bullies decided to approach me in the lonely hallway.
Kathryn, "What's the retard doing out here? Aren't you going to be a little late to class?"
I put my head down, "No, I'm fine. I will be there in time. I'm never late, I'm always on time. Today will be no different."
Sophia put her hand on my shoulder, "haha oh yes it will be. We are going to have a talk. A talk that's been long over do."
Chandler speaks up, "This is just a reminder of your worth, your place in the world." He got closer to me, boxing me in, my back on the lockers.
I don't like this. He's too close. Frank would box me in and touch me. I don't want Chandler touching me.
My breathing quickens, my heart rate beating out of control.
"Stop. Please stop. Don't get close to me, don't touch me." I could feel the tears coming from the back of my eyes.
Chandler eyes widen in amusement, "You think I'm going to touch you? No love, we will save that for another day." He brings his face next to my ear, skimming his lips next to my jaw. I don't like this. My mind is screaming at him to just stop. "I'm here to remind you of your place. Stay away from your brothers at school. You are nothing but a disappointment to them. You are an embarrassment to the world. I bet they would love it if you just stopped going to school here because you are pathetic. And they pity you and waste their time sitting with you in a stupid library to eat lunch." He paused. "The twins used to sit with me all the time before you came. I was becoming more and more popular. But then you come and ruin that for me. What they do for a pathetic, retarded, autistic girl. Pathetic. Just pathetic."
Kathryn whispers from behind, "It might me better if you find a way to leave them. Give them the life they deserve. Again, like you've heard before, they didn't ask for you. You were thrown at them. It would look bad on their reputation for them to deny a roof over their little sister's head. All your brothers are the most renowned and respected people there is. And then there is little miss Baylor, the little sister with some missing screws." She taps her head.
My breathing is fast, things are starting to close in around me, "No n-No. They l-love m-me. T-they said they d-did."
All three of them laugh. "Love you? That's the biggest lie of the century." Sophia. "We all know it's just pity. They are trying to convince themselves that they do so your not so much of a burden to them. Have you heard of self-deception? That's what it is, nothing else. You are nothing important."
I can't take this anymore. I push them away and start running. I don't know where I'm headed, I just run. I see the big, wide double doors and push them open. I feel the wind on my face, the rain coming down, wetting my hair and body. I don't know where to go.
I look behind the school and see grass and a forest area. I don't know where else to go so I book it into the woods.
I think I'm crying, but I don't know what is tears or rain. I feel my body getting soaked, but I can't seem to care right now. If my mind was with me, the rain would be a bother to me, it makes me uncomfortable.
My head feels fuzzy, I feel like I'm going to pass out. My run turns into a panicked walk. I continue just to walk until I trip over a branch and fall frontwards.
I don't move. I just lay there, soaked, wishing I was somewhere else. My head hurts. My heart hurts. I didn't like the words they spoke. I think they were lying, but I just don't know.
I feel my body giving up the fight it previously had. I'm about to have another "episode" of blacking out. It used to happen all the time when I was with Frank when I got too overstimulated. I would black out and wake up covered in vomit, body sore and tight, head pounding, and really sleepy.
I relent, wanting to get rid of what I'm feeling. My eyes start to close, and I can feel my arm and leg muscles getting tight. And that's it, I don't know what happens nexts.
Last class of the day. I get to see my little Baylor. She is so small compared to the other people in her class, it worries me a little. I don't want her to get hurt.
She likes me pretty well, I think. She used to be a little jumpy with me, but now, she's warming up. She'll sit by me when I'm at the Gianni house. If I'm lucky, she'll start a little conversation with me. She's a real sweet kid. Kingston has been teaching me things and educating me on Asperger's/autism so I know how to handle certain situations if I ever found myself in one. It's okay if she has breakdowns though, I still love that kid like nothing else. Being an only child, I think of the Gianni family as my brothers and now little sister. There's nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for them.
I'm waiting for everyone to come to the bleachers. It's a slow process as everyone goes and changes out of their uniform into some proper gym clothes.
About 15 minutes later, I'm still not seeing Baylor, which is odd. She's usually pretty quick. I ask her friend Aaliyah, "Hey Aaliyah, have you seen Baylor? She's usually pretty quick getting dressed. Has she been okay today?"
Aaliyah knows what our relationship is, and that I'm basically just another brother.
She furrows her brow, "Um no, I actually haven't seen her since lunch. I thought maybe she had a problem and went home."
"Okay. Thank you" I need to go make sure with the twins immediately. I mean we have security monitoring the front of the school so I don't think anything bad could happen. Unfortunately, some of the security had to be at one of the warehouses today. With the transfer of some very addictive stuff, comes the need for high security. You wouldn't believe what some people/mafias would try to do when they get word of drug transfers.
And no, the Italian mafia doesn't do any drugs themselves. We use it for different reason, like torture reasons. We also use it as a barter to get things we want or need. Like recently, a bus of young girls were being sold in the Russian mafia, we gave them drugs in exchange for the bus of girls. It makes me sick. They were between the age of 12-17. One of the girls could have been Baylor. It makes my stomach turn to knots.
I quickly knock on the physics classroom. The teacher opens the door, and I ask to speak to one of the twins. Asher comes out.
His eyes hold concern. "What's wrong, man?"
"Did Baylor go home?"
He checks his phone, knowing Kingston would have told him if she had to leave.
He starts shaking his head, "No no she's still here. She has to be." He starts panicking.
I put my hand on his shoulder. "Let's go talk to her teacher from last period and see if she was there."
We both run down the hall to the seventh grade hallway like our life's depended on it.
Asher opens the door, not caring that he's interrupting the class. "Was Baylor here last period?"
The teacher, who I have no idea whats name, shakes her head. "No I'm sorry, she wasn't here."
Asher turns to me and panics. I guide him into the hall. "No no no no. Someone could have took her. I can't, Ace. I can't lose her again. She's my-my little sister. I haven't had a chance to make it up to her. I need mo-more time." He was hyperventilating. "Ace I-I can't bre-breathe."
"Yes you can buddy. Look at me." I grab his hand and put in where my heart is. "Try to steady her heart. There you go, nice deep breaths. That's it, Buddy." Once he was calmed down enough, tears still in his eyes, I spoke, "Call Kingston now. Tell him what's up. I need to go and get a substitute teacher to finish my last class. Let him know I'm helping and to give me updates." Then I was off as I watched Asher call Kingston, rubbing his cheek where a lone tear had fallen. I hope Baylor is okay. Not just for Asher's sake, but for all of our's.
I'm at my desk at our headquarters, doing business work, signing papers, restocking our stores, looking over financial things for our mafia (that look brilliant), when I hear my phone ring. I answer without looking at it.
"Kingston Gianni speaking."
"King, I don't where Baylor is." It's Asher, and he is obviously distraught.
I quickly stand up, making my way to find Kellan somewhere here. "What do you mean?"
"Ace came to me, telling me Baylor didn't show up to gym, and then the last teacher also said she wasn't there, but I was with her at lunch, and she was fine. Having a good time with her friend. She was happy. I don't know what to do. I don't know where she could be."
I take a deep breath. "I'm going to have a search set up immediately, inside and outside the school. I will let our brothers know, and we will be there. Just start searching somewhere. Let me know the minute anyone finds her or a clue, understand?"
"Yes, I'm so sorry Kingston. I should have done better. I should have watc-"
I interrupt him, "Absolutely not. This is not your fault. You are a good brother, though we had our ups and downs, your doing good with her recently. Don't doubt yourself. It takes time."
"Thank you. I'm going to start looking with Archer and Ace. He's wants updates too. Any update will be sent to the group chat so we all get it. Bye."
He hangs up, and I walk into Kellan's office. "Come with me now. Baylor's missing. I've already told all security to be searching."
Kellan's eyes widen. "What do you mean? How... did someone take her?"
I shake me head, "We don't know. We know nothing. We are doing a search of the school first." Kellan nods, too much worry in his mind to make verbal responses.
I quickly call Beckett and Parks, telling them to get to the school. Both were just as worried as we are. Our little girl is our downfall. Our hearts are all ruled by her.
___________
It's been hours. We've been searching for hours. The sun is now starting to go down, but my worry and anxiety is starting to go up. We are all checking the woods now. We are all divided into groups. I have Beckett, Kellan and Parks with me. While Archer, Asher, and Ace are together, and then we have security guards scattering the place.
After another hour, I get a call from Archer. I put it on speaker. His voice stern while he speaks. "We found her. Get Beckett here now, I shared my location with you."
I look at his location, they are not too far from us, but Baylor really did go deep into the woods. Did someone put her here, or did she go on her own accord?
When I got near I could hear Asher, "Sweetheart, can he try to open your eyes for me? You're okay, your brothers have you now. We're going to get you some help, I promise."
Me and Beckett run up to her, Ace and Asher scoot back. She is laying on her stomach, her face turned to the side, vomit coming out of her mouth. Her eyes are closed, and she looks pale. Her clothes are wet, she looks very out of it. Limp.
Beckett put his hand on her face, her eyes flutter. "Baylor, my sweetness, can you try to open your eyes. There we go, good job, Baylor. Are you hurting anywhere?"
Her eyes continue to flutter open and closed, and then she whispers so softly, "muscles."
"What muscles, sweetness?"
She whispers, "Arms. Legs."
"Okay. Good job for telling me. I know you don't feel well." Beckett has a worried look on his face. What's wrong?
Beckett looks to me, "Talk to her, try to keep her eyes open. I'm going to check her out."
"Hi Baby, big brother is here." I kiss her forehead. "Beckett's going to check you out make sure your okay. Do you know what happened?"
She opens her mouth a couple of times before she speaks, "episode."
I scrunch my eyebrows, "Episode? Did you have a breakdown, honey?"
"Breakdown and episode." What is an episode?
"Baby, what do you mean an episode? Is that different from a breakdown?"
She nods her head then whispers, "No talking."
"Okay we don't have to talk anymore, but let's try to keep those pretty eyes open for me."
She nods.
I rub my hand across her hair, wiping the saliva and vomit from her mouth and cheek, not caring that my white button up shirt is ruined now.
"I love you, baby girl. So much."
She struggles to get the words out but I hear her say, "Love.....you." Tears spring to me eyes. I just smile to her, hoping I'm being comforting to her.
Asher comes up beside me. "It's me again, Sweetheart. Once you get better we need to go do something fun. Right? Maybe.... Maybe we can have an Asher and Baylor day, do-does that sound okay?" She nods her head, which makes a big smile appear on his face. "We can do whatever you want. Spend the day however you like." She nods. Asher kisses her forehead.
Beckett interrupts the sweet moment between them, "Okay, Kingston, Kellan, help me softly turn her on her back. Baylor, we are going to put you on your back, okay?" She didn't respond, too tired to.
We got her on her back, and Beckett checked her stomach, heart, and lungs, making sure everything was okay.
Beckett, ever the doctor, has a backpack in his car full of emergency medical supplies. I'm very grateful for him having it today, even though I've teased him about it before.
I kept on seeing Baylor close her eyes real tight, which bothered me. "Baylor, does your head hurt, baby?"
Whispers is all I get, "yes."
Beckett puts his stuff away after he's was finished. "She's okay. But um, I'm pretty sure she's had a seizure. I assume this isn't her first one if this is what the "episode" she talked about before is. Sometimes when the brain gets overstimulated, it can cause the person to have seizures. We can bring her home, but she's going to need to be watched for 24 hours."
Parks speak up, "Is this normal? Her being lethargic?"
"Yes. She will be like this for a while. She needs hydration and some good rest, not rest from sleeping on a forest ground. And if you're the one watching her, and she has another seizure, immediately put her on her side. If she vomits, we don't need her to choke or aspirate. Time the seizure, if it's longer than 5 minutes, call an ambulance. Don't ever hold her limbs or body down if she shakes, just make sure she can't get hurt on anything. And lastly, just talk softly to her. If we were here right after she had her seizure, she would probably get really freaked out. She may not know you at first, but just continue to talk and tell her who you are. She'll come to, got it?" We all nod.
Kellan whispers, "If that's it then, let's get her home and comfortable and cleaned up."
I put my arms under Baylor's knees and shoulders and lifted her up. She snuggled into my chest, making me wet. But if I can give her a little bit of my warmth, I will.
Archer got my attention before I left, "I'm going to ride with you. I'll ride with her in the back, just to watch her."
"Okay, bud, that will be good. It gives me a little peace of mind. Did Asher drive his car?"
"Yeah, he did."
We get Baylor situated in the seat, struggling to get a seat belt on her. Archer sits in the middle, brushes his fingers through her beautiful hair, singing softly in her ear. She leans against his chest, sleeping.
Archer would never sing in front of us, even though the boy can really sing. But for Baylor, I guess the rules change a bit.
I'm exhausted. But I have a feeling none of us are really going to be able to rest tonight. Not a single one of us.
__________
I got Baylor washed up with some wash clothes the best I could. I got her in some comfy, warm pajamas and laid her down in bed. I put BoBo in her arms to cuddle.
She was a bit more with me after I helped her wipe herself down a bit and changed clothes. She wasn't very talkative, but she at least had her heavy-lidded eyes open.
It was 9:30pm by the time we were done, and I was taking first shift. I laid down in the bed with her, which made her turn over and curl into my chest.
I had a tank top on and a pair of gym shorts on. I needed to change after our expedition. I ended up throwing away my white shirt, knowing I had several in my closet. It wasn't worth trying to get the stain of vomit off.
At one point, I ended up closing my eyes. Later, I was shook awake by Asher, letting me know it was his turn. His hair was a mess, like he had been running his hands through it.
"It's okay, Ash. Go to bed. I can stay." We we're doing four hour shifts so I knew it had to be somewhere around 1am.
"No it's my turn. I'll feel better being in here, trust me."
I slowly get out of the bed, but I see Bubs is already awake. She looks drowsy so I just smile, hoping once everyone is settled, she'll go back to sleep.
"Call me if you need me, Ash."
He nods his head, "Yes, of course."
I open the door and cross the hall to mine, leaving the door cracked, hoping I can get just a little bit of rest tonight.
Asher came in my room to trade places with Big Brother. He was just in some sweatpants, shirt forgotten.
It was a little weird to have Asher in here, as we are not as close as I am with Kingston, Kellan, Beckett, and Archer, but I guess a bond has to start somewhere.
Today I'm too weak and tired to care about who's with me, I just want someone to hold me and be with me. I just want some comfort.
Asher kisses my head, "Can I get you anything, sweetheart?"
"Juice." I had this really good juice in this pouch thing the other day. Archer told me he grew up drinking those down.
Asher leaves and comes back with one. He helps me sit up a bit to take a drink. I end up drinking the whole thing.
He throws it away and comes to lay down with me.
He takes Kingston's spot, and I cuddle in his chest basking in the comfort from him.
It's a bit weird that he is shirtless. I've not touched anyones skin like this since I was forced by Frank. But I'm going to think differently. I'm not being forced, and this is my brother, who innocently came to sleep without a shirt on.
I know if I told him I was uncomfortable, he would go and put a shirt on, but people shouldn't always have to give up their comfort for me. I can learn to think differently about it.
I stare at the tattoo he had just where his heart is, while he has one arm wrapped around my shoulders, and one going up and down my back, giving more comfort.
(This is the tattoo on his chest.)
"What's this mean?" I started tracing his tattoo.
He smiled a little bit, "It's a tattoo I got for my favorite little girl." He kissed my head. "When I was 16, I got it. All the boys have a tattoo that contributes to the letter B. We have them right where our hearts are because that little girl is our whole heart."
I'm confused. "What does B stand for?"
He starts to laugh a little. "Silly, it's for your name. Baylor."
My eyes widen, "You got a tattoo for me?"
"We all got a tattoo for you." He pauses, his smile falling. "I know I wasn't the best brother when you first came, and I can't express how sorry I am. I was afraid of getting hurt again, which is absolutely no excuse at all. But I want a fresh start with you. If you want to? I love you so much and I have so much to tell you about when we were younger, but I'll save that for when your feeling a bit a better. So what do you say?"
I thought about it for a minute. "Yeah, a new start. A nice start. I think I can do that. But so you know, no more chances. I learned the hard way about giving chances, so this is your only chance left. No more."
He kissed my cheek hard. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." I giggled at him for being silly to me.
I was tired, but I didn't want to go to sleep. I ran my fingers over the tattoo on Asher's chest, than the scars on his upper arm, another scar near his elbow. When I went lower, he took his hand away.
I look at him with nervous, sad eyes. Did I do something wrong?
"It's okay, sweetheart. No need to look at my arm."
I really wanted to know what he was hiding. I pulled his arm back to me. He let out a breath of defeat.
As I got closer to the underside of his wrist and forearm, there were scars littered all down them.
"What happened to your arm?" What happened to my brother?
He takes a deep breath. "Well Sweetheart, I wasn't always in a good headspace. So I cut myself to feel better."
"Just like me?"
"Yes, baby, like you did. But listen to me, it doesn't help forever. It's not worth it. Those scars are forever, and the relief is only temporary. If you ever, and I mean ever, need some help or someone to talk to, come to me. I'll always help you, I promise."
"Thank you." I paused, unsure if I want to know the answer to my next question. "Are you okay now? Better?"
He was silent for a bit. "I'm getting there, Sweetheart. I'm getting there."
I lean closer to him, "If you ever need to talk, I'm here too." I kiss his cheek and cuddle back into his chest, ready to sleep.
Before I fall into oblivion, I hear a sniffle and Asher telling me, "You are something else, little Sweetheart. I love you, baby." I feel something touch my forehead, and then I fell into dreamland.
_________
First, I want to say THANK YOU for over 20k views. You guys don't know how much I appreciate it. I love all of you!
I thought Asher and Baylor needed a breakthrough moment. They've been trying to mend the relationship, but this is Asher taking a bigger step. Hopefully he doesn't ruin his one chance? Will they become the best friends they were when they were younger?
I based the seizure on my own medical issues. Other people may be different, but I tried to add the autistic traits that occur too. Sorry if I'm not 100% correct, I promise I try to make it realistic.
I hope you all enjoyed it, and leave things you would like to see. I want to put content that you all enjoy out. Sorry that I am a bit late on this, but at least this is a long one.
Please comment and vote!
Abby Rose <3