thanks for reading ig (yes im making a mini series after )
"Are you ready for college?" Derek laid on his bed, his face turned away from the door as Laura stood against the doorframe.
"I already told you I'm not going," Derek muttered.
"Derek, it's been months," Laura sighed.
"I don't care, we're gonna keep looking," he replied.
"Hey, you can't just stop everything-"
"(Y/N) would do it for us," Derek replied.
"She would want you to live-"
"No." Derek crossed his arms, sitting up to face Laura.
"Derek, last time-"
"This isn't like last time. Something's wrong and she's not answering her calls or anything," Derek shook his head.
"She got into a car, you saw her drive off with someone. She left of her own free will, you saw it," Laura replied.
"She could've been in trouble before then. And (Y/N) wouldn't do that, she would've called me back. She would've told me where she was going," Derek argued.
"Derek-"
"We're going out again to look tomorrow. If you don't mind, I'd like to rest for a bit before then," Laura watched as Derek's eyes flashed blue before she sighed.
"I'll see you tomorrow," she nodded softly, leaving the room.
Derek let out a shaky breath, falling onto his bed before trying to calm himself.
He grabbed his phone, dialing your number to leave you another voicemail.
---
"It's been three months," your head was turned away from Jay as he walked into the room.
You saw his shadow on the wall as you sighed.
"It took me over a year to heal completely," he started.
Great, another story
You sniffled softly as he took a seat next to you. You still refused to face him.
"I gave you a chance. You fucked it up."
Your head leaned back against the wall as he scooted closer to you.
"I bet you could never imagine how it feels. To die every single day for that long," you tried your hardest to ignore his words, but he wouldn't let you.
"Oh, come on (Y/N). It's been months, you still don't want to talk to me?" he put his hand on your cheek before you pushed it away.
"Don't you want to know how things are on the outside? Don't you want to know how your friends are doing? How Derek's doing?" you felt a shiver down your spine as you tried to hold back your emotions.
"I've kept an eye on them for you. They all put their entire lives on pause for you," you felt tears reach the brim of your eyes.
"Looks like Derek took it the hardest. You know, I've spent a while trying to figure him out. You're in love with him, it doesn't get any clearer than that. Is it because you pity him? Or does he like you because he pities you?"
"He thinks it was his fault. He threw away his whole life for you. In my twenty-three years of living, I've never seen someone so in love with another person. Even after how much you've hurt him."
You frowned slightly. He wasn't twenty-three, he was a month older than you.
He lied
"If your mom gave up hunting when she was pregnant with you, there's no way she could've killed my parents, (Y/N). Thought you were smart enough to figure it out."
His words started to get to you, flashbacks of the past few years came rushing to your head. Derek always tried to do what was best for you and you always pushed his buttons.
"If you're not gonna talk then this isn't fun for me," his eyes flashed grey as you sniffled, seeing him get up.
He walked out of the room as you let out a hushed cry, before shutting your eyes.
Don't listen to him
---
"Happy birthday," Emily gave Derek a small smile as he ignored her.
His back faced her as she sighed softly.
"Dean's on his way back, he didn't find anything," she said softly.
Derek stood on the balcony of the hotel room, standing in silence.
Emily never shut up when she was nervous, it had grown to be one of your favorite traits about her.
"I've been calling her number every day. It's on voicemail now," Derek tensed slightly as he heard Emily's voice crack.
"I tried to track her last known location a few days ago, I-I found her phone in the woods," Derek looked back at Emily, seeing the tears streaming down her cheeks as her body shook slightly.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked softly.
"I-I don't know, I-I didn't want to believe that she was... that she's..." she cried softly as Derek wrapped his arms around her, taking deep breaths.
"I-I think she's really gone this time," she cried.
"I'm not giving up until I find her body. Em, we can do this," Derek pressed his lips to her forehead, trying to calm her.
"I want her back," she cried softly.
Derek kept his tears at bay, holding onto Emily.
---
You felt your conciseness zoning in and out, hearing the noise of something breaking from a distance.
"(Y/N)!" the sound was muffled, you could still hear Derek's voice through the ringing as your head shot up.
You turned to face him, letting out a breath of relief as your heart ached.
He put his hands on your shoulders, trying to say something to you.
"Derek," you cried softly.
"Let me take these off..." you heard the sound of gunshots as you flinched, shutting your eyes tightly.
Derek
"Derek?" you yelled out, looking up at him as you cried out.
There was blood dripping from a wound through his chest, he fell into your arms as you tried to put pressure on the wound, gasping for air.
"N-No, this isn't... Derek. Derek, look at me. Y-You're okay. Derek, no. You're not..." your chest raced, hyperventilating as you pulled on your chains, crying out.
"Stop! Let me go!" you put your hands around his body, lifting him up. His eyes were closed.
"Derek, wake up. Please, w-wake up, Der. For me, p-please..."
"God!" you yelled out as you sobbed, holding onto him tightly.
It's all your fault
You killed him
"Interesting," your hands were shaking as you looked up, sniffling.
Derek was gone, you could see Jay watching you as you ran your fingers through your hair.
"You did that?" he smiled softly.
"It was fun, all the small things drive you crazy. The window was open! How else was I supposed to watch you? How am I watching Derek right now?" you saw him holding his phone, showing you a camera.
It was your room, you tensed as you watched Derek enter, holding a bottle of beer. He stumbled to your bed, before laying down.
"You should listen to this part," he raised the volume as you frowned slightly.
"(Y/N) it's been eleven months," Derek's voice sounded weak, you felt chills on your body.
"Em and Dean are giving up. They're... they're starting school next semester," you felt tears in your eyes as he sniffled.
"I promise I won't give up until I find you," he whispered into his phone, ending the call.
You watched as he closed his eyes, you saw the beer spilling to the floor as he remained passed out.
He's supposed to be at college
What did I do to him?
"He's left you a voicemail probably every day you've been here. It's routine to watch them all come into your room. Zach, Derek. Even Damon's come a few times," you could see the grin growing on Jay's face as you looked away from him.
"Oh, don't be like that, (Y/N)," he reached for your cheek before you pushed his hand away, clenching your jaw.
"Hey," he grabbed your arm as you pulled away.
"Get the fuck off of me," you spat.
"You bitch. You never learn your goddamn lesson, do you?" you heard the jail door slam shut as Jay's eyes glowed.
He towered over you, pulling you up harshly before pressing his lips to yours.
"Stop," you pushed him away.
He put his hands around your throat, you could feel the oxygen leaving your body as you pushed away from him, struggling for breath.
"I should just end it. Do you a favor, do them all a favor. Dump your body in the woods. You deserve to suffer, you're a terrible person," you felt him pressing harder, you knew it would leave a bruise.
You're a terrible person
You deserve this
He pushed you down as you gasped for air, falling to your knees.
Jay looked at you, before rolling his eyes.
He exited the cell as you wrapped your arms around yourself, sobbing quietly.
You would do anything to get out. You just wanted to leave.
---
"Jesus, again?" Stefan sighed deeply, walking into your room to look at Derek.
He pulled the beer from his hand, grabbing a towel from your bathroom before putting it on the floor.
It had been months since he was in there. It caused him too much pain.
Everyone was home that night, he was there, Laura, Zach, and Damon. No one helped you.
He walked through your room, looking at an old picture.
It was you with your mom, with Zach and Stefan.
It was your ninth birthday. Even through all the pain, you still found a way to smile.
You weren't one for emotions anymore, with Jay and your mom, everything had gone wrong since.
Stefan still remembered the one night you asked to be a vampire, all you wanted to do was turn off your emotions. You couldn't deal with it.
His eyes watered slightly as more and more memories of you came back.
His mind went back to the time before all this happened. You, your mom, he, and Zach were all happy together.
He sniffled softly, before shaking his head, continuing to clean the alcohol from the floor.
He paused, seeing something flash from the corner of his eye.
His head turned to your dresser, finding a mini-camera plugged in.
He frowned, before walking to it, finding a flash drive plugged into the back of it.
He tensed, quickly unplugging it before looking at Derek.
He was still asleep.
He ran to the Grill, texting Damon.
Bring a laptop and meet me at the bar I have a lead on (Y/N)
---
Your consciousness faded in and out. Blood dripped from your wounds and bruises that littered your body. Your lip was busted, you had a black eye.
You couldn't move an inch without extraordinary pain.
You heard footsteps approaching you as you cried softly.
No more
You heard a faint noise, you couldn't tell what it was.
Jay ran into the cell as you tensed.
You could see his lip bleeding, you could feel the anger coming off of him as he approached you quickly, pulling you up as you cried out.
"It's been long enough, I think it's time for you to die now," he pushed you against the wall, holding you tightly.
"You should be happy, your suffering is over. Tell your mom I said hi, okay?" his eyes glowed before you heard the cell door break open, turning your attention to the door.
Stefan?
"Let her go," Stefan yelled.
"You take a step and I'll kill her right now," he put his hand over your chest as you felt the air leaving you.
You gasped for air, feeling your throat tighten before your vision faded.
Everything sounded so distant, you felt your body fall to the ground.
There was a ringing in your ears, a bright light filled your eyes as you let out a small breath.
This was it. You would be with your mom, all the pain would stop.
You're leaving Derek
He's better off without you
"(Y/N)!" you could feel someone shake your body harshly as you gasped for air, feeling yourself snap back to life.
"Damon?" you said softly.
"Hey, come on," Stefan was on your other side as you felt your chest aching.
"Y-You need to take some of our blood, okay?" Stefan said softly.
You saw him bite his wrist, bringing it towards your mouth as you took a deep breath.
Tiredness took over you as your eyes watered, looking between the two of them.
"Don't..." it was difficult for you to speak as you tried to breathe.
"D-Don't tell Derek," you closed your eyes, falling into Damon's arms.
He looked to Stefan, who shook his head.
"Get her out of here, just go to a hotel for now. I need to bury this SOB and throw his head in the ocean," Damon nodded, picking you up before running out, leaving Stefan.
His eyes watered slightly in relief, they saved you.
He wiped his face, grabbing Jay's body before running off.
---
You deserve this
All of this pain
All you do is hurt those around you
You need to die
You deserve it
Your eyes fluttered as you inhaled deeply, opening your eyes.
You rubbed your head, sitting up before tensing, your memory returning to you.
"(Y/N)," you jumped slightly, hearing Stefan's voice as he ran to you, wrapping his arms around you.
It's not real
You stayed tense, letting out a shaky breath.
"Stefan?" your voice was barely above a whisper as he held your face between his hands, chuckling softly.
"It's me," he nodded.
You get a wave of relief hit you as you fell into his arms, holding onto him tightly.
"H-How did... Jay..."
"Hey, don't worry. Me and Damon took care of it," he nodded.
You looked around the room, seeing Damon standing against a wall, crossing his arms.
You continued to hold Stefan tightly, feeling your tears slip down your face.
"How did you find me?" you asked.
"There was a camera in your room," Stefan explained.
You felt a slight shiver as you wrapped your arms around yourself.
"W-What about Jay? H-He can still... I need to..." your heart began to race before Stefan shook his head.
"He's dead. I killed him," he nodded.
"No, I killed him once before, h-he didn't die," you shook your head, feeling the anxiety come rushing in.
"(Y/N), hey, calm down," Stefan held your hands, motioning to take deep breaths.
"I separated his body and head. It's at the bottom of the ocean, I buried his body. He's not coming back, he'll never hurt you again," you stayed silent, nodding softly.
"It's time to go home. I'll call Zach and tell him-"
"No," you shook your head.
Stefan paused, looking towards Damon before looking back at you.
"What do you mean no?"
Derek can't know what happened
He needs to go away from me
You knew getting Derek away from you would've been hard, but you knew what you had to do.
"Don't tell anyone. I'll go myself, I-I'll surprise them," you tried to lie.
"That's a terrible idea. Everyone's been worried sick about you for a year," Damon said.
"Stefan, please don't say anything yet," you begged.
"Fine," he nodded his head softly, looking down at you.
"Thank you," you nodded.
"Well, come on. Let's get going," you saw a small smile as Damon's eyes were crinkled.
You got out of the bed, Stefan helping you slightly.
His blood healed most of your injuries, but couldn't heal everything.
The two of them led you out of the motel room, leading you to the car.
You looked out of the window, memories flashing back to your head.
Jay was right. Derek deserved better, they all did. Emily, Dean, and Derek.
If they knew the truth, you would just hold them back all over again. You couldn't put them through all that pain.
They needed to go. The only way would be for them to be that angry at you.
You need to lie
You heard the door close as Stefan looked at you, before driving off.
---
It was just past 2:30 in the morning as you pulled up to the Salvatore house.
The entire ride was silent, Stefan and Damon assumed you fell asleep.
Instead, you continued staring outside of the car, focusing on your thoughts.
Your head felt like it was going to explode, all you wanted to do was go to your room, stay locked for years.
You opened the door, taking a deep breath before walking out of the car.
You froze at the front of the door, your body stopped. You didn't want to move forward. You fought the urge to run off, go hide in the woods. Everyone would be better without you.
"Hey," Stefan whispered.
He held your hand, stroking it softly before opening the door.
You took a step in, most of the lights were dimmed.
The house was empty, as far as you could tell.
You heard the back door close, you could hear faint footsteps.
You watched Derek stumbling as you tensed.
Something was wrong.
You took in his pale appearance, his bloodshot eyes, and his baggy clothes. He looked worse than you.
You could see all of his pain as you squeezed Stefan's hand slightly.
"Why are you driving at 2 in the morning?" you could tell he was drunk, he instantly froze as he turned the lights on, looking at you.
"Oh my god," he ran to you, wrapped his arms around you tightly as you hugged him back, burying your face into his neck.
You sniffled softly, using all your might to keep your tears at bay.
Just hold it in a little longer
"God, where the hell have you been?" he exclaimed.
You could feel his body shaking as you smiled, hearing him laugh softly.
"I missed you," he whispered.
"I missed you too," you chuckled.
He continued to hold you before you sniffled.
"Where were you?" he asked softly.
Just get it over with (Y/N)
Set him free
"I was hunting," your voice was barely above a whisper, but it was loud enough for Derek to hear.
Keep your heart rate down
You felt him tense slightly before he let go of you, his face dropping.
"Where were you?" he asked again, in a more serious tone.
"I got stuck in a hunt, I needed help and I called Stefan and Damon," you replied, clenching your fist.
You saw Stefan's face drop from the corner of your eye while you looked at Derek's face.
"You're lying," you saw his tone change, you could feel him getting angrier.
"It was supposed to just be one quick one, but then things changed, I lost my phone on a hunt, a lot of things happened," you said.
You saw his face tense, he was very mad now.
His eyes flashed blue, before he inhaled deeply, walking away from you.
"Derek-"
He pushed past you as you tensed slightly, running up to his room before he slammed the door shut.
"Why did you do that?!" Stefan whisper-yelled as you shook your head to stop him.
Tears filled your eyes, blurring your vision as you tried to push them down.
He'll hate you
He'll move on
Go to college
Get away from you
He deserves it
He ran back down the stairs, holding a bag in his hand.
"Derek-" you started.
"(Y/N)!" you jumped as he yelled your name.
"I spent this past year looking for you!" he yelled.
You knew to stay quiet.
"I gave up on everything! I didn't go to college, I threw everything away for you! And you were fine?! You didn't think it was important to call me? To tell me anything?!" he continued to yell at you.
You deserve this
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" he yelled.
"Derek-"
"I cared about you! Your stupid ass! This is how you treat me?! After everything?! We were friends, we were a family, and you ruined it all!" you inhaled deeply.
"Derek, don't go," Stefan shook his head.
"Shut up, Stefan. You went to her, you didn't think it was important to tell me? You watched me kill myself for her, you didn't do shit!"
You deserve this
"I'm done, with all of your shit," you could see the pain and anger in his face as he pulled the door open, looking at you before shaking his head.
You saw a tear slip down his cheek before he scoffed.
"I hate you," he spat.
He slammed the door behind him while you felt your heart shatter, tears falling down your face as you gasped for air.
"What the fuck were you thinking?!" Stefan yelled at you.
You couldn't bring yourself to speak, hearing Stefan talk to you as you looked down.
"Go tell him the truth, (Y/N)," he said.
You shook your head as he sighed.
"If this is about looking weak, (Y/N)-"
You didn't want to listen to more of it. You were already in enough pain.
You slowly made your way up the stairs, walking to your room.
—
Your throat was tight as you held back your sobs, you couldn't let anyone hear them.
You didn't know what time it was, you stayed in bed, your face towards the wall.
There was a soft knock at your door before it opened.
"(Y/N)," you heard Zach's voice calling out to you, it was gentle.
"I-I'm sorry, Zach. For everything," you said shakily.
He walked to you, wrapping his arms around you before pressing a kiss to your forehead.
"You don't need to apologize, I realized you would never say something like that for no reason. I love you, kid," you buried yourself in his arms as he wrapped his arms around you, caressing your back.
Everything fell apart, everything was over, and you were left broken, alone. There was no one to blame but yourself.