Sasuke saw Naruto finish the conversation after hugging Kiba, and walk toward them. He whispered to Neji, "Keep him busy while I have a chat with Inuzuka"
Neji whispered back alarmed, "What? How do I keep him busy?"
Sasuke didn't have time to deal with Neji's panic attack, "Ask him if you could show him a good time" Looking at his friend's blank and still slightly panicked stare. He might actually say that. Sasuke clarified that he was kidding, just in case Neji did decide to use that one, "I don't know, talk to him about something"
"About what? We have nothing in common", Sasuke fought really hard against the urge to roll his eyes at him, but Naruto had almost reached them, "Hell Neji, I'm not asking you to date him, talk about the fucking weather or something."
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, I'm not going to talk to him about the sodding weather"
"Just do it", Sasuke hissed.
The other man opened his mouth to express his further concerns on the matter, but the blonde had already reached them. Sasuke put on a charming smile, a hand on the small of Naruto's back and gently pushed him toward Neji, "Why don't you and Neji get to know each other a bit while I look into some unfinished business."
Not wanting to let the opportunity go to waste, he let his hand slide just a teensy bit lower, and whispered in the blonde's ear, "Go easy on him though, he's shy", and was positively delighted when he felt the blonde shiver.
Neji still hadn't lost his wide eyed stare when Naruto looked up at him with a beautiful reassuring smile. Oh God, he thinks I'm socially awkward. Though Neji was far from that, he'd had his share of lovers after all, he had however been born with a little more shame than his cursed friend.
The beautiful creature, looking so trustingly at him and unknowing of the horrors of Sasuke's libido, was making him nervous. Even when still in high school, Neji had a tendency to get nervous around people that he thought were beautiful. Sasuke had taken great pleasure in tormenting his friend with this little piece of information, and would shove Neji onto pretty girls and watch him stammer up an apology. Of course, those girls had cooed at his pathetic attempt at reconciliation and slept with him as forgiveness.
Neji smiled and racked his mind for something to say, thinking back to the time when he and Sasuke had canvassed bars trying to pick up women, then realized that that was probably the worst reference he could use. Nevertheless, running out of time, he went with the least indecent thing he could remember Sasuke teach him. He pasted on a smile, "-Um. Your hair looks great today, did you do something to it"
Naruto bit his lip, hiding a smile and answered, "Yeah, I combed it"
"Oh", Neji swallowed and started freaking out at the thought that he had nothing else to say, and that it was his turn, "So, nice weather we're having today."
It took some time to track down Kiba, who moved surprisingly fast. He saw the other man near the coffee machine. He picked up a cup, filled it with coffee wishing that it was alcohol instead and thumped a large hand on Kiba's shoulder.
Kiba, who had been carefully sipping a cup of steaming hot coffee, jolted, almost spilling the beverage all over himself. Feeling his shoulder throb, he turned around to see his demon boss. "Sir?" he asked, just a bit confused. Sasuke never joined his co workers for coffee. Well, he did once, but the employees had just stood awkwardly, scared to say something that might set off their slightly unhinged boss. Sasuke, who had sensed the uncomfortable-ness permeating the air at this presence, soaked it up, practically bathing in it, and decided to be kind and never join them again.
Sasuke cut to the chase, "So, you're Naruto's best friend?" He asked meaningfully, hoping that the idiot in front of him would get his meaning and save him the trouble of saying it outright. 'Show me the way into Naruto's pants'
Kiba was, contrary to Sasuke's often expressed opinion, quite smart. He knew about Sasuke's latest target – Naruto's ass. Hell, the whole office knew. They had seen their lecherous boss stare at said ass more than once. The female workers giggled, aww-ing at such a cute couple, a little sad that it wasn't them. The male workers had rolled their eyes, muttering that there was nothing cute about the spawn of the devil.
Sasuke's employees were well aware of Sasuke's rather adventurous libido. But aside from his personal secretaries, he never slept with any of his employees, much to the consternation of most of the female employees. The men thought that it was completely unfair how the women of their office would still want to sleep with a man who they knew had the personality of – something unpleasant. There're still on the lookout for a reasonably satisfactory comparison.
Kiba smirked inwardly. He had his boss by his balls, then, scrubbed his brain furiously to rid himself of that image. He had graduated at the top ten of his class, worked really hard and was actually pretty good at his job. But was still treated like crap most of the time. It just wasn't fair. The asshole seemed to take particular pleasure in tearing him a new one. Again, he scrubbed his brain.
He spoke carefully, "Yes, he is." Very good Kiba, short and sweet. Then he just continued to stare blankly at Sasuke. For the entirety of two whole minutes. 120 seconds, crawling by on three legs. Sasuke grit his teeth, "Let's make a deal Inuzuka, you help me get Naruto, and I help you – get whatever it is that you want"
This time Kiba actually did smirk, "Well boss, I don't know how I feel about helping you bone my best friend". Sasuke narrowed his eyes and leaned forward, towering over the other man, "Well, you better feel fucking fantastic."
Kiba got annoyed, "I really don't like to screw over my friends, sir". Sasuke sighed and backed off a bit, running a hand through his hair. He knew that. It was one of reasons he had hired the other man despite the freaky face tattoos. He knew that Inuzuka was loyal to a fault, and respected him for it. Not that he would ever tell the other man that. Over his fucking dead body.
He knew that, as much as it killed him, he had to tone down his mafia boss personality if he wanted to get anywhere with his new source, "Look, I don't – I don't mean to – I'm not going to –". He growled. God he sucked at this. Taking a breath, he tried again, "I'm not looking to just sleep with him"
Kiba scoffed. Sasuke narrowed his eyes. Point taken, "Fine". That has been on my mind. But I won't hurt him." He paused, looking straight at Kiba's eyes, "I give you my word"
That actually made Kiba consider him. If nothing else, the Uchiha was a man of his word. If he made a promise, and actually expressed that it was a promise, he kept it. Kiba nodded, "Ok, we need some donuts to eat along with the coffee." But that didn't mean he couldn't get some revenge in the process.
Sasuke stopped, absolutely refusing to believe what was happening, "Come again?"
Kiba smiled a smile a mile wide, "Part of the deal boss. We really need some donuts, none of the cheap stuff either" He patted. Fucking patted Sasuke on his chest and walked away, throwing the now cold cup of coffee into the trash. He turned around at the door, "Oh, and make sure you bring it in, Your employees will be glad that you care about them so much." He left, with the smile still on his face.
Sasuke stood there, stock still. He stood there till Neji and Naruto came looking for him, the former being glad that he didn't have to talk about cloud formations or patterns of precipitation anymore and the latter worrying that the Uchiha had been kidnapped. They had found him two hours later, as to be expected, in the least expected place.
Neji laughed really hard and really long when Sasuke told him what had happened. Seeing Sasuke's serious expression though, he sobered up, "So, are you going to do it?"
Sasuke continued looking at the restroom fixture, expression unchanged. Neji added, "He's not going to stop there you know." And just because he can be prick sometimes, he continued,"Maybe he'll ask you to shave your head" That imagery make Neji continue on his laughing spree. Sasuke scowled.
"I hope you fucking choke"
They were back at Sasuke's apartment, after making a stop to buy groceries. Sasuke had been alarmed at the amount of vegetables that Naruto had insisted on buying, he didn't even recognize half of them. He had added in cigarettes and beer to counter act the unnecessary vitamins, after making sure that the blonde wasn't looking. Sasuke had insisted on paying for the groceries, mostly to hide his smokes and liquor from disapproving blue eyes.
Naruto had taken the bags to the kitchen, to start on dinner. He gave the dark haired man something to much on in the meanwhile. Sasuke had looked strangely at the thing in his hand, "What the hell is this?"
Naruto gave him a blank look, "It's an apple, Mr. Uchiha". Sasuke scratched the back of his head, "You know, we are staying in the same apartment, and you are making dinner which we will be eating together" Naruto continued to stare, "You can just call me Sasuke"
Sasuke looked on, fascinated, as Naruto's cheeks tinged pink. The blonde then muttered something and rushed back into the kitchen. Sasuke started eating the apple and opened his laptop to get some work done. His mind was elsewhere though, as it has been a lot lately.
The wondered about why he was trying so hard to get the blonde. Wondered what it was that made him so special as to get all off Sasuke's attention – occupying his mind at all times. He thought back to his deal with Inuzuka, wondering whether if it was worth it. He was still pondering over his own actions, when the blonde called out. Dinner was ready. He shut his laptop closed and got up to join Naruto, who glared, "Pick up the core Sasuke, put it in the trash". Sasuke just sighed and did as was told, he felt like he was back home, with his mother telling him the benefits of clean underwear.
They settled down on the tiny table – which Sasuke had put in to pay cards on. The food smelled delicious, and Sasuke hope it tasted at least half as good. He brought a spoonful to his mouth. His eyes widened, it was even better, "Holy crap, this is fantastic."
The blonde blushed, looking very pleased, "Thank you, have some more."
Sasuke didn't need telling twice, "Don't mind if I do." He shoveled more food onto his plate, Naruto looking on in morbid fascination, "Slow down, you're going to choke". Sasuke just continued inhaling the food.
He leaned back after finishing every morsel, still surprised at how good it had tasted, "I can't believe you made vegetables taste like that. It was as good as my mom's cooking." Naruto practically glowed, recognizing how high the compliment was.
That was totally worth the couch.
After clearing the table, Sasuke went back to his laptop, feeling completely satisfied with life. Naruto went into the room. After about twenty minutes, the pleasant haze of having eaten delicious food faded, and Sasuke once again started thinking about the deal, wondering if he would actually go through with it. Hearing a scream from the room, he rushed in.
Sasuke froze on seeing the blonde. It wasn't his fault. Naruto had come out from a shower, hair a little wet and curling about his ears. He was also wearing one of Sasuke's t-shirts. And only that. Granted, it was big on him – coming to the mid of his thighs, but it was also all on its lonesome in trying to cover the blonde's delicious body from Sasuke's greedy eyes.
He got confused, wondering if was having dream, a wonderful fantasy. Another scream snapped him out of his fugue. He looked around, wondering what the blonde was pointing at.
Sasuke squinted, looking in the dark.
A cockroach.
"It's just a cockroach" hearing the slander on its person, said cockroach started flying with a vengeance toward the blonde human. Naruto shrieked, flailing his arms around.
Sasuke had not expected the damn thing to fly. He picked up a newspaper and rolled it up, planning to squish the crap out of the motherfucker.
The roach had anticipated the move and made a wide arc, settling on the wall behind Naruto, who was standing very very still. He whispered, afraid the roach might take offense to his loud voice and target him again, "I don't see it. Where is it? Where is it?" A shiver went down his spine at the feeling of it crawling on his skin. Sasuke was facing the blonde, glaring with narrowed eyes at the roach. He whispered back, "It's behind you"
He did not expect a third shriek from the blonde as a reply, or for it to be so friggin loud. He did not expect the blonde to launch himself at Sasuke, knocking him back. He didn't expect to fall on the bed with said blonde lying on top of him. But Sasuke was glad all the same, when it did happen.
Sasuke saw beautiful eyes open slowly. He watched as pink blossomed over those soft looking cheeks and over the bridge of that perfect looking nose, watched as those luscious lips parted. He felt warm hands on his chest.
He opened his mouth to deliver the sexiest line known to man and came up with, "Err". But given the circumstances, Sasuke decided to forgive his brain. It could, after all, only work with whatever little leftover blood it received.
"Sasuke", the blonde whispered. Sasuke had never loved his name as much as he loved it now, entranced by the way the blonde stressed each syllable, "Yeah?"
Naruto looked away from his eyes, "Could you please get your hands off my ass"
Sasuke blinked. Huh. He hadn't even realized that he did that. It was an automatic response after years of perversion. He had a feeling that even the roach had rolled its eyes.
He swallowed, "Sure". He let his hands linger for two seconds, feeling the firmness and memorizing it, before letting go. He also noticed that the blonde was wearing briefs under the t-shirt.
Naruto got up, pushing against Sasuke's chest, and sitting up on his lap (Sasuke really, really hoped he wouldn't be having anymore automatic responses), his hands dragged over from Sasuke's chest to his stomach. And finally got up and went outside the room. The roach, having had enough drama for one day, flew outside the window.
Sasuke lay on the bed for however long, Wondering how many donuts he ought to buy.
Neji was shocked seeing Sasuke walk in with boxes of donuts. He waited till his friend had settled said boxes near the coffee machine, to confront him, "What made you change your mind?"
He paused thinking, looking at the stampede of Uchiha employees that the donuts had caused, "You saw him naked?"
Sasuke looked at him, "Close"
At Neji's wide eyes, he elaborated, telling him the entire story with vivid details.
"He grazed you?" Neji asked with one eyebrow raised, skeptical as to its meaning.
Sasuke was wearing a smirk as only he can do, "Yup"
"You mean to say that Naruto, felt up your stomach?" Surely Neji had heard wrong. Or Sasuke was lying his ass off. Or his friend had lost his mind, and was mixing up fantasy and reality again.
Sasuke felt the need to correct the statement, "My abs. Every single can of my six pack"
Neji rolled his eyes. "Right"
Sasuke had folded his arms behind his head, leaning back on his chair. Well, seeing as the blonde was missing, Neji was willing to risk believing him. Only true trauma, such as narrated by Sasuke and involving fondling by said narrator, could force the dutiful blonde to stray from his self imposed responsibilities.
He looked at his friend, and saw that smirk and those slightly glazed eyes. He knew immediately, almost instinctively that Sasuke was on a verge of a day time fantasy. One that probably involved acts of debauchery considered illegal in many countries. He needed to ask any other questions he had before he ran out of time, and then get out for the sake of his sanity.
Speaking of other questions, there was something that had been bothering the Hyuga since the beginning of the A rated part of Sasuke's tale, "What I find interesting is the fact that your bodyguard was scared of a cockroach"
Sasuke just shrugged, nothing was going to bring him down from the high of finally getting to touch the ass molded by angels, "Maybe it's a phobia. Who cares."
Neji could easily predict the Uchiha's line of thought, "Congrats, you finally got to grope him. And it only took you 0.5 seconds of him coming near your groping range"
"Yup"
Neji trudged on, "So you're going ahead with the deal with Inuzuka?"
"Yup"
"You have absolutely no shame at all, do you?"
"Nope"