My eyes slowly open to the sound of something snapping outside.
This sound is also the first thing to leave my thoughts as I realize I've just spent the night sleeping in the hallway in a shocking position. My neck is stiff, my left arm is dead and I have pins and needles shooting up my legs. I let out a groan and attempt to sit up properly. As shattered and sore as it has all made me, I desperately needed that cry.
All I have to do now is move, preferably in the direction of a clock so I know exactly how much I've slept in.
I crawl up the wall, still holding my neck and stumble to the computer.
I was meant to let Miles call last night and I feel bad. Not that he could have done much. All he would have heard was me bawling my eyes out and asking where the nearest gun was.
I flop my head in my arms as I wait for the thing to turn on, trying to wake up. Man, I need coffee though I don't know if I want to brave the Oxford yet just in case Taffy is still unsure of me. I'm a little less confidant to defend myself this time.
I pull my head out of my arms and look at the screen, sighing with relief.
It's only just gone 9.30 in the morning. Granted, I did start to sleep at about five o'clock yesterday so it was a long sleep. I wonder why I still feel tired then.
While at the computer, I reluctantly look at my inbox. Sure enough, three unread emails sit in there:
"Nina,
I won't ask how the funeral went because you've taken your phone off the hook again.
I know this can't be a good sign. Please get in contact with me.
I'm worried.
Miles."
I smile at his concern and immediately put the phone back on the hook, I then go back to the computer and click on the next email.
***
"To Nina Merelize,
Hi boss!! Grief work sucks without you here. Everyone is feeling it and you've only been off work a week and a half.
Corrine and Brenda quit straight up and others are trying to but are struggling to know where to look for other work. Including me.
Any suggestions?
How's things there? Are you okay?
'HOT GUY' from the coffee shop said he'd be keeping in touch with you. Has he? If not, can I have him? Cor! He's a bit of alright. Hope you're doing okay there.
Your loyal ex-employee,
Tina Anderson."
After shaking off the unexpected feeling of jealously, I smile. I do miss Tina and now I feel bad because I specifically said I'd help her find new work and I haven't.
I screw up my nose and click on the last message.
***
"Nina,
Please put your phone on. I'm worried and afraid that you've ignored my plea for you to stay out of the liquor cabinet.
It's keeping me awake and I need to make sure that you're okay so please contact me.
You're just scaring me now."
***
I prop myself up with a surge of productivity and start to reply to the messages.
This can be the start of me getting back on track.
"To Tina,
I'm SO, SO, SO sorry. I totally forgot about my promise to get you out of that place. Things over here are warmer and yes 'Hot Guy' has been keeping in contact with me.
Unfortunately for both you and I, and all other single women in London, he'll be off to travel the world soon so not really commitment material.
There's always something with the perfect ones isn't there?
As for work, go and see Andy Burbank. I know he's loud and that his adverts are ridiculous but he knows his stuff and he'd be a good boss. Say I sent you and remind him he owes me. Was great hearing from you. Let me know how it goes.
King regards,
Nina."
***
"Miles. . .sweet, kind Miles,
I am very sorry for cutting you out of the loop. No, the funeral did not go down well. It was bad. . . really bad.
I may or may not have slept in the hallway BUT the liquor cabinet remains full so you are free to hear about it if you like without being embarrassed.
Thank you for thinking of me. It feels good knowing someone gives a damn.
I'm off to find some painkillers for my neck and something to eat. I'll be home all day so call whenever.
Your proudly un-intoxicated friend,
Nina."
***
I rub my neck, cringing at the stiffness in it and stumble into the bathroom where I find some cream. I really am surprised how much better I feel after having a good bawl. Not physically, clearly, but mentally. I feel as if I'll be able to take on what ever Miles says needs to be taken on, without the fear of having a panic attack....another panic attack rather.
The phone rings as if on cue and I raise an eyebrow. That was quick.
"Hello?" I answer as I continue rubbing the cream into my shoulder.
"Thank goodness." I hear him mumble, "Are you okay? What happened?"
I smile again at the sincerity and worry in his voice.
"Miles." I sigh "...tell me, were you sitting on the computer with your finger on speed dial or something?"
There's a silence and I swear I can hear a sigh of relief.
"I was worried." he says in an insanely kind way. I throw my head back knowing it's comments like these that make it impossible for me to keep him in the 'you can't go there' box along with Henry Cavill and that hot blonde guy on Sea Patrol.
"I'm really okay now."
"But you weren't. Your phone was off the hook for a ridiculously long time..."
"How many times did you try and call exactly?" I ask as I head into the kitchen to turn the kettle on.
"Enough to know I should be worried. What happened?"
"Ah, it was all really interesting. There was a big shoot up with the Australian Navy and the Filipinos were returned to the safety of their homes again, though the XO and the captain remain un-united still. I'm starting to wonder if they'll ever get together..."
I can hear Miles laughing and I grin.
This is when I hear another sound from outside, reminding me of the snapping sound I woke up to. While Miles asked me if I take anything seriously, I open the curtains to see Joe working away in the garden.
"Joe's here." I say, surprised.
"Who's Joe?" Miles asks, still chuckling.
"Neighbour dash gardener. Remember I told you about his wife? Nice guy. He doesn't say much but he offered to help me get this garden tidy before whatever happens to the house."
"That was nice of him."
"Mmm. His daughter is coming over this afternoon too so...I don't know." I start opening all the other curtains. "What do you do with a seventeen year old?"
"I don't know, it's been a while since I've been one. This is today?"
"Yep. I told you I would pick myself up after the funeral. I'm a woman of my word which reminds me, what do you drink?"
There's a pause.
"Why?" he asks back. I let out a sigh as I open a few windows.
"Curious." I shrug.
"Why?"
"Because."
"Why?" he asks again.
"Wow, this is mature. Just answer the damn question."
There's a silence.
"Coffee."
"Yes, but what do you enhance it with?"
He laughs.
"Scotch."
"Ah yes...all the good ones do. I would have been worried if you said Gin. Dodgy people drink Gin; my ex boss for one...actually he's the only person I know who drinks Gin so that's probably not saying much."
"Right and why do you want to know?" he asks chuckling again. I stand in the middle of the lounge and put a hand on my hip.
"Sheesh! Miles! How hard is it going to be for me to get you to tell me about yourself when you won't even tell me what you drink? This is going to be a very one sided friendship."
"I'll tell you whatever you want. I have nothing to hide." he says lightly. I scoff at this, going back to the kettle.
"I had to practically beat the word 'scotch' out of you. How hard is it going to be for me to find out about your gritty stuff?"
"Like what?"
I lean on the bench in thought, wondering how to take full advantage of this.
"What was you father like?" I decide to ask. There's a bit of a silence. Wrong question maybe? There's a painfully long, strenuous deep breath at the other end of the line.
"He was and still is a money-grabbing scoundrel who's out for all he can get."
I raise an eyebrow at the curiously sedate way he says this.
"Really?"
"Yeah, sucked me into it for a while but I shot back out when I realized what he was like."
"And your mum?" I ask even more intrigued.
"Uhhhh, not sure. I was never told."
"Are you serious?" He doesn't answer so I stand there, mouth agape. "Wow. That's rough. Sooo, parents not in the scene then and your sister is..." I urge, rubbing my neck again and going into the cupboard.
"Half sister. We got on alright so that's something."
I frown into space.
"And you're sorting out my problems?"
"Mine are old. They were dealt with years ago. Yours are new and you have me to help you so..."
"And I appreciate it. Sorry about yesterday, I just totally broke down and you wouldn't have understood me anyway."
"And you slept in the hallway." he adds, with a hint of that worried tone again.
"Yes, didn't quite make it to the bed." I admit as I pour hot water onto some strangely flavored tea.
"Nina...I wish you would have let me talk to you. It sounds horrible."
"It was but I think it needed to happen. I feel a lot better today so it's okay, really. You wouldn't have been able to get anything out of me anyway, trust me. I'm sorry I worried you though...can you just hold a second?"
"Mmm." he mumbles in thought.
I put the phone down and open the ranch door that leads out the back where Joe is digging something out of the garden vigorously, looking deep in thought. His head pops up when he hears me and he takes his hat off.
"Hi!" I call out, stepping onto the deck. He scratches his head and slides his hat back over his thick dark hair.
"Hi." he says back. "Sorry, I thought I'd just get a start..."
"No that's fine. Thank you. I'm just about to have a cuppa; do you want one?"
"Sure." he nods, his eyes darting to the ground. "Five minutes?"
"How do you take it?"
"Oh, however it comes...black..."
I smile and head back inside. It's so strange talking to someone so unsure of himself after talking to Miles who seems so sure of everything. Interesting past though. Dodgy father and vanishing mother. I didn't see that coming and who in their right mind doesn't tell their son who or what happened to their mother?
I can't help but wonder if it's the same kind who pretends one of their children doesn't exist and doesn't talk about that child to anyone. I pick up the phone.
"You there?" I ask as I head into the kitchen again.
"Yeah. Hey, Nina, you sound like you have a lot on so I'll let you go okay?"
"Right and by that you mean 'I haven't slept at all and now it's the middle of the night and I'm shattered'."
He chuckles softly.
"I'm glad you're okay." he says in that same...damn tone.
"Yeah, thanks." I say, nervously tucking my hair behind my ear, "Hey, uh, before you go, I need to start sorting through her things but I don't really know where to start. Any suggestions?"
I hear him yawn.
"Start with something small. Spare cupboards and garage...stuff like that. What do you think?"
"Okay. No that's a good idea." I nod then throw my head back, "Damn. I have the letter to read too."
"What letter?"
"The one the lawyer gave me. I've been avoiding it like the plague."
"Read it now then, while I'm on the phone."
There's a tap at the door and I see Joe, looking uncertain and awkward. I gesture for him to come in.
"No, Miles, for goodness sake, get some sleep. You sound shattered."
"I'm fine. Read it. I don't want you to break down again."
"I won't." I try to assure him.
"Nina."
"Shoot, your stubborn." I mumble, secretly loving it.
"I'm not hanging up..."
"Fine. Goodnight!" I shrug and hang up myself.
I grin quite pleased with myself and turn to Joe.
"Sorry about that." I say to him. He smiles as he kicks off his boots.
"Can I just use your bathroom?" he asks holding his grubby hands together.
"Sure." I nod, gesturing in its general direction as I go back to the kettle.
Joe's stature is an interesting one. He's by no means large or tall. He's only just taller than me but wide shouldered, meaning I still feel like I live in his shadow.
His rough exterior and unshaven face makes him look older but he still only looks in his early forties and with kind dark grey eyes and an unsure smile, he comes across as a lot less threatening. Not at all the type of man who I need to worry about using my bones as carving utensils.
I finish making his tea and just as I throw the spoon in the sink, the phone rings. I grin and head to it, wiping my hands.
"Miles." I answer with a smile.
"Nina..." he says back in an unamused tone. I laugh just as Joe comes around the corner.
"Go to bed. I have a visitor and I swear I won't do anything stupid after I read it, bar having a drink."
"If I recall, that didn't go down too well last time."
"Yeah, with you. You're the one with the low self esteem buddy not me, now go to bed."
He laughs softly.
"Okay...Goodnight Nina." he says gently.
For some reason I blush, so look away from Joe.
"Night." I mumble and put the phone down, trying to shake off the strange unnamed feeling that's come over me.
Focus Nina. Where were you?
I turn back to Joe and smile, running my fingers through my fringe.
"Hi." I'm, pretty sure I've said that already. He smiles back, nervously.
"Hi." he then nods his head at me, stuffing his hands in his Jean pockets. "Rough night?" I cringe at this comment knowing this can't mean I look too flash.
"Do I look that bad?"
"You're still in the same clothes as yesterday." he points out. I reluctantly look down. He's right. My skirt is twisted though, my shirt half un-tucked and I'm afraid to go near a mirror in case my face looks just as bad. I close my eyes and shake my head.
"I should be impressed you remember what I was wearing where most men wouldn't but instead, I'll just be embarrassed and go get changed...excuse me." I start to back away and he looks down, hiding a smile. "Your cup of tea is on the bench and biscuits are . . .gone actually, sorry."
"It's fine." he says quietly.
I get to the bedroom quickly and start to get changed. This is when I see I have another email. I throw some other clothes on and click on the message as I button up my shirt.
"Nina Merelize,
If this is about money then just tell me. I will be happy to give you (yet another) pay-rise
Call me when you get back,
Richard Dermott."
I let out a groan and delete it. Impertinent man!
I quickly wash my face and tie my hair back into a pathetically sized pony tail. Things can only go up from here. . . I assume.
***
"So sorry about that." I say sweeping past Joe on the stool and over to my cup of tea. I turn and face him with a sigh. "So! How bad is it?" I ask regarding the garden. He looks me over, his cup not quite making it to his lips and he drops his head again, starting to laugh quietly. I too break into a smile, but a nervous one. "What?" I ask. He shakes his head.
"Who dresses you?"
"Why?" I demand, checking myself over again. "Damn." I mumble, realizing I haven't done my buttons up straight. "Oh forget it! I don't even care any more. I'm from England and there's sun outside so are you coming?" I make my way outside to the deck, trying but failing to ignore Joe who's still chuckling to himself.
"I can't believe I'm getting fashion advice from someone who looks like he's had the same clothes for the last twenty years." I mumble, pulling out two lichen covered deck chairs. He laughs a bit more, his shoulders dropping and his eyes softening.
We both sit down and I lean back, just letting the sun warm my face.
"This is what I need back home; a deck to enjoy the...snow and sleet and rain." I frown and Joe chuckles a bit more. I'm glad he can't sense the dread I'm feeling about going back home. Maybe I should stay longer and just enjoy this summer. It's not like I have anything to go back to...nothing solid anyway and its not like I'm in desperate need for work. The only things I splurged any money on was a few rings and a suit or two so maybe this is what I need: a holiday. A proper long one. The pamphlet's rave about Tasmania's beauty and it will take a while to get this house sorted out and cleaned anyway. I look over the backyard, trying to imagine what this garden looked like before.
"The garden will look so good when its finished. I'm determined to get stuck in with you for a while, oh and there's a celery in there if you want it."
"I'd prefer a biscuit." he says with a lopsided grin. I laugh and rest my head back.
"I'm sure you would. So do you think this place could get sorted in under a month or do you think it'll take longer?"
"You'll be pushing it." he says looking at me.
"What a pity. I'll have to stay longer." I muse, sipping my tea. Joe turns to me, looking as surprised as a man who never looks as though he could ever be surprised can look. "What?"
"Just doesn't look like you've been having a good time here."
"Hard when it's your sisters funeral. Even then, this is a blast compared to what I have back home."
"Mm." he grunts, looking back away. "You haven't read the letter from her yet?"
"No. I should but I'll wait till Miles calls again or the poor guy will never forgive me."
Joe looks at me.
"Boyfriend?"
"Hah!" I laugh, "Sure, he's only seven years too young, no...no, he is just a good friend."
He looks at me strangely.
"Your worried about seven years difference in this day in age?" he asks. I shrug and look away, knowing that's the least of my complications when it comes to Miles. I decide to change the subject.
"So what are we starting on first?" I ask, looking over the large greeny brown space before me. Joe looks at me curiously for a bit longer and then follows my gaze to the garden.
"Uhhh, well I was just clearing away the broken boards and they'll need replacing. Might pay to clear out all the weeds before we do that though."
"Right and how much am I paying you for your services?" I ask back, glad he's a planner. His relaxed disposition disappears and he starts mumbling uncertain things under his breath. "Don't be modest about it. I will ask around and see what others are charging if you don't give me a number soon."
He scratches the back of his head and shrugs.
"Will you be getting help in?" he asks.
"I don't expect you to do it on your own so yes, I will be getting others in."
"Can it wait?" I cock my head slightly already lost.
"The garden?"
"No, the help."
I keep my confused eyes on him, wondering what I'm missing.
"You don't want the help?" I ask in a tone that matches my bewildered face. He looks into his cup and swallows hard. My eyes morph into a worried look, wondering if this is going to be the comment that makes all his locked up stress come out. What has the garden got to do with his wife remarrying though? Joe clears his throat and he shrugs.
"I wanted to help Adriana with this garden before but she wouldn't let me. I was determined to do it for her but every time I tried, she either set the hose on me or beat me up with a broom."
I can't help but laugh loudly at this.
"She sounds like a riot."
"Mmm." he mumbles shaking his head. "I said I'd get it done regardless of what she threatened to do to me but she told me not to. She planted every single plant in that garden and couldn't bear the thought of seeing it all having to be ripped out. She told me to fix it over her dead body when she can't see what's being done to it."
"Right." I say, looking down.
"If I can do as much as possible before you get help in. I'd uh. . ."
"Sure. Whatever you like."
He gives a smile of thanks and there's a silence as I just look over the garden with a new found appreciation for it. I have this sudden swirling urge inside me to do all I can to restore this part of her life.
"Shall we salvage whatever plants we can then?" I ask, quietly. He just nods, with a mild grunt looking over the garden. I keep my eyes on him, while biting my bottom lip.
"What was she like?" I ask him.
He glances at me, his eyes saddened by his thoughts then chuckles.
"Nuts." he tells me, "Completely insane and willing to take every opportunity to embarrass me but she had this...faith in people that is beyond anything I've known. I thought Alyssa was bad enough but your sister was pretty up there. Always saw the good in everything no matter what the situation was."
"Ah...opposite to me then."
He chuckles a bit.
"You don't seem too bad...apart from your dress sense."
I smile at him then look at my wrist, ignoring the fact I have no watch on.
"Must be time to get to work." I say, jumping up. Joe gets up slowly too shaking his head at me and drains the last of his tea.
"You'll want different clothes than that." he tells me. I look down at my shirt and good pants.
"Is there a gardening fashion police is there?" I ask him, taking his cup. He just smiles a little and heads back into the manic jungle.
I have some seriously problematic thoughts I need to destroy in effigy namely one starting with 'R' and ending in 'ichard.'
I hope I get the loppers.
***