Come, Josephine

Chapter 50

1928
Rose
As dawn broke, I sat on the top step outside of Josie's room. It had been a long night; the doctor had not left until the late evening, and then I had tended to her through the night. Jack took my place when I needed a break, and he was more at ease when tending to her than I thought he would be. It was in his nature, I realised.
I wondered what he would be like with the baby. He would certainly be attentive, more so than he was with me or Josephine. He would be a doting father.
I knew that I had done my best with Josephine, but it had been hard raising her alone. There had been so many sleepless nights and days spent ducking working one job after the other. I had been exhausted and had taken to sleep-walking through my life. With the help of Jack, I doubted things would be so rough.
At that thought, Jack appeared at the foot of the stairs, carrying a pitcher of water. He looked at me with tender affection, "how is she?"
"She's holding up. Nick hasn't left her side. He's sleeping at the foot of her bed now."
"He must be exhausted," he admitted, "he's a good boy."
   "He is. I just wish that you had been kinder to him," as much as I appreciated Jack's care towards Josephine, I was still furious with him. His reckless behaviour, although intended for good, could have cost our daughter her life.
   "I know," he sighed, "I messed up. He was just..."
"Being a kid?"
"Yeah- I just didn't want him sneaking around Josie..."
I laughed, "what? Like the way you snuck around me?"
"Yeah," he chuckled.
I looked at the creased lines around his eyes, and how they marked years of laughing, smiling, squinting his eyes against the sun. He hadn't aged much; a few tired lines, and weary glint to his eyes. He had broadened out a little too, and his arms were less lean, more muscular. Somewhere under it all, I could still see the boy I fell in love with.
"What will happen will happen," I said, "you've just got to let them figure it out- besides, Nick has proven more than once that he always looks out for her."
"But what if it goes wrong?"
"Then we'll be there for her."
He nodded, slowly, "you've always been there for her."
Pain riddled his voice. The years he had missed with Josie had taken their toll on him. Nothing I could do could make it up, and there was no way to make up those lost years. As much as he was overjoyed about the baby, I knew that it might serve as a reminder of what he had lost.
The only thing I could do was to share my memories of Josie with him. I would do so now, even if it only meant relieving his heartbreak for a moment. I smiled, "Josie was always well behaved, but she's always been impulsive. This one time, when she was about seven, I wouldn't let her go out at night- I don't know what it was, but she wanted to climb this tree down the street. Anyway, I managed to get her into bed, and I told her that in the morning, when it was light, we would go outside to climb the tree. I thought that she would have forgotten about it by morning- children always do- so I went off to bed. But I woke up a while later, and I had this feeling so I went to check on her- and she was gone!"
   I watched as the joy filled his face as he pictured what Josie had once been like. She hadn't particularly changed, but I knew he longed to picture that little girl. I continued, "we didn't live in the nicest area, so I was terrified- I thought someone had taken her! I ran down the street in nothing but my nightgown, scandalous, I know, and I was frantically looking for her. Up and down the street I ran, calling her name, and I heard this laughing but I couldn't place where it was. I looked up- and there she was, in that tree. I wanted to be mad, but I just couldn't. You know?"
   He nodded, and something clouded his face, "I just wish I had been there, Rose."
   "I know, but you'll be there for this one, right?" I looked down at my stomach, "and Josie still needs a father, no matter how old she is."
   He gave a half-hearted smile, but it soon became a frown, "do you think this bothers her?"
"The baby?" He nodded, "no, you'd see it all over her face if it did. She's terrible at hiding her emotions."
He frowned, "I know. I should have seen the signs that I was pushing her too far- or at least paid attention to what she was trying to tell me. I messed up, Rose."
   "I know," I said, "you did mess up. But there's still time to fix this- and Josephine isn't blameless. She's made just as many mistakes, Jack. She's the one who ran away."
   "But I pushed her too far."
   "You were doing what you thought was in her best interest. Jack, I love you because you do what you think is right and damn the consequences. I just need you share these decisions with me and not treat me like a child."
   "I know, and I'm sorry. It won't happen again."
   We sat side by side on the top step until my head grew heavy and one day faded into the next.