gerard
Jessie nestled closer into me. She was sitting on my couch by my side, her head now on my chest. I smiled down at her. She was so fucking beautiful. I saw her lean up and her lips met mine, parting, and I readjusted myself to better hold her.
It was a rainy Friday afternoon in August and it was a perfect day for staying inside. Some movie was playing on the TV in my basement, but I hadn't been paying much attention to it. I just wanted to focus on Jessie before Frank and Ray came over for practice.
I heard Mikey coming down the steps and sat upright, breaking the kiss. The lonely bass in the corner of the room distracted me, so I checked my watch. We had another half hour. I glanced in the direction of the stairs and couldn't have done a double take faster. It wasn't my brother. Ray had just entered the room.
"Hey, Gerard, Mikey said you were down here and-what the hell?" He had caught sight of me with my arm around Jessie and his jaw dropped.
I kept looking between Jessie and Ray, both of whom weren't moving. Finally Ray spoke again.
"What's going on here?" he asked cautiously. He took a step back, almost afraid, like he could bolt at any moment if he needed. I took a breath and chuckled nervously. His expression melted from perplexed to understanding. "Sonya."
The name couldn't have been spoken more clearly but I was confused. So was Jessie, apparent in her eyes. "What?" I asked.
Ray took a step closer to us. "There was no girl from Starbuck's, was there? No Sonya?" I realized that he was referring to the night when I asked him for advice. He never really gave it, which I had realized the next time I thought about her. By now, we were both sitting up, separated from each other.
Jessie still looked confused. "Who's Sonya?"
"She doesn't exist," I explained, putting my hand on hers. "I needed advice about, well, you, so I went to Ray. He asked who and I had told him some barista. That was just a name that came to mind." Her eyebrows relaxed, showing relief.
"So, uh," Ray started, now coming to sit down on the couch, "when did this happen?" He waved his hand in our general direction.
We thought for a moment. "Like a month ago," Jessie said and shrugged. "After the first show I played with you." She didn't sound tentative or unsure like I would have, instead coming across as just honest.
My friend nodded slowly. "Does Frank know?" His question was reasonable.
"No," I said. After I observed how he reacted to Jessie's friend wanting to date her and how protective he was of her, I knew that it would be best to keep him in the dark. In the worst case scenario, he would lash out on me or even quit the band. In the best case, it would only make things uncomfortable.
Ray chuckled softly. "Shit, man, what are you gonna do about that?"
I sighed, putting my arm around Jessie again. "I don't know." I began nervously fiddling with the loose string on the couch cushion.
"Frank'll be here soon," she said finally. "We better get set up." She and Ray stood up.
"Wait," I asked, turning to him. "Why did you come so early in the first place?"
"Early?" he asked. "I'm not early at all..." His voice trailed off and he checked his watch. "I have three thirty-five."
My watch read three. I rolled my eyes and breathed, "Whatever." I'd fix it later.
Frank came in not long after, guitar case on back and smile on face. I had long moved away from his cousin. I knew how bad of a friend I was for having a relationship with someone he loved so much and wanted to protect. I felt like shit for it. But Jessie was so goddamn perfect, I knew I would never have an opportunity to be with her or someone as extraordinary as her ever again.
jessie
I was almost out the door before my aunt called my name from the living room. She was sitting in an armchair, holding a newspaper, looking over her glasses perched on her nose.
"Yes ma'am?" I asked sweetly. In truth I wanted nothing more than to go to Gerard's house.
"Where on earth have you been going lately?" she asked, giving me a funny look.
As much as I wanted to tell her the truth, I couldn't. She would go nuclear if she found out I was dating one of Frank's friends, who was probably a bad influence in her eyes. "I'm hanging out with Michelle." I felt awful lying and mentally beat myself up for it.
"Weren't you supposed to be looking for a job, Jessie?" she wondered. She didn't sound accusatory, but inquisitive.
"Yes, ma'am. I'll do that now." It would be one of those I'm not mad, just disappointed moments if I wasn't careful-which I never really had seen firsthand from her. I did tell her I would find work.
She pointed to a spot on the paper. "There's a wanted ad right here," she said. I looked over at the tiny print. "For a waitress. You could that."
I would honestly love something less social and more intellectually stimulating than a waitress, but beggars can't be choosers. "That sounds fine," I said, and Aunt Linda began to tear out the small square advertisement. Waiting tables would pay decently anyways; tip commission would be a blessing. "Can I still go to Michelle's?"
"Sure," my aunt said, not able to refuse my request. "Don't stay out too late. And stop by that restaurant if you get the chance."
I nodded and said goodbye. As I scampered out of the house and into the waning summer day, I made a note to myself to call Michelle when I got to the Way's in case I needed a cover up.
~~~~~~~~
Gerard and I were in his basement, playing some video game that belonged to Mikey. On most occasions, I would win the battle and we began to trash talk, and that always ended up with kissing. Once in a while, Gerard would win, and that too lead to kissing. I didn't mind at all.
I did mind-and I had for a while-what Gerard thought of how old I was. I never considered myself immature (it was marginally easier for me to converse with adults as opposed to people my age) but it occurred to me that he may think so. I was turning eighteen in September and, despite the fact that this would close no age gap between us, he may begin to think of me as the adult I had always felt like.
We finished a game and before Gerard was able to comment on my winning, I said to him, "You know, I'm pretty sure that my birthday is September 15th."
"Is that so?" he asked, taking my hand. "In that case, we need to do something special." He shot me a sly look and I couldn't help but think he was making some sort of innuendo. I kinda liked it.
"No," I said, shooting him down. I had never been one for celebrations, especially for my own birthday, and the fact that I even mentioned it would be odd to someone who had known me longer. "I was only going to say that it means your girlfriend will be an adult."
He chuckled. "Are you really worried about that?"
In truth, I had been ever since we got together. "Why wouldn't I be?"
His eyebrows furrowed and he cocked his head to the side inquisitively, an unbelievably cute motion. "Because you're smarter than that," he said comfortingly. He came a little closer. "And if I haven't made it absolutely clear, I don't see you as some annoying little girl. Hell, you're probably more mature than I am." I accepted this, but to prove his point, Gerard pinned me down on on the couch and his lips met mine before I could say anything. His touch was electrifying to say the least.
The phone rang from the side table. Gerard was going to ignore it at first, but I pushed him off of me and told him it may be important. He rolled his eyes and reached for the receiver, but someone had picked it up somewhere else in the house.
Mikey came bounding downstairs a minute later, panic in his eyes.
"Gerard," he said, out of breath, "I fucked up."
"What?" asked Gerard, sitting up and facing his brother. He took on the same expression of distress Mikey held.
"Frank... called," said Mikey. The phone was still in his hand and his knuckles were white from the grip.
"And...?" I wondered, wishing he would finished the sentence. Anything this big that had to do with my cousin was sure to be disastrous.
Mikey finally caught his breath. "And, he was wondering where you were, Jessie. He said he called Michelle and your two other friends and they didn't know. So..." He took a moment to cringe into himself, apology washing over his face. "...so I accidentally told him you were here."
"What?" Gerard and I said as one.
"I'm sorry," said Mikey. "It was instinct. I wanted to calm him down."
"Well what did he say, Mikey?" I asked, knowing that whatever he did would lead to more questions and the outcome wouldn't be pretty.
Mikey looked down sheepishly, likely knowing the measure of how badly he messed up. "He asked why you were over here, and by then I was like oh shit what do I do, so I hung up on him."
"Knowing my cousin, he's probably on the way over." I buried my face in my hands. "What am I going to do?"
Gerard spoke up. "I knew this was a bad idea. I'm so sorry. I'll take the blame."
I immediately felt a pang of guilt; it was my fault that all of this was happening. I had practically thrown myself at him, for God's sake. If I hadn't done that, if I hadn't wanted him so badly, I wouldn't have put myself and Gerard's friendship with Frank at risk. But, I thought to myself, nothing's happened yet. Just see how it plays out. Addressing Gerard, I said,"It's not matter of blame, don't worry. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine." I had been at fault for too many things at this point-namely, I was the reason my mother left, so being responsible for Frank potentially losing his best friend would be just another weight of guilt on my shoulders. But you don't know what's going to happen, I had to remind myself.
"That's not true," Gerard said, squeezing my hand. "Let's just wait. See what'll happen. It'll be okay."
I hoped to God it would.
gerard
By the time Frank got here, Jessie, Mikey, and I had managed to work out an excuse for why Jessie was at my house. Unfortunately, though, he was smarter than that.
"So you mean to tell me," he said to his cousin, remaining calm but confused, "that you've been here for the past four hours to pick up a CD?"
I cursed myself for not having a more convincing story. Jessie decided to continue with it, though. "No," she responded with a straight face. "I was with Michelle for the majority of the time and she wanted to hear our album."
Frank crossed his arms, eyes narrowed. He was terrifying when he was mad. "I just called her. She hasn't seen you since last week." All of the colour drained out of Jessie's face. "Why are you lying to me?" His voice was now softer, almost hurt.
I caught a look at Mikey. He seemed to be hiding his amusement at the situation, which really pissed me off. I knew the truth would come out because Jessie couldn't tell anything more than a little white lie. I knew that Frank would be beyond upset and there's no telling how he would handle me.
Out of nowhere, he inhaled sharply and faced me. "It's you, isn't it?" he asked slowly. "You're fucking her, aren't you?" The look in his eyes was wild and I instantly shrunk into myself. I was surprised he didn't jump me right there, the way he was sizing me up.
"What? No, gross," I stuttered. Jessie then looked at me, offended. "No, that's not what I mean-I just..."
"Answer the fucking question, Gerard!" he demanded, becoming physically more outraged every second.
I closed my eyes and took a breath. "I haven't... had sex... with her." Then I mentally added yet to the end of that sentence, but was grateful I didn't say it aloud.
"Is that the truth, or is it bullshit just like the rest of this?" Frank spat.
Jessie interjected. "We have not had any physical relations." She sounded sharp and to the point. I could see anger rising in her now.
"Except your tongue down her throat," Mikey mumbled.
All three of us swung our attention towards my younger brother, who just shrugged. The fact that Frank had figured it out anyways was probably his rational for commenting. That didn't excuse it.
Frank's jaw clenched and he cupped his hands over his mouth. He shut his eyes, seemingly trying to compose himself. After a moment, he glared at me but said to Jessie, "Go home, Jess." She didn't respond. He repeated himself.
"I heard what you said, Frank," she replied harshly.
"What?" he said. "Am I the bad guy now?" He was being passive aggressive, something I'd never seen in him before. Then again, I'd only had one real argument with him, and that was so long ago.
Jessie licked her lips and she focused her eyes on him. If looks could kill. "Yes, you are. You think that because I've had so much control on myself since Mom left, that you do too. You don't. I'm old enough now to make my own decisions." She sounded like she was giving directions to a bar, not having a heated argument.
"I don't want you to get hurt! He's, what, eight years older than you? No can-do, missy."
"Missy?!" she exclaimed, appalled. "I'm not six years old, you're not my mother." She gestured to herself then him for effect.
"Whatever, you're still not going to be seeing him," he retorted.
Jessie's hands balled into fists. "That's not up to you," she hissed.
"Say goodbye to him, and if you can't do that, we'll both say goodbye to My Chemical Romance." He looked pleased with the power he now had, standing up straighter and folding his arms again.
Mikey, Jessie, and I were shocked. We all said some variation of no, you can't do that, but Frank shrugged them all off.
I honestly hated this side of him. Yes, he was protective, but he was controlling. He didn't seem to have any boundaries for his ruling or compassion for Jessie's perspective on the matter (never mind the fact that she had seemed to be making a lot of her own choices growing up). And no matter her defiance, he wouldn't come to any sort of consensus.
He eventually persuaded her to leave, but she hugged me first, and I could feel her shudder in my arms.
"I'm so sorry," she murmured. I shook my head but said nothing, knowing that Frank was staring me down and would be able to make out what I told her. I resorted to the last thing I had to try and change his mind, guilt. I gave him my most helpless look, but he only pursed his lips and sighed.
Frank led Jessie out, but not before Mikey apologized to them. Neither of them accepted it, but only nodded curtly. Jessie looked defeated and Frank looked exasperated. I felt like shit.
What's worse, neither of them showed up to practice the next week.
Holy crap, I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while. I'm on break now but honestly haven't had the motivation to continue writing this for a while. But don't worry, I'll do my best to update as often as I can.
Thanks to all of you who have been reading and supporting this story. It honestly means a lot to me and encourages me to write. *blows kisses*
So I was reading the story over and holy shit there are a lot of errors regarding what actually happened at the beginning of MCR. I did research before I began to write this story, but obviously not enough. It's difficult. I may wait until I finish this until I fix them, but there's no way in hell I'm just going to leave all these mistakes in this story.
In other news, I've begun writing another fanfiction, a Frerard. It's going to be a lot better than this one (first person really is a bad choice). Once I finish it, I'll be posting it. It would mean a lot if you read it :)
That's all.
Cady.