37. BROKEN HEARTS
Olli
July 1pm Year 2011
"Hi honey! I missed you." Emilia greeted me smiling when I opened the door for her. I woke up about one hour ago, so I haven't done anything interesting. Except I was texting with her, and she really wanted to come here. So, now she's standing in front of me.
But not long, she almost jumped to me and hugged me tightly. I hugged her back, and chuckled nervously.
"We saw couple days ago, and we have been texting since then." I said calmly when she finally let go of me, and walked past me in to the hallway. I closed the door and watched her taking off her shoes.
"Yeah, but still I missed you. Didn't you miss me?" She made a puppy face, I couldn't help but smile and chuckle.
"I did..." I quietly responded, and she started to smile. She came to me, and pressed our lips together.
"Nice to see you Emilia." I heard my mother's voice, and we pulled apart quickly. Or I did, Emilia wasn't in a rush. I looked behind my girlfriend, and my mom just leaned against a wall and smiled.
"Some privacy would be nice..." I sighed quietly and started to walk towards my bedroom, and Emilia was following me.
"Nice to see you too. I think Olli is a bit grumpy today." Emilia chuckled with her high tone to my mom.
I reached my bedroom, but apparently she stayed for a moment to talk with my mom. I sighed, rolled my eyes and layed down on my bed. I was tired, and yes, irritated.
After couple minutes Emilia walked in and closed the door behind her, she was still smiling.
She left her bag on my chair, and then came to my bed, but she sat next to me and played with my hoodie strings while I stared at the ceiling.
"I'm so sad that we're going to different schools in august..." She suddenly sighed. She has said that many times. I don't think it's sad, I'm just glad that we both do things we like.
"Still we will see each other, don't worry. It's just good that we will find our own paths." I responded and watched her, but her eyes were on her hands.
"Own paths? What does that mean? Don't you believe we will have a future together?" She asked worried, and slowly moved her gaze on me. Her eyes looked like she was almost starting to cry, it made me confused. I sat up and took her hands, stroking them.
"I didn't mean that, no..." I said confused, and a little nervous.
I didn't know what else to say. What she wants me to say?
Somewhere out there is my best friend, I mean.. we haven't talked in a long time. She, Eevi.. I'm sure that she has my heart. When I'm not with her, I feel empty and lonely.
When I found the poem few months ago, it was a beautiful one. But I was confused, there was also a letter E, and it was the hint who it was from.
Emilia was standing next to me, searching something from her locker. I had seen how she has looked at me, but still we never had a real conversation. The words just escaped from my mouth, that was the poem from her. She looked at me confused, and she was clearly nervous.
She answered that it was from her.
Somehow, don't know why but those words felt like a knife hitting straight into my heart.
For a moment I was hoping that it would be from Eevi.. but I see it wasn't.
Yes, stupid me, why she would love me? She's my best friend, if we would meant to be, it would've had happened a long time ago.
When I asked from Eevi that what choices she made concerning schools, she was acting weird.
She told me that the same ones she told before.
After that, we haven't talked.
This has felt so unreal. We were always together before. But not anymore.
"Olli! Could you go to pick up the mails?" I heard my father voice shouting from somewhere the house.
Sighing I stood up and Emilia stayed in my room. I walked past the kitchen where my father was sitting with my mother, and they were eating something.
"Thank you." Father said smirking when he saw that I looked pissed, still I was nice and went to get the mail.
I put on some shoes and opened the door, I left it open and walked to the mailbox.
I put the key in, and opened it. There was couple letters, so I took them. But there also was something else, something not so usual to get.
I frowned, because it looked too familiar. I took it in my hand.
"What..." I quietly said underneath my breath when I looked it. Silver necklace, a small heart. The one I gave to Eevi last year. Why is it here?
Quickly I put away the letters and took my phone from my pocket, I searched Tommi's number.
He has been spending time with her and probably knows. And why I don't call straight to Eevi? She wouldn't answer to me.
I called to him, and I had to wait for a while when he answered. Has something happened to her?
"Tommi, hey. Uhm.. I have Eevi's necklace.. it was in our mailbox..." I said while I stared it. I stroked the small heart with my thumb.
"Yeah about that.. Eevi is moving to Helsinki. She left in this morning. She didn't want me to say anything about it to anyone, but I guess this was the time now." Tommi said from other side of the phone. I freezed. My mouth was slightly open, I didn't have any words to say. What I was supposed to say?
Why the hell is she moving there? All alone? It's such a big city, and she doesn't know anyone from there.
I.. can't be here without her. Even tho we haven't talked or done anything together for a while but.. only her presence was enough for me.
How am I supposed to continue my life?
I walked slowly back to my bedroom, I had my right hand in wrist. I had the necklace in there, this whole situation was hurting my heart. I wanted to cry.
But Emilia is here, and she looked at me weirdly.
The whole room was silent. My mind felt like.. nothing.
I was staring the floor, and I just wanted to be alone. But she, I mean my girlfriend, is here. They were best friends once, but that changed too. And Emilia doesn't seem to mind.
"She changed." Emilia always said when I tried to ask about it. Yes she has, I've seen it. And not in a good way. She didn't look so well. She's clearly fighting herself.
If that was the reason for her to move to Helsinki? She wanted to start over.
"What is it?" My silent moment was interrupted by Emilia's calm voice. I looked her, and she was just staring at me.
"Eevi is gone." I quietly mumbled. Her eyes widened open, she looked shocked.
"Gone? You mean.. dead..?" She whispered the last word. Now I got it why she looked like that, I didn't say it right. Those words just escaped. Like.. naturally.
Because this felt like it, that I had lost her forever.
This is not the same of course, I know she's alive. But, just living in a another city. Far away from me.
"No, not dead. She moved to Helsinki." I shook my head and sat on the edge of my bed. She sat behind me and massaged my shoulders.
"Okay.. how do you feel? You two were so close some time ago." She asked.
I kept that heart necklace in my hand, it should feel warm, but it felt cold. Everything feels cold from now on.
I don't know how I have even managed to be without her for the past months.
What if it was my fault? I started dating, and it made her to take distance.
Is it.. my fault that her mental health is.. bad..?
"I don't know.. don't wanna talk about it." I responded quietly. I wanted so bad to be alone right now. I wanted to scream against my pillow.
"I know what will cheer you up." She said happily and sat next to me. I put the necklace on my pocket so she wouldn't see it.
I didn't answer, I just looked at her eyes. They almost sparkled.
"Let's go to movies, or to the beach." She smiled.
I just shook my head lightly, I wasn't in a mood to do anything. I think she saw it, but she tried so hard.
Too hard.
"Are you hungry? Should we go to eat? Do you want to see your friends..?" She asked many things for us to do.
After a while when I just stayed silent, because I wasn't able to say that I wanted to be alone now, she stood up.
"I guess I go to home." She sighed and took her bag from my chair.
"I'm sorry.. I'm just tired and all..." I explained and stood up.
She looked at me for a second, and then gave me a sweet smile. She just nodded.
"I know." She then kissed me.
I closed my bedroom door. Finally, silence and being alone. A huge raid of anger and sadness took over my whole body and mind.
I took the necklace from my pocket, and I looked at it. Tears filled my eyes, and I pressed my teeth together. I wanted to crush the whole fucking necklace with all force I had.
With huge anger I walked to the window and opened it, I was ready to throw it out.
I almost did.
But then the reality hit me again.
It's the only thing I have left from her. It's the only thing I have that reminds me of her.
I started crying quietly, I didn't want my parents to hear me.
"Why..." I whispered to myself and looked the necklace again.
"Why you fucking left me here..?"
Will we ever see each other again?
Little bit of memories again.
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