{Long Chapter Ahead - 4,712 words}
Jean placed both of his arms on the table and leaned her head on top of his arms. He stared at his best friend, who's busy knitting a beige cardigan that she said she'll give to him since winter season is almost coming.
And Je,an have been thinking about his first kiss that was stolen by Y/n.
It's been bothering him, especially that Y/n can't even remember it, or anything that happened during their day-off one month ago. The booze really messed up with her memory.
"I will knit your name here." Y/n said with a small smile plastered on her lips. "Or maybe just your last name? I think that's more okay. Right?" Y/n looked at Jean and caught him staring at her. She raised a brow and stopped what she was doing. Jean remained unbothered even if Y/n already saw him staring at her. "What?" Y/n asked.
The h/c girl was stunned when Jean reached for her face. She froze on her place after Jean tucked some thin strands of her hair that's on the left side of her face behind her left ear.
"Some of your hair keeps falling, you should some clip or head band next time. Especially when we're training. It might cause you an accident." Jean said. He sat properly and looked away from Y/n, he noticed how Y/n's cheeks became red right after what he did.
Y/n scoffed and looked away from him, too. She looked on the cardigan she's knitting and continued knitting it. "O-okay..." Y/n said in a low voice.
Jean didn't say anything anymore. It's the reason why Y/n secretly glanced at him, she saw him now doodling on his notebook. They're inside their classroom and their class about titans and the history of the walls are done. Everyone's out already, but Y/n and Jean stayed behind just to spend time together. They've been very busy for the past month, training have been so hard, too. The two of them barely had enough time to bond with each other.
Y/n's brows furrowed when she saw that Jean's not just doodling. Instead, he's drawing. Though she can't see what Jean's drawing on his notebook.
Y/n juat shrugged it off and continued knitting the beige cardigan she'll give to Jean. She became so focused that she can't even feel that Jean's keep on glancing at her while he's drawing.
He's making a drawing of Y/n. In the last page of his notebook, he drew the h/c girl, who's sitting on a chair just beside him and knitting a cardigan.
He made sure that he perfectly copied Y/n's side profile. From how her eyes looks from the side, how long her eyelashes are, how her nose and lips looks like and even her current serious look that's plastered on her face. But he added something else...
He put a hairclip on the left side of her head to prevent her hair from falling to down her eyes down to the side of her face. Over all, Jean made a perfect image drawig of Y/n, without his best friend knowing about it.
It's the first time Jean drew Y/n.
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(Year 848 - Month of December)
Y/n hopped off from her horse as soon as she arrived in front of the survey corps headquarters. She let out a sigh, at the same time a cold smoke came out from her mouth.
It'a already winter season. Tonight is the first snowfall of year 848. It's also the time of celebration for winter solace. Everyone in the military were give a three days of holiday day-off.
Erwin sent Y/n a letter to visit the survey corps headquarters and celebrate winter solace with him.
Y/n fixed her gray winter coat.
She's wearing the hood of it. She even has a black scarf wrapped around her neck, covering her mouth and nose. She's also wearing a gloves and boots to prevent herself from getting cold.
Behind her winter clothes, she's still wearing her cadet corps uniform.
Y/n held the reigns of her horse and pulled it with her going inside the survey corps headquarters.
She went straight to the stables, so that she can accomodate her horse before she goes to her uncle.
Luckily, there's an unoccupied stable, Y/n opened the wooden gate and put her horse inside. She tied the reigns of her horse on the side, then picked up a hay and put it on the container in front if her horse's stable, she also put water on the other container.
Y/n smiled and gently caressed her horse's head. Her horse is a healthy and female white horse. Instructor Shadis was the one who assigned the white horse to her. Saying that, it'll be in good care if Y/n is it's owner. And instructor Shadis was right, the white horse is well taken care of by Y/n.
"Come to think of it...you don't have a name yet." Y/n said to her horse.
She leaned on the gate of her horse's stable and looked up while thinking of a name for her white horse. She suddenly laughed when she thought of naming it "Jean". "Nope. He'll surely get mad at me if I did that." Y/n said.
Y/n looked at the other horses in the stable. She laughed when she saw that the other horses are looking at her.
Y/n ridiculously let out a funny neigh, trying to intimidate the horses.
The horses neighed at her too, which only made Y/n to laugh. "Walls...am I turning crazy already or what?" Y/n asked herseld then laughed again.
She smiled when her white horse rubbed it's head on her back.
Y/n pat the head of her horse. "I don't know what to name you...you're a beautiful horse, so your name should be beautiful, too. How about Y/n? Since I'm beautiful." Y/n said as she let a smug smirk to plaster on her lips.
"Tch."
Y/n's eyes widened when she heard someone clicked a tongue. She looked back at the stable's entrance and saw a short man with raven hair and dull, narrow, sleek gray eyes. He's wearing a long black coat and gray scarf, just like Y/n, he has gloves on and boots.
Y/n got a glimpse of the man's uniform. She saw the survey corps patch on the righ side chest pocket of the man's survey corps uniform.
"Who are you, brat?" The short man asked with his bored tone.
Y/n gulped. She felt intimidated by the man's stare and tone. No, she actually felt intimidated by his presence.
The h/c girl then realized that the man in front of her is a senior since he's already a member of a military regiment. She saluted to give respect.
"Y/n S. Heinrich of the 104th southern cadet corps trainees, sir! I'm sorry for coming in here without permission. But I was invited by the commander to come here and celebrate winter solace with him. I'm a family to the survey corps' commander, Erwin Smith If you want to confirm what I just said, I can show you the letter he sent me. It's here with me." Y/n said.
The raven-haired guy raised a brow at Y/n. "Ah...you're his niece?" He asked.
Y/n nod her head. "Yes, sir. But how did you know?" Y/n curiously asked.
"He told me." The short man said.
He put both of his hands inside his coat's packet then turned around. "Let's go. He's been waiting for you." The raven-man said then walked out.
Y/n quickly followed behind the short man. She wanted to laugh, because the man's so short. His legs are short, as well as his steps. Though he's still able to walk fast, the reason why Y/n has to make her step bigger just to catch up with him. "Uhm...What's your name, sir?" Y/n curiously asked.
She's now beside the man and trying to match his fast walking pace.
"Levi." The short man said.
"Oh..." Y/n said as she nod her head. She thought for a while, thinking where could she possibly have heard of the name "Levi" before because it sounds very much familiar to her.
Levi...? I'm sure I've heard of that name before... Y/n thought.
She stopped walking when Levi stopped. The two of them stared at the mess hall's building. Y/n was amazed at how big the mess hall is. Their mess hall in the training corps is not big and just enough for them trainees. "Let's go." Levi said and walked towards the mess hall. He opened the door and walked in first.
Y/n could hear the soldiers inside the mess hall. Celebrating winter solace. She smiled and walked towards the mess hall and walked in inside. Y/n felt embarrassed when the mess hall became quiet amd everyone stared at her. Y/n just stared at the crowd of soldiers. Damn. I want to go back...
"Y/n?! You're Y/n, right?!" Y/n almost jumped out of shock when a brunette-soldier wearing an eyeglass goggles appeared beside her. The brunette soldier is smiling widely at her. "You're Erwin's niece, right? Erwin said you'll be here tonight! Happy holidays! I'm Hanji Zoë!" They said.
They even offered a hand to Y/n for a handshake. Y/n shyly accepted it and slolwy shook Hanji's hand. "I'm Y/n S. Heinrich. Nice to meet you...???" Y/n wondered how she should call Hanji.
She's not really sure if she should call her ma'am or sir. Her pausing made the brunette-soldier to laugh at her.
Y/n was surprised when Hanji pinched both of her cheeks.
"You're so cute! You can just call me Hanji!" Hanji said with a wide-smile.
Y/n frowned when Hanji is still not letting go of her cheeks, her cheeks already starting to feel pain, because of how hard Hanji's pinching it.
"You're hurting her, Hanji-san."
Y/n looked at a soldier with brown-hair and a natural anxious look on his face. He looks stressed even if there's nothing to be stressed about. "Oh! I'm sorry!" Hanji said then laughed again.
They let go of Y/n's cheeks and gently rubbed it with their calloused hand.
Y/n looked at Levi who's sitting on a chair and sipping quietly on his tea.
Levi raised a brow at her, Y/n looks like she's asking Levi for help to make things less awkward for her, but Levi couldn't care less. He's busy with his girlfriend. Levi's girlfriend is his tea.
"Hey, Y/n. I'm Moblit Berner. Hanji's assistant. Happy holidays."
Y/n looked at the brown-haired man. She smiled upon seeing the kind smile on Moblit. "Nice to meet you, too." Y/n said. She also shook Moblit's hand.
"Commander!!"
Y/n's brows shot-up when the door of the mess hall opened. She looked back and saw her uncle with a big blond guy and female soldier with undercut blond hair. Erwin smiled at Y/n, the other soldiers were surprised upon first time seeing their commander smile. He's always stoic and serious.
"My angel is here." Erwin said.
Erwin walked towards Y/n, Y/n smiled and approached her uncle. The blond commander opened his arms for Y/n so that she can hug him. Y/n chuckled and hugged Erwin as soon as she got close to him. "Happy holidays, to my angel." Erwin said with a small smile.
"Where's my holiday gift? Just kidding. Happy holidays, commander Uncle!" Y/n said. She tiptoed and kissed both of her uncle's cheeks.
Erwin let out a small laugh. He ruffled Y/n's hair and then wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Everyone, I want you all to meet my angel, my niece to be exact, her name's Y/n. Y/n's father was once a survey corps veteran, though he retired after being disabled by a titan." Erwin said to his soldiers. The soldiers smiled and waved at Y/n. They also greeted her.
It made Y/n to feel relieved. Earlier, she thought the scouts are judging her, because of her sudden presence.
Y/n froze on her place when she felt someone behind her sniffing her.
She slowly looked back and saw the other big blond guy sniffing her.
"E-eh?! P-pardon me, sir? But what are you doing?" Y/n politely asked.
Erwin, Hanji, Moblit and the female soldier with an undercut haircut laughed. Levi smiled behind his teacup. The big blond guy stepped away from Y/n, he looked at nowhere then smiled, he didn't even say anything about his weird action.
"His name's Mike Zacharias, Y/n. I'm sorry about that. Mike has a weird habit of sniffing onto people, also, he has a strong sense of scent." Erwin said. Y/n just stared at Mike with a are-you-serious?-look. "Him suddenly looking away and smiling, probably just means nothing. Don't be bothered by it." Erwin said as he let out a laugh.
Y/n just nod, she still can't get over of how weird Mike is. But she can feel that Mike'sa good man. But he's so quiet. If Y/n's alone with him, she knows she'll go crazy with how silent Mike is. "And this is Nanaba, Y/n. She's a member of Mike's squad." Erwin said, then he gestured at the pretty female soldier with an undercut hair.
"Hi, Y/n." Nanaba said and pat Y/n's shoulder. Y/n smiled and nod at her.
"Hello, nice to meet you." Y/n said.
She looked at the survey corps veterans, Erwin, Levi, Hanji, Mike, Moblit and Nanaba. They're all her uncle's friends. "Happy holidays to all of you. It's nice to meet new people in a lovely holiday." Y/n said then smiled.
"Ugh...you're sucu a sweetheart!! I totally adore you now!!" Hanji said.
They were about to hug Y/n, but Erwin pulled Y/n away and walked towards the table where Levi is.
Hanji frowned while Moblit and Nanaba laughed at her. Erwin knows that Y/n will be tortured (not in a bad way) if Hanji starts to cling onto Y/n.
Erwin pulled a chair for Y/n, Y/n sat down. Erwin sat on the center chair, Levi's on his left while Y/n's on his right. Mike's sitting across from Erwin. On his left is Nanaba, and on his right is Hanji. Moblit is in between Hanji and Y/n while the seat between Nanaba and Levi are empty. Actually, it's not. There's a black cat sitting on it, but when it noticed Y/n, he climbed the table and stared at Y/n, making the h/c girl to shrieked a little because she's not fond of cats. "Tch. Scared of cats?" Levi asked, his tone still bored.
(A/n: I know cats are cute, but I'm actually scared of them, so I decided and considered Y/n to have the same fear as me. If you're not scared of cats, then it's okay. Just pretend lmao.)
"N-no...I'm just not fond of them." Y/n said. She moved her chair backwards to get away from the cat. Y/n gulped when the cat started walking towards her. "Oh my...just stay there!" Y/n said.
The veterans laughed at Y/n, except for Levi who has a slight smirk plastered on his lips. He actually wants to laugh at how Y/n looks so terrified of a soft creature...a cat.
"It won't bite you, Y/n. Though, it may scratch you, just don't scare her away. That's Devon, Levi's pet." Erwin said.
(A/n: I just wanted to give Levi a pet. Like his comfort animal. And I think he would love to own a black cat.)
Y/n shrieked once again when Devon jumped on her head. Hanji laughed out loud when Y/n froze on her place. The black cat sat on top of Y/n's head and rested their, sleeping adorably.
Y/n looked at Levi. "U-uh...could you get your cat please?" Y/n asked.
Levi shook his head. "Unfortunately, no. Because my bratty cat's sleeping. She hates it when she gets disturbed from her sleeping session." Levi said.
Y/n shut her eyes. I can't believe this short man...I hope he stays 160 cm.
"Meow."
Y/n frowned when Devon's tail brushed on her face. Devon woke up and jumped down on Y/n's lap. Y/n stared at Devon who's now resting on her lap. "I...I prefer dogs. But...I'll make an exception for you." Y/n said.
She smiled as she slowly brought her hand close to Devon. Y/n cautiously brushed Devon's fur on, careful not to hurt her because she's scared that she might get scratched or bitten by Levi's bratty cat, Devon. "Huh...cats are not that bad after all..." Y/n whispered.
Erwin smiled at the sight of Y/n overcoming her fear of cats.
He can see that Y/n's finally warming up with a cat, and he knows that Y/n will soon be fond of every cats.
"Happy holidays!!!" Ever soldier in the mess hall shouted. They raised their cups with booze and did a toast to one another. Y/n laughed when Hanji gulped down all of her boozs in just one drink. "Yeah! Give me one more!" Hanji happily said. Their cheeks are already red because of the amount of booze that she already had drunk.
Y/n is just drinking a juice, Erwin and Levi won't allow her to drink alcohol, not even take a sip. They don't know, that Y/n was once already got wasted.
Nanaba pushed a plate full of food towards Y/n. "Eat more, Y/n. At times like this, we should have plenty to eat. It's not always we get to have a happy celebration like this." Nanaba said.
Y/n nod and smiled. "Yes. Thank you, Nanaba." Y/n said and started eating. She chuckled when Devon took the bread on her plate and started eating.
"So what regiment are you going yo join when you graduate from the cadet corps, Y/n?" Moblit asked.
Y/n pursued her lips. She looked at Erwin who's also looking at her. Y/n gave Erwin a should-I-tell-them?-look. But her uncle just shrugged at her.
Y/n frowned at Erwin. She looked at Moblit. "This may sound surprising, but I'm joining the MPB." Y/n said.
Mike choked on the bread he's eating, Moblit and Nanaba stared at her with disbelief, Levi choked on his tea while Hange suddenly stopped drinking and it felt like she's suddenly sober. Erwin just chuckled. "What...? You're gonna join those unicorn bastards?" Nanaba said, still looking at Y/n with disbelief.
"Why?! Why there?!" Hange asked.
"Yeah...I was expecting you to be joining us also because since your uncle is the commander of the survey corps and your father was once a survey corps soldier." Moblit said.
Y/n let out a small chuckle, then she pursued her lips and stared at nowhere. "It's not like I really wanted to become a soldier, and I didn't have any interest in joining any military egiments. But I decided to join the cadet corps to follow someone." Y/n wasn't ashame at all to answer with all honesty. "That person wants to join the MPB, so I'll follow him to..."
The smile on Y/n's lips faltered. To protect someone I love who doesn't love me back the same way I do...
"To protect that person. Because that person is very important to me. I don't know what'll happen if I lose that special person, too." Y/n said.
Erwin and the other veterans stared at Y/n. They can see and feel the love that Y/n has for that "person", for Jean. Y/n's willing to snap a titan's neck or even a human's neck, just to protect Jean and keep him from being harmed. "That person is very lucky." Mike spoke. Y/n looked at him with a surprised look, because he finally talked! "He's lucky because he has a girl by his side that consider him more important than anything else." Mike said, then flashed a small smile.
"My...my...is that person someone you like, Y/n?!" Hanji asked in her teasing tone. She giggled when Y/n blushed.
The h/c girl didn't answer and just continued eating her food.
"I hope to meet that person, Y/n. Let me see if he's good enough to deserve your love and attention." Erwin said.
Erwin's tone sounded strict and his face expression is just serious.
Y/n puckered her lips a little bit.
"He doesn't like me that way, uncle. There's no need for you to check if he's really for me, because we won't end up together. We're best friends." Y/n said.
Levi clicked his tongue. He stared at Y/n with a are-you-fucking-kidding-me-brat?-look. "Are you an idiot? Why would you dedicate your heart, body, and mind to someone who doesn't like you the same way you do? You're just gonna waste your time." Levi said with so much sarcasm on his tone.
Y/n frowned at Levi. "I don't need him to like me back, captain. As long as I'm beside that person, then I'm fine. All I want to do is protect him and keep him safe all the time." Y/n said.
Ever since we were just kids, Jean have always been protecting me. From the bullies, anyone who tries to hurt me or harrass me...
He was always there. Even if he's not that strong, nor brave...he still protected me...It's my turn now.
I have to be the one to protect him now...I'll protect Jean at all cost.
"That's a strong love you have for that person, Y/n. I hope you don't forget to give yourself protection and love, too. Always remember that yourself is also important." Erwin said with a small smile plastered on his lips. He always sees Greta in Y/n. His sister loved too much, and now, Y/n is doing the same.
She's loving Jean too much.
Erwin fears that if Y/n give all what she has to that person and ended up getting hurt, she won't hage anything else left for herself anymore.
Just like what happened to his sister...
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Y/n left the survey corps headquarters after having breakfast with her uncle and his veterans friends.
She can't stay long at the scouts HQ since she only asked for a one day stay outside from instructor Shadis.
Y/n still has 2 days of her holiday day-off. As well as her co-trainees.
Before going back to the cadet corps, Y/n went to the market first to buy a holiday gift for Jean. She's holding her horse's reigns while strolling around the town's market. Y/n's brows shot-up when she saw an art shop store.
She smiled upon remembering how Jean loves to spend his free time drawing or randomly doodling.
Y/n walked towards the artshop.
She put her horse on the side and tied it's reigns somwhere available just so her horse will not get away.
Y/n then walked in inside the art shop. She went to the section where the drawing materials are located.
Y/n picked out some high quality pencils, an eraser, a good sharpener, and even coloring pencils. She also picked three sketch books for Jean. The h/c girl didn't get contented and also picked some acrylic paints, paint brushes and two canvas her Jean.
She thought that Jean might also like to paint, he could try anytime. After all, Jean has really has a talent in arts.
"You bought a lot. Are all of these for you?" The store owner asked.
Y/n chuckled and shook her head. She placed her payment on the counter of the store owner. "No, sir. It's a holiday gift for someone special to me." Y/n said with a sweet smile on her lips.
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Upon arriving at the training camp,
Y/n immediately made her way to the boys' dorm to look for Jean. When she arrived at the boys' dorm, Jean wasn't around. "Jean left earlier. Instructor for asked him to run an errand." Eren said, he looked at the paper bags Y/n's holding. "Is that for him?" He asked.
Y/n nod her head. "Yeah. That's why I'm looking for him." Y/n said.
Eren smirked and nudge Y/n's arm. "You bought a lot. You..." Eren leaned closer to Y/n's ear. "You like him that much, huh?!" Eren said teasingly.
Y/n frowned and smacked Eren's head. "Shut up, suicidal blockhead."
Eren just laughed at Y/n, the h/c girl rolled her eyes and turned around.
"I'm going! Happy holidays!" Y/n said.
"Yeah! You too!" Eren said. The other boys also greeted Y/n, though Y/n just cooly waved at them while walking and not turning to look back at them.
Y/n decided to just go to their dorm first. She just considered that she will give it to Jean later after their dinner.
She was already near their dorm, when she suddenly stopped upon sighting Jean waiting in front of their dorm. Y/n smiled widely and was about to call Jean, but stopped when she saw Mikasa got out of their dorm.
Her smile slowly fade away, her heart started aching and eyes were fast to become glossy when she saw Mikasa is wearing the beige cardigan she made for Jean. Y/n unconsciously let go of the paper bags she's holding.
It fell on the ground full of snow.
Y/n let her heavy breathing come out, at the same time a freezing and cold smoke came out from her mouth.
The snow started falling again at the same time Y/n's tears fell.
She felt more emotionally pained when she saw how Jean sweetly yet shyly smiled at Mikasa, and she was more in emotional pain when Mikasa flashed a small smile at Jean.
Both Jean and Mikasa are carrying boxes, Y/n thought that it must be what instructor Shadis asked Jean to do. though she's not sure why Mikasa is with Jean. But it's probably because Shadis also asked Mikasa to help Jean.
The two didn't evem notice Y/n's presence. After all, she's still a little far from them. Y/n wiped her tears. She watched Jean and Mikasa walked together and talking to each other.
When she can't take the pain anymore, Y/n looked away from Jean ans Mikasa She jusy looked down at the art materials she bought for Jean, then lazily picked up the three paper bags and continued walking going to their dorm with a gloomy expression.
Y/n stayed standing in front of their dorm. She kept looking down while both of her fists are clenched tightly. She gritted her teeth and shut her eyes, resulting to her tears to fall again. Y/n let out a heavy sigh, she looked back and was stunned when Jean is standing across and far from her. He's not with Mikasa anymore.
Y/n immediately wiped her tears.
She even sniffed and pretended to rubbed her eyes to make it look like she just got something in her eyes. Y/n then faked a smile and waved at Jean.
I can change what I do.
But I can't change what I want.
So even if I change the things I do for this guy in front of me, I can't change the fact that I want him.
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:)