Invisible Moon
Chapter 37
Together With the Moon
"Not wishing to be the shining moon,
just wishing to stay with the moon forever."
#WINisWIND
After the contest day, P'In and I decided to be in a relationship. Although both of us knew that we were dating, we didn't announce it to anyone else.
Everything that happened wasn't smooth, but it still wasn't as bad as I dreaded. The main problem was P'In's fans, but my family, my friends, and seniors, all of them understood and encouraged me.
Most of DomKati were quite disappointed with P'In, as they thought that P'In was too selfish to care about his fans' feelings. Some of them understood how P'In felt but they were still sad. Some asked P'In to reconsider his decision. But everyone didn't agree with P'In's decision to quit UNISTAR because of me.
As for other UNISTAR's fandoms, although they were shocked that P'In would quit UNISTAR, they still supported P'In and me. They accepted P'In's reason because they all thought that DomKati were always overreacting about everything that affected P'In's image and pressured P'In too much.
Some blunt Unity even said; 'Don't you think that DomKati is the one who forced P'In to quit?', 'P'In had no choice but to quit.', 'DomKati will become anti-fan if he is still in UNISTAR.', 'If P'In's boyfriend gets bullied, how can he be happy?'.
It was like a war had broken out between DomKati and other Unity fandoms on social media. It was the first time for me to see the fans of the same idol group (but different bias) fighting with each other.
MW Entertainment and UNISTAR official platforms announced that it was still unconfirmed whether Intrakorn would quit UNISTAR or not. They also explained that he was tied to a 7-year contract as a UNISTAR. If he decided to quit, the company would have to approve first. But there was no conclusion about it yet. So, for now, Intrakorn was still one of the UNISTAR members.
Many people criticised the announcement by MW. Some fans commented; 'Please don't let him quit, he's such a rare diamond', 'How can we find such a good idol like him, dating is just a little issue', 'We must love idols for what they do rather than their personal life.' But some fans also said; 'If he wants to go, just let him go', 'If P'In stays, he and his boyfriend will be unhappy'.
The only update from the UNISTAR official platforms was the fanmeet, which would be held one week later and the tickets were already available. It was like a UNISTAR tradition, the fanmeet held after the UNISTAR contest was meant to welcome the new member.
Moreover, MW also mentioned that P'In would make a personal announcement in this fanmeet, causing the tickets to sell out so fast. Although many DomKati were still disappointed with P'In, they still bought them. Even people from the other cities were eager to join. Because they were afraid that P'In would really quit UNISTAR, and this might be the last fanmeet where they could see P'In.
I would also be going to the fanmeet as PD Kwang invited me to go. My seat wasn't in the audience, it was actually a staff ticket. So I could go and watch the live event from backstage. I could also meet all the UNISTAR members.
I was both excited and worried because after the UNISTAR contest, P'In was busy with the rehearsals for the fanmeet and we hadn't met since the contest day. We could only chat on LINE messages.
IN : We can't meet now.
archawin : The agency doesn't want us to meet up, right?
IN : Yes, I'm sorry.
IN : I wanna meet you, I already asked them.
IN : But they worry about the paparazzis.
I understood the situation. Although P'In had already announced that he would quit UNISTAR, without his agency's approval, P'In was still a UNISTAR member. According to the MW contract, they could control his personal relationship. If his agency prevented us from meeting because it would cause a negative impact, P'In would have no choice but to follow, and I truly understood him.
IN: How are you?
IN: I do care about you.
I smiled because of his texts. Recently, I had to be more careful as well. The anti-fans could come to bully me anytime, like that time when I was attacked at my university. Although I hadn't fully become an idol like P'In yet, MW still took care of my security. Well, I wasn't sure whether they did it because I was dating P'In or because I might be an MW artist in the future or both reasons.
archawin: P'In, please don't worry. P'Kwang sent the security guards for me. It's the semester break, so I'm just staying at home. I barely go outside.
archawin: My family takes care of my meals. If I need to go somewhere myself, those guards will accompany me. They always check around my house too, in case there are any suspicious people.
archawin: But P'In. Have you forgotten? Normally, I'm invisible too.
IN: Really? Still, take care.
IN: I gotta go now.
IN: Let's talk again next time.
archawin: Okay! Have a good day!
I really appreciated how P'In tried to find the time to chat with me. I knew he was very busy. P'Sea even sent me a message saying that this fanmeet was so rushed, as they had to hold it ahead of schedule.
I laid down on my bed. I've recently been chatting with many seniors and friends who sent me so much encouragement. I've not been using my social media accounts like IG or Twitter that much since the UNISTAR contest because I received so many direct messages, both encouraging and abusive. I realised this was common for a life as an idol. So I kept asking myself whether I really wanted to be an idol. I thought that perhaps, it was better to live as a normal person. I only wish to have someone by my side, so I wouldn't be lonely.
"Knock knock..." I heard P'Wun's voice, so I got up from my bed and saw her standing at the door that I didn't close.
"I just wanna tell you that I've successfully bought the tickets!" P'Wun showed the confirmation email on her mobile phone.
"Three tickets!" I exclaimed.
"Yep! Mom and dad will be going too. I know you have to be there, right?" P'Wun said.
"Yes, they gave me a staff ticket." I confirmed.
When talking about the fanmeet, I felt quite worried. I couldn't even imagine what would happen that day.
"N'Win." P'Wun touched my shoulder.
"You know, mom and dad also like IN. Even if you two are dating and may face many troubles, you're not alone. We'll go through this together."
"P'Wun..." I'm so grateful that she was by my side.
"Of course! I'm so damn happy! Ahhh~ My little brother is dating IN! Oh my gosh! Such a sweet dream! I could die without regret. Who will go against you? Who will trouble you? I'll never forgive them. I'll fight them and kick them out! I'll start a war. I'll make sure my little brother ends up marrying IN and the two of you will love each other ever after and grow old together. I will build the InWin fandom, and this fandom will last forever!"
I could only blink as she kept babbling emotionally.
Then, I laughed slightly.
"P'Wun..." I was bashful as she said we would love until we're old.
"I'm telling the truth." P'Wun looked serious.
"Even though I like IN so much, you're my little brother. If IN made you sad, if he dared to take your virginity and dump you, I'll kill him!"
"What? P'Wun? M....my v...virgin..nity?" My face turned red.
"Well, if he actually did that, don't forget to tell me. Ahhh~ I feel shy for you now~ A calm man like IN, what will he be like when he's horny? Gentle? Or hot?" P'Wun touched her cheeks, then ran out from my bedroom happily.
And left me standing here, blushing.
P'In...with those kinds of things? What would he be like?
I thought of his face and his body, plus some dirty imagination...then I felt like —
"Oh no! I can't resist!"
I could only lie down and hide my face in the pillow...
That was very embarrassing!
Today was the day of the anticipated UNISTAR fanmeet and it was my first time attending this event. This fanmeet was on a large scale, so it was crowded and there was a lot of traffic around here.
PD Kwang arranged for the staff to take me backstage, so I could see how busy the preparation was behind the scenes.
"Are you N'Archawin? Please follow me."
A staff member greeted me and led me to the staff room.
When I got in, I saw that PD Kwang was already there, so I raised my hands to pay respect.
"Sawaddee krub, P'Kwang."
"Hi, N'Win. Come sit here. Once it starts, we can watch it together."
PD Kwang pointed to the TV screen in the room. The hall was shown on the TV, all seats were filled with fans holding various colours of light-sticks in their hands.
The fanmeet would begin soon.
Normally the fanmeet event wouldn't be live or fully uploaded on official media channels. The only way to watch it is through fancams or released highlights, which was a way to encourage people to buy the ticket and come.
PD Kwang and I waited in silence until the screen on the stage played the UNISTAR teaser, eliciting an excited cheer from the audience. Especially, when P'In's photo appeared on the teaser, the audience shrieked louder. I just noticed that more than half of the hall was dominated by DomKati. The rumours that P'In would quit UNISTAR might have triggered them to flock to this fanmeet.
Afterwards, the UNISTAR members walked out to the stage accompanied by a glamorous soundtrack. Today, everyone wore the UNISTAR uniform. I was excited when P'In appeared on the stage, even though I was only watching via a TV screen. He was still as attractive as always.
As far as I knew, the activities for each UNISTAR fanmeet would always be different, so the audience would be surprised every time they came. There might be performances, mini-games, talk shows, or lucky draws to reward the fans. But the closing would always be the same - a fan sign. The fans would line up in a queue and they could receive a postcard with one UNISTAR's autograph from their idol's hands.
The main highlight of today's event was welcoming Sun as a new member of UNISTAR. He performed a dance number as he sang to showcase his talents. The performance was then followed by a Q&A and interview session. Most of the questions Sun received from his fanclub were about UNISTAR related work.
He said he had been selected to be the brand ambassador of MW Entertainment because the company thought Sun was an ideal model for all idols. Moreover, Sun would also be joining P'Natee as the centre brand ambassador for a new vehicle advertisement. After that, there were some funny questions such as a story from his childhood, or some weird habit. Then, there was a fun mini game.
The fanmeet took around one hour before it came to an end.
"Here, this is what I want you to watch." PD Kwang said.
I was very curious.
"That's the end of our event today." P'Leo, who was the host, announced.
"After this, we'll give this stage to N'In. He has something he'd like to say to everyone."
Once P'Leo finished, the rest of the UNISTAR members moved off the stage, leaving P'In standing alone on the stage, under the dimming lights. The audience fell silent, everyone was waiting for P'In to start talking.
I had no idea what to expect, so I waited in anticipation with everyone else. I could only hope that P'In would be fine.
"Hello everyone, I'm Intrakorn, the 3rd generation UNISTAR member."
P'In spoke. His voice echoing through the quiet hall, his face appeared on the screen in the hall and the TV screen that I was watching. His expression was calm, but I could still see some worries in his eyes.
"I'd like to share a story about my past that I've never told anyone before."
I believed that everyone would be paying attention now.
"When I was young, I remember that I used to be a happy child until I lost my father. Later, my mother also passed away. After that, I forgot what happiness was."
P'In looked down a bit and continued.
"I got used to being pitied by many people, including my cousins, my friends, and my teachers. I knew they cared for me, but it reiterated my loss. I felt like I was unfortunate and miserable. I didn't know how I should react. Since then, I isolated myself. I left society, I didn't want to be noticed by anyone. The next thing I knew, I was able to make myself invisible from people."
I felt sad for him. His childhood must have been so lonely.
"I lived with my grandparents in the countryside. They raised me with love and care. They brought me happiness again. So I realised that I didn't need anything except to live with someone I love forever."
I used to think that P'In was like the brightest star, but I had never known that before he became the light for so many people, he had been through so many things.
"But later on, my grandpa passed away. And my grandma said old people couldn't live so long. She was already old and someday she would leave me like grandpa did. She told me I should open up to love somebody, who could live with me longer."
P'In paused for a while, his expression was sorrowful.
"I didn't know what the meaning of my life was. I just knew that I was happy living with my grandma. She brought me happiness again after I lost my parents. So I had never wanted anything else."
"But my grandma told me, in this world, there are so many people who still can't find their own happiness, so if I could, I should share this happiness with others and let them be happy as well. That was the reason why...I decided to become a UNISTAR back then. I wanted to fulfil my grandma's wish. Because she made me happy, I wanted her to be happy. In return, I could make everyone happy, and that became the meaning of my life."
I wiped my tears which were falling.
"All this time, I never thought that I would ever meet someone who could make me happy, until I met Win."
I was very surprised when P'In mentioned me.
"I was always invisible whenever I wanted to be alone, but Win would always notice me. I was curious though. Even when he saw me, I didn't feel awkward at all, instead, I felt so relieved. I didn't understand why either. Perhaps, the way he looked at me was so sincere, I didn't feel lonely anymore..."
"P'In..." I murmured. I didn't know he felt this way too.
I felt the same way when I found out that P'In could see a fading person like me.
Because I realised that I wasn't alone anymore, I could see the value in myself. As someone could see and understand who I truly was.
"When I got to know Win more, I felt even happier with him. He saw me the way I really was. Win was the light for me, full of positive energy. Whenever I stayed with Win, I was so happy that I totally forgot how painful it was in my past."
PD Kwang handed me a tissue, as I couldn't hold myself back from crying anymore.
For me, P'In was also my light and inspiration. I had never expected that both of us were so similar.
"Win brought me happiness again. When I realised it, he had already become my important person. I've...never felt this way with anyone except my family. I wanted to have a life with him as I've already lost my father, mother, and my grandpa. Those people — my past happiness are gone and would never return. So I didn't want to lose...someone I love...anymore."
His eyes trembled, so did I.
"I know, as an idol, I shouldn't have this feeling. I did an unforgivable thing to everyone who supported me...but... without Win..."
He paused as he was about to cry, but he tried to hold it in.
"If I had to lose Win...I wouldn't be able to share happiness with others anymore..."
His voice was quivering.
"I know I can't choose both idol work and relationships. I know I'd disappoint everyone. I didn't want it to end up this way. Now, I can only say sorry, and I don't even dare to ask anybody to forgive and understand me..."
At that point, even though P'In hadn't finished the sentence, his fans started shouting loudly.
"We understand!"
One voice was heard and others followed.
"I understand you!"
"You don't need to quit!"
"We'll support you!"
The fans' voices drowned every other sound in the hall, so P'In couldn't continue his speech.
"You've already given us happiness."
His fans' voices were overwhelming.
"We want you to be happy too."
Everyone shouted, almost in unison.
"We'll support your happiness!"
P'In was stunned. It was indeed unexpected.
"Stay with us!" "Don't leave us."
"We won't leave you!"
"Please don't quit."
"We'll be together!"
His fans unanimously cheered for P'In, which made him cry and he couldn't say anything more. Every DomKati was standing up and shouting for P'In with the loudest voice they could muster.
"You did your best!" "Don't cry!"
"We won't leave each other!"
After that, all other UNISTAR members went up to the stage and hugged P'In.
"If everyone is willing to continue to support him, then N'In doesn't need to quit UNISTAR anymore." P'Sea said, followed by a cheering voice from the audience.
"Thank you so much, everyone!" P'Leo spoke for P'In.
"Thank you for understanding N'In. Thank you for giving him a chance to continue being a UNISTAR and be the light for everyone again."
I cried as well. I couldn't believe that his fans would eventually accept him and give him a chance to become the Invisible Moon that would never fall from the sky.
The most touching thing for me today was learning the depth of the fans' love. The management might see the fans as money, however, as an idol who had always wholeheartedly showed love for his fans without thinking of money or fame, the love that P'In received in return was immeasurable.
Like, P'In and DomKati. Although they were disappointed in P'In before, when they understood his reasons and feelings, they realised this was his true happiness, and they were willing to accept and to continue supporting him without hesitation.
"Now do you regret not being a UNISTAR?" PD Kwang asked me.
I smiled and wiped my tears.
"No, I don't regret it. I'm even happier." I said.
"Because now I can be with P'In. It doesn't matter if I became a UNISTAR or not. I'm very satisfied."
"Great answer." PD Kwang smiled. "But I'm the one who regrets that you're not part of our family."
I had no idea what to say to that. But, I thought that Sun really deserved that spot as a UNISTAR member.
For me, being a UNISTAR member wasn't as important as P'In. So it would be better for others who were eager and more suitable to be a UNISTAR to win it instead of me.
A wind like me didn't need to be the moon.
It's enough that I could be by the moon's side in the sky. I wanted nothing more.
This was my true happiness.
☽------------☽
Author's Note:
Thank you for patiently waiting for our updates. Together with this chapter 37, we've also updated the rest of the re-edited chapters!
We're so happy to complete this project and hope that you'll love them just the same. Let us know what you think~
Andddddddd we have an announcement for the extra chapters!
We'll be putting out the e-book version of this translated book first together with the release of chapter 38 – the Epilogue chapter. So if you are interested in getting early access to the chapters via the e-book, stay tuned for further announcements. ;)
See you in the next one!