CELESTE - October 1998
Soft and warm skin is pressed underneath the palm of my hand. Small puffs of air are blown onto my hair, causing shivers to run down my spine.
It takes me a minute to control my pounding head to comprehend where I am. The sheets feel different, indicating me I am not in my bed.
My heartbeat increases when I realise I'm in someone else's bed, lying down on their bare torso, our legs tangled.
What the hell happened last night?
My heart stops when my eyes snap open. My cheek is pressed to a warm and chiseled chest as one of my hands is resting on the man's lower stomach.
I can feel his right hand holding the small of my back as his other one is resting next to mine on his stomach.
My stomach drops. My eyes land on his covered rings hand. I know the ring on his middle finger.
A large but simple silver ring with the letter N engraved on it. Nott.
Fuck.
My head's pounding, my eyes are burning and my heart is beating so fast that Theo can probably feel it.
I already know the answer, but I can't help but look down at my body underneath the covers. Nothing. I'm wearing nothing.
No. No. No.
I sit up, leaning my face in my hands as I try to rub the tiredness out of my eyes.
I hear shuffling next to me, and I don't dare look to my left.
"Fuck." I hear Theo rasp out.
This can't be happening. I must be dreaming.
"Oh my fucking God." I hear him mumble with a groggy and tired voice. "Celeste?"
"Don't fucking talk to me."
There's a moment of silence as I feel him move around in the bed, probably looking around the room.
"Why the fuck are you in my bed? And naked? Not that I'm complaining but-"
I look at him and my breath hitches in my throat. He's laid back down on his pillow, hair all tousled, eyes still sleepy but worried.
His bare chest is on display, silver chain standing out. When my eyes land on small purple hues all over his neck and collarbones, I audibly gasp.
"Theo." I whisper, my eyes looking back up into his. "Tell me we didn't."
"I think we did, Cel." He says, propping himself up on his elbows, eyebrows raised.
"You think? You don't fucking remember?" I ask him, pinching the bridge of my nose. I try to breathe and focus on last night's events but my mind is too clouded.
"No I don't fucking remember. And it looks like you don't either." He snaps back, falling back on his pillow before groaning. "My head is killing me."
"Fuck." I mutter, holding his sheets to my bare chest as I look around the room to find my clothes.
I notice Draco's and Blaise's bed are untouched, which means they slept somewhere else. Thank Merlin. If Draco ever found out my naked self in his best friend's bed, he'd kill him in a heartbeat.
"Looking for this?"
Theo holds my lace panties in between his fingers, smirking at me. I scowl at him before grabbing it harshly and put it on.
"Do you realise what we've done, Nott?" I snap at him, grabbing a random shirt from the floor to pull it over my body.
It's Theo's. It smells like him: a minty scent mixed with chocolate and coffee.
"I do." He sighs. "But I can't remember a thing."
This is like cherry on top. Icing on the cake. The last drop. Hooking up with Theo was not meant to happen.
Or was it?
"I need to get out of here."
I grab my skirt and put it on, not caring about the way I look. When I look at the time, it's barely seven in the morning. Perfect. Everyone is still sleeping.
"Celeste, wait." Theo sits up and I can't help but linger my gaze on his toned chest.
"What, Theo?" I sigh.
"Can we talk about what happened?" He stands up, ruffling his hair with his veiny hands. He's wearing boxers, and my eyes are glued to his muscled v-line.
I force myself to turn around. "Not now. I need to be alone."
Theo sighs before rubbing his temples. He's probably feeling as shitty as I am.
What the hell did we drink last night? Why can't I remember a thing? How could I sleep with Theo? Shit. So many questions yet to be answered.
***
I stand before the fogged up mirror with a towel wrapped around my damp body. My eyes linger on the purple marks over my neck, collarbones and on top of my chest.
My fingers graze the sensitive spots as I furrow my eyebrows.
Theodore Nott has placed his lips all over my body and I can't seem to remember a single thing.
I should be mad. At him for allowing us to do this whilst being completely fucked up, but mostly at myself for dragging him into taking the pill.
Yes, I do remember taking the pills from Adrian, but then nothing. My mind's blank.
I know that without the pill, none of it would have happened.
There has been a pit in my stomach ever since I left his room. I don't know what I'm feeling. Maybe guilt as I think about Draco. I slept with his best fucking friend the same day he kissed me in the changing rooms.
Anger. At myself. I shouldn't blame Theo. He was probably as fucked up as I was. Maybe I should have stopped it, maybe I shouldn't have led him on.
But there's also a foreign feeling taking ahold of my mind. I can't help but imagine the way Theo's lips would feel on mine. How his big hands would roam over my body, how his chain would dangle over my face.
Shit. This cannot happen again. I need to get my shit together.
"Cel?" Pansy knocks on the bathroom door, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Draco is here to see you."
Shit!
Theo wouldn't have said anything. I just know it. He wouldn't have without talking to me first.
"One sec." I call out, dropping the towel to put some clothes on. "I'll be out in a minute."
"I'm out to see Viola, and Daphne is out somewhere." Pansy says through the door.
That's great. I'm left alone with Draco.
After pulling some jeans and a sweatshirt on, I cast a quick Concealing Charm over my neck and step outside the bathroom.
"Hey." Draco is sitting on my bed, flipping through a book.
"You wanted to talk to me?" I ask, placing my hands in the front pocket of my hoodie to fidget with my fingers.
He looks at me with an eyebrow arched. He's wearing a black hoodie with black jeans. His hair is perfectly combed on top of his head except there's one single strand of hair falling onto his forehead.
"Are you okay?" He asks as I take a seat on Daphne's bed across from him.
"I feel like shit." I say and he chuckles.
He tosses me a bag with chocolate frogs in them. "I know you like them better whilst hungover."
My eyes flicker between the sweets in my hands and him. He's smiling gently at me — something I haven't seen for a long time now.
"Thank you." I whisper and place the bag next to me. I'll definitely have one later.
"So..." He leans forward, propping his elbows atop his thighs and passing a hand through his hair. "Where did you go last night?"
Fuck.
I know how to lie. My twin brother and I lied too many times to our parents when we were teenagers. I can do it.
"I left with Theo." Which is actually the truth. So far, so good.
"I saw that. What did you guys do?"
I shrug my shoulders, "Drank a bit and went to get some air. You know how I feel when there's too many people around me at some point."
Draco nods and chuckles, "I know. Where'd you sleep? Because Pans said you never came back."
Why is he asking so many questions? Is he suspecting something?
I know Draco didn't go into my head because I would have felt it. Besides, he wouldn't find anything since I have no recollection of the party. And to find any memories of that night, he would have to dig really deep into my mind.
"I crashed into Nott's bed." I say casually, my hands resting in my lap. "He took the couch. Where did you sleep?"
"In Bletchey's dorm." He tells me before rolling his eyes, "He snores so loudly, it's irritating."
I chuckle, "So I've heard."
I watch Draco stand up and step towards me. He grips my chin with his fingers, making me look up in his ocean blue eyes.
"I looked for you, you know. I wanted to spend time with you." He whispers, eyes flicking down to my lips.
"Yeah?" I raise my eyebrows. "Before or after you fucked Astoria?"
I recall seeing the both of them share glances during the party. When I actually left to talk to Theo before giving him the pill, Draco had joined Astoria somewhere in the common room.
Draco's hand drops from my chin as his eyes close. "I- One thing led to another and-"
"Fuck whoever you want, Draco. It's none of my business anymore." I sigh before standing up, brushing my arm against his.
"There's one thing you don't get, Celeste." He grabs my arm, pulling me to his chest. "You're the one I want."
His eyes flicker between mine. My head is spinning.
"Why now?" I ask him, our lips centimetres away from connecting. "Why do you want me now after everything you've done?"
"Fucking hell, Celeste. I'm trying to make things right. I'm trying to show you I'm a good person despite everything. I want you to trust me again."
"Yeah? After you went and fucked Astoria Greengrass? That's very low coming from you, Draco."
He runs his tongue on the inside of his cheek before before scoffing. "Merlin, you're so infuriating."
"Thank you."
"Stop it."
Time freezes when Draco pushes his lips on mine. He kisses me aggressively, hands wrapping around my waist to press my chest to his.
My mind's too clouded, so I kiss him back. His lips are rough against mine, fighting for dominance over my tongue.
When his hands grab the back of my thighs, I jump up to wrap my legs around his waist. He pushes me against the wall as our lips never break away.
I moan into his mouth when my back collides with the wall, and I can feel him smirk against my lips.
I don't know why I'm not pushing him away.
When his lips attach themselves to my jaw and down to my neck, I can't help but think about the marks Theo left on me. And sudden realisation hits me.
Theo. Draco.
Fuck my life.
I push Draco away before jumping down, clearly aware of his prominent erection and the way his hands were about to slip under my sweater.
"We can't." I tell him, breathless.
"Why?" He breathes, "I know you want this as much as I do."
My chest is heaving as I look into his eyes. His pupils are dilated, lips slightly swollen from our kissing.
"I'm not sleeping with you after you fucked Astoria."
And especially not after I fucked your best friend.
***
"You look like shit."
I can't help but slap the back of my bother's head as I walk past him in the Dinning Hall. Atlas rubs the back of his head, ready to strike back and throw something at me. I meet Dean's eyes and he simply chuckles.
"Shut up." I tell them as they raise their hands in surrender.
When I take a seat next to Pansy, a plate appears in front of me. I'm not hungry, though. My head has been spinning all day long.
All I've done today was sleep, try to think about last night, imagine Theo's hands on me, and ignore the rest of the world.
"So, Celeste." Blaise smirks as he leans over the table. Theo is sitting next to him, right in front of me.
His mashed potatoes look extremely interesting, although he has a scowl plastered on his face.
"Yes?"
"This guy right here." Blaise elbows Theo, making him look up at me. "Locked us out of our room last night. I think he might have had a girl over. You wouldn't happen to know who that was, would you?"
I look away from Theo's burning stare. I shrug my shoulders, "Why would I know?"
"It seems like Theodore likes to confide to you." Blaise rolls his eyes before taking a bite of his chicken leg.
"Aw, are you jealous, Zabini?" I pout and he glares at me.
"What if I am?" Blaise scoffs, elbowing Theo again. "I'm trying to get more information about this mystery girl but he won't say a thing."
If only you knew, Blaise.
My eyes meet Theo's. He looks tired too. His hair is all messed up, jaw clenched as his eyes roam over my face.
I look away before one of us can make it too obvious, but I can't ignore the way my heart started pounding as our eyes locked.
"Sorry, Blaise." I sigh. "I won't be much help this time. Although I'm curious, Theo. Did the girl bite you?"
I slightly caress the side of my neck with my fingers, motioning to Theo his own neck where he has forgotten to conceal the marks I have left.
Theo smirks at me. My heart skips a beat. "Oh, she did more than bite me, Cel."
Does he remember? I'm so screwed.
"I'm so jealous." Mumbles Blaise. "Was it Carolynn, that Ravenclaw chick?"
Who?
"I won't tell you a thing." Mutters Theo before bringing his glass to his lips.
"Oh, come on, man." Blaise whines, "I'm dying here."
Draco takes a seat right next to me, dragging Astoria with him. She smiles gently at me, and I can't help but return the gesture.
"What game are you playing at?" I mumble at Draco as he leans towards me to grab the biscuit tray.
He quickly glances at me. "What are you talking about?"
Fucker.
"Are you not going to eat?" Pansy asks me, clearly concerned that my plate is still empty.
"I'm not hungry."
"You should eat something, Cel." Theo speaks lowly. His voice sends shivers down my spine.
***
January 1998
"Celeste."
"Cel?"
"Celeste. Wake up. It's just a dream."
My breath hitches in my throat and my eyes snap open. Theo is kneeled down in front of me, one hand pushing my hair away from my face.
"It's just a dream." He whispers, his fingers caressing my cheek and wiping away the tears that have fallen.
"I know." I whisper before sitting up. "It just felt so real."
"What are you doing down here?" He asks, sitting down next to me on the couch.
The fire is still cracking, and the common room is empty now except for the two of us.
"You need to stop doing this to yourself." He continues. "Your bed is way more comfortable than this old couch."
"I know."
Theo sits next to me, his eyes focused on the fire burning. He never forces me to speak or to say what's on my mind. Sometimes, he just sits with me to keep me company. He knows that if I want to talk to him, I'll eventually open up.
"You know he's not coming back, right?"
I look down at my hands. I've been sleeping on this couch for about two weeks now, hoping Draco would show up.
I can't help but feel guilty since he came back two months ago. I was so mad at him that I had asked him to leave, but my only wish right now is for him to come back to me.
I've been lying to myself for months as well. I've been trying to convince myself that Draco hasn't given up on me, that he's away only to protect me.
But it's all a lie, isn't it?
"I just wished he would." I whisper.
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault."
Theo furrows his eyebrows. "It kind of is. I should have forced him to come back and be here for you, fight for you."
"Theo..."
"I just wish he saw you the way I do." He tells me, giving me a faint smile. "You're worth fighting for. I hope you know that."
***
"Are you fucking ignoring me right now?"
I shut my eyes close and internally groan as I hear Theo rush after me.
"Celeste." He whispers harshly, coming up to me to grab my arm and drag me into a quiet corridor.
"What?"
Theo shoves his hands in his pockets as he looks down at me. His eyes flick over my face as his tongue licks quickly his lower lip.
"You- Fuck, you make me so mad right now." He leans against a wall, letting his head fall back against the bricks. "You have no right to ignore me and to be mad at me."
"I actually do."
He glares at me. "You don't. You were the one who wanted to take this fucking pill. You wanted to be happy, and I took it because of you." He pushes himself off the wall to step closer to me. "I took it because I wanted to see you happy again."
My breath gets caught up in my throat. Theo and I are standing so close to each other. I can feel his hot minty breath fanning on my face, I can see the way he's actually pissed as his eyes burn of rage.
"You remember?" I ask, my voice small and almost timid. What the fuck is wrong with me?
"I have some sorts of small flashbacks." He admits, lifting his hand to push a strand of hair out of my face. Electricity rushes through my body. "I don't remember everything after taking the pill, but I have visions of you- of us in my bed."
My heart thumps in my chest. Theo doesn't seem to be bothered by what happened.
"Fuck, Theo." I sigh, swatting his hand away. I bring my hands up to my face, feeling the heat on my cheeks.
"Listen, Cel. I- I don't know if I'm supposed to apologise, but I'm sorry anyway. We probably shouldn't have done that."
I can feel a pang in my chest as he says those words, but he is right. It shouldn't have happened. It was a drunken mistake, we're both aware. But why am I feeling like this anyway?
Theo has his shoulder pressed to the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. I can see a small hickey on his neck, and I can't help but wonder how many marks I've left on him.
When he notices my gaze lingering on his neck, he smirks. I notice his pupils dilating as his own eyes flicker down my whole figure.
I huff, "Don't look at me like that." I roll my eyes and his smirk grows wider. Him being this attractive is not helping.
"Like what?"
"Like you want to fuck me."
He shrugs, "Already done."
I smack his arm hard and he yelps, a laugh erupting from his mouth.
"Stop it." I scowl at him before letting out a frustrated huff. "I should be mad at you." I shove his shoulder and he laughs again.
"You're ridiculous, Celeste." He shakes his head. "Where are yours anyway? I know I sucked on that sweet skin of yours."
Chills. He shouldn't make me feel this way.
"Concealing Charm. You should try it next time."
His eyebrow shoot up, "Oh? So there will be a next time."
I can feel my cheeks heat up. "Don't even think about it." I muster, ready to walk away.
"You don't get to walk away from me, Celeste." He whispers. "Please, let's talk."
My eyes lock to his. They're green. Bright, and a unique colour to say the least.
"Don't you feel guilty?"
He frowns. "About Draco?" I nod. Theo licks his lips, making my gaze drop to them. "That's the thing; I should feel guilty and I should feel bad but I don't."
My head spins. I look down at my shoes. "This isn't right, Theo."
"I know. But I won't lie to you." He takes a step towards me. He grabs my chin in between his forefinger and thumb to lock our eyes. "Every flashback- Every blurry moments I see in my head- I can't stop replaying them."
"Theo... We can't."
His hand drops. I immediately miss his touch and I almost reach out to him to grab his hand. Almost.
"I don't regret it. Not even the slightest." He admits, making my whole self wishing for my memories to come back. "The only thing I regret is being with you whilst we were drunk."
***
uh oh
don't forget to drink water and take daily walks!
kisses,
kay