I really thought people would be as sick of these rants as I am, but I get tons of requests for information. And, usually I say the same things over and over, but I've noticed that I always send people to different organizations (and thankfully a lot of people that ask for help also donate to these organizations), so I thought, why the hell not do a rant that answers these concerns and post the link where everyone that reads it can donate!?
So I'm posting the link to RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incent National Network). It's a wonderful organization with great information and a fabulous cause, so go donate. Do it now. Don't even read my: Tips for Writing Traumatic Backstories (that wasn't reverse psychology. That was serious).
1. Teachers are required by law to report suspected child abuse
At least in the United States they are. And of course my information is old (and I really shouldn't have to do all the recent research for everyone), but I know when I was in school a lot more cases got turned into DHS than the public knew.
I hate it so much when there is obvious signs a kid is being abused in these stories (they have bruises, they constantly miss school, they don't want to go home, they talk about their "drunk" abuser, etc) and when I ask the writers why a teacher hasn't reported it, the author always says "they don't want to get involved".
Well then they must want to trash their license, right? Because if someone else reports that and the teacher has never filed any sort of official record (usually they have to go to the principal and/or counselors to file a report) they lose their job.
It happened with my best friend. A doctor reported his case and our second grade teacher lost her job, our first grade teacher got put on leave, and my dad would have lost his had my best friend actually been an official student of his. Only our Kindergarten teacher wasn't in trouble, because she had put her concerns in his official school record.
My dad did have to step down from his position as athletic director over me and he had nothing to do with it, and our substitute that had been taking over for our first grade teacher while she was on maternity leave lost her job.
If a kid is so bad they end up in the hospital (like a lot of these characters), shit goes down and everyone suffers, not just the abuser.
Granted, those were both pretty bad cases. But when I tell you that teachers have to report, I don't mean that DHS has to do anything. They might have gotten their act together by now, but when I was a kid, if you weren't in some sort of life threatening danger (as in frequent trips to the emergency room that typically required major surgery) DHS just made a few house visits, told your parents (or whoever) to get their shit together and moved on.
My dad has had to file countless reports with his principle and hardly any of them became a big deal, but they should have been. So, honestly, I hate when people try to write it off as "they don't want to get involved". Maybe the MC is being abused and DHS stops by every once in a while but never removes them from the home, but you cannot tell me that there is not a written record of suspicion at that school.
I have to turn in cases of suspected abuse when I substitute. Don't take the easy road out. Look up the state or country you're writing about and find the laws. There will be a paper trail somewhere if the abuse is even half as bad as these writers like to describe it.
2. There are some "typical" symptoms to watch out for
People are always asking me how their characters would react, because they're afraid of getting it wrong, and most of them are smart enough to realize that not everyone reacts the same way. That's great that you realize that, but I'll be blunt: there are "typical" signs and if you really don't know what you're doing, utilize them. They're not stereotypes or clichés. Studies show that they are the most common reactions.
Obviously it depends a lot on what happens, by whom, for how long, etc., but maybe this will give you a better grasp.
In the vast majority of cases, victims (fuck that word, but I don't have a more widely understood or accepted one, sorry) feel really guilty and ashamed, which is where you get in the trouble of being accused of "romanticizing". But some people need to look that word up...I'll leave that alone for this rant, though.
If it's physical abuse, there will probably be bruises, broken bones, cuts, scratches, etc that the kid will most likely try to hide, but always have an excuse for (a lot of them go untreated, too, because doctors are smarter than teachers). The kid could develop insomnia and have frequent nightmares when they do sleep. They might also become extremely aggressive or submissive to their peers as well.
Sexual abuse follows that pretty well, but younger kids that may not fully understand why it's wrong will probably exhibit inappropriate knowledge about sex or even talk about it a lot (because it's confusing to them). Older kids might try to run away, develop depression or regression (bed wetting, thumb sucking, etc.), and they actually do develop a higher percentage of eating disorders, if I'm not mistaken. And it comes with a lot, a lot, a lot of anxiety.
Psychological/emotional abuse is usually present with the other two kinds. Typically kids have really drastic behavioral changes (or even delayed emotional development) and they become desperate for affection because they start to lose all their self-confidence (that's the point). A lot of times they'll even fake sick to get out of being around people when they're scared and not feeling confident (which, if it goes on long enough, becomes always).
And of course you'll want to do your own research and apply it to your own character's situations, but that should get you started. Just remember to think about every grusome detail of the abuse (though you don't need to write it all) to be able to fully understand what your charater has gone through and how that might shape their reaction.
3. Abusers are usually pretty smart
Everyone likes to think they're all old drunks that like to hit their kids, but that's not always the case. The truly awful ones are smart. They know where to leave bruises so they can easily be covered up. They know just how much they can get away with at one time. It's horrible and sad, but true.
My best friend always kept his hair a little shaggier and when I was eight he showed me that it was because his abuser always dug their fingernail into the back of his ear and pulled the skin off, because it hurt like hell and no one would see it. It was absolutely disgusting and I want to throw up just thinking about it now.
Abusers coach kids on what to say when they're questioned (and some kids are fucking fantastic at reciting stories). It's not always sloppy and drunk. Someone has to tell little kids to say they ran into a door or were running in the house and fell down the stairs.
4. It's not a sob story
I hate when people start writing these abuse backstories and suddenly they have a whole paragraph about how bad the abuse was (e.g. "My dad comes home drunks and hits me until I pass out. And sometimes he rapes me and my mom does nothing. One time he broke all my ribs. I started cutting after that, because it makes me feel good. But then my dad saw them and he beat me some more. I told my mom and she slapped me because she didn't believe me. And sometimes the kids at school bully me and beat me up. I hate my life." (I actually read that one time. Gag)).
I say this again and again, but it's not a sob story. In anyone I've ever known, if they admit to being abused, they do not tell you everything all at once. Most people I know don't really tell you anything at all, except the generic overview (actually, they usually only talk about the event that led to it stopping). You have to ask my best friend very specific questions if you want answers and a lot of you have figured out I talk in third person. I know other people that pretend nothing happened or say it happened to a friend.
And there are a few reasons for this:
A) Kids are resilient. If they get help young enough, they really don't let it be a part of their life other than a passing moment from the past. B) Sometimes it's repression. Or because C) It's really not something fun to talk about.
No. Your MC isn't going to tell their new love interest in a few hours, days, weeks, months, maybe years. I'll never think I've said that enough.
So don't do it for shock factor or false sympathy. Don't make it seem like a fucking joke for attention.
And there you have it folks. Hopefully that helps. And hopefully you guys are inspired to go donate to RAINN (or at least check out its sources. They're pretty accurate as far as I'm concerned.) You don't have to donate money, but at least donate a little time to learn about the cause and find out ways you can help (charity events, education campaigns support help, etc.) And have a lovely week.
And if you have more questions for me, don't hesitate to ask. I'll do my best to help you out.