tw - mention of rape in first half of the chapter. you can read after the asterisk (*)
"I need your love to seep into my bones,"
- e.k.
S E R E N I T Y
The relieved sigh he let out made my heart twist. Then he dropped his head down to press a soft kiss on my cheek. His lips were so warm against my cold skin that they rippled goosebumps all over my arms.
"Happy birthday, Ren. You look ethereal, as you always do," His eyes wander my face and flicker to my outfit before holding my own again. "It's really fitting because you're my pretty angel, even now, when you're dressed like one."
My face flushed as he held my gaze while taking something out of his pocket. I wanted to tell him I loved him again. It was sitting on the tip of my tongue, but I held back because he looked like he wanted to say something important, and I wasn't going to make him uncomfortable when he seemed to have built up the courage to even mention it to me.
"I want you to open this later," His hand reached for mine as he spoke and placed the gift into the palm of my hand before holding the other. "Can we sit over there - in the garden?"
I nodded when he looked at me and led us to where he was staring a few moments ago.
A garden bench was centred between the flowers and small gnomes my mother thought added character to her safe space. It was mine, too, another thing we had in common. The silence here was underrated. I never saw anyone else sit out here in their quiet time, but now I was here with Gabe, and it wasn't going to be a quiet time. He had something on his mind to tell me, and the flowers that hadn't fallen to sleep would be the only ones listening beside me.
As my heels stepped onto the clean-cut grass, Gabriel's hand let go of mine to lift the bottom of my dress. He was always attentive, and I loved him for that, too.
"Maybe we should sit somewhere else," He suggested, eyeing the material in his hand. "Your dress is white. I don't want it to get dirty."
"It'll be fine," I paid no mind to that matter when he clearly had to say something else. "Sit with me."
Removing his hand from my dress and holding it, I sat down on the bench, making him follow me as I tugged on his arm.
The mingling of my unwanted guests was faintly heard from here, as were the quiet chirps of the crickets in the grass. From the other side of the garden, a little fountain gave way to water sprinkles, and we heard the calm trickles of that, too.
"Do you remember the bonfire at the beach last year?" Gabe asked me, staring at the marble fountain.
"Yeah," I replied, still holding onto his hand.
"I saw you there," He remarked, smiling. "You saw me talking to Zandra and glared at me. I still don't have that part figured out."
"I did?" I tried to recall that night and came up with my answer in a few seconds. "Oh, yeah, I remember. I think I was mad at the idea of love back then because I wasn't allowed to freely have it. Or at least the idea of showing affection. She held your hand - Zandra. I remember because I was frowning at that. I was jealous of intimacy. I wasn't allowed to even hold hands with a guy back then."
I felt Gabriel squeeze my hand, almost like a reminder that now I was able to do it without caring for anyone else's permission. We both smiled.
"Yeah, I always wondered if I did something to upset you," He turned to look at me. "But mostly, it was your eyes that stuck with me. How they looked when you saw me. I knew we went to school together, and that you might've been friends with Adara, but that was the first night I noticed you at all."
My smile widened.
"That's why I'll never forget it. It's why I don't regret anything of that night," Gabe nodded solemnly, and the smile on my lips began to fade when he drew his eyebrows together and just stared at me. "Most of the time, I think it's what kept me going."
That he noticed me? He was telling me how important it was to him that he noticed me and that alone made me want to cry.
"I want to tell you something," He released a sharp breath. "And it will be so ugly to hear. You might want to stop me, or I might get choked up a little, but I don't want you to stop me. I'm so comfortable around you, and I feel like it's only right you know this about me because I want to give you everything."
I could only nod and make his hand secure in mine as he looked at me with thoughtful eyes.
"Zandra, the girl you saw me with at the bonfire, became my friend for a while after that. A few weeks, or a month, I think. My time with her is mostly blurred because I don't want to remember her. We used to hang out at cafés or bars - yes, bars, because she had these connections I couldn't keep up with, and I was having too much fun as a minor to do anything."
Gabe's eyes never glanced away from me, and I was glad he trusted me enough to tell me this.
"She was very smart, too, and had these crazy stories I got wrapped up in. It was because she travelled a lot that she had that many things to tell. Eventually, I met some of her friends. I forgot their names, but they just had this look on them that made me think they weren't good people. I saw them carry guns, packets of drugs, and all kinds of bullshit that made me question why I was even around her in the first place,
"Zandra spoke a lot about this guy named Riot," Gabe chuckled a little, glancing down at our intertwined hands. "He looked so intimidating, always had a serious face on, a little brother with neck tattoos who I didn't even get to meet until-"
He shook his head, stopping to catch a shaky breath. I waited patiently and skimmed my thumb across the back of his hand to give him some comfort.
"His name was Iris," Gabe murmured before clearing his throat. "Zandra killed him."
Even as cold chills shot down my spine, I stayed and listened. Even though I had a million questions as to who these people were and what could've happened to Gabe if he stayed, I stayed and listened.
"There's one day, though, that still sticks with me," He nodded a few times like he was preparing himself to finally say something out loud. "And I'm getting therapy for it, and I think it's working because I sleep a little easier now. That day isn't always in my nightmares as much as it used to be, and I think I'm healing from it. Very slowly, but it's still progress, and I'm proud of it."
I smiled slightly when he looked up at me, silently telling him that I was proud of him, too.
"I'm just going to say it," He whispered, pulling me closer by the hand. "Without any more backstory. Is that fine?"
"Yeah," I told him, feeling my eyes prick with unshed tears.
"She-" The words got caught in his throat a few times before he firmly said, "Zandra raped me."
My heart pounded viciously in my chest, and with tears burning in my eyes, I didn't say a word. Gabe needed me to listen, and I was going to. I didn't want to run away because he needed me, but I wanted to cry for him. I wasn't sure if he despised the idea of anyone pitying him, so I tried not to sob my heart out and hold him.
He stared back at me with clear eyes, waiting for a reaction. I just wanted to hold him.
"You gotta say something, baby," His voice was a small murmur as he squeezed my hand.
It was the 'baby' that made me shudder as I stared at him and asked, "Am I allowed to hold you? Because I really just want to hold you."
The moment I finished talking, he was reaching for my waist, pulling me into him until his arms were securely wrapped around my torso, and my arms were circling his heck. I held the back of his head as he buried his face into my neck and sighed so deeply.
"You're so strong, Gabriel - stronger than anyone I've ever met. Your soul is so kind and gentle, and you deserve all the goodness of this world," I told him, not even realising my voice broke until I felt his warm hand caress my back.
"Don't cry, Ren," He whispered firmly against my ear. "You'll ruin your makeup and be more upset, and you can't be. It's your birthday-"
At the sound of his own words, he stiffened in my hold.
"Shit, it's your birthday-" He mumbled to himself, grabbing my waist to pull himself back. It was like he regretted opening up to me on this day, but I didn't let him go.
"I'm glad you told me, Gabby. Just let me hold you because if I let go now I'll probably pass out," I raked my fingers through his hair and felt him chuckle before holding me tighter.
*
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," He told me after a minute of silence. "I feel so much for you in my heart, but I need you to be patient with me, please. I'm going to be all yours one day, and you'll be all mine. I'll tell you everything that happened and feel safe doing it because I'll be much better in my head. I just need a little more time."
"I'm not letting you go. I'll always be here, alright?" I reassured him.
"Promise me, Ren," He whispered, sounding desperate to hear me say it back.
I moved my face back and held his face, pulling it away from my neck so he could look at me and see that I truly meant it.
"I promise."
Hazel eyes dropped to my lips, and I held my breath.
"I want to kiss you, my pretty angel," Gabe mumbled as he dropped his forehead to rest on mine.
"And you won't run," I stated because I knew he wouldn't.
"No more running," He confirmed, brushing his nose along mine
"Kiss me then," I told him.
This time, I wanted him to do it. I wanted to do everything at his pace and keep him comfortable.
"Tell me again what you promised," He leaned his head closer, and I felt his lips brush against mine as he spoke quietly.
"I'm not going to let you go, Gabby," I closed my eyes and moved my thumb across his cheekbone. "I'll always be here."
There was a nudge in the back of my mind, an overthought that made me believe something about this was off. His words of 'I'm going to be all yours one day' were everything to me, a statement I wanted to cherish, yet there was the same nudge in my brain like warning lights going off, trying to tell me something was going to go wrong.
I didn't have time to over analyse the thought because Gabriel's lips were crashing onto mine like I was the oxygen to his lungs, and he'd been deprived of it for too long. I was a little hesitant to kiss him back, still afraid he'd pull away. He didn't. His hands grabbed onto my waist, moving me close enough that I was almost in his lap.
My hands held onto his face tighter as I kissed him back with as much desperation, relieved we were finally having this moment to express our love. I could feel it in the way he kept latching his mouth onto mine and in the way he kept sighing as if he couldn't believe he was kissing me without the urge to pull away.
"Are you going to smile for me again?" He whispered into my mouth, kissing me before I could get the chance to answer with words.
So I answered by grinning and he kissed me harder, letting his love seep into my bones.
⭐︎
Three hours later, I was walking out of my bathroom in a bathrobe after taking a much-needed shower. The guests had gone home, as did Dawn and Gabe - the only guests I wanted to stay with. But it was almost midnight, and I knew my mother would kick them out for staying too long.
Letting my hair air-dry, I dressed in my pyjamas and almost dived onto the bed, excitement coursing through my veins at the sight of Gabe's gift. The small navy box sat prettily on my beige sheets, calling for my attention. I smiled brightly as I held it closer to me. The thought that he'd been thinking of me while purchasing this made my heart cry.
I love him so much, I almost whispered to myself repeatedly as I opened the gift.
My eyes widened at the thin gold chain being held up in foam, only a v-shape visible with two charms at the bottom. An angel wing and a sunflower. I wanted to cry. They were so beautiful, and everything Gabe reminded me of. They reminded him of me, too, and I wanted so much to kiss him forever.
I slept with it that night, attached loosely around my neck, claiming myself his, because I was always made for him even without knowing it. Everything that ever happened in our lives led us here; to realising we were each other's soulmates.
⭐︎
Radio silence.
Again.
For two days.
I wasn't sure what happened, or why Gabriel wasn't texting me back or answering my calls. He told me he wouldn't run away, and I believed him. I still did, even as I stared at my unopened messages to him.
Just as I began to worry, a text notification popped up on my screen from Nico. I had his number saved from the night we all hung out together.
Nico: hey, are you with Gabby?
Me: Hey, no I haven't seen him in a couple of days.
Me: Is he with Zion or River?
I asked in hopes of getting an answer like 'yeah, don't worry, he's with them,' but all I got back sent a sharp ache to my heart.
Nico: no, he's not with anyone. no one's seen him in two days.
Me: Where would he be? Does he have a place he usually goes to that you haven't checked?
I got out of bed, threw on whatever I could find and grabbed my car keys. Paying no mind to Arlo's questioning gaze as I rushed out of the house and into my car, I drove straight for the first place that came to mind.
Maybe he had another argument with his family and went to the park I found him at five in the morning.
He wasn't. I put my car in park before checking my phone.
Nico: his family reported him missing a few hours ago. we've checked everywhere, serenity. he's not anywhere.
I left his message on read and almost jumped in my seat when Adara began calling me. I answered immediately.
"Adara, hey-"
"Have you seen Gabby?" She spoke louder than me, a little more frantically.
"I saw him last two days ago," I informed her, ignoring the slight shake in my voice.
"Oh, shit," Adara breathed out, starting to panic. "Did he run away or something? I don't know- I don't know what happened. Can you pick me up, please? I want to look everywhere again. Can we do that?"
"Yeah, I'm on my way," I said before hanging up and starting the car again.
He was getting better. He was just starting to get better, and now he was gone. My suspicions were driving me crazy, and I had every reason to believe this had to do with the girl who hurt him. If she wasn't in custody, she had everything to do with this.
A R L O
A package arrived at the front of my house a few minutes ago. No one else was home, like usual, so it was me jogging to open the door. The porch was empty, save for the bouquet of sunflowers and baby's breath laying before my feet.
Ren made it a thing for me to memorise all types of flowers. She loved them, and I enjoyed knowing the things she loved. She was the only family that truly understood me, so I tried my best to understand her, too.
Glancing at the flowers wrapped in brown paper, I grabbed them, staring curiously at the note attached to the middle. My eyes scanned the street, looking for any sign of the person who dropped these off. No one was there, so I took the flowers inside and shut the door, locking it.
I placed them down on the table in the foyer and stared at the note again. It was weird. Who addresses someone as 'Little Sunflower'?
Curiosity killed the cat because it was my stupid decision to take the note out and read it, feeling every bit of dread drown my thoughts as my eyes took in the words.
Hello, Little Sunflower.
Gabriel tells me they remind him of you. Sunflowers. Did you know they're a sign of loyalty and adoration? Well, they're a thank you from me to you, for taking care of Gabby until I came back. He's mine now, always has been.
So if you report this gift to any federal agent, including the police, I will kill us both.
I also hear sunflowers are perfect to lift someone's mood. I hope yours has been lifted after receiving this gift from me.
Take care now,
Z.T.
A shudder made me put the note back down on the table. Z.T. Who the fuck was Z.T., and why the absolute fuck were they messing with my sister? That was the only connection I got from the note. Was it a jealous ex that wanted Gabriel back? Well, they couldn't want that anymore because the way Gabriel looked at Ren every time he saw her made everyone believe he was taken by her and her alone.
I couldn't stop the fear that trickled through my brain, making me reach for my phone in my pocket. The only people I knew with names beginning with 'Z' were Zion, Gabriel's friend who definitely didn't do this, and-
I scrolled through my contacts before reaching 'Cyrus,' and pressed down on his name. He answered on the second ring.
"Hey, Arlo," He greeted me happily.
My mouth opened to say something, anything to get the conversation going, but I was breathing too heavily, and he picked up on that.
"Arlo?"
I swore at the very being of my name and the way my heart felt like it was going to explode when he said it. It wasn't the time for me to feel like that, it never was. My sister was being threatened. And, also, he had a girlfriend.
"What's going on?"
"What 'Z' names do you know?" I spat out, not making any sense at all.
Cyrus was a rebel, living amongst his rebel family. More like fucked up family. The stuff he told me they did scared me deep down, even though I laughed along to every story he recounted. There were names he often slipped out, and one particular name was in the back of my mind, the most important one I had to hear again. I had to confirm it.
"Huh?" He asked me as if I was on drugs.
"How many people with names starting with Z do you know?" I repeated, more firmly and seriously.
"Well, there's that Zoe girl from our English class and Zeke from a book I read a few months ago, and-" He stopped himself with a sigh. "Why the fuck are you asking?"
"Finish what you were saying," I didn't recognise my voice as I ordered him to continue.
It was the most serious I ever spoke to him, and he went silent at my tone.
"Arlo," He spoke in a softer tone, and I wanted to hang up. I was going to lose it. "Tell me what's going on. Are you in trouble?"
"Why would you assume I was in trouble? Is it because the person you know that causes the most trouble in your life starts with the letter Z? If so, you really gotta tell me her name, Cy," I breathed out, holding onto the edge of the table as I stared at the note.
He was silent again.
"Cyrus, answer the fucking question!" I yelled into my phone, growing extremely impatient.
Seeing Ren run out to her car earlier this morning with the panic on her face kept me on edge until now. I was fucking raging now. If Cyrus knew something, he needed to tell me. I had to know what was going on. Ren looked like she was about to go into shock, and I couldn't lose her.
"I'm coming over," He muttered into the phone before hanging up.
I threw my phone onto the table and sat on the floor, running my hands through my hair, trying to stay calm. Something bad happened, I knew that much. What I didn't know was what this Z person was capable of and what extent she'd go to to get her point across. I had no idea where Ren was, and she wouldn't answer her phone when I grabbed my phone to call her.
Ten minutes later, a knock rattled my door. I got up from the floor and rushed to open it.
Two pairs of eyes stared back at me.
The first was Cyrus. His stormy grey eyes, usually stoic, were now full of concern and confusion as he stared at me with uncertainty. I didn't bother to look at the other person, not when the one I wanted was standing right before me. He breathed out when our eyes met, signalling his relief in seeing that I appeared to be calm. I was not.
"Arlo," He started talking hesitantly. "This is my half-brother, Riot."
I gulped nervously when I shifted my eyes to the man next to Cyrus. He was much taller and built. His long hair was darker than Cyrus', but their eyes mirrored each other like they were twins. He had a few small scars scattered around his face, creating an intimidating aura.
"The name you're after is Zandra, yes?" Riot spoke in a deep voice, and I recognised hints of a Russian accent.
I nodded instantly, the name clicking into my head like the final piece of a puzzle.
Riot's serious-looking face turned to Cyrus. His face flushed, and I knew he was going to be yelled at for telling me too many stories. But he appeared as if he didn't regret it. I was glad he didn't because now that I knew the name of the girl after Ren, I had somewhere to start.
"Tell me what you know," Riot commanded when he looked at me again.
I took a few steps back and gestured for them to follow me into the foyer, where I grabbed the note and handed it to Riot. Cyrus was silent, a few steps away from us as he looked at me. He looked guilty, now, his face etched in regret.
Butterflies. I hated how every moment with him gave me butterflies. I couldn't have him. He was dating someone else. He wasn't even gay at all.
"Listen, kid," Riot's voice brought my attention back to him. "I'm telling you something you can't repeat to another soul. Understand?"
I nodded again, desperate for him to continue to get to the bottom of this threat.
"I work with the FBI," His words made my eyes widen and shift to Cyrus. "And I need to take those flowers to track where Zandra got them."
Grey eyes held my own before Cyrus tipped his head down, informing me I should trust his half-brother.
"Okay," I glanced at Riot. "But why are you tracking her down as an FBI agent? Shouldn't the cops do that? I mean, if she's just a crazy ex-"
Oh.
"She's not just a crazy ex, is she?" I murmured, realising that this was more serious than I thought.
"No, she's fucking crazier," Riot uttered under his breath before telling me, "You need to keep quiet about this, rebenok. I know this isn't what you expected when you read that note, but you cannot tell anyone these got here or that we were here either. Da?" [kid; yes?]
"Okay, okay," I repeated, still shaken. "But how will I know she's been caught?"
"You'll see it on the news," He said it so casually that it was impossible not to be scared. She was a nutcase then, this Zandra.
"And what about my sister? The note was for her; Serenity," I pointed to the note in his hand, starting to overthink her safety.
"I'll inform the FBI. We'll bring some of us here to keep an eye open, but it'll be like an undercover job. You can't look like you know anything at all. Act oblivious," Riot nodded to himself at first, then to me, ensuring I was fully understanding what he was saying.
This was utter chaos. I felt like I was sinking into the ground. It was swallowing me up, dragging me down into an endless pit of unanswered questions.
"This isn't legal is it?" I pointed between us. "What we're doing here? Yeah, it is, isn't it? You don't answer that question, though."
"Do you want to keep your sister safe? Then don't panic," He lowered his head, staring at me like I was about to become his opponent or something. "Stay calm and listen to what I just told you. The information we will get from where this bouquet was bought will help us catch her, yes? Just don't tell anyone this was here or that we were, either."
I merely nodded at him and watched as he walked out of my house. Cyrus paused for a few moments, glancing at me with concern. He was involved in a lot of shit I didn't know was this dangerous, and he knew by staring at my face that I was afraid of what hanging out with him would do to my sister.
So he clenched his jaw in frustration, realising that I wouldn't speak with him for a while, as he followed Riot, the FBI agent I wasn't sure I should trust.
I didn't bring this up to anyone ever.
_____________
a/n: 5 chapters left !
Steel My Soul - Indigo's story - is coming out soon (May-June) so keep an eye out for it!
aLsO, I'm writing songs (for Edvany's book and the last book of the Written Love Series) and I think I really enjoy writing lyrics. I just hope it isn't cringe to read because obviously there's no music to it - it's just in a book - but you can make it up in your head like I do :')