"just so you can mend me all over again."
- e.k.
G A B R I E L
I walked into River's house, following behind his mother, who I towered over. She was excited, and it made me suspicious. She was always scheming, but it made me love being in River's house more. Her hips swayed a little more than usual, adding to her enthusiasm.
Nico's voice boomed from the living room, "River has an announcement, and I'm sure it's an entertaining one."
"Wait!" River's Ma walked faster to the room everyone appeared to be seated in. "Gabby's here, too."
We stood in the middle of the large arch separating the foyer from the main room, and everyone turned their heads to face us. I didn't get to process anything when someone threw a baby blanket into my hands, and I had to make sure my hand didn't let go of my keys as recognition reigned me in.
"River, why did your mother shove a child's blanket in my hand?" I whispered with widened eyes as I looked at anyone for an answer.
Nico stood like he was ready for a boxing match, saying, "Come on, give us the news. What did your sister name her child?"
Oh. I didn't know Rosali was pregnant.
River's Ma began to laugh, walking toward Nico with a baby in her arms. When did she get a hold of a baby? "Oh, darling. This is Nia Lewis. River's child."
I felt the blanket almost slip from my hands along with my keys, and I had to stumble over my own two feet to regain my hold on them. "What?"
The baby was held toward Nico. He paused before taking a step back, eyes darting to River as he asked, "Wait. Did you say River's child!? How?"
"Nico, when a woman and man, you know, have s-" Edvany began, and Teagan's laughter seemed to have made River appear less tense than he was a moment ago.
A small debate over Nico holding the child was like a quick passing through my ear as I watched baby Nia blink up at him, finally in his arms. I never saw him stand so still in my entire life; it was fascinating.
After a few of his mumblings uttered from his mouth, I opened mine to start questioning my entire existence because- what the actual fuck was going on?
"I'm- sorry, I'm a little slow," I stumbled over my words and walked closer to everyone. I didn't even get the chance to say hi yet, so I did. "Uh, hi, everyone, but what the fuc-fudge?"
River was avoiding everyone's eyes, keeping them focused on his daughter. Daughter. How did we go so long without finding out? He didn't say anything about having a kid before, he didn't even utter a single complaint or panic when the word 'kid' was thrown around in random conversations. My best friend, who I thought I'd known so well, remained quiet.
"In case that wasn't clear, I think I need an explanation on where this child came from," I clarified, moving my attention to baby Nia. She was so tiny in Nico's arms. He was still watching her, and I thought he said something about not sharing her as his hold tightened a little.
After another moment of silence, River said a name, and I knew she was the mother. "Jennifer. A month after the breakup, she told me she was pregnant." As if afraid of our reaction, he kept his gaze on his baby.
"The three-month relationship?" I didn't mean to make the question slip out that fast, but I was only trying to process the information.
"Yeah. I helped her during the pregnancy. She never went back to school after that. But when she delivered Nia, she left town with her parents. Now she only calls to check on her."
I felt a slight ache in my chest at the thought of River raising a baby on his own with his Mama for months at a time while in school and not telling us. We could've helped him and made it easier. Nico wasn't too fond of kids, but looking at him now, I knew he'd ditch anything to be able to babysit Nia. Zion, too, though he adored children.
Me, on the other hand, I guessed it depended on the day. I grew up practically raising my baby cousins and my older cousins' children. But then I got hurt, and I couldn't stand to hold something so precious and pure. It made me feel sick to the stomach, made me believe that somehow I was tainting them. Maybe with Nia, it would be different. If I could stand my friends slightly touching me on my best days, then I wouldn't feel disgusted if I held their kid.
Besides, everything was different. I let Ren touch me, and I loved it. She'd brought out a spark of hope, and I knew it was a good sign that I wanted to try and hold a kid for longer than I usually did without my negative thoughts getting in the way.
When River's mother went to get some drinks, I walked up to him, handing over the light pink blanket in my hands without looking away from Nia. "You had a whole human for four months and never told anyone."
"I wanted to. But I didn't want you all to freak out."
"I don't know if I want to punch you for thinking that bad of us as your brothers, or if I want to hug you for even going there," Zion sounded amused.
The lack of scrutiny made River sigh in relief, and I thought I saw him smile from the corner of my eye as he dropped his head.
"I guess I should thank Pearl for reassuring me it'll be alright."
That brought me out of my trance.
"Hold the fu- front door. Pearl knew this before us, didn't she?"
"Uh, yes?" She replied from next to Zion, with an unsure smile on her lips.
"First, she knows of Zion's tattoo before us, then River's child," Nico's tone was playful, but I wasn't feeling that way at all. "You got some dirt on me or Gabby?"
Somehow, I tensed even more as Pearl's eyes shot up to look at me. A strange gut feeling spiralled right back into me, and I knew I shouldn't have let it go the first time I'd suspected something was off with her. She knew so many things.
Iris. I saw her with him the night of the bonfire. Iris was Zandra's friend, but he was a good guy. He was there in the alleyway when I was left alone. I remembered him trying to clean me while I yelled for him not to touch me. He still helped me up.
Pearl knew him. She knew Zandra.
I wanted her to lie and say she didn't know a thing. I wouldn't be able to handle it if she knew what her friend did to me. My head hurt just thinking about it. What if she told someone like the police? She wouldn't do that, right? Because that would mean she'd be in trouble for even hanging out with people like them.
"No," Pearl laughed a bit, and I let my shoulders relax at the one word.
"I'm sure," Nico must've smirked and let it go.
But I didn't.
⭐︎
My fist collided with the punching bag. Over and over and over. I could feel the impact reverberate through my body as I pounded my fist through the leather, wanting nothing more than to release my pent up anger.
"Damn, okay, okay," Michael crossed his arm against his chest with a smile on his mouth as he watched me. "Much better last week."
I didn't let his commentary distract me as I remembered the combinations he taught me. Hook, jab, hook, hook, jab, jab. Using both my fists to land blows to the bag, I let my hips guide me through the punches. That was where most of the power came from, and I had to make sure my legs were properly supporting my body as they slightly bent at the knees, parting to hold me steady.
"Good job," Michael slapped the bag twice to signal me to stop, and I did. "Ready to fight me, now?"
The scowl on my face said enough.
"C'mon," He fixed his stance, not taking no for an answer. "Just one round."
Thirty seconds in, and I was trying to count how many Michaels I was seeing. He didn't wait for me to defend myself, fully testing my ability to reign myself back in and fight again. I did, using his own defence techniques against him as I threw in some punches that caught him off guard.
He didn't stop until the chime of the gym door went off. With a small wince, Michael straightened back up and tried to catch his breath. He shook it off and went to grab his duffel bag, planning to leave for another date with his girlfriend. It was safe to say that their relationship was thriving.
"Close up behind you, yeah?" He gave me a quick nod as a goodbye and left.
I stared after him, not too surprised by his abrupt exit, but I froze completely when a familiar scent engulfed the gym room. My head turned, and I got a good look at Serenity standing by the entrance, looking a little hesitant to be there.
"Ren," My greeting sounded like a question.
Then she took in the sight of my face, and I knew it must've been red and starting to swell. Her eyes widened slightly, and I just stood in my spot as she walked closer and closer, finally standing right in front of me. I hadn't spoken to her in a few days, and now she was here, and all I wanted to do was hug her.
"Is this a 'you should see the other guy' moment?" Serenity's head slanted upward, getting a better look at my right eye.
I laughed at her question, already feeling much better than I was seeing her. It didn't matter that Michael almost put me on my ass, or that my skin felt like it was on fire. Ren was here - most likely - to see me.
"I'm not sure I want to get a look at your knuckles," Her voice lowered, as did her head when she looked at my knuckles anyway. "They're worse than last time."
"Yeah."
"Cool."
The smile on my mouth was so easy to express. I let it stay even when Ren looked back up at my face and frowned, her eyes following something on my face and landing on my chin.
"Were you fighting Rocky Balboa or something?" Ren's voice went a little higher, sounding a little angry as she reached a hand up to cup the side of my face. "You're bleeding."
"My cousin thinks he's John Cena," I murmured, letting her tilt my head down to get closer to her face.
"Well, he needs to get his ass beat for making you bleed. What were you even fighting over?" I watched her eyebrows furrow as her eyes trailed down to my chest. "Don't answer that right now. Can you just sit down for a second?"
Serenity stepped back and grabbed my wrist. Seeing me hurt made her angry, and something about that made me happy because she cared so much about my wellbeing. And she was cute when she was mad. Her height made the situation laughable as she just about dragged me to a chair against the wall and made me sit. Now she was almost towering over me as she stood back and watched me.
"This isn't amusing. You're smiling, and your face is all bruised and bleeding. Is that not putting you in more pain?" Ren shifted on her feet and placed a hand on her hip. I smiled wider when her cheeks began to flush.
"Maybe just a tiny bit."
"Then stop doing it," She zeroed her eyes on my lips and pointed to them.
"Not when you're yelling at me."
"I'm not yelling," Serenity raised her voice, and now she was yelling. She noticed that too and sighed deeply before taking another step back. "Where's the first aid kit?"
"I have one in my gym bag," I told her softly, forcing my smile to get smaller so she wouldn't be mad again.
Serenity looked around until she was glancing at the black back in the corner of the room. She was fast to walk there, grab it and walk back. Her hands unzipped it on her way over to me, and she didn't hesitate to rummage through it before pulling out the kit.
Dropping the bag on the floor beside us, Ren brought the kit between us and opened it. "I don't know where to start."
"Just some clean tissue and a bandaid for whatever's bleeding," I told her.
Her eyes narrowed on me, and I had to press my lips together to hold back a grin. Michael had taken a few blows to my face, and one of them cut my lip. I believed the adrenaline of seeing Serenity numbed the hurt everywhere.
"I need gauze for your hands, and as for your face," Ren tucked a hand below my chin to hold my face up to her. "I'll- dammit, Gabriel. Stop smiling at me!"
I couldn't stop the chuckle from fleeing my mouth. "I'm trying."
Serenity bit on the inside of her cheek in an attempt to hold herself together. She ignored my continuous stares and got to work with my knuckles first. Her small hand moved carefully to clean the half-dried blood and bandaged them up. From beating up the punching bag to having a go at Michael, my knuckles needed more attention than my face, and Ren knew how to clean me up after reading a few instructions from the kit.
She didn't say a word as her eyes flickered to my chest. There must've been some blood on my shirt, and I knew I'd have to take it off before I got home. I would do it when she wasn't looking. I was planning to do it when she wasn't so concentrated on me, but then she tugged at the hem of my shirt, and my smile faltered.
"Are you hurt under here?" She played with the material covering my torso, and I shrugged.
Everything was different now. I wanted her touch. I didn't want to knock her hand off me, so I forced myself to breathe deeply, and my shoulders dropped from their tense spot after a few more seconds.
"Do you want to check?" I asked warily.
Ren didn't meet my eyes as she nodded.
"Alright," I whispered, more to myself, as I grabbed her hand and slowly moved it out of the way.
My hands fidgeted with the shirt concealing my scars for a moment before I just took it off. It was like ripping off a bandaid, and I dreaded the slight pain that came afterwards. Months and months of hurt were written on my skin, and Ren was going to see it. I didn't want to look at her face when she saw them, so I shut my eyes and placed the shirt on top of my gym bag.
"Why did you get into a fight with your cousin?" Her question threw me off.
"He's teaching me self-defence," I answered, sounding a little confused.
"Hm," she merely hummed before stepping between my legs. Her warm hand lifted my head and kept it there - beneath my jaw. "Can you open your eyes, please?"
Not only was I afraid to see what her expression was, but now I was embarrassed to let her look at me. If my face looked as heated as it felt, I was going to dig a hole and lay in it. Ren was so close to me, enough that I had to keep my hands fisted on my thighs to keep myself from reaching for her waist.
Eventually, I peeled my eyes open. The sight of her face above mine made my heart want to cry. She was so beautiful; I almost couldn't stand it. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, allowing me to appreciate her face more than ever. A few loose strands swayed slightly, tickling my nose as she lowered her head to smile at me.
Yeah, she was trying to kill me.
"We're still friends, Gabriel," She told me - more like stated firmly.
"Are we?" I teased.
"Yes." Ren flicked my forehead softly and quickly returned her hand to its spot beneath my chin. "And it's going to be that way for a long time, so I don't want you to be shy around me. If it makes you feel better, I won't be shy around you either. Deal?"
I openly stared at her, finding myself at a loss for words.
She cleared her throat, taking my answer as a yes, before grabbing a clean wipe to clean the blood dripping on my face. The highest she went was the corner of my eyebrow, and I winced when she dabbed the skin there. Michael was going to get another beating when I saw him next.
"Did he have to be so aggressive?" She focused so much on getting around the area with more care, and I couldn't help but stare again. "Anyway, I just got back from Indigo's place. She had her first chemotherapy session yesterday."
"How is she?" I asked as she cleaned the blood underneath my eye.
"I don't know - she seems happier than ever. I think it's because she's friends with Chancey again. They might be a little more than that, though. She even had enough energy to speak to us for an hour longer than she usually does, so that's not so bad. But we left to let her get some rest - well, after, she inspected the snacks we got her."
Ren laughed softly, and I smiled with her. Indigo was a strong person, and I knew she'd pull through. She had a lot of support, too, and support systems are super important.
I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt Ren wipe down my chin, neck and collarbone. She was slow and gentle; it made my heart hurt. She was so mindful of everything, and I knew she'd seen what was on my chest. Her choice to not bring it up was unexpected, but it comforted me. It made me believe she was waiting until I spoke up first, and that was enough for now.
"We have school tomorrow," She mumbled, lowering her voice as she lifted my head higher so that she could see my collarbones and wipe some blood from there too.
"I didn't need to be reminded," I groaned, bumping my head on the wall behind me.
Serenity chuckled, "Yes, you did. You need to get good sleep tonight. We have an important quiz in the first period."
I closed my eyes, trying to remember if I studied for it.
"What subject was that again?"
"I lied about both things, Gabe," Ren sighed, and I opened my eyes to find her already looking at me. "Are you sure you don't have a concussion?"
"I'm pretty sure I would've felt my brain move if I did," I tried to think about it.
"You know, not every concussion is a slam to the back of the head with a football, so you just might have one," she joked, and I blushed at the memory.
"I really am sorry for-"
Serenity's stare narrowed on me, making me stop talking.
"That's what I thought," she hummed happily before moving further down to my chest. "I'm not sure how the blood reached here, but listen; if you ever introduce me to your cousin, you need to be prepared to hold me back."
"Then I'll thank you instead - for mending me," I lifted my hand in emphasis.
She was trying to distract me from the fact that she was touching my bare chest. It was so unfamiliar that I could do nothing but sit there. Ren noticed how silent I was after a minute and snapped her head up to look at me.
Her eyes scanned my face, looking for a reason to stop, and maybe she saw some hesitation because her hand was pulling away from my skin. My hand flew to hers, holding it back against my chest. Ren's eyes widened as she stared back down at our intertwined fingers, my palm flat against the back of her hand.
"You can touch me," I whispered, closing my eyes again to block unwanted memories.
I wasn't going to let them destroy this moment. It wasn't going to happen again.
Slowly, I let her hand go and felt her fingers brush the skin around the letters. She didn't pause - not for a single moment, and I wanted to kiss her for that. It made me feel normal as if the scars weren't there at all.
"No more blood," Her words meant more than she intended.
No more blood. There was no blood on my face, knuckles, or chest. No more. I was safe here - with Ren. I felt completely at peace, and I smiled softly at the simple fact.
"You brought homework with you?"
I opened my eyes when she gently pulled away and saw that she was staring at my gym bag. A large part of me wanted to grab her hand and put it back on my skin. It was... nice. Better than nice. It felt right like my Earth was finally shifting back on its axis, and everything was going to be alright again.
"I was kind of hoping my cousin would help me, but his date was more important," I shrugged it off, reaching over to close the zipper.
"I'll help," Serenity's hand clasped over mine as she crouched down beside me. "What subject? Oh, that says Math on it. I'm better with English and Ancient History, but I can still do Math."
Her head spun to face me, and I audibly heard both our breaths hitch at the proximity of our faces. My eyes shamelessly dipped to her lips, and I wanted so badly to kiss her. I never wanted her to leave. I always wanted to feel like this; safe, peaceful, and so happy, my heart could burst any second.
I was in love with Serenity. That was why my heart was racing a million beats a second, why my stomach was the home to a swarm of butterflies when she was around, why I couldn't - for the life of me - bear to think about my life without her in it, even if it meant she was just my friend. I needed her. And it was because I was hopelessly in love with everything about her; my pretty angel.
"Do you listen to The 1975?"
My random question made her blink at me in confusion before she opened her mouth and said, "yes."
I'm going to marry you someday, was what I wanted to tell her.
But for now, I'd keep her as a friend. If I wanted more, I needed to get help. For her, I wanted to do that. It would take time, maybe even months before I was better, so I wanted to start now. My sister's message was still saved on my phone. I even took a screenshot of it so I wouldn't lose the contact details of the therapist I was planning to contact after I was done hanging out with Ren for the night.
My head and heart were consumed by the entire angelic being that was Serenity Morwell. I wanted her to love me back, and I needed to be stable enough to experience it.
_______________
a/n: if no one falls in love with me as much as this, i will actually just vanish.
I think I might end this book at chapter 25-30, a lot more shorter than Pearl and Zion's book but I have two more books in this series to write and they all connect.
the one after this is Indigo's story (kind of like a novella) and then Edvany's story in the future and we will get a glimpse of them all as adults (that's so weird to think about)
have a great day/ night <33